Former Director for Planned Parenthood. Now a Prolife advocate.

fetus at 12 weeks

My husband has a blog. One that he doesn't usually use. But he did today...and what he posted broke my heart. You can see it here.

WWF

I so should have gotten pictures of the "During", but I couldn't bring myself to get the camera. I was too busy enjoying and laughing at my girls and husband wrestling around on the floor.

ALL of the girls LOVE beating up on Daddy. And I do mean they have every intention of hurting him.

They love talking about how strong they are. How much stronger the "(insert my last name) Girl team" will be once Baby Girl is here. They love hitting him with whatever inanimate object they can find. jumping on top of him from the couch. putting him in a choke hold.

Ah, does my mother's heart good.

Even Alana (13 months) got in on it. running around the room GROWLING at everybody. and eventually throwing herself in the floor laughing. I SO should have videotaped it, dang it.

But alas, I was enjoying life and not documenting it. *wink*

But I DID manage to get the "After" shot, capturing the look of Victory on the girls' faces.

even though Daddy refused to admit defeat.

This time.

Time and the busy-ness of my day is NOT an enemy. But a gift. And I'm determined to change my present mindset to fit that thinking.


During my last pregnancy, I felt on top of the whole Delivery Prep. as I prayed for a deep-rooted faith in believing Him, yet again, for another pain-free delivery (without meds).

I openly shared my faith-walk (via Blogdom) as I documented:

• the ups and downs of my emotions
• my weekly wavering to find footing in a place that felt completely shaky
• the things that I had heard God communicate to me as I sat at his feet in prayer

But this time around, I haven't felt on top of any aspect of it.

This pregnancy has raced past. My days have been filled to the brim with Life in general. While my evenings have been maxed-out, trying to balance quality time with Jet with writing a book that Fo*cus on the F*amily thought was coming out a few months ago.

Yeah, that didn't happen. ;)

During the last pregnancy I was able to devote hours in worship and prayer, fighting for His promises made manifest in my labor/delivery... This time...well, it just hasn't happened.

And honestly? It's been a little bit unnerving to me. I've fought with fears, thinking that this time would be different (ie. painful) because this time I wasn't going into it emotionally/spiritually built up and guarded by prayer.

Basically I've struggled with the thought of: I haven't done MY part, so why should I expect God to do His?

Then a few weeks ago, the Lord started up a conversation with me out of the blue. one that I didn't quite understand until He got to the end of it. The gist of it being:

"What if I healed your eyes? made it so you could see perfectly. Would you be afraid that I'd take it away? Would you wake up every day and feel like you had to fight for that healing... Again? No, you wouldn't. You'd just receive it, adjust your life to fit the fact that your eyes were now miraculously healed, and move on.

Why are you so afraid that I'm going to take this away from you now?

I just sat there. on my bed. in complete awe. It made so much sense. You know, coming from The All-wise One and all. ;)

Yet. even after that little heavenly message from On High, I continued to struggle with fear that I wasn't doing my part. that I wasn't being the "good girl' who was fighting the good fight, running hard after Him, and beating down the forces of Hell with one hand tied behind my back.

Apparently I'm not a quick learner. Who knew. (notice the lack of question mark) ;)

And then just now...as I heard Alana on the monitor struggling to nap because of teething...I figured that getting on the treadmill would be a waste of time because any minute I'd have to go upstairs and get her. So I picked up my Bible, out of sheer "Eh. nothing else to do."

Yes. Spiritual Giant over here. No...really. *rolling my eyes*

But you know, even then...even amidst my lazy attitude towards spending quality time in the Word... HE is still faithful. Because I know the verse that I randomly opened to was *meant* for me to read. Today.

Isaiah 53:10 Yet it was the will of the Lord to bruise him; he has put him to grief."

Let me just say that first that if you haven't read the past blogs about this whole painfree birth adventure God put me on, you need to or you just won't get what I'm talking about. This one explains the basics of it.

Anyway.

Out of all the scriptures I could have read, this was the one that "randomly" met my eyes. It amazes me. The verse that speaks of how God put Jesus to GRIEF! The very word (grief) that was first used as the curse over Eve and her childbearing. The very curse that Jesus annulled. canceled. and obliterated on the cross.

The very Grief-Obliteration that gives me access to even begin to believe Him for yet another miraculous delivery.

And then the Lord spoke to me again.

Just a simple sentence, but very meaningful to me and where my thoughts have been warring, as I've been trying to be faithful to everything else the Lord has put on my already-overflowing plate. all while struggling with the feeling that I'm completely neglecting praying for the delivery.

Him: "What if I said, it's not about you and what you do, But about ME and what I did?"

Huh. Yeah. YOU are the reason I can trust you. YOU. Not me.

I know that there are times where, in order to walk in the promises of God, we have to fight for it, stand our ground in unrelenting warfare. I feel like I did that with Lani's delivery...and learned a lot in the process.

But then there are times that you just have to rest in the fact that God is who He says he is. and just embrace Peace as you hold on to the fact that He does what we cannot do.

I don't mean to say that I'm not praying. Because I am. Prayer is all about hanging out with the Lord. I never want to give up on that. But I do want to put to death the driving fear that if I don't do my part (whatever that means), he won't do his.

Because that's just not Truth. Truth says that He is faithful to the faithless.

"if we are faithless, he will remain faithful, for he cannot deny himself." 2 Timothy 2:13

And I want to soak myself in that. as I embrace the fact that He will continue to be True to his promises during this next delivery. whether I feel "on top of it" or not.

Wanna feel SMALL?

Lou Giglio has some amazing videos. Period. They blew my mind and overwhelmed with me wonder. Seriously.

And just in case you've never heard of them (like me a week or so ago), here's a link to watch some on You*tube...




"Indescribable" Using the cosmos, we get a glimpse into God's universe to discover the amazing magnitude of His greatness and grace.

Okay, so that's the basic description that Amazon gave. But me...there's no words. I just felt so small after watching it. So inspired to believe Him to be ALL He says He is. and so completely overwhelmed that He even knows my name.

and bothers to use that itty bitty iota of knowledge to talk to me. *mind boggling*

Go here to watch it. There are five parts. Once you've watched the first part, just click on the second, third, and so forth (found in the middle screen and/or on the right hand side of the screen).




"How Great is our God" It starts out talking about the Bigness of God (again using the expanse of the Universe (only in a different twist than Indescribable)...and honestly, it blew me away. Even after watching Indescribable!

And then it goes into details about the intricate parts of your personal make up. Amazing. Think "Laminin". Means nothing to you? Watch the video. ;)

Go here to watch. Again, it has multiple parts that you can click to as each section ends.


I love reminding myself about the God that I serve. The Truth of Who He Is. The Reality of what He does. The unfathomable facets of His Handiwork.

Because sometimes I get so caught up in ME. how large and overwhelming my my my situations can feel. I'm so self-centered sometimes.

But watching these, exploring the GRAND scheme of God's work, made me feel so small. It made the things I'm believing Him for seem so trite. so easy. and so completely doable to a God who is ...well, Great and completely Indescribable.

I hope as you watch, you'll feel that same thing. And fall in love with a God who is so much bigger than we give him credit. and yet so into the very details of what makes you you.

But I'm not ready to sit in the driver's seat, Lord!

The following excerpt is something I started to write over 14 months ago. but never finished because living in the midst of it, I was too overwhelmed to actually document it.

But that's what happens with God messes with your world. Again. :)
.......

I've written this post a hundred times in my head. Clear, concise ways to intelligently document the way that I'm feeling.

Yet.

When I get within 10 feet of our computer, my brain freezes up. My emotions overwhelm me. and I'm left completely unsure as to what I'm even thinking.

On any given day, my opinion about the topic spans the full spectrum. Most days, I walk the fence, masterfully straddling the place called "Uh. I dunno know".

To be honest, my heart breaks within me (insert: this can be read as I'M CONFUSED). For I feel like the Lord has silently been stirring up the sediment that's been lying on the bottom of my heart. It's like He walked through and caused a foggy mess of my once clear life.

But allow me to back up.

Years ago, I had plans for what my life would look like. they did not include staying home full time.

He changed those.

By divine design, I had two little girls sooner than I expected. but I did not want to homeschool them. Even though my brilliant husband was homeschooled from K-12, neither of us wanted to follow suit.

God changed that as well.

I always expected to have a few children, but I never would've pegged me to be someone that would have more than "average". God, in following suit with his "meddling" of my other plans, up and changed my heart and challenged us to trust him to plan our family.

Suddenly "6 or 7" sounded normal...

Ah yes. This is where I ended it because I didn't know how to continue. I didn't know what to think. so I hardly knew what to write.

But I've come to terms with it now. with where God is NOW leading us. and with the reality that He doesn't always make sense. at least in terms of human understanding.

Sometimes you get to a place in life where God just needs to mess you up a bit.

shake you up enough to get you out of your comfort zone and show you that you don't have it all figured out. that you aren't sitting on the Throne of your Life. and that you most definitely still need to gain daily direction from Him if you are to walk the path that God has intended for you.

A yielded path.

I've found, again and again, that there are times where God starts me in a particular direction in life...not to keep me going in the direction indefinitely, but to get me a better place where I can suddenly veer left.

onto something completely new. out of the blue. and sometimes in complete contrast to where I thought He was taking me in the first place.

It's the sudden veer that always gets me. especially if I've become set in my ways, the ways that I THOUGHT He had established as THE way in my life.

Oh, the importance of remaining sensitive to his leading. yielded to his guidance. and open to the possibility that the thing He said to you a few years back may no longer apply.

Like for instance, Abraham and Isaac. You know the story: He was on top of the mountain, getting ready to sacrifice his son, when out of the blue a voice tells him to STOP, mid knifing.

I've always thought...AHHH, what if he wasn't listening?!!

What if he was so set on just getting it done... obeying what God had said a while back...that he didn't hear the release from the instruction?!! He would've have needlessly killed his son. And all because he wasn't listening to the Now Word.

So yeah. That's where Jet and I were over a year ago. feeling released, out of the blue, from a challenge the Lord gave us 7 years ago. and completely unsure as to how we felt about it.

The "challenge" being the whole letting-Him-plan-our-family-instruction.

Meaning without birth control, monthly planning, trying to figure it all out and avoid certain times, etc etc.... Truly not giving "family planning" a second thought. Truly just allowing God to choose to bless us with children. or not.

Did I just say that on the Internet? Uh...yeah.

But again, this is documenting for my family. as in my husband, myself, and my daughters. I'm sure some people may be tempted to casually cast judgement and say, "Hm. How convenient to feel released from that. Why don't you just admit you never heard it in the first place."

And honestly, I'm okay with that. People judge. Eh. It's what they do. My heart is not to hide my relationship with Jesus for fear that others (usually Christians) will interpret it based on their own experience. *shrug* My heart is to be transparent. yielded. humble. and so very willing to lay it all out there.

regardless of the masses and their mouths. *wry grin*

I know the direction the Lord gave us, even though I didn't especially like it when it was said. I know it wasn't always the easiest road to walk. I know I debated within myself... Often. But I know it was a Trust Walk He asked of us, for whatever reason.

And I know that that season is done. Again, for whatever reason. ?

So here I sit. In a totally new place. A place where we're suddenly having to renew our minds and rethink our ever-evolving relationship with Him. Being that He's no longer asking us to blindly trust him in this way.

Trust me, there are TONS of other ways where he's sounded The Alarm for "Blind Trust". Isn't that right, Jesus? *playful smile*

And now, here we are, deciding how we want our family to look. Honestly, it's been a bit difficult being a com-puh-letely different mindset.

Man, I'm so the kind of person who'd rather have God say "Do this." over "You pick."
Maybe because I know if He says to do it, it's obviously for the best. But if I choose that means I can screw something up. or take a path that will later bring questions or regret. :)

So that's where we are/were. suddenly veering a sharp and unexpected left turn. feeling a bit unclear as the map we've been using all these years no longer fits the terrain.

But learning to trust Him in a whole new way. on a whole new level. for a whole new season.

I happen to ...uh, like?...that I serve an unpredictable God.

He keeps me on my toes. challenging me to think outside the box, yet to hold that "thinking" loosely. You know, just in case, He ups and decides to lead me in a different direction.

because after all, it's about following Him, not some peripheral mindset that I can wave around as "the right way".

You know, since last I checked, the Word says n.o.t.h.i.n.g about the number of children you should or shouldn't have. It just highlights, again and again, our not leaning on our understanding...but following His lead.

So this is me. ripping up the map from the last trek of faith. pocketing the things I learned from that trip. and starting to walk in a different direction with my friend the Holy Spirit.

Huh. Didn't see that one coming.

I love my little girls. It just can't be said enough.

and the fact that another one is on her way excites me to no end. FIVE girls. Ah, sweet bliss.

I've been trying to envision what a picture of all five of my girls will look like... which leads me into thinking about the delivery. being that I have to actually birth her before I can take said picture of her.

Logic is my forte. in case you weren't aware. ;)

So that said, I've praying over the upcoming labor/delivery here and there. all while trying to come to terms with how to get through the holidays without getting sick (H1N1 being pretty prevalent and pregnant woman being at a high risk for complications)...

Enter today's OB appointment.

The one that I thought I'd have a chance to discuss with Anne (a different midwife from the last one) about my weight gain and whether or not SHE had any concerns.

But that conversation, though had, was rather backburner in our time together. because she brought up something rather unexpected. and large. and just generally shocking, to say the least.

Midwife: Our hospital has recently implemented restrictions on visitations due to H1N1 outbreaks. and their attempts to keep them at bay.

Okay, I said. I appreciated their precautions. After all, who wants sick people having free roam in the hospital...near my newborn? Not me.

Midwife: Well. No children, under 18, are allowed in the hospital. Period.

Huh. Okay. Well...I can understand that.

Actually, I've been thinking in that direction anyway. For no particular reason other than feeling like it might be best to not bring all four girls into the hospital with all the illness going around. that it might be best to have them all meet Baby Girl in the peaceful quiet of our home. after I'm discharged from the hospital.

So on that front, I feel like the Holy Spirit had been prepping me.

Unfortunately, there was more.

Midwife: And if your husband is sick, he won't be allowed to be in the delivery room with you either.

*insert crickets chirping* I had no words.

Midwife: And if you're sick, then the baby will have to be kept in the nursery for the majority of the time.

At this point, I think I was just doing a whole lot of big-eyed, head nodding.

While I totally understand the policy, and support it, trying to wrap my brain around the fact that I was just told "You will have to have someone on standby to replace your husband if he's sick" just wasn't coming easy.

I'm sorry, but...uh... how do you find an adequate replacement for your HUSBAND during birth? Words escape me.

So here we are, trying to come to terms with what that means. trying to align our minds with the fact that Jesus is bigger and is our divine health. trying to come to terms with the fact that our plans for the holidays may not be what we thought.

As in, if anyone in the extended family is showing obviously signs of sickness, we'd have to remain at home. While we played with this thought before, it was on the realm of "by our choice".

but with the hospital's new policies, we feel like choice has been taken out of our control. At least if we want to avoid the Idiot Parenting Method.

and we do.

I go back and forth between the emotional extremes. From "Are you kidding me?! I could be delivering our child alone?! Or quarantined from my baby?" to "Okay, this isn't a biggie. We'll all be fine."

I'm not sure it's really sunk in as the reality of our upcoming hospital experience. *shaking my head*

In general, I have peace. though it's a bit of a slippery one at this point, as I'm having a hard time maintaining a grasp on it. But a peace, all the same.

Oh, and a determination to really start praying. hard.

Almost 31 weeks.

picture taken at 31.5 weeks pregnant. 152 lbs.

Does it get any better than this?! Here I am, on the *home stretch*...expecting my fifth daughter!! I can't even begin to put to words how blessed I am in this moment.



I knew when we found out that Baby Girl #5 was due around Christmas that this pregnancy would fly by. Summers always go fast, as do the holidays.

So I find that I'm having to constantly remind myself what week I'm on! SO unlike my first pregnancy where I could tell you, down to the day, how far along I was. Oh how time...and a few children... changes everything.

Each pregnancy gets faster and faster. As well as the baby's first year of life. The more children I have, the faster the baby of the family turns 1 yr. Or so it feels.

So before I know it, this little one will be here. in my arms. being completely doted on by four adoring older sisters.

Jet and I have been talking about how much we'll LOVE having a house full of girls. Everything will pretty much be pink and princess from here on out. ...at least until they reach the age where that's no longer cool.

Of course, even then every girl still dreams of princes. even if only silently.


Little Bitty is a mover! though miraculously quiets down when others are trying to feel her kicks and jabs. Stinker. ;)

And yeah, for the record, I'm not that fair-skinned. I'm just not sure how to get the flash to work like I want it to...


I'm beyond thrilled. and so very ready to meet this little girl who's name (which will be revealed soon) is already commonplace around our house.

So much to say. So many things I want to document. But for now, I'm off to write more of the book. today being the last day to complete a chapter before moving on to the next one, tomorrow.

Ah, life is so very busy. but so very good.

For the record

Put simply, I'm exhausted. Beyond exhausted...if Webster's coined a word for it.

I have a deadline for the book this week. A self-imposed one, but a deadline nonetheless, being that in a matter of no time I'll be holding a baby in my arms. And call me crazy, but I really don't expect to get much writing done in the weeks/months immediately following.

Fairly insightful of me, I know.

Two of my daughters are in Hardcore Teething Mode. Enough said. And the other two are keeping me busy with homeschooling, as I'm determined to stay on track with their educational goals. Even amidst ALLLL the other things that are going on.

And.

My body, at 30 weeks pregnant, is expanding. Which means my waist, lung capacity, back strength, and ability to sleep are fast shrinking. Ah, good times.

So yeah. I'm exhausted. It's just my current status quo.

But honestly, I'm really okay with it. I know my words may sound dreadfully pathetic. and a little pity-poor-me, perhaps? But I don't intend them to be. *shrug* They're just fact.

It is what it is.

My new life motto. It surfaced this summer because of other circumstances, but just continues to fit. Meaning, I can't do a thing about whatever "it" happens to be. It's not mine to change. nor, in most cases, mine to control.

So I refuse to waste time and energy fighting what I can't do a thing about anyway.

Life is just full right now. There's no getting around it. Tiring, yes. BUT soo incredibly full .

And honestly, my spirits are UP. How could they not be when I look at my life and am so overwhelmed with how completely blessed we are!? in every arena.

I don't have the "luxury" of self pity right now. and am not trying to conjure any up. So relax. There will be no gold-embossed (pity) party invite in your mail this week. Promise.

I'm just documenting, for my own sake, where I am in the midst of all this. So years from now when people ask..."How did you do it all?" I can say...

It definitely wasn't because I had it all together. I was 8 parts tired and 2 parts addle-brained, but thankfully the Holy Spirit superseded it all and had my back.

You know, the back that's aching really really badly right now. Yeah, that one...HE had it.

Christmas Prep

It's that time of year again.

Three months past the time that Costco foregos the normal restraint held by Christmas lovers everywhere and puts up the trees and tinsel and lights.

Go ahead. Admit it, your thoughts have already "gone there". At least if you're a Costco Member.

And admittedly, I'm soo good with it. I love All Things Christmas And in my house, my girlies have followed suit. Deeming there to be five seasons: Spring, Summer, Fall, Winter, and... Christmas!



So I've been thinking. Trying to, yet again, come to terms with the holiday I so love. The very one that always seems to broadside me, coming out of no where and being gone before I know what hit.

Every year I promise myself that I won't let it happen again.

"This year", I say, "will be different. This year I'll be intentional about making it special for my girls. intentional about beginning and establishing traditions for MY family. purposeful in the small details that make Christmas memorable."

But life always takes me by surprise. That's just the nature of it. For suddenly it goes from pumpkin picking to the "10 shopping days left" announcements over the PA system at Target. In no. time. flat.

Well, this year...I AM going to be intentional. Starting NOW. with a list of questions that I need to come to terms with before getting into the actual detailed planning stuff:

• Do I want our Christmas season to be a time focused on extended family? our own family? friends?

Right or wrong, at this point in life I'm not too concerned about anything outside of making it special for my girls and my husband. Maybe some people come equipped with the ability to go in a million different directions during the holidays, while still maintaining peace and joy?

But I am not one of those people. (at least not while pregnant)

I've come to know this about me, and I'm okay with it. ;) As the women of the house (ie. from my experience, the ones that usually make the holiday season into something special), it's important to not only set the tone, but know our emotional boundaries so that the tone set is something pleasant.

I can easily feel spread too thin. which fast leads to frustration and impatience. which FAST leads to Mean Mommy.

Jet and I decided long ago that our holiday goals will revolve around the Three L's... Low stress. Laid back. and Lots of Leisure time.

Because when all is said and done, a perfectly planned holiday is nothing to be cherished if the overall tone is "Stay away from Mommy...she's crazy." ;)

• Where will we be spending the holidays?

For some this may be a bit tricky. Grant it, the way we do it now may change in a "few" years, as our children grow. But for now, this answer is easy.

Quite simply, we just don't travel anymore. We stay put, in our own home, to help curb the stress level of running here and there.

And while we'd love to go up North to visit Jet's family now, we both know that the driving, the packing, the boarding of a rather large animal, the contending with five small children trying to sleep in unfamiliar, cramped surroundings is, in the end, not worth it.

Especially since Jet only gets to take a few days off from work.

We do go to my parents' house for Christmas Eve...it's not far from here. Mom's family comes over (her sister, Mom, and brother's family...along with my brother's and sister's families). But this year, we've come to terms with the fact that we're not sure what will happen. With Little Bitty scheduled to make her Grand Appearance near Christmas Day, that's a tradition that we may have to forego this year. We'll just wait and see how healthy everyone is...

This is something that may or may not be understood by my extended family (being that we live only 20 minutes away)? But I suppose that's one of the tricky parts of the holidays...balancing what others expect of you with what is truly best for your family.

Not always easy, but a very needed part of Holiday Planning. At least the type where sanity and joy are still in tact.

• What were the most memorable Christmases I had as a child and why were they important to me?

I ask this question to remind myself that the things that sparked precious childhood memories for me did not revolve around gifts. but around meaningful time spent together as a family.

It's so easy for me to get swept away in the "buy buy buy" mentality. wrongfully thinking that my girls want more STUFF. When in reality, our children deeply crave more QUALITY TIME with us.

Think about it. Do the majority of your most memorable Christmas moments revolve around what was under the gift wrap? or more in the way you felt during the weeks that preceeded? the moments that you shared with those adults that are usually too busy? the laughter of family members as they took a moment to sllllooow down and enjoy each other?

Yes, presents are great. But my girls live for moments where we actually treat them like important people, cherished daughters, and fun friends.

My goal is to hone in on those family-interaction ideas and implement them whenever possible.


*how is it possible that they grew this much in only a year????

• What are some of the ways we can bless others during this season?
  
  
  

Honestly, this is one of the things that I can chalk up to my Queen of Good Intentions title. There's so much that I've thought about doing, so many ideas that I've heard about or come up with...but, as of yet, have never put into action.

We want our children to grow up associating Christmas with giving and blessing others. And I know the brunt of that responsibility falls on me. Not because Jet isn't giving, but because I know I'm the one who plans.

Note to self: Get off yo' booty and start thinking!

• What are things the girls have enjoyed in the past? Are they traditions that could remain for the next 20 years without being considered "for babies"?

Unfortunately I don't *feel* like we've established many traditions. Maybe it's just my frame of thinking, discrediting activities from the "Traditions" title because I've just gotten so used to their presence that it's hard to dissect them from Christmas itself.

What we've done before:

• Stockings over the fireplace to be filled Christmas Eve with small gifts.
• Tree hunting with my extended family (even though we bought a massive fake tree a few years back...the girls love getting together with cousins and running around a tree farm trying to find the perfect one for Grandma and Granddaddy)
• Baking Christmas cookies together...though not as many (or as creative) as I'd like to. One day...
• Get together with friends to make Rudolph cookies
• Putting up the tree the day of (or after) Thanksgiving
• Putting up a miniature tree in the girls' room
• Christmas day brunch as a family
• Doing our Advent calendar every night at dinner.
• taking cookies to neighbors (only done this once, but the girls and neighbors loved it)
• building a gingerbread house (of sorts) ;)
  

I've come up with some other ideas that I'm excited about and will write about them as we try them out. :)

• What are some activities that the children can play a big role in helping to bring about?

As much as I know the girls love having special things done for them, I know that half of the joy of holidays (if not more than half!) is in the preparation.

The cookie baking (and eating). The present shopping/making. The putting up of the tree. Tree and house decorating! Making special decorations.



For me, this is both fun and frustrating. Because honestly? It's just so much easier, not to mention faster, for ME to do it all. without interruptions. or questions. or time spent explaining to someone else how to do what I could do in a third of the time.

THIS is where I need to remember the little quote that's stuck above my stove:

"Where Love abides~ Sweet Memories Linger." Roy Lessin

One Holiday Trait I need to embrace is SLllllloooooww down and live in the moment. Enjoying the very thing I am doing NOW, instead of worrying over what I haven't gotten done.

To remember that *this moment* could be the very activity that is forever locked in their memory as "The Christmas I was x-number of years old."

"Live in the moment. Live in the moment." That sentiment might very well be permanently penned on my skin...if I were to ever get a tattoo.

• What are we doing to incorporate the True Reason for Christmas into the season?

My extended family, though they all believe in Jesus, didn't/don't really do much to highlight the birth of Christ in our festivities...outside of the Candlelight service on Christmas Eve.

But I want to do more, you know? I always marvel at families whose Christmas family traditions actually revolve around Christ. And I want to be one of those families.

Now to try and come up with some meaningful, sweet traditions that shout Jesus is our focus this season.

• How much focus do we want to put on presents for the girls?

I've heard of a lot of different ways that some families have chosen to incorporate presents:

• give their children three gifts, like the Wiseman.
• give a few gifts that have themes: Something you need. Something you want. Something educational.

I want to implement something like that, soon. before the tradition of Christmas=>Lots of presents becomes cemented in their expectations.

• Is what I'm planning going to stress me out?

I have a TON of fun ideas for what we can do during the Christmas holidays, but it's really key for me to only focus on what I can joyfully pull off during this season of pregnant-in-third-trimester and two girls 2 years and under.

While I want to OWN the title of Sexy, Sultry Wife Cool, Creative Mom, I need to also know my limitations in this season. and every other season that the changing years bring.

For now, I want to embrace this fun season of lots of littles, helping them to create amazing Christmas memories this year. While they are newborn, 1 year old, 2 year old, 5 years old, and (newly) 7 year old.

Again, I think it's so key to be in tune with what will bring JOY to your family in this particular year. and not just go into with the thinking "We've done this before. We'll do it again. And you WILL enjoy it, so help me!"

Because some things just don't work for everybody. Like this dancing Santa Claus "won" from a White Elephant Gift Exchange.

Raegan's holiday would have been just fine without him a couple of years back. Though this year, it may very well be one of her favorite decorations.

That is, unless, I happen to conveniently lose it. and the older girls happen to forget about it. Here's hoping!

And Here's to joyful planning! *Cheers*

Dinner is served.

Welcome to the last room of the downstairs.

I know I've taken forevah to show you around. But at least you know when you do come visit, you can't overstay your welcome. I mean, you've been hanging out in my first floor for, what? ...over a week now?

And I haven't even kicked you out. Not even after the OB visit from...*ahem* ...elsewhere. I'm pretty impressed. You?

Worries go down better with soup. ~Jewish Proverb

Ah yes. What a proverb! I know I feel better when I get to eat comfort food. surrounded by comforting people. in a comfortable setting. *contended sigh* Don't you?

I always wax sentimental when it comes to meal times as a family. I've said the before. And I'll say it again because I just can't get past the The Leave it to Beaver Ideal.

And I really don't want to.

Because This is the place where we spend soo much time as a family. the place where so many memories are made. and the place where tastebuds as well as conversations mature.

The Dining Room.

Statistics talk about how few families actually sit down for a meal together, and even then, some are eating in from of the TV. And those same statistical studies show that the frequency of family meal time dwindles as children grow older.

I want to do everything in my power to make sure that this is not what happens to MY family. Because:

"Social scientists say such communion (family dinner time) acts as a kind of vaccine, protecting kids from all manner of harm." TIME June, 2006

And who doesn't want to protect their children from 'all manner of harm'?!

Admittedly, it doesn't always come easily though. At least not in MY house. Conversations don't always flow. Sometimes the Intimate-Family-Moment-Ideal never happens. And the thought of extracting teeth seems a little more inviting than convincing myself that it's worth the extra time and energy.

But only sometimes.

Because I know years from now (think TEENAGER) Jet and I will be deliriously happy (I don't know why but that word picture cracks me up. so I just had to say it) that we took the time to let our girls know we love them, want to hear what they have to say, and respect them for their opinions.

And no, Lani is not relegated to eat by herself, up against the wall. We do move the highchair to the table to include her. :) How could we not? She's soo funny!

Dinnertime is one of those moments that I'm SOO very thankful to not be a single parent. Because I've been with my girls all day. I feel I've said everything I can. or care to. *wry grin*

BUT THEN *cue trumpets and the angel choir* DADDY COMES HOME.

And all is alive with potential again.

Thanks, in large part to his energetic creativity, our meals become something worthwhile. We play games (I Spy and Twenty Questions are two favorites). We talk about the day. We He make up crazy songs.

He goes around the table and asks each girl one of three questions:

• What animal?
• What color?
• How many?

And then he goes on to make up songs about Twelve Green Toads. Or Five Pink Elephants. Or whatever else the girls have thrown at him. It's hysterical. and rather ingenious.


This room was the first room that we really started to fix up when we were moving in. The decades-old wallpaper actually fell off the wall. in large contrast to the remainder of the house's plaster walls.

where steaming, scrapping, and "proven-true" concoctions of wallpaper remover didn't quite do the trick.

I cringe at the memory. But *rejoice* that it's done. because this room continues to evolve a little more every month.

Not too long ago, I was on a quest to change the color to something bold and vibrant. But have since decided against it...because I can just change the decor as I am inspired. (one of the reasons the room now appeals to me so much)


My overall goal in decorating a house is two fold. I want to be surrounded by beauty. Yet I want it to be practical, usable, and inviting to families.

I want every room to be a room that my girls feel at ease being a part of.

Growing up, we'd go visit a family member who's house was not set up like this. (Maybe this is why I don't like trinkets? because they're breakable, not to be touched, and completely off limits to the only people who actually care to look at them: kids).

As soon as we arrived at her home, we were sent downstairs to play in the basement while the adults stayed upstairs talking. As you can imagine, "fun memories" didn't really happen there.

Don't get me wrong, I expect our children to be respectful of our home. to understand that there are certain things that should not be used as toys. certain rules that need to be followed (ie. we don't let them run around the circular downstairs. Just think: colliding heads as you round a corner. Or into a pregnant mommy's belly. <--THAT was what first brought about The Rule).

But we want for them to enjoy life here. all while learning how to maturely treat a home. So we have toys/play areas in all the rooms, giving them the ability to relax and play in every room of our living area.

Like in the dining room, we have their white erase board and pegboard (in above picture) where they can do school work (or just play "School"). And a world map and school chalkboard...
It's amazing to me what geography they learn by just casually observing it from time to time. We haven't been intentional about studying the map this year, thus far.

Though it is my heart to be a bit more intentional about teaching them that not all nations have the same freedoms as we have. that there are some Christians who are beaten and/or killed for simply loving Jesus.

Along with the fact that it's our responsibility to go to those places and share Jesus.

I know I have to do more than put strategically placed scripture and bumper stickers up throughout the house. BUT at the same time, I know that putting those things up will help in cementing those ideals into their everyday thinking.

maybe this is the Lazy Mom mentality? but eh. I'm good with that for now. *wink*

Yes, this is random. But I got this "plant" (weed thing) for my birthday.

Love the character its dried up booty brings to the room. ;)

Kind of snazzy, huh? :D

And this is the new door that Jet just put in this room...

giving us a view of a section of our backyard. and of course, at the aging back porch. :)

Man, my husband is some kind of talented. *le sigh*

And this is what the dining room looks like when I have a party and am quickly trying to take pictures of people in the different rooms without missing out on the fun.

I wish you could have been sitting at that table. or in one of the other rooms. The fun we would have.

And hopefully you're not tired of my house. Because there are two more floors. that I'll get around to showing you. One day.

But for now, I'm getting ready for another party tomorrow. My first annual Choctoberfest. Something I've been wanting to do for three years now, and am finally getting around to making it happen.

Ironically, when I've removed sugar from my diet. Oh glory.

Potty talk

Yup. Here's the downstairs bathroom...of sorts.



And oh look! Rather conveniently, there's laundry detergent handy to wash your (potty)mouth out with soap. Right. in. the. same. room.


*this is where I'd love to just shut the door and move on in our lovely little House Tour.*

Welcome to my Everything Room... the room of my house that I love/hate relationship with.

One that I've talked about before, here. So I'll spare you the repeat.

Though here recently, thanks to the addition of the little pantry cabinet in our kitchen, I've been able to reorganize what's behind Curtain #1.


And if you know me at all, you know I love getting my house practically organized. :) On the shelves, in an assortment of baskets are:

• cloth diapers and covers

• disposable diapers for those moments I just don't feel like going cloth

• GermX and Lysol (we welcome the death to all germs in this home and do whatever possible to encourage their demise)

• Bugsprays and SPFs

• etc etc (meaning, I'm too lazy to get my pregnant rump off of the couch to go see what else lurks in the baskets of The Room)

Behind that curtain (which is a lot longer and taller than you can see in the picture) used to be our canned and boxed food.

Yes, that's right, ladies and gentlemen. Food. Toilet. and Laundry, The complete lifespan of the foodcycle right there in one single solitary space. *groan*

And thus, I present to you the "hate" side of my relationship.

Well, that and the odd fact that there is no sink...and no place to install one. Unless we invest in a stackable washer/dryer combo. Which we won't do since we bought this pair, brand new, 5 years ago.

Behind that curtain now are the cleaners, paper products, light bulbs, and all those household fix-it types of things.


...along with all sorts of craft supplies for the girls that I don't want Raegan to have access to (paint!).

As well as medication... up high and out of their room, so no one can reach it. You know, since I'd rather avoid the First Name Basis with Poison Control thang.

It's all so convenient because remember, I live in a house where"closets" don't exist.

And thus, I present to you my love side of the relationship. A place to store stuff! Oh, and the fact that it provides a toilet downstairs for when I'm potty training.

Which, having 5 children 7 and under, means Potty Training stretches out endlessly before me. Thankfully, I can teach them to wash their dirty laundry all at the same time!!

Ahh, the joys of a multi-tasking moment. ::)

Let's eat, shall we?

They (whoever that is) say that the kitchen is the heartbeat of the home. A place where memories are created along side the creation of meals.

Well? ...this is the corner of my kitchen where I'm constantly telling the girls "Please give me a little space." as I throw together last minute preparations for said 'creation of meals'.



They like to be in on the action. Tasting, stirring, asking question after question. Right there underfoot next to me, as I repeatedly remind them that they will get stepped on if they insist on not moving out of the way.

What that says about my home's heartbeat, I don't know. ...Okay, maybe I'd prefer not to know. ;)

One day, I'll so be that woman who does bulk cooking. where I spend one Saturday with my girls putting together enough meals to last us an entire month. Maybe after this next baby makes her appearance, I'll introduce my culinary self to her.

But either way, it's on my Things to Do before I'm 50 List. heh heh

For now, I'm all about simple, fast, and inexpensive...oh, and usually last-minute. But no worries, with you being here, I've made something special.

Courtesy of Papa Johns. *tease*

One of the things that people comment about our kitchen is the massive amount of cabinet space we have...as they reach up to our 9-ft ceilings.

And yes, they are in obvious need of some refinishing. But that's so not priority.

Someone once asked me, right after we moved in, if we were going to paint them white. Nope. Though I like that look for some kitchens, it's not the look I'd go for.

It's either refinish their oak behinds and "distress" them. Or paint them black. Ever seen a kitchen make-over with black cabinets? Soo classy.

But I digress...

Were you here and I needed to get some of the cutesy, serving platters out (since God knows serving pizza is all about presentation *hee hee*), I'd be jumping up on top of the counter...so as to reach those very tall shelves.

Yes, I balance on the countertops even while pregnant. I'm part acrobat.

Well. except for that one time....

This is where I would tell you a story about how the cabinet latch once got caught on my pants. ripping straight through my sweatpants and latching onto my underwear, while I sort of hung there. like a fish on a hook. completely cracking up.

I would tell you, but I want to maintain some semblance of pride. ;)

Remember I said I'm all about the little details? This little corner is full of them for me.

• A magazine cut out that say If He can create a plan for the entire universe, imagine what he can do for your finances." I've written about it here before.
  
  
• A picture of Jet and me the night we got engaged.
  
  
• Handprints when Charis and Selah were little.
  
  
• A drink caddie of sorts, filled with hot teas, hot cocoa packets, and such. The girls feel really special when I pull it out for us to have a special Tea Time.
  
  
• And this magazine cut out that I saw years ago and kept...

It just spoke to me.

Especially since I know I'm an emotional eater, where far too often, I'm feeding my body when it's my spirit that's actually hungry.

Along that vein of thought: Last week I took sugar out of my diet. for many reasons that I'll most likely talk about sometime later.

But one thing that's definitely come out of this "little change" is the ability to plainly see how I mindlessly eat sugar to curb boredom or stress or...whatever other reason presents itself as convenient. Talk about eye-opening.

It's amazing depressing the places sugar hides. *groan* I feel I've been relegated to eat apples and cardboard. But moving on, before I talk myself into a craving I'm not allowing myself to have.



That blank white space at the bottom of the picture? There used to be a multiplication poster nailed up there. until Lani learned that persistence could tear it down.

Years ago I probably wouldn't have considered putting up "decor" like that. But since then, I've totally changed my perspective about what makes my house feel homey. which now includes bright, colorful things to make the KIDS feel at home.

With things like this pegboard, hanging in my kitchen for the sheer purpose of having a place to post kid's stuff to do...


Along with a basket of coupons that I so intend to use, but normally throw away when I realize *opps* the expiration date has run out. Yet again. (one day, Kristy, I'll be like you!)

And that gift bag? Yeah, it normally doesn't sit there. It was a gift of TUMS from a friend. :) It's become Raegan's my candy of choice when pregnant.

And then there's this...

my daily reminder of what I'm accomplishing. whether I acknowledge it or not. :(

Meaning, my girls are always watching me. Sometimes, like today, I can see them out of the corner of my eye, trying out the exact same facial expression or body language I'm currently expressing. *yikes*

So I know that they're always learning from ME, in arenas such as how to love. internally trying to model that which I play out before them.

Dear God give me grace because that thought can be IS overwhelming to me.

Especially on those days where I am feeling less than loving. (like when my inner cravings are screaming and my body is detoxing itself from sugar...it's amazing what small things in life can set our emotions off, isn't it?)

But wanna know something about me that effects my emotions in the positive realm? :) When Jet attacks yet another project off the House List.

Maybe one of my love languages is acts of service? I've been meaning to read that book for years now to "figure us all out". ;)

House Project #2871. This particular corner used to have a door in it.

It was an obnoxious little corner. Having three outside doors in a span of a few feet. Doors that leaked cold air in the wintertime no less.

So this fall he tore the kitchen door out and walled it in.

Ah. Gorgeous.

The cabinet is on loan from my parents while they add an addition onto their home. At which point, Jet will replace it with a cabinet/pantry he was planning on building for my birthday (last month).

I LOVE having a cabinet there! Because it suddenly gives me a place to put my food!! A pretty place, no less!! I'll show you the obnoxious place the food used to be...tomorrow. ;)

The one Jet will build me will be taller and a bit wider...but I have to say I'm thinking I'll keep the color. If I'm talented enough to be able to duplicate this "primitive antique" look.

...
This is the corner that used to house a rather large desk. But when we got the new dining room table, we moved Nana's antique table (sans the leaf) into here for a breakfast nook of sorts.


And yes, I am totally aware that one of the frames on the wall is empty. I'm still trying to figure out what to do there, but hated having a blank wall staring at me every day.

Maybe I'll just buy a large canvas and let the girls paint me some crazy picture.

Those little plates on the wall (on the left)? I JUST put them up a couple of weeks ago. They've been in the attic for YEARS.

But being that I bought them while in Romania (two weeks after Jet and I had met and were trying to figure out our relationship status), we both felt it was fitting to have them finally hanging up on display.

being that we finally figured out the ol' relationship status and all. :D

And this is what that little corner looked like last month, when I had a Women's Party. All the women were spread throughout the house (and I only got about 3 pictures) but man, I loved it!



This weekend, I'm having another party. My first official CHOCtoberfest. And yes, I planned it before making the decision to remove sugar from my diet.

Oh the irony.

But please stop by...I'll have a houseful of women and enough chocolate desserts to choke a zoo. Sounds divine.

There are no words.

OB Appointment? Check.

Blind nurse armed with needles? Check. *grrrr*

Midwife, whom I've never met, commenting about the amount of weight I've gained, followed by a "Well, I don't know. We really don't WANT you to diet right now..." ? Double check.


Call me crazy, but when I go to see a midwife I somehow picture a sweet woman sympathizing with my plight. empathizing with my emotions. and congratulating me on the amount of weight I've been able to put on.

Apparently I need to rethink my expectations. Because this conversation was today's Reality:

Her: Well, tell me what you ate today. (as of 4pm)
Me: 1/2 piece of toast and grapes. 1 can of tuna with mustard. soup and half of a hotdog with no bread. water and milk.

I actually worried that she would tell me that I hadn't eaten enough. because I knew I hadn't. It was a busy day!

Her response? "Well, that seems fairly reasonable. But I didn't hear any vegetables..."

I've gone round and round this scenario, trying to find someway to make it comical writing material. But honestly, at this point...I'm just not there. Almost, but not quite. ;)

To be 29 weeks pregnant is a mindgame in and of itself. I think every woman who's ever been pregnant...along with her husband...can attest to this.

The fact that I'm putting on weight at such a rapid rate is already enough to make me stand in front of my closet and cry. questioning whether I'll ever be back to normal again.

*These pictures aren't the best, but I needed (for my own sake) to document today's pregnancy look. As well as FINALLY take pregnancy pictures*

The fact that I'm 154 lbs. and still growing is enough to make me want to curl into the fetal position. in my comfy cozy sweats that don't grab my growing booty belly.


But then I remember...I AM growing a baby. I am in my third trimester. I am still wearing regular clothes (size 9/10 pants because I prefer the way they look over some maternity).

Then I remember that this is my seventh pregnancy in a span of 8 years. that I got pregnant with this baby when Alana was only 5 months old. that I still had 15 pounds to lose at the time. and that, technically, I've only gained about 14 lbs thus far.

These are the sentiments that I cling to when the stupid part of my brain tells me that my body is all wrong.


But I've learned to tell it to shut up and move on. totally happy with what my body is doing. how it's growing a healthy baby. and graciously expanding to meet that need.

Until today when Midwife starts asking questions about my diet... and suggesting ways I could alter my choice of foods and possibly add in more exercise. (??????) All because I gained 9lbs since my last appointment (a month ago).

And at the end of our lovely little time together, she told me that I should come back 2 weeks from now instead of a month. I jokingly asked her if coming back in two weeks instead of four was because of the 'fat issue".

To which she said, in all seriousness and obviously NOT catching on that I was kidding, "No, it has nothing to do with the fat issue...You need to come back because of the pressure you're feeling."

Oh, okay. Well since you put it that way.

And my mom's oh-so-gracious response when I told her all of this: "This is where you say..." as she placed her hand on her rear and mouthed the remaining words.

Hmm. Okay Mom, Woman of God that you are, seems like sound advice to me. ;)

I know, I know...

I'm horrible at keeping you in suspense. and obviously a very lazy hostess. Don't let this keep you from really dropping by!

I do have an excuse. Really.

You see, I've been getting ready for my OB appointment this afternoon. And, let's just be honest and say, that requires an obscene amount of time.

After all, I'm trying (by myself!) to orchestrate getting me AND my small army of girls ready to walk out the door and face the world.



I know, I know. I've obviously been getting ready since...Friday. But...just look at what I have to work with..."world-ready" for this group of monkeys take time.

Especially when I know I'm getting ready for THE OB appointment. The one where you have to try not to throw up drink orange syrup. and then have a nurse descend upon you, needle-in-hand.

We all know how I feel about that check up. So admittedly, my feet are dragging.

So when I return, you can either expect me to be in a very good mood because I will never have to endure that again. OR in a very bad mood because

• the nurse obviously was blind lacked coordination when it comes to finding my vein. OR

• I failed the test and will have the do the TWO hour version of it. at which point I may very well just kick you out of my house.

Oh, the suspense. ;)