Nothing But Sarcasm

**Warning. The following post includes strong bouts of sarcasm and the ranting of a crazed woman. Reading said post could result in (but not limited to) the following side effects: frustration, large sighs, rolling of the eyes, nausea, hyperventilating, heart palpitations, and heartburn. But then again...that could just be for the person writing it.



Recently I was put on some medication. Have I mentioned that? No, I think not. Because if I did, that would mean that I'd have to delve into acknowledging to myself that I am popping a little colored pill twice a day. For the rest of forever. Well...okay, so maybe not. But forgive me some drama, alright?

But I digress... From what, I don't know. But hey. I'm medicated, people. Cut me some slack.

SO If I were to acknowledge that I was taking medication...instead of forcing myself to believe that I am, instead, eating a rather small, tasteless M&M...then I would have to go further and acknowledge the list of possible side effects that mock me from The Box. The medicine box.

And this is what I am wanting so desperately to avoid.

So today. I grabbed reality by the...uh, horns... and took a look. Because really, I like to live on the wild side. I'm daring like that.

And here is what I found out that my mini M&M is capable of:

"The more serious side effects include: Abdominal cramping, back pain, bloating, bre*ast tenderness or pain, chest pain, constipation, coughing, depression, diarrhea, dizziness, emotional instability, fatigue, headache, hot flashes, irritability, joint pain, muscle pain, nausea, night sweats, swelling of hands and feet, upper respiratory infection, urinary problems, va*ginal discharge, va*ginal dryness, viral infection, vo*miting, worry (*FYI...not wanting to get googled with these words)

Take note of the side effect "Worry." It's shocking, don't you think? Okay, so not really. Maybe THAT one can be traced back to initial reading the mile-long list of potential ailments resulting from taking your medication, Mr. DrugMan. Hmm?

And allow me to say, God help you if you happen to be taking any herbal supplement at the same time. Because seriously, the drug interaction could kill you on the spot. The nerve of you trying to go all homeopathic and all.

But the one that really gets me... The real clincher in my rethinking the wisdom of being a mother of three AND choosing to take this itty bitty pill is the following warning...

"It can cause side effects that may impair your thinking or reactions. Be careful if you drive or do anything that requires you to be awake and alert."

Huh. Doesn't that just knock the wind out of you?

So you're saying if I happen to leave home. In my car. Or for a walk, for that matter. That I am taking unnecessary risks? And I am legally responsible to, by the fact that I am reading this warning-in-print, remain a hermit? Right.

YET...I continue on. Reading.

Do not use if you have:
a history of stroke or blood
clot;
circulation problems;
a hormone-related cancer such as bre*ast or
uterine cancer;
abnormal vag*inal bleeding;
severe liver disease;
if
you are pregnant; or
if you have recently had an incomplete or "missed"
abo*rtion.

And then there's

Before using this medication, tell your doctor if you have any of the following conditions:
high blood pressure, heart disease, congestive heart
failure;
migraines,
asthma;
kidney disease;
seizures or
epilepsy;
a history of depression; or
diabetes.

Because truthfully? All of these conditions/problems COULD, in fact, occur because of the medication. The medical community just wants to know, upfront and ahead of time, if you already had the issue. So when it DOES occur while taking the drug, they can deduce it was from their medication and not from...you know...before.

So anyway. All this leads me to wonder. Is it worth it? Because honestly, I was feeling fine before. But man if my chances for a Better Tomorrow aren't looking slim.

My point? I actually don't have one. I'm just ranting. And giving you a head's up. If you don't hear from me, it's because I am now at risk. And need to pace myself since blogging requires I remain "awake and alert".

I'm thinking I like the real M&Ms so much better. They only cause you to get fat and squishy.