Looking back...and pressing forward

Last week...April 13th to be exact...was a huge milestone for me. For I turned 16 weeks pregnant.

It was at my routine 16th week OB appointment (March 2006) where I went in to hear a heartbeat of my unborn baby (Asher). ...and found none. But instead learned that my little one had secretly died inutero. There were no signs. No real worries. It just happened.

A few months later, when I was pregnant with Raegan, I battled fear. Every day prior to the 16th week, I was always wondering. always wanting to be so careful. always questioning every cramp or twinge. I would unintentionally hold my breath when the midwife would go to listen for the heartbeat. Half-expecting to hear "I'm sorry there isn't one".

But this pregnancy, I've been supernaturally at peace. The weeks have flown by to the point that I can hardly believe that I'm already past 17 weeks!

Yes, there have been a few rare days where I found myself fighting an emotional battle over the goings-on within the hiddenness of my womb. But, for the most part, I have been able to rest secured. holding onto the Gems of Hope that God has given me during this pregnancy.

And that is what I want to remind myself of. to document. and to share.

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When I found out I was pregnant, it was not by a home-test. But by a doctor's phone call.

A month prior, I started seeing an Endocrinologist, where lots of routine blood work was done. With results showing that I basically had No TSH.

"You cannot get pregnant when you have no TSH. I cannot stress that enough. You can not get pregnant. Okay?"

Uh. Alright. But what if I already am?

"Do you think you are?"

No. but what if?

The next morning, she called. To tell me that I was pregnant. And then before I could even comprehend the impact of what she had said, she was racing onward. Explaining her strategic plan of what we would do from here.

Her first suggestion? I go on Progesterone to fight against another first trimester miscarriage. Alright. Sounds good. Let's do it.

And so the very next day, I was on a medication that about knocked me over. The side effects were horrible. Which got me to wondering...what is this doing to 10 month-old Raegan when she nurses?

And thus began an onslaught of phone calls. my leaving message after message. Asking questions that would go unanswered for days due to intraoffice miscommunication. And then...the varying opinions from the Endocrinologists and the OBs.

I felt I was left to decide, as a parent, which child to favor. My nursing child? Or the one I cradled in my womb? The scenerio left me in broken-hearted tears.

"Ironically," my church had been planning an evening service. One focused on praying for the sick...

So I went. Having only known about the pregnancy for 48 hours. Still reeling from the physical impact of this new medication. And feeling as if I was fighting a battle for my children in silence (as only three people knew we were expecting). All because MY OWN body was failing.

That night, the church was packed out as ministry team members walked around praying for people. I happened to be in the back. Standing right behind a friend...and ministry team member...Julie.

I grabbed her and just asked her to pray. Not telling her anything about what I was dealing with. On any level. Only relying on the fact that I knew she would not just babble out words to sound good...but would wait to hear God's heart for me and pray into that.

She prayed for a while. A lot of things that really hit home. But then she prayed something I will never ever forget...

"There's LIFE in the blood. LIFE in the blood. LIFE in the blood."

Sobs from deep within rose up, as she prayed that phrase over and over. Even though she had no concept of its impact, God did. And I did. As my endocrinologist had basicallly said that the hormone levels in my blood would put my baby at risk. essentially not being able to sustain its life. In my mind... basically killing it.

But here was God. Putting this prophetic prayer into the heart of my friend. For the sole purpose of privately speaking hope to my heart. and life into my blood.

The next week, I had to go back for more blood work. Miraculously, my TSH levels were within normal range. I have the before bloodwork papers. And the after. There's no other explanation outside of God.

He healed me. And in doing so, protected the life of my unborn baby.
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About 4 weeks later, I shared on the blog that we were expecting. Almost immediately I got an email from a friend, Lisa, telling me that God had laid it on her heart to pray for me...and my pregnancy... the week before!!!


He was raising up prayer warriors on my baby's behalf, even when no one knew of its existence outside of Jet, me, and the Realm of Heaven!! :)

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On April 16th, as I lie in bed the night before my 16th week OB appointment, I began to go over and over scenarios of what I would do if there was no heartbeat. I wasn't trying to be morbid; it's just where my thoughts were going, in an effort to mentally prepare, I suppose.

But right in the midst of my thoughts, I felt a very distinct, very hard kick from a very alive little baby. A little baby that was wanting to make its presence known.

A kick that I know God instigated. Again, for the sole purpose to bring my heart hope and peace.
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The term Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome has been thrown around concerning my body for years and years. Essentially,meaning that every time I am pregnant it is nothing less than a miracle. As every doctor has said I'll have, at the very least, a hard time becoming pregnant.

I do not.

In fact, my endocrinologist couldn't believe get over the fact that we don't have a problem. When she continued to ask us, Jet just laughed and said "Does it look like we have a hard time?" :)
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All during this pregnancy, the Lord has continued to give me peace. And a knowing that He sees this little one. and is protecting and interceding in ways that I cannot.

So even though my doctor advised that I "cannot get pregnant!"...God thought differently. And He placed within me a Miracle.