Can you help a girl out? Advice please.

Wintertime seems to bring out the Prison Warden in me...

"No, we cannot go outside. It's freezing. and icy. and a whole lot of work on my part to dress you in enough layers to prevent frostbite. Maybe next month, mkay?"

I'm nothing if not honest, eh? ;)


And there's there Springtime. where I'm suddenly inspired me to hand out the official Eviction Notice....

"I know you've been playing outside since dawn, but it's pretty today. You *will* enjoy it. Capiche?"

Okay, so not really...but when Lani is sleeping, Big Girls are outside. playing on our big playground. swinging on the tire swing. riding bikes in the driveway. climbing our front tree. and swimming in their pool.



Though it's not huge, it is big enough for them to paddle around. In fact, I don't think these pictures do its size justice.

My aunt was getting rid of it a few years back and just gave it to us. *cha-ching* Love hand-me-downs.

At this point in life, we don't invest a lot of money in various extra curricular activities for the girls. Financially, it's just not the wisest thing. But last year, I looked into swimming lessons for the two oldest girls.

Being that not drowning is fairly high on my list of priorities.

After picking my jaw up off the floor...due to shock of the amount of money it would cost to enroll our children in classes to "get comfortable in the water"...we decided to wait a year and teach them "water comfortableness" ourselves. *wry grin*

So we spent the summer encouraging them to submerse their face in the water. They were both pretty timid about water in their face. Raegan doesn't seem to share their fear. ;)

Well, this year we looked into swimming lessons again. found a much better deal. and started to talk about making it happen. But due to life circumstances right now, we just can't commit to EVERY night for months.

So we began to rethink our stance. and are now in the process of researching above ground pools.

Who knew there were that many sizes? or styles? or range of prices???

or that you needed to choose between metal-framed and soft-framed? and that some filters were more effective than others? and that if it wasn't close to perfectly level disaster could ensue?

I've been researching a bit on the computer, but still feel fairly clueless.

And so I ask you, dear reader. If you have an above ground pool OR have listened to family or friends rave about theirs (whether good or bad), please let me know! ANY advice you could give would be greatly appreciated.

Work out songs. Part 2

THANK YOU. You guys sent enough songs to have me on the computer for WELLLL over two hours last night. Just trying to sort through them all.

Though I have to admit...I laughed at some of the suggestions.

But what do I know? I'm sure somewhere... in some far off place where AM radio is the only option... there is some poor soul motivated individual who gets a hearty workout listening to Wind Beneath My Wings.

I can totally see that getting the blood pumping.

.....
And though I know many a people that loooovvvveeee the 80's and all that it's "creative energy" bestowed upon us, I, admittedly, am not one of those people.

But apparently a lot of you guys are, huh? :)

Exhibit A: Van Halen's "Jump"

Hmm...that may work, I thought, as I naively went to view it on Youtube.

Huh. Right. Well, that was... educational. My thoughts? Don't do that unless you have a large bar of soap. Being that after viewing the video, I had the overwhelming urge to run to the shower.

*Insert me frantically pawing at my eyes yelling Unclean! Unclean!*

Yes. It was that bad. Don't believe me? Go look for yourself at what used to be considered sexy back in the day. But don't say I didn't warn you. It gets ugly. Long hair, skin-tight pants kind of ugly.

But oh how I got the best stomach workout. Belly laughing. (Thanks Crystal! See...I was really reading)

....
And I had no idea about the following. Courtesy of Sara.

"Itunes has FREE podcasts you can download called Podrunner. It is kinda techno music but you can pick what beat you want it at like 150 beats per minute, 180 beats per minute, etc. Its awesome for running, jogging or even walking."

Sweet! Will be looking into that.

....

So what am I looking for you ask? Hmm...well, this go round, being that I only have a limited amount of money on my itunes gift card, these were the criteria:

1. Christian songs. unless totally clean lyrics. I have a mind like a trapdoor when it comes to music and will find myself mindlessly singing what songs I've been listening to.

2. Cannot be something that will immediately whisk me back to 1989. The gym dance floor. clad in braces, glasses, and a purple paisley sweater. wondering if I can sway back and forth cool enough to dance with the 8th grade boyfriend of the week.

One time was enough for me.


3. Has to have a fast beat and high energy. with preferably lots of bass. to drown out the sound of my children exhausted breathing. as I'm only using the songs for when I'm on the treadmill and am in need of a rhythm to keep up with.

...a couple of the songs I picked aren't like this...but they'll be used either for warm-up or cool-down phases.

These are the songs that I'll be adding to my Workout Repertoire over the next little while:

Shackles (Praise You) by Mary Mary
Stomp by Kirk Franklin
Freedom by Nicole C. Mullen
Extreme Days Remix by Toby Mac
Catchafire by Toby Mac
I like to Move it by Reel 2 Reel
Fast and Furious by Grits
Unbreakable by Fireflight
Moving by Group 1 Crew
I'm letting go by Francesca Battistelli
One more round by Barlow Girls
Undignified by David Crowder Band
Lets Go Back by Everyday Sunday
Anything is possible (mix of life album) by Zoegirl


If you think of any more, keep the suggestions coming! I'm off to the treadmill.

Jammin' out to...?

Thanks to mi padre, I grew up in the gym. I remember from a very young age accompanying my dad to his friend's basement gym set-up, where a select group of guys worked out. I remember picking up the itty-bitty weights and doing arms curls. to the tune of 1lb. handgrips.

So because of that, I grew up with a love for fitness. And to this day, I still have a motivation to stay in shape.

Even though, at times, it remains just that. A motivation...and not an action. *wry grin*

But now, as I stare my too-small wardrobe in the face I feel called to action. So this past Sunday I asked two friends to join me in making fitness goals and sticking with them. keeping each other accountable and revving up our competitive drives in knowing that someone else was out there doing what we "should" be.

So now I ask you... would you help? I'm in need of upbeat, fun workout-type songs that I can download off of itunes.

I had already asked Tracy (a blog-bud from NY) for some suggestions a while back...to which she directed me to Toby Mac. Got one song ("Ignition") and love it! Makes me workout harder. *thanks, Trac*

If you have a favorite workout song leave a comment (or send me an email if you so choose) telling me what songs you'd suggest. I don't have scads of time to go through the Itunes lists...so will you help a girl out and share your fav. upbeat song?

My sagging boot-ay and 20 extra pounds would so appreciate it.

In and Out of Season

*Mentally, I'm drained. Emotionally, I got nothing. Physically, I'm pretty much great. unless I go and do something daring like...oh say, climb the stairs. :) Spiritually, I feel like I can dig no more. kind of like when you've studied and studied for a test and to look at the text book one. more. time. will only confuse you. The whole scenerio of either you know it or you don't kind of thing.

So since I got nothing of intelligence in this moment...for memory sake...here's a part of a letter I wrote to a friend last week. It's pretty much describing where I'm at in this whole Season of Waiting (regarding the pending delivery)

"...preach the word, be urgent in and out of season, convince, rebuke, and exhort, be unfailing in patience and in teaching." 2 Timothy 4:2 (some translations replace "urgent" with either earnest or instant or ready).

Dear XXXX
You know that scripture "be ready in and out of season"? I've been thinking on it recently. Because really...how tiring is that?!

I figure that's pretty much the season I'm living in right now...the being ready and on alert every day. YET not sure when I'm actually NEEDING to be ready, but having to be ready all the same.

Can you say draining?!

Packing my (and the girls') hospital suitcases everyday. Loading and unloading them into the car (since it's stuff we need on a daily basis too). Making sure that we can all leave the house at a moment's notice, which is next to impossible with three little ones. Making sure that my spirit and mind are built up and ready to receive from the Lord. etc etc....

So my question is HOW do we get to the place where being constantly on alert and ready doesn't completely deplete us of any and all strength? Because I'm thinking...what's the point of being ready "in and out of season" if you're just going to be comatose when "the time" comes, you know?

God can't expect or want us to be a bunch of weak soldiers.

"Uh, sorry, God. I'm reporting for duty. You know, since it's Time and all. But FYI, I'm REALLY tired because I've had to be ready in and out of season for...well, a looonnng time now. So in body, here I am. But that's all I got to offer. Hope you're cool with that."

That can't be right. Can it?

Seriously, I don't get it. This whole being ready...in an urgent, instantaneous-response-required kind of way. And yet. still having the mental sanity and spiritual strength to be of any good. I'm hoping he downloads Wisdom regarding all of this into me soon.

But for now, all I can do is trust. and continue to blindly walk forward, pressing into His Presence. making sure that I am ready (as He continually tells me to "go get ready"!!). believing that when the time comes.... when His Outpouring pours forth with a "Ready or not, here I come!" shout... I can say "I am ready. Bring it."

and then, I will be infused with a Heavenly strength.

Mommy, are you going to die?

Yesterday, I had the girls sit down with me to pray for "Jessica's Mommy" (refer to previous two posts). They knew her, as most kids identify adults... by their children.

Janet and Jessica had been over here to play. We had gone over to their house to ride horses. Janet taught their Sunday school classes. My girls knew who she was, up close and personal.

So I figured they could pray.

Charis prayed, "Jesus, help Ms. Janet to get better and don't let her die because parents can't die when there are kids still in the house..."

She pauses and looks up at me. "Right, mommy?"

I don't remember what I managed to say.


Today after the news of Janet's death, I was careful not to mention it to them. Not that I aim to shelter my girls from the truth of death. I knew they would find out. But I wasn't ready to go there. I needed to grieve without an onslaught of questions.

And then this afternoon, the phone rang. It was my sister. I quietly asked her if she had heard.... and Charis, who apparently never misses anything, picked up on the one telltale word I used. Because after I got off the phone (10 seconds later) she said, "Did Jessica's Mommy die?"

Yes, honey.

"Why do mommies and daddies die when the kids are still living?"

I don't know....

Tonight, as we let the girls watch our wedding video for the first time, Charis walked over to me and Jet. She spoke of her wedding...and how she'd be a mommy and I'd be a grandma. "And you'll still be living when I have kids, right?" She embraces both of us at once.

*sigh*

How do you explain to a 3 and 5 year old? How do you fill in the blanks for them when you don't have the words (or knowledge)? How do you give them comfort when they just watched their friend lose their mommy? How do you understand all that goes on in their head when you can't even understand half of what's going on in your own? How do you answer the very question that you can't even bring yourself to ask: "Why do mommies die when the kids are still in the house?"

God. As much as we adults need your comfort, I ask that you pour it out on the kids. ...All those young children that Ms. Janet's life touched on intimate levels.

Stripped of all...and given a choice.

This is the closest thing to what I saw tonight. The rock faces were like these. Only steeper. Much, much steeper....

As I was worshipping tonight, I saw a vision.

I was rock climbing a 90-degree mountain side. Behind me, about 30 yards straight across, was another steep rock face. Between was a drop...so deep that there was no bottom. It just kept going.... into blackness.

And then from above me, my climbing partner reached down. To say his hand was large would be an understatement. I only saw the top of his head and his hand, as he turned back towards me. Holding a knife.

And then I saw it. A large black "bag" of sorts. Three times my size. On my back. Tied to me. I hadn't notice it, until he, in one swift movement, cut it from me.

At the exact moment that he sliced through the rope which bound me to the "bag", I saw that it was in the process of falling. It would have easily pulled me down with it.

But just at the moment that it was falling, his hand cut me loose.

And then I looked down. Apparently, as he cut the load from me, my outer garment came off as well. Leaving me, essentially, naked.

And then He spoke.

"Now you are left with a choice. Will you dance in freedom like David did (2 Samuel 6)? Or hide in shame like Adam?

For now, I have no words to add. I'm still processing...

Uh, could you read it again? This time with more...feeling.

"Who do you think you are?"

How do you read that question? Is it full of contempt? or full of sincerity?

For years, I studied acting. I loved it. I loved improv. I loved scripts. I loved drama, comedy, tragedy. I just loved theater.

One thing that strikes me about acting is that you can hand a script to three different people, ask them to read the same exact lines, and get three different reads. Some actors will stress the first part of the sentence. Some the second. One will add an accent. The other will add an attitude. Voice inflection. Timed pauses. Body language. Facial expression.

Every aspect adds a depth. a dimension that was not there before. The WAY that the sentence is read breaths life into it. It gives the black and white words a living personality.

So I ask again. How did you read that question? Do you stress the "you"? Do you read with a sneer? Or a smile?

I ask only because it's been said that both the Devil and the Lord are asking the Church the same question. That question. "Who do you think you are?"

One is an invitation. The other an accusation. It's the exact same sentence. But a very different heart intent.

And THIS is what strikes me about the Word. It's "just" a bunch of words on a page. Left up to US, the Believer, to read. So our voice becomes the representation of Christ's.

But how do I read it?

Or maybe I should ask...how do I picture Christ saying it? Do I imagine him glaring? seething? laughing? waiting to prove me wrong? waiting to embrace me? judge me? befriend me? ...How?!

Because the grid through which I read it is the way my heart interprets it. I mean, have you ever talked with someone that has rejection issues? They've been rejected over and over again. And because of this, they have come to expect it, you know? So regardless of what is said to them, they process it through a grid of rejection. Through a heart that interprets their being unacceptable. Make sense?

So what is MY "grid"? Do I have one? How do I think God wants to address me?

When I pray...and I try to imagine the eyes of the Father...what do I see? When I read the Word...and try to imagine the voice of the Father...what do I hear? An invitation or an accusation?

Lord, as I read Your Word...please break apart all "grids". Allow me to hear Your voice speak Life into the words. Read your "Script" over me...so I may be your Understudy. That I may adequately walk in your shoes. correctly act out your words. intimately mirror your cues.

Say What?!!

My blog gets googled on a daily basis. If someone googles me, I can see it. I've gotten used to it, figuring it comes with the territory of Blogdom. But today...I had to wonder.

Should I be scared that my blog was number TWO in the following google search?

"Is sucking your thumb as addictive as heroine?"

Yep, there I was. Ranked #2. Tucked right between the Webpages entitled: "Constantly High" and "Warning Signs of Abuse".

Does Google know something I don't?! ;)

My Response to YOUR responses to below post! :)

I was going to just write a response under "comments", but I knew it'd turn out to be a long one. So...here's my very own response to all of your responses regarding the below "Spiderman Mom." post :)

Wow. Thank you guys for ALL your input (on my blog comments and to my personal email)!! I was overwhelmed and encouraged by the response. Though I wholeheartedly agree with Val: there is no one cookie cutter thing to do each and every time, it did encourage me to hear so many of your stories and advice and words of wisdom. Thank you. Truly.

There were some tidbits of information that I chose to leave out about the mom. Simply because I wanted your opinion without the added knowledge of her "identity". Being that things like this have and will continue to happen as the girls get older... with both strangers and with parents that we know from our kids' activity circles.

But the mom "in question" is someone that I have recently started to befriend. She just moved to the area a few months back with her family and doesn't know anyone. I've invited her to join us on some homeschooling field trips we're getting ready to have. (not sure how I feel about her coming now, but that's a different story). I've really tried to reach out to her....be her friend...be an encouragement to her.

That said, all of that was rolling around inside of my head as I stood there. Mute. Watching.

In the grand scheme of things, should "knowing" her matter? Uh? Not really. But at that moment in time, it did play a factor, as I wasn't wanting to hurt her feelings.

BUT this is what I have to ask myself. Are HER feelings more important to me than my girls'? There is a "duh" obvious response to this. I know. Of course my girls are more important. But do my actions always line up with that?

When I was growing up, I KNEW beyond a shadow of a doubt that my dad would protect me. He was a bodybuilder. He wasn't one to be intimated. I knew I was the apple of his eye. I REMEMBER him telling me that if a grizzly bear ever tried to hurt me that he would kill it with his bare hands. And I can tell you that I believed him. 100%.

I remember when a man that worked for my dad cussed in front of me. My dad told me to go outside. And then he promptly told that man that he does NOT cuss and use that kind of language in front of his daughter. He called me back in. The man apologized profusely. I was a bit embarrassed that I had "caused" the man to get in trouble. But I can tell you that I felt protected and looked after AND cherished.

And because of that, I felt secure. AND because of that, I came to understand a lot of the Father Heart of God. The part where he says he is my Strong Tower. My Shelter. My Fortress. My protector. All because my earthly daddy was protecting me at all costs.

I want my girls to feel that security. My husband and I want to model that for them. To build into the depths of their foundations that they are cherished enough for us to protect them. that they are worth enough for them to stand up for themselves.

On the flip side, I had a relative who would always put other people's (even strangers) feelings above my own. If I was with this relative and someone offended or hurt me, the relative would, for the sake of extending kindness to the other person, expect me to stuff my feelings away. Get over them. Not let it bother me. Overlook it. And because of that I became someone who felt like my feelings weren't as important as the next person's. I became an expert at "stuffing down the inconvenient feelings". So I've had to really work at being consistently vunerable with myself, with the Lord, and with certain others.

I don't want my girls to EVER feel like they are taking second place to some random person...simply because I want to guard the other person's feelings more than theirs.

So that, too, has been rolling around in my heart since this whole episode....as I want to truly consider all the different angles as I take the "what to do" to the Father.

But it also needs to be understood that the option to hit back/push them off is after they've exhausted all the other options. It really is that last option. And I hope it never gets to that. But I have walked into a room where she was literally getting fists in the face and body. And she was standing there. Horrified and scared and hurting. Because we had never equipped her with the truth that you don't have to just stand there and let someone do that to you. When I gave her permission to fight back, I literally SAW something change in her countenance...in her confidence. For she was armed with the fact that she had options outside of just getting beat up.

Does she hit people? Honestly, no. Does she know that if it comes down to it and there is no other option that she CAN take up for herself? Absolutely. Maybe it comes naturallly for boys...the inner knowledge that I don't have to just stand there. But for my girls, it was the furthest thing from their personality. And the way the world is...with sexual violence and whatever...I WANT them to know, upfront and early on, that if someone is doing something to them that they do not want to happen, they CAN protect themselves.

Now on paper, I realize my use of the word "warrior" may seem like we are condoning our children to REact violently to violence. But we aren't. By any stretch. but what we ARE condoning is the strength of character TO be able to NOT allow other people to push them around, on any realm. And as I saw a few days ago, Charis is getting it. She stood up to that little boy. she didn't hit him back. She made sure he knew, clearly, that she wasn't going to put up with what he was doing.

Do I believe it's Biblical? You had better believe it. It is ABSOLUTELY Godly to have boundaries and not to let someone push past that. We are not teaching our girls to pick fights or giving them license to bully/hit others. We are teaching them that can stand their ground and refuse to be bullied. There is a significant difference.