The glory of God

My 7 year old had an open vision last night...

I don't have time to write right now. But that above statement pretty much sums up the atmosphere of our house these last three months. and the reason why I haven't had time to write.

It's been crazy. The good kind.

6years ago I gave birth to a miracle

...because 7 months earlier she had no heartbeat.

I was in the Texas ER, dealing with my first and most dramatic miscarriage. We'd already lost Selah's twin that day, confirmed by the fact that I had miscarried at home and still had substantially elevated HcG levels that, according to the nurse, indicated the presence of multiples.

Until that point, we didn't know Baby Twin existed. And the sweet little baby that we were aware of was essentially declared dead. via lack of heartbeat.

Yet.

God had other plans.

(around 1 yr)

The next day, the unthinkable occurred as the OB declared that Selah not only had a heartbeat, but a strong one. DearGodinHeaven...Hallelujah!

I told her that story for the first last month. She loves it and wants to hear it over and over again. ;)


I'm SO so so incredibly thankful for God's hand on her life. both in the womb and now. because I cannot imagine my life or the dynamic of my family without this sweet little girl.


And today we celebrate her.

Miraculous (though somewhat embarrassing) healing. With before and after pictures.

Some miracles display the awesome power of God. Like this story a YWAM friend sent me some years back where they prayed and someone was raised from the dead.

Some miracles display His intense desire to, first and foremost, woo your heart . Like this story where a friend was paralyzed for a year, people from her church faithfully prayed for her every week in her living room, and then one day...she took a step.

Some miracles happen right before your eyes as you step out in blind faith. Like the time the Lord literally told me to "blow on it"...and as I blew air on someone's badly infected boil, it disappeared right. before. my. eyes.

(I have no link to that story because I'm not even sure I've ever mentioned it. Crazily enough. :) Trust me, if I tried to document it all, I 'd be stuck to my computer day in and day out. His work in our home is that intense...and frequent. Love it.)

Every work of the Lord reveals yet another facet of his love for His Bride. It's just too deep to put to words, so he uses the framework of our lives as a display.

That said, not all miracles of the Lord are the same. One will reveal a specific expression of his heart, while another will unfold something entirely different. In the end, our stories combined reveal a God who's love is rather hard to resist.

So for me... The miracle that hit my life this past week reveals a side of Him that I think can sometimes get overlooked and underplayed in every day living: The tangible COMPASSION of God.

I mean, sure He has compassion on the blind guy. or the leper. or the guy who's been given 2 months to live because he has an incurable cancer. Those things are life impairing! But for Him to show compassion concerning something that is nothing outside of a bother, an embarrassment, and a frustration to me? *shrug*

Well, that defies reason.

The Story

In a nutshell, years ago my hormones levels went crazy, causing unwanted facial hair, especially along the jawline. I was *horrified*. I cannot stress that enough. But the clincher was when the OB said that once hair folicles are established, the hair remains. (even after hormone levels are stabilized.)

I think it'd be fairly accurate to say that with that statement my heart dropped.

Now I gotta say, this is embarrassing stuff for me just "put out there". Because honestly, I HATE that I've dealt with that. It's demoralizing as a woman. But bottom line, every one has something about themselves (physically) that they don't like. Right?

But it just becomes something that we learn to deal with, to hide. We learn to shadow it with makeup or mask it with clothes. We smile so as not to show our crooked teeth or position ourselves so that our "less than" feature is out of view.

Essentially, we become pros at concealing that which makes us feel less than. But I'm seeing that God wants to use those things to show himself More Than.

Over the years, I've casually asked Him to intervene....to, essentially do what doctors said wasn't possible: to cause the hair to just go away.


Yeah. I h.a.t.ed. that picture. Besides the fact that my face was still swollen from having a baby the day before, it was a total shot of the very thing I hate. That hair on my jawline.

You know, the hair that the OB said would never go away. Well, Mr. OB...I gotta say that the Lord IS the final say.


Last week, I noticed that it was alllll gone. Um, yeah. Just like that.



He's that concerned about the things that concern ME.


My heart is to never hide the works of God in my life. I've told Him that "I want to be transparent so that you can be seen through me." Even when that telling might cost me. Um yeah, that'a'be pride I'm talkin' 'bout!

The Lord will perfect that which concerns me. Psalms 138.8

Wow. Take the truth in that scripture out for a spin! It's mind-boggling to think that He will PERFECT that which concerns ME. But this week, I'm come face to face with the truth of it.

But don't let it stop here. This is my story, but He has a story for you as well....

Miraculous healing

Some people think that miracles only happen in Third World Countries. But thankfully, God is on the move.

ALL Around the World.

Here's one story...my friend's miraculous testimony of the Lord healing her paralysis.

View Here.

Peace Peace, where for art thou, Peace?

*no pictures. because I'm just that tired*

These last few weeks have come to a standstill for me.

I've not gone to church. I've not worked on the book. I've not been in contact with many friends. Homeschooling has gradually slowed down. and I've been sporting the sweatpants and ratty-shirt-that's-long-enough-to-cover-my-belly look.

To the point that one of my daughters asked me "Why do you always wear that?" Ah yes, out of the mouths of wise guys babes, eh? :)

I've just not had the physical energy to do much. And even when I get those spurts of energy, I lack the emotional energy to do it. Yup, I'm definitely in the last phases of pregnancy. ;)

Every time I get this close to going into labor, my spirit begins to really war on finding a place that's secure in what I know the Lord has spoken over my deliveries.
And who I know him to be during those couple of hours when I get to participate in birthing life.

But

Honestly, I stress over the fact that I'm even struggling to find that place, you know? I argue inside myself that I shouldn't even have to fight this mental battle every. stinkin. time. Feeling that I should, instead, be able to ride on the coat-tails of last time's victory, easily walking into that place of previously gained access in the Spirit.

Yet. I do battle.

It's just seems to be reality for me, this need to come to terms with setting and re-setting (again and again) my mind on the things unseen. You know, since the SEEN is all around me.

Apparently, I'm highly distractable. And it's just reality that I have to continually remind myself that my perspective...as well as the perspective and experience of other people all around me...is NOT the barometer or the grid that I mold my life after.

(I don't believe that I will always struggle in this area of "radical faith". I'm trusting that as I continue to mature in Him and challenge my "faith muscles" on a regular basis, that it WILL be more natural. and I will be able to gain deeper access into His Truths...into the keys that unlock the manifestation of miracles)

But man, if it's not frustrating to feel like I'm having to essentially relearn this over and over.

But there's ONE thing that always comes in and pierces the heart of fear and doubts: A personal word from God.

One Word spoken from the Throne of Heaven, even if it's a simple one, is SO life-giving.

I mean, we can pray until we've thought of everything we can think of to say...spend hours telling the Lord our thoughts on a matter...try to convince ourselves that a scripture actually does apply to our personal experience.

BUT to have a God-Word spoken directly to you, even if it's just a simple, short sentence, makes all the difference in the world.

For the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart. Hebrews 4:12

If there's anything I've learned in this journey of faith (especially regarding my labor and deliveries since that's been the area where I've continually fought to walk in the supernatural) it's that seeking Him, finding out what He has to say about something, and taking ahold of His vision and purpose and Now Word on my life brings me directly to that solid place of peace.

His Rama Word in my life cuts straight through my fear. my feeling inadequate. my everything. and gives me something tangible to hang onto. something weightier than myself. a Spiritual Truth that combats scientific facts.

...
The other night as Jet and I were laying in bed, I was just spent. I had been contracting all day. feeling lots of pressure. and just emotionally tired with trying to convince myself that I could deal with these daily and intensive "teaser labor symptoms" for a few more weeks.

Jet was quiet, positioning himself to hear from the Lord should he happen to want to tell us anything. And He did... Jet told me that he heard the Lord say, "This is going to be a gift to Christin."

There was more, but I didn't hear it. All I could do was smile and fall asleep. The Word brought an indescribable amount of peace to my heart... to the extent that I immediately fell asleep. not even hearing the rest of the sentence.

The reason that simple statement brought me so much deep peace? Because it was the exact thing I had been thinking about the days prior. the exact wording.

You see, the Lord had told me that exact thing regarding Charis's (my oldest daughter's) pending delivery: that Charis's miraculous delivery would be a gift to me.

And I had been silently thinking back to that 'gift promise' the entire week before. thinking about how I was hoping for the same thing (a God-gift) this time around, being that I haven't felt too "on top of it all" as far as contending for a supernatural delivery.

And here Jesus was telling Jet (who neither remembered the word from Charis's pregnancy nor that I was thinking about it now) that it was His intention to do just that!!!! :)

The next night I found out that there was more to it:

This season of her birth is significant. and that both she and the birth is a gift to me."

Sweet.

And just like that, Peace is attainable. because I know He is aware. He is involved. He has already made a way. and He is all about giving Good Gifts.

"How beautiful your sandaled feet, O Prince's daughter!" Songs 7:1

Last Fall, I was getting rid of some unwanted things via Craigslist.com (If you've never checked that site out, you really should! Great way to sell and buy locally).

My sister had given me a load of like-new, brand name shoes. Shoes that were too large for me...and that didn't sell at our annual summer yardsale.

So I listed them in hopes of making a little extra money. And lo and behold, I got an email from a perspective buyer!!

I have to admit, I was excited...what's better than getting rid of excess and making money? And all without having to get up at the booty-crack of dawn on a Saturday morning to run a yardsale. Ah, the sweetness of it all.

But then the perspective buyer emailed again.

She couldn't buy the shoes. Her husband (if I remember correctly) had just gotten a paycut. or maybe it was a job loss?

My heart went out to her. Though we were yet to be in her position, I knew with Jet's job a paycut could eventually come (and did). So I gave her the shoes. For free.

I had to insist...a couple of times in multiple emails. She was a stubborn lady, that one. ;) But she did end up taking them, picking them up (with much heartfelt thanks!) from Jet at his office.

Honestly, it felt so good to bless her.

Fast forward a "few" months. I'm looking through Craigslist because my oldest girls NEED shoes, with a Capital N.

I've been looking for some shoes at yardsales, but never hit the Mother Load. And I just couldn't bring myself to pay for brand new ones. Not when there are things like yardsales and thrift stores to be shopped.

And then finally, one night two weeks ago, I came across an ad from someone selling nice girls' shoes in the sizes that I needed. Hallelujah!

In the midst of trying to arrange a pick up time/place with the seller, all four girls got sick and I couldn't meet her in town. So I asked if she could drop them off at my husband's work...

And I got this email in reply.

Christin,

I am sorry I did not recognize your email address before, I only realized it when you mentioned your husbands work place.

You gave me such a blessing several months ago with several pairs of women's shoes, and I would like to return the blessing now that God has made me able. I want to give you the shoes at no cost if you would let me please....

I couldn't believe it (I still can't). My eyes teared up. My mouth dropped open. I yelled for Jet...

What an amazing gift! What an amazing miracle! I mean, WHAT are the chances??

Yet.




God knew. He arranged it all. Down to the small details of shoe sizes.

I'm still in awe.

Sunday School lessons

Reading the Bible with my children always brings a fresh perspective.

Because they haven't been taught to downplay the absolute mysteriousness of God. nor are they afraid to ask question after question after question...

Questions that I'm sure I used to ask, but have since stopped asking. Not because I don't wonder. but because I just don't take the time to really think about it.

Take the story of Samson, for instance.
His strength was in his hair?! Are you kidding me?

Though Charis (6) didn't word her question exactly like that, it was the heart behind it. Because has any modern day person ever heard of such a thing: Length of Hair = Brute strength ????

I certainly never have. outside of this story, that is. A story that I honestly only think of in terms of Sunday School material.

But when I really start to digest it, I am completely overwhelmed with the way that God moves. with the way that he thinks.

And I have to wonder

1. Would I believe it if someone claimed to have God-given strength due to the length of their hair? or would I write them off as insane?

2. What nonsensical, miraculous thing does God want to do in my life? being that he obviously loves working that way.

Three Weeks comes to a close

Last week, my "three weeks" came to a close. And though I noticed it, life with four little ones rarely gives me time to sit and reflect.

Yet this week, I've been feeling the Lord gently turn my attentions to a few things....

When God spoke three weeks to my heart, I held it in the context of our finances. After all, that was the pressing need at the time. And while I do still believe that a breakthrough in finances is included, this past week or so I've been noticing something different.

something that I, in no way, connected to the "three weeks". Until He did.

I know no other way to explain it than saying that I have a complete and total change in my mindset concerning a few things. things that I've been trying to change for quite sometime now, but felt powerless to do anything about.

Have you ever experienced something like that? A way of thinking that has so ingrained itself into your being that you can't seem to separate yourself from it? like the way you've become accustomed to speaking to your spouse or children or boss. Or the way you eat compulsively when upset. Or...a hundred other things I can think of right now.

Regardless of how often you tell yourself that you should just clap your hands and *bam* have instant Undoing, nothing changes. at least not for long.

Am I making any sense here? Or am I the only person that has fought against mental bondage in certain arenas?

If I were speaking to a room full of women, I'd have no problem just laying it all out there. None whatsoever. But knowing that's not the case, I just can't bring myself to have a verbal vomit session about the whole of what I speak.

But I can share on one arena. Homeschooling.

Though homeschooling with JOY is one of my main goals, it has taken work for me to even come close to achieving it.

I've had to make the conscious decision to watch my facial expressions, watch my tone of voice, make sure not to just rush through the material so I can check it off my mental to-do list. meanwhile missing out on the whole point of *enjoying* my children.

And though it may sound like nothing much to you, to me this is HUGE stuff. Because that whole struggle ...well, it's like whatever opposition I've been facing in that area has instantaneously lifted. GONE. NON EXISTENT. NO LONGER an issue.

Suddenly it's been so easy for me to be truly and deeply joyful over the fact that I get to experience my girls like I do. on a daily basis. on an hourly basis. We're laughing as we work on school. Honestly enjoying the company of one another.

To me, this is monumental.

If you don't homeschool and need some sort of reference point to understand... It's sort of like a relationship that you have with someone that really gets under your skin. You don't want them to annoy you. You try and convince yourself that you will be the best of friends with them. that they way they do XYZ will no longer have any impact on you. none what.so.ever.

But man oh man, it's like they come equipped to get you flustered just looking at them. Until one day. You wake up and not only have no negative anything against them...you now actually want to be around them.

This is that kind of big for me. I've been finding myself tearing up, just looking at my girls and knowing that I get to teach them and spend time with them like I am. in this short season.

I'm experiencing this type of Instant healing in at least one other arena of thought. maybe a second...though I'm not really sure yet. I'm still feeling that one out. :)

It's like all opposition to my having victory in the battle of the mind has been supernaturally removed. I'm beyond grateful. and having trouble even finding the words to share it.

But it does make me all the more anxious to see what other victories are going to present themselves now that those "three weeks" are up. Now that the Lord is obviously setting new bounds around my mind. my finances. my life.

Informing the enemy: "Thou shall not pass!"

Finally. An update.

This past week, the Lord spoke something to my heart. And it made so much sense.

(Can't you just see God in heaven, letting out a sigh of relief? "Oh goody, my revelation made sense!" I'm sure herds of angels are rejoicing at the thought.) *playful grin*

He said that my heart is to be transparent... so that He can be seen through me.

Pretty stinkin' poetic, if you ask me.

Couple that with my new life motto "It is what it is" and you have one lady who is learning to care less and less about what people think. and becoming more and more willing to just take my life as it comes...

putting it out there for the sake of allowing Christ to strut his Miracle Making Stuff in the midst of my crazy life.


That said, here's the update to my Three Week Period of waiting:

January 12th:
-Jet's place of employment had a prayer time at the office, asking for breakthrough in the midst of this economic mess
-Someone (who does not read my blog) just walked up and gave Jet $100 because he said God told him to.

January 13th
-Church called. Someone gave an anonymous donation of $300 to put toward truck tires.
-Town came and fixed our septic.
-Jet started fasting for breakthrough

January 14th
-Selah with 103 temp.
-The town's meter-readers come to re-read our electric meters. They held their ground and said its accurate. Unbelievable!
-Faxed more paperwork to hospital financial aid department, showing that they overestimated our assets.
-A friend emailed me about Fuel Heating Assistance Program through our town. News to me! THANK YOU, Friend!
-I researched to find that our state's Social Services also offered a fuel assistance program, and that I could apply for both of them.
-Did our taxes....getting back a substantial refund

January15th
-Church called. Someone gave us $500! All I could say when Jet told me was "Why?!"
-Talked to our town's fuel assistance. program person. God gave me extreme favor with her. She went ahead and told me, on the phone, that we qualified for a one-time help amount. She gave us two options: $300 towards electric or 100 gallons of oil.
-Turned in the fuel assistance application to the state's social services. They processed the application immediately (another miracle!). And due to the paycut Jet took, we qualified down to the dollar. They delivered $584 of oil (253.9 gallons) a few hours later!! For free.

January 16th
-Jet home sick. All of the girls really sick with fevers, sore throats, etc
-Jet called the hospital financial aid department. They showed us favor by taking our application out of order (they have strict policy that they process it in the order they get it). She said that we still don't qualify. But after we pay another big bill that's due, she said we will. (such a large pain in the butt...this whole proving to them that we have bills and aren't sitting on a large sum of money)
-Jet broke his fast after conversation with hospital

January 17th
-Mom came over to give strep tests. Everyone was positive except me
-Had extreme favor with doctors. Never had to leave the house, except to pick up Rxs.


January 18th
-Mom said that the people renting my Gma's house had an extra desktop computer that they wanted to give away. And while I'm still praying for a laptop, this is still a miracle b/c our desktop is also on its way out. (Can you tell we use our computers until they keel over?)


January 19th
-Jet took another sick day.
-Had appointment with the town's fuel assistance lady. Made the arrangements for her to pay $300 of our electric bill. Wa-hoo!

January 21
-Jet took back space heaters that we bought two months ago (which apparently jacked up our bill)?? He got back $312.00. The exact amount we needed to pay the rest of the electric bill.


So there you have it. A part of God's provision these last few days. The other part is in the making. Top Secret stuff. :) To be revealed whenever it becomes more official. Don't you love a good intrigue?

Admittedly, it hasn't been easy accepting help from people. Part of me is like "Can I just crawl under a rock now?"

But then I think...that is exactly what my heart longs to do: I want to be able to walk up to someone in the grocery store, hand them $200, and walk away. I want to go shopping for some one's child, buy them school clothes, take it to their door, and leave it there. I want to bless people like that. And one day, I trust that I'll be able to.

For now, I can only say thank you, Lord, for providing like you have. I will continue to trust...

The Miracle No One Expected.

A couple of weeks before delivery, I felt something was wrong.

After calling the OB office, they agreed to see me. monitoring the baby, they watched my contractions and her heart reaction to them. And because they saw a dip in her heart rate when I contracted, they did an ultrasound. finding that my amniotic fluid was low (7).

I was sent to the hospital. And then released when everything checked out fine. I was told to drink water like crazy, which I did to the extent that I felt sick from it all. They checked me again a few days later and said that the amniotic fluid still wasn't good, but was better (11).

Yet.

I still felt something wasn't right. I couldn't explain it. And didn't even try. It just wasn't something that I wanted to put to words. to vocalize. or acknowledge. ...not even to Jet.

So I just prayed, silently. giving my unsure feelings over to the Lord. The only one who could see my little one. The only one who, if need be, make a difference and change what was wrong.

That feeling never really left me. So those prayers of protection were, the last few weeks, always near my heart.

After my precious Alana was born. Everything was going as it should. The cord was cut. She was placed on my chest. She was vigorously cleaned off. I hugged her, in awe that a blond child just came from my womb. in awe of the birth story that God had just unfolded for me.

All was sweet in my world.

And then the midwife spoke: "This little girl has angels on her shoulders. watching out for her."

I remember smiling, thinking that was a random, sweet thing to say. I figured it had to do with the birth experience and Barbara's thoughts on it. But as I looked up at her, I could see that she was talking about something completely different.

For in her hand, she held the umbilical cord, showing us exactly what she meant. A knot in the cord.

But not only one. There were TWO.

Something, she said, you never see. Something you never want to see. Because had the knot(s) becomes tightened, the baby's oxygen supply would have been cut off. completely.

resulting in miscarriage or stillbirth.

It was one of those moments when I didn't have time to think. to process the weight of what she just said. Immediately and spontaneously, I started to pray out loud in my prayer language (some call it "speaking in tongues").

Neither my brain nor my emotions had words for what I knew I was witnessing. So out of my spirit, came groanings too deep for me to express. worship to Jesus too intense for mere words.

I just prayed. I couldn't stop. I didn't care what the nurses or midwife thought of me. whether they thought I had lost my mind. or assumed I was one of those "crazy, out-there Christians". The moment was too intense for me to give them a second thought.

And then when I felt I could pray no more, all I could do was say "Jesus Jesus" over and over again. For I know He alone saved the life of my little Alana...

Sometime after Barbara delivered the umbilical cord, she called Jet over to see it. She couldn't stop talking about how HUGE the placenta was.

She turned it inside out. poked it with her finger. squeezed it with both of her hands. held it up for all to see. She then turned to the umbilical cord, showing all who were interested just how thick the cord was. My mom said it looked like two cords were sewn together.

Barbara went on to explain that it was the thickness and elasticity (health) of the placenta and the cord that kept the knots from being able to pull tight...

and do fatal damage.

Honestly, I still am yet to fathom the full impact of what that all means. There are times when I sit back and try to imagine what life would be like had the cord been pulled tight. It makes me cry to even type it.

For I know my life would mirror a deep sorrow that words can't even express. BUT...and I rejoice in ways I can't express...that that is NOT how the story of her birth ended.

God not only gave me a supernatural, painfree birth. But to my daughter, He gave Life.

And I am forever forever forever grateful as I look into the face of my precious Lani. I am forever reminded of the fact that God intimately watches over my daughters.

The Birth Story- Part 1

Dear Little Alana,

I don't know why but for some reason, this has been a hard thing to write. I feel the responsibility to not miss one iota of what God did during your labor and delivery season.

to process it fully. to dig into the depths of it with a commitment that time just doesn't allow. to document it with all the passion and humor the Lord delved out during those last hours.

But being that He was POURING and POURING out on me while you were being birthed, I'm not sure I could ever do it all justice.

Not to mention the fact that He continues to pour out over my life. So I know I need to write this and move on. Because He sure is... already moving on to the next Faith Challenge in my life. A much larger one, in my opinion.

So for now, here are the bare minimum details. Nothing too deep. Just the facts that skim the surface. I'm thinking the deeper things, the spiritual parallels and revelations, will have to come later. a piece at a time.

I love you and I love your birthing story, my little Lani...

Mommy

........
Tuesday, September 16th I woke up around 1AM. Knowing full well that real labor was going to start sometime in the next couple of hours. I wasn't contracting regularly by any means. Maybe one every 15 minutes. Who knows. but whenever I was contracting, they were hard.

Because I knew the Lord said it was going to be fast and that it'd go from nothing to everything all at once AND that there would be no outward signs (other than contractions)....that we had better get up and get moving.

So we leisurely started to get ready. I say leisurely because I knew I wasn't having the "big" contractions or real labor yet. So why rush? Well, other than the fact that Jet could be forced to deliver at home or in the car. But aside from that small formality. I just wasn't in the mood to run around all crazy like. *grin*

From early on, I had put on my MP3 player and started jamming to worship. (In fact, I didn't take that player off until they delivered Alana and put her on top of me to clean her off.) I knew I needed to be focused and at peace. and for me, worship is the avenue where I can totally focus on the Lord and not myself.

And as we pulled onto the highway that takes us to the hospital, the Lord began to speak. Telling me encouraging things, much like a husband would. And always ending it with speaking my name. Like "You're doing great, Christin. We're almost there." etc.

I can't remember another time when a heavenly conversation has been exactly like that. Ever. Everything he said to me during the drive to the hospital was like that. very gentle. very encouraging. very personal.

You know how the bible says he speaks in a still, small voice? Well, it was like the decibel level had been turned up twenty notches. There was no question when he was speaking. no guessing of what he was saying. no doubt that I was hearing him correctly. Honestly, it's almost like everything else had been silenced by Heaven for this very sacred time between Jesus and me.

I'll never forget it.

Walking into the ER, there was another pregnant woman waiting to be taken up to Labor/Delivery. Jet told the people behind the counter that I was 5 centimeters yesterday, hinting that we were not up for a long, drawn out process of getting my information together. His insistence seemed to speed up their checking me in. Go, hon! So up we went... two pregnant women, together.

As I was wheeled down the hallway, I closed my eyes and envisioned myself going deeper and deeper into his presence. deeper into his authority. I couldn't help but to smile as God gently reminded me of a prophetic word spoken over our church the week prior. "No one will be safe from your favor."

I immediately started praying for the other woman's delivery. knowing that I was carrying the favor of God over my own...and felt God has given me the freedom and authority to speak that over her as well. That whole thing gave me a deep, inner joy. and an excitement for what was to come.

By 3:45AM, I was given a bed. And a nurse that, for some odd reason, decided NOT to give me the standard IV!! Can I get a *Hallelujah*!?

AND the exact midwife that had promised to be on-call for me was, oddly enough, at the hospital. Even though she wasn't scheduled to be there (at least according to what I was told the day before!!) Can I just say God is so into details!?!

She checked me...I was 8 centimeters dilated. almost completely effaced. and just waiting for my water to break. The plan was to break my water...but she had another woman in labor and said, "Since your so calm and at peace, would you mind if I check on my other laboring mom?" :)

While she was gone, I lay there worshipping. And I'm serious when I say it was intense, true worship. I had a hard time not belting out in song and going all charismatic on the labor/delivery floor. *wink*

At one point, the Lord flashed through my mind every single vision, promise, scripture, and word of encouragement that he had given us over the last few months. It was rapid fire. like I was watching a presentation of sorts.

And the last vision, the one that remained on the screen of my mind, was one of a massive warrior with a huge, Barbarian-like sword swinging over his head.

God had given it to me during our two-hour "Labor Session" on Labor Day. He said it represented me, warring in the spirit for victory over my daughters lives. and I believe over the lives of other pregnant women. I couldn't help but to smile. Jet later said he saw me smile and wondered what I was thinking.

After one hard contractions, I knew my cervix had dilated more and told the people in the room that Barbara should probably hurry. Thankfully she was walking down the hall to my room at that time. broke my water. and announced the baby's head was "right there". and that I was 9 1/2 centimeters.

And a half?! Who knew. That was 4:15 AM.

And there that little baby head remained for 45 minutes. As all contractions stopped. I had no urge to push. everything came to a calm and peaceful stand still.

It got to the point that it was funny. There I was, waiting for the urge to push. everyone watching me wait for the urge to push. my daughters in the background quietly working on paper dolls that my mom had brought for them. and little Lani was perfectly content to just hang out in the birth canal.

I remember thinking how she must have a completely different personality than Raegan. Because when I was delivering Raegan, the midwife actually told me NOT to push because the baby was coming on her own. Apparently I wasn't getting the job done fast enough (it was only about 10 minutes) And yes, that is still her personality to this day. She's a go-getter.

Yet. Alana wasn't in a rush. she was perfectly still. completely at peace with where she was.

But the atmosphere was so *joyful*. The nurse and I joked back and forth. The midwife joined in. Everyone in the room was laughing. It was like a fun little party.

Well, except there was no food. and I wasn't really dressed for company. *wry grin* but, you know, other than those small oversights... a party.

At one point, I mentioned to Barbara about pulling out the ol' vacuum. And while I was joking, I don't think I would've argued had she agreed. I was honestly not looking forward to pushing her out. It was like I had to get over a fear that played on the outskirts of my mind. But the Lord gently spoke to me, so clearly that it was like he was whispering in my ear:

"I told you what it would feel like. But you HAVE TO push through this, hon. Just trust me."

I have to mention that the way he addressed me changed once we were in the hospital. it went from him saying "Christin" to him using terms of endearment like "hon" and "sweetheart". I didn't tell Jet about it until hours later. At which point we were both so overwhelmed with the preciousness of it that tears came to our eyes. The Lord was so intimately present.

Finally, a little after 5 AM, I had the urge to push. I pushed just a bit. enough for them to see the tip of her little head. And then Barbara spoke up, "This is where you'll start to feel your body stretching."

I knew in that instance, I had a choice. A choice to receive what she had said over my body or draw a line in the sand. Before I had time to even process, I said, very casually, "I never feel that." Not taking her eyes away from mine, she had this incredulous look and said, "Well, that's a blessing! a huge blessing!" ... smiling, all I could say was "yeah. it really is."

Finally I got tired of not having her head out. I gave one push that caused her to crown. though I had to ask for someone to let me know that she was really out since I didn't feel anything. (yay, Jesus!)

They assured me she was. So I lay there for a minute. Gave a couple of pulsating pushes like the nurse was instructing. Then decided: Enough is enough. I'm done with this. Lord, I'm trusting you. I'm pushing through. I'm not backing down. If I tear, I tear. (I didn't by the way) But you said it'd be fine. So here goes.

And I gave one big push.

All I remember is Barbara saying, "Good job, Christin! Okay, There's her...Wait! Wait!! Hold on! Woah! Woah Woah Woah" And she literally flew out. All At Once.

Born 5:16 AM.

But because Jet wanted to technically deliver her (pull her out), Barbara sort of held in whatever part of Alana she could for him. And Jet, who was still in shock that we literally went from nothing to everything in a matter of seconds, just stood there. staring.

Until I yelled, "JEEETT. Pull. Her. Out." A little later I joked him, "I've done my part. Do yours!" ;)

Yes, it was painfree. It was like my stomach had been supernaturally numbed; I felt nothing there. I felt nothing pushing her out. I didn't tear. The only thing I felt were the back contractions: my back muscles would tighten up. I could feel them working hard. but it wasn't painful. just intense.

I would just have Jet put counterpressure on my lower back and all was well. So basically he wasn't able to take his hand away from my back. I gave his finger muscles a workout. seriously. So I suppose he did his part too, eh? :)

............

I know I haven't done justice to what all happened. I think I have to come to terms with the fact that I won't be able to at this point. There's just too much. But for now, here it is. A quick summary of the first part of our Supernatural Delivery.

Next up. The Huge Miracle no one saw coming....

Journey of Faith-

Putting It All Out There

This has been a fairly stretching process for me. To not only advertise, via the web, what miracle we were fully expecting from the Lord, but to also journal the large majority of my thoughts, doubts, victories, and questions throughout the process.

All there in black and white. for the world to read. and to judge.

When the Lord first asked me to blog the fact that His Cross canceled out all sorrow and sickness...especially the ones associated with birth...and to share my personal story in it, I wasn't sold on the idea.

Are you sure, Lord? Cause really...I got loads of other testimonies I could share. Remember? I especially like the one about the lame woman. I could totally tell that one. Dontcha think? ...No?

Though I'm a fairly "out there" person, I knew from personal experience that birth stories, in and of themselves, are a very personal, intimate matter. I knew that I could be perceived as being judgemental if someone had less than a painfree birth. I knew that I may very well step on toes and hurt feelings. I knew that my story could quite possibly cause others to question God in their own lives.

None of the things I'm real hip on doing, you know?

But the fact remained, the Lord's truth is the Lord's truth. not speculation. theory. or wishful thinking. He wasn't asking me to offend people. He was asking me to share His Truth made evident in my life. manifest in my labor and deliveries. How could I say No and still live with myself?

So, I wrote the first blog. sharing my heart, in all its vulnerability. my testimony, in all its power.

Whew. Okay, Lord, that wasn't so bad. Alrighty. Passed that test. Time to relax. Would ya hand me a pina colada, please?

But He had other plans... He then asked me, months later, to be very public with what I was praying and believing for during this last pregnancy. as I was praying. in the midst of warring for it.

For real? Lord, don't I get a rest period or something? Can't I wait until after the delivery to share? That'd be soooo much nicer. Kind of hit them with the end *Ba-da-bing* result instead of ...uh, boring them with the process. Right?! ...No?

So I began to write. to press in. to put my faith in the very place that it needs to be on a daily basis in order to be strengthened: Up Against A Challenge.

In this case, the challenge of a daily, public viewing.

And THEN my oldest girls go and decide that they want to be a part of the delivery. Okay. I like the sounds of that. Quality family time. Woo-Hoo! I'm all over it. Until I found out that in order for them to be in the room, they each had to have an adult present with them during the entire birth.

Oh yippee. A live audience as well as an internet one. Lord!?

My friend, Jolanthe, joked me once...referring to my birthing room like it was a restaurant table. "Party of Eight. Right this way!" :)

And though it made me really laugh...that was what it felt like. Like I'd be on display. As well as my faith. Can I get a collective "Ew"?!

Hm. A little quality time with my family...plus some. Lord? Are you working on a theme here? Cause really, I'm thinking I like being the more private person when it comes to my faith. You know...You. Me. The Holy Spirit. and God. We're fun group of people; it'll be quite the party. Can't we just be exclusive for a short season?Say...nine months? Then I promise to come out shouting your praise. telling of your good works.

What's that you say? that's not true faith? I need to proclaim the things I'm yet to see as though they were? You do know you're killing me here, God. Oh, that's the point? Nice.

The Lord spoke to my heart about the people who pray for miraculous healings, completely expecting to see them. He pointed out how they, first, have to make the decision to put it out there in public, vocalized prayer. Calling forth healing. And then trusting that God is who He said He is. that He would do what He promises to do.

He told me that because those people step out, He has the room to step up. HE would be the one on display. Not me.

"What I tell you in the dark, utter in the light." Matthew 10:27

And so I began to blog on a somewhat regular basis. Choosing (as I wrote in my journal) to be:

"...sick of aligning my life with fear of tomorrow. There's no fruit in that. And I refuse to be saturated by that faithless thinking.

So I want to bring my faith to a deeper depth. if need be, to a public realm where others can be encouraged. ...as they walk with me on this Faith Journey..."

So the last few months have been...um, shall we say "fun"? sharing with you this process of digging deeper into the Well of Faith. I pray that you've been encouraged to embrace that which God is challenging you to believe Him for. He IS a God who remains true to His Word. All of it.

Next post, I'll finally get to share the labor and delivery details.... You know, the *Ba-Da-Bing* reveal that I've been waiting for. :)

Quote of the Day...

"You sure picked quite the day to have your yard sale, brother!"

You think? This little ditty of a statement was spoken to Jet, by the retired town mayor, as we walked around our neighborhood. surveying the damage following the tornado.

Yep, a tornado. At least that's how my neighborhood would categorize it. Though we're still waiting for the National Weather Service to give the official say-so.



THE ILL-TIMED YARDSALE:

Suffice it to say, it wasn't the best one I've ever had. Though the most memorable. *Forgive me a slight roll of the eyes, would you?*

It rained from 5 to 10 AM. At which point, the sun came out and preformed beautifully. Giving me enough time to make a whooping profit (after the newspaper ad) of $57, all while masterfully singing the lyrics for the 60's hit "It's my party and I'll cry if I want to..." over and over again.

But in the spirit of Pollyanna, Jet and I optimistically smiled as he dropped off our first round of large boxes at the local DropOff. At 9 AM. Can you tell we were anxious? But hey, it's junk that we will never have to deal with again. What's not to love about that?!

By 1 AM, we were loading up the remaining contents of 7 yard sale tables and the 10-foot long clothes hanging device. All the while, sorting out the stuff that we wanted to keep for next year's yard sale.

I know, I know, I'm a glutton for punishment. But we figured we made diddly-squat at this sale and we just can't bring ourselves to throw away almost new name-brand clothes (donated by family members) just for the sake of reducing clutter in the attic. But anyway.

Jet had just left with a truckload of boxes to take to the drop off...1 mile down the road....while Mom and I were leisurely packing up the boxes. And then, the rain hit.

Slowly. Slowly. No big deal. It even looked like it was going around our little town. But regardless, we worked fast to avoid getting wet.

Then...from the distance you could tell something was brewing. Well, at least Mom said she could. I was blissfully clueless. ... so maybe blissfully wasn't the best descriptor of my attitude at the time. But clueless 'bout sums it up.

The last of the boxes were just set on the porch, when we turned our attention to the fold up tables. Suddenly Mom yelled, "Quick. Forget the tables! Get the stuff inside!"

And the wind came.

Mom, having the presence of mind to think beyond the task at hand, asked if I wanted to bring in our doberman. "Uh, Nooooo." The thought of having a half-wet dog running through the house did not appeal to me on top of everything else I was doing.

As it obviously takes a lot of energy to be dramatic and annoyed.

Meanwhile, Super Mom ran to the backyard to close the door of our shed (*thanks mom*). Something I felt was completely irrelevant at the time.

We had literally JUST thrown all of the yardsale boxes in the front door, when the BIG winds hit. With full force.



THE TORNADO:

After that, I began to realize that this was not a normal summer storm. For those readers that experienced it, yes...it did take me a while to shake my clueless stupor.

Though to my defense, it only took half of a large tree crashing down on our cars. and the horizontal hail beating on the windows. But hey, I'm quick that way.

Then all logical thinking left.

I wanted to go outside and get my dog. move the cars. anything where I'd feel like I had some semblance of control. Obviously, I wasn't thinking straight. But my Calm and Collected Mother wouldn't allow me and my pregnant body to go outside, so all I could do was pray in the spirit.

...and frantically run upstairs to get Raegan up from her nap, trying desperately not to think about the possibilities as we sat in a house filled with 5 ft. bay windows and no basement.

Trying to calm my children, I could only lead them in half-mumbled, half-controlled sobbed prayers for Daddy who was still out in it. Especially as Charis tearfully whispered, "Will Daddy die?"

Uh? This is when Hug Therapy works wonders. Because words fail you.

At that moment, being the emotionally sound mom, I did the only thing I could do. I left the girls with Grandma.

So I could pace. stare out the windows. and watch in horror as our porch swing repeatedly beat the top of the porch roof and the second half of the tree fell on our cars.

All the while, asking outloud "God, where is my husband?" begging God to return him safely.

And then I saw him. just pulling in. drenched and sitting in his truck on our front grass. My immediate thought, after complete relief at his being alive and in one piece, was "Don't just sit there...I can't handle watching you get hurt in front of my eyes!" Thankfully, he ran inside or I would have gone out to him.

It's amazing to me how he changes everything. Even though nothing in our immediate circumstances changed, I felt safer and more at peace just having him there. His presence just does that.

...Even after he confessed that he thought his truck would take flight out in the middle of the storm. with him in it. as he watched electrical wires spark and fall all around him.



THE PICTURES:

Mom telling Jet (who had just removed his dripping wet shirt) how the tree went down. trying to survey the damage to our cars. and generally just giving the recap from our point of view.

Note: the worst part of it was over by now or they would not have been near the windows.

The girl's hideout. A corner of our kitchen. The only place in the downstairs that is not directly surrounded by multiple windows.

A few minutes after things had quieted down, Jet's cell phone rang. It was our friends Nell-Marie and Gil, calling to make sure we were okay. (They were on their way to the mountains and, if I understand it correctly, saw our house as they passed. That's N.M. in the picture). While Jet was still talking to Nell-Marie, another friend (Aaron S) beeped in.

I can't tell you how blessed we were by those calls. Life from outside the storm. It was literally like tangible Hope to us.

If you look at the above picture carefully, you can see the tree's two different sections. The tree came down a half at a time. Amazingly it didn't come straight through our living room windows. Which are a few feet from where it fell. Where we were sitting when it first happened.

Mom's van took the brunt of the tree. But again, amazingly enough, it only knocked out her front light. Which was put back in and works/looks perfectly!!! HOW is that possible?!

Even as we got a closer look, we all agree it should have shattered her windows. Thankfully, we don't serve a God of "should'ves" by physic's standards.

Our car came away with minimal scratches. Nothing more.


And even Raegan's car was safe. Which is good since she opted not to insure it...

A section of our backyard:

Not too much damage, but enough to make a mess everywhere. Our neighbor, who was watching the storm from his back window, said that he knew to go to his basement when our tree limb's started coming off horizontally.

It wasn't long after the wind stopped that you could hear fire trucks and sirens all across the area. My guess by the unfamiliar look of this fire truck is that they had to recruit firemen from surrounding counties.

Some of the neighborhood...

Trees were down everywhere.

Chances were, if you had trees, your yard was effected.

As well as your car...


From the looks of it, this road (that runs right beside our neighbors house) got the brunt of the storm/tornado. And being that this felled tree took down a electric line, which was laying across the road, this last tree shot is as far as I got in my "friendly neighborhood tour".

The road was blocked off due to this "little guy". Here's the first 1/3...

And here's the remaining section of the 125 (ish) year old tree.

And just to give you true perspective, here's a man standing beside it.

It's HUGE (as is the house). Had it fallen the other direction... well, I don't even want to imagine.

But that's how it was ALL throughout the neighborhood. large trees were down. but no one was hurt. And the only place on the above house that was damaged? See the little 2nd story porch? The left corner of the roof was nicked. but only barely.

The funny thing. The man said that he had just signed a contract with a man to come and take care of that tree. Well...I guess that's a contract broken. huh? And our tree? We had just talked about how it was becoming too big for the house. We were planning on trimming it heavily. No need now, eh?

I'll miss it's shade and all, but leave-raking time will be easier. :) AND we even had a pleasant little neighborhood block party to boot. Where I actually got to talk with neighbors I hadn't met in the last 3+ years of living here. That's a bonus.

See how easily I pull off this Pollyanna thing?

and another amazing thing? Remember that tree that our neighbors took down last year? (click on the link to see a picture) Well...had it been there, it would have crushed our house. Literally. We are/were praising the Lord unabashedly for that miracle.

AND for the fact that Mom happened to show up to help at our yardsale. Had she not been there when the tornado hit... Again, I don't want to imagine. But I can assure you yardsale things would still be strewn all over the town. And I may very well be hospitalized for trauma during late pregnancy (I WAS contracting a lot following that event).

So there are miracles all throughout our little Tornado Experience. *thank you Jesus*

But one thing that may never recover? My respect for the validity of http://www.accuweather.com/ ... It suffered an irreversible blow. They had us forecasted for a 20% chance of light rain in the afternoon. I'm thinking they were a bit off.

But what do I know? :)

Preparing to take hold of His Promise.

There are so many promises in The Word. So many arenas of Power and Inheritance that are completely not evident in my life. At least not on a consistent, daily basis.

In John 14:12, Jesus says to his disciples,

"Truly, truly, I say to you, he who believes in me will also do the works that I do; and greater works than these will he do because I go to the Father...."

In my heart of hearts, I want to be the hands for Jesus. I want to extend his healing. his wholeness. his heart. I want to walk up to a blind man with full faith and expectation that the Power of God is working in me to heal the sick. to bind up the broken hearted. to set the captive free. (Isaiah 61)

The desire burns within me. So that the world may know that the man called Jesus is very much real and very much concerned about the details of their lives. the frailties of their bodies. the brokenness of their heart. And that He has a storehouse of provision ready and waiting to meet those needs.

I've been thinking...okay, so how do I come to that place where my spirit is so filled with the knowledge of God's compassion and healing that I will not falter in believing He WANTS to heal? through me. consistently.

The thing that has been repeatedly coming to mind is this: I must saturate myself in the Truth to the extent that it becomes part of me. that it becomes a natural working of my brain to expect the results that He has promised.

“Faith comes by hearing and hearing by the Word of God” Romans 10:17

And it occurred to me that this is exactly what I do before each of my children's deliveries....

One of the ways that I begin to spiritually and emotionally prepare myself for the God-given pain free labor and delivery of my baby is to saturate my mind with Truth. To remind myself over and over and over again of what God says about me, my body, and my baby until it becomes second nature to walk in that promise.

I intentionally guard my heart against what other people say to expect when having a baby, rehearsing over and over to myself what the Lord says. I continually build up my faith by reading other people's miraculous testimonies of birth. Marveling in what the Lord did for them and their deliveries when they held onto His promises.

In the beginning of my faith-building process (when pregnant with Charis), I wouldn't even listen to any one's horror stories of their births. I didn't want to fill my brain with fear so I'd either walk away or tune them out. Now, I don't have to guard myself as carefully. For my brain has been trained to not latch on to their stories. I remind myself of my previous deliveries, reliving the moments over and over in my head. I walk myself through the upcoming delivery, imaging all the detailed miraculous aspects of it.

Essentially, I saturate my thought process, my emotions, my imaginations, my expectations, my spirit with faith. Reflecting on the best possible outcome based on what God has promised and is challenging me to believe.

SO I can only assume that it's the same when building up my level of faith concerning being a vessel of manifested physical healing.

I just need to saturate my everything with Truth. To focus on what JESUS says, not what man says, about healing for today. To remind myself of all the miraculous healings that I've either experienced personally or been a part of to some degree. To read other people's stories and testimonies of how God has moved in their lives.

At this point, I'm reading a autobiography by Oral Roberts. And I'm planning on reading and rereading Matthew through Acts for the next few months, so my spirit can really get a hold of Jesus and his Father's heart for miracles.

My heart is to be a pure and untainted vessel that allows Him to move powerfully through me touching a dying world to life. Because...

"For the Kingdom of God does not consist in talk but in power." 1 Cor. 4.20

After all, he did say that we would do "greater things". I don't want to wait until I get to heaven to find out what He intended that to mean in my life. I want to see it manifested now. I want to see people healed now. On earth as it is in heaven...

An outpouring

God has been pouring out his healing in Lakeland, Florida. Todd Bentley has been there for over a month...not preaching, but just receiving words of knowledge after word of knowledge of creative healings/miracles from the Father. OUR Father!

Healings are happening left and right. I could write and write of all the things I've seen via the internet. But instead, I want to invite you to watch.

http://www.god.tv


Every night from 7-11pm on the East Coast (I think).

Looking back...and pressing forward

Last week...April 13th to be exact...was a huge milestone for me. For I turned 16 weeks pregnant.

It was at my routine 16th week OB appointment (March 2006) where I went in to hear a heartbeat of my unborn baby (Asher). ...and found none. But instead learned that my little one had secretly died inutero. There were no signs. No real worries. It just happened.

A few months later, when I was pregnant with Raegan, I battled fear. Every day prior to the 16th week, I was always wondering. always wanting to be so careful. always questioning every cramp or twinge. I would unintentionally hold my breath when the midwife would go to listen for the heartbeat. Half-expecting to hear "I'm sorry there isn't one".

But this pregnancy, I've been supernaturally at peace. The weeks have flown by to the point that I can hardly believe that I'm already past 17 weeks!

Yes, there have been a few rare days where I found myself fighting an emotional battle over the goings-on within the hiddenness of my womb. But, for the most part, I have been able to rest secured. holding onto the Gems of Hope that God has given me during this pregnancy.

And that is what I want to remind myself of. to document. and to share.

----------
When I found out I was pregnant, it was not by a home-test. But by a doctor's phone call.

A month prior, I started seeing an Endocrinologist, where lots of routine blood work was done. With results showing that I basically had No TSH.

"You cannot get pregnant when you have no TSH. I cannot stress that enough. You can not get pregnant. Okay?"

Uh. Alright. But what if I already am?

"Do you think you are?"

No. but what if?

The next morning, she called. To tell me that I was pregnant. And then before I could even comprehend the impact of what she had said, she was racing onward. Explaining her strategic plan of what we would do from here.

Her first suggestion? I go on Progesterone to fight against another first trimester miscarriage. Alright. Sounds good. Let's do it.

And so the very next day, I was on a medication that about knocked me over. The side effects were horrible. Which got me to wondering...what is this doing to 10 month-old Raegan when she nurses?

And thus began an onslaught of phone calls. my leaving message after message. Asking questions that would go unanswered for days due to intraoffice miscommunication. And then...the varying opinions from the Endocrinologists and the OBs.

I felt I was left to decide, as a parent, which child to favor. My nursing child? Or the one I cradled in my womb? The scenerio left me in broken-hearted tears.

"Ironically," my church had been planning an evening service. One focused on praying for the sick...

So I went. Having only known about the pregnancy for 48 hours. Still reeling from the physical impact of this new medication. And feeling as if I was fighting a battle for my children in silence (as only three people knew we were expecting). All because MY OWN body was failing.

That night, the church was packed out as ministry team members walked around praying for people. I happened to be in the back. Standing right behind a friend...and ministry team member...Julie.

I grabbed her and just asked her to pray. Not telling her anything about what I was dealing with. On any level. Only relying on the fact that I knew she would not just babble out words to sound good...but would wait to hear God's heart for me and pray into that.

She prayed for a while. A lot of things that really hit home. But then she prayed something I will never ever forget...

"There's LIFE in the blood. LIFE in the blood. LIFE in the blood."

Sobs from deep within rose up, as she prayed that phrase over and over. Even though she had no concept of its impact, God did. And I did. As my endocrinologist had basicallly said that the hormone levels in my blood would put my baby at risk. essentially not being able to sustain its life. In my mind... basically killing it.

But here was God. Putting this prophetic prayer into the heart of my friend. For the sole purpose of privately speaking hope to my heart. and life into my blood.

The next week, I had to go back for more blood work. Miraculously, my TSH levels were within normal range. I have the before bloodwork papers. And the after. There's no other explanation outside of God.

He healed me. And in doing so, protected the life of my unborn baby.
..............


About 4 weeks later, I shared on the blog that we were expecting. Almost immediately I got an email from a friend, Lisa, telling me that God had laid it on her heart to pray for me...and my pregnancy... the week before!!!


He was raising up prayer warriors on my baby's behalf, even when no one knew of its existence outside of Jet, me, and the Realm of Heaven!! :)

...............


On April 16th, as I lie in bed the night before my 16th week OB appointment, I began to go over and over scenarios of what I would do if there was no heartbeat. I wasn't trying to be morbid; it's just where my thoughts were going, in an effort to mentally prepare, I suppose.

But right in the midst of my thoughts, I felt a very distinct, very hard kick from a very alive little baby. A little baby that was wanting to make its presence known.

A kick that I know God instigated. Again, for the sole purpose to bring my heart hope and peace.
.................

The term Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome has been thrown around concerning my body for years and years. Essentially,meaning that every time I am pregnant it is nothing less than a miracle. As every doctor has said I'll have, at the very least, a hard time becoming pregnant.

I do not.

In fact, my endocrinologist couldn't believe get over the fact that we don't have a problem. When she continued to ask us, Jet just laughed and said "Does it look like we have a hard time?" :)
.................

All during this pregnancy, the Lord has continued to give me peace. And a knowing that He sees this little one. and is protecting and interceding in ways that I cannot.

So even though my doctor advised that I "cannot get pregnant!"...God thought differently. And He placed within me a Miracle.

His Anointing Oil

On Sunday, two friends and I were asked to sing a special song....

It's been a long time coming. We sang it in November at a Ladies' Retreat and then were promptly asked to sing it "some time" in a church service. Then a date was finally set for a couple months ago... and then canceled the night before due to sickness.

So honestly, by the time this last date was set I was just wanting to get it over with. Not the best attitude, I realize. But very true all the same.

Recently, I had been praying for the Lord to use and anoint the song. But my prayer focus lied more in the realm of "Please, by your sovereign mercy, let my voice hold out!!" (because it was bordering outside of my natural vocal range).

Yes, that prayer is all together inspiring, eh? Um, yeah...not quite. More like all together self-focused.

We had a disastrous practice the Thursday before. There was only one soundman present and we just couldn't get all the sound details to work. The music was too quiet; we couldn't hear it. Then, the music was so loud we literally couldn't hear ourselves sing. I left the church feeling nervous, to say the least.

And my prayers almost immediately were exchanged for wishful thinking..."Oh for Pete's sake, I just wish we were already done with it!"

Ever feel that way? Where you are standing in a place where you didn't ask to be, but where God has called you to be? You feel less than adequate...and more than apprehensive. All you want is for it to be over. But...all God wants is for you to step into it and trust.

....
I say all this to preface the fact that what God did, on a personal level for me, was not because of my devout prayer covering over this song. Nor because of my confidence level in my ability to sing...or even in God's ability to strengthen my voice. It had nothing to do with my anything.

It was all about the grace and creativity and BIGNESS of God. And His intimate desire to let me know that He was watching. His anointing was real. His presence very close.
....

Before the song, I sat with Selah in my lap, praying for an Awe of Who He Is to be released in the congregation as we sang. Up until that point in the service, my palms kept feeling sweaty off and on. Assuming it to be from nervousness, I'd just wipe them off on my pants. Again, as I was praying, they started to feel really sweaty. But before I could wipe them off, I clearly heard the Lord say,

"Don't wipe off your hands. LOOK at them!"

And I did. My palms were covered with gold dust. And my fingertips were secreting oil.

Selah looked down and said, "Mommy, what's on your hands?!" as she wiped away the oil from my pinkie and looked at it. As both Jet and I saw, almost immediately the oil replaced itself...

Now some of you may be doubtful of my experience. Or of its validity when lined up with Scripture. But as I've wavered back and forth on the focus on this blog....to explain it or to just share it... I decided if you doubt, that is your choice. Between you and the Lord. But as for me, I just want to share of the very real Faithfulness of God in my life.

For I was nervous. And I just wanted the Lord to show me, in some way, that He was hearing my heart. anointing me for the task. standing near by to see me through to the end. And so he did.

He covered me with his glory. He anointed me with his oil.

"Though preparest a table before me in the presence of my enemies (fear, in this case);THOU anointed my head (hands, in the case)with oil, my cup overflows." Psalms 23:5

Not because I am great or even always have the right heart when serving. But because HE is and does. THIS is the God that we serve! Compassionate. Personal. Full of Creativity and Resources beyond what we expect or imagine.

And ever ready to show that He is near. Equipping and anointing us for the task He has called us to.

Weeks from now, people may not even remember that we sang. But as for me... (and Selah and Jet!)I will ALWAYS remember how the Lord met me in a tangible way as I stepped out to serve Him.

The Power of the Unborn

"Yet she shall be saved through childbearing; if she continue in faith, and love, and sanctification, with sobriety." 1 Timothy 2:15

God's creative ways are always amazing to me!!! The following is an actual news article found on Foxnews.com:

"Like any thrilled mother to be, Michelle Stepney cherished the first kicks she could feel from her unborn babies. But her lively twin girls were doing more than simply making their presence felt.

Each little kick was saving their mother's life.

Unknown to her, Mrs Stepney, 35, had developed cervical cancer. Her unborn twins' constant kicking in the womb actually managed to dislodge the tumour."

To read the full story click here! If that happens not to work...it's on Foxnews.com