"How beautiful your sandaled feet, O Prince's daughter!" Songs 7:1

Last Fall, I was getting rid of some unwanted things via Craigslist.com (If you've never checked that site out, you really should! Great way to sell and buy locally).

My sister had given me a load of like-new, brand name shoes. Shoes that were too large for me...and that didn't sell at our annual summer yardsale.

So I listed them in hopes of making a little extra money. And lo and behold, I got an email from a perspective buyer!!

I have to admit, I was excited...what's better than getting rid of excess and making money? And all without having to get up at the booty-crack of dawn on a Saturday morning to run a yardsale. Ah, the sweetness of it all.

But then the perspective buyer emailed again.

She couldn't buy the shoes. Her husband (if I remember correctly) had just gotten a paycut. or maybe it was a job loss?

My heart went out to her. Though we were yet to be in her position, I knew with Jet's job a paycut could eventually come (and did). So I gave her the shoes. For free.

I had to insist...a couple of times in multiple emails. She was a stubborn lady, that one. ;) But she did end up taking them, picking them up (with much heartfelt thanks!) from Jet at his office.

Honestly, it felt so good to bless her.

Fast forward a "few" months. I'm looking through Craigslist because my oldest girls NEED shoes, with a Capital N.

I've been looking for some shoes at yardsales, but never hit the Mother Load. And I just couldn't bring myself to pay for brand new ones. Not when there are things like yardsales and thrift stores to be shopped.

And then finally, one night two weeks ago, I came across an ad from someone selling nice girls' shoes in the sizes that I needed. Hallelujah!

In the midst of trying to arrange a pick up time/place with the seller, all four girls got sick and I couldn't meet her in town. So I asked if she could drop them off at my husband's work...

And I got this email in reply.

Christin,

I am sorry I did not recognize your email address before, I only realized it when you mentioned your husbands work place.

You gave me such a blessing several months ago with several pairs of women's shoes, and I would like to return the blessing now that God has made me able. I want to give you the shoes at no cost if you would let me please....

I couldn't believe it (I still can't). My eyes teared up. My mouth dropped open. I yelled for Jet...

What an amazing gift! What an amazing miracle! I mean, WHAT are the chances??

Yet.




God knew. He arranged it all. Down to the small details of shoe sizes.

I'm still in awe.

More of that heavenly Favor

Last month I posted how God was challenging us to trust him financially...and then we were hit with a $613 electric bill. (plus a bunch of other financial things all at once)

That number still sends me reeling.

We called the town and said that it couldn't possibly be right because it was more than double the highest bill we've ever had. So they sent two men out to re-check it. And their response?

"It's not only correct, but you are well on our way to having to pay another bill like it next month."

Are you kidding me?!! because seriously, I'm like the Amish when it comes to using electricity. at least during the day.

We have over a dozen 5-ft windows in our downstairs alone. So natural light it is. Until 5:30. THEN, lights can be turned on.

I don't even use my dryer on a normal basis. instead opting to hang up the clothes on a rack that I set over the heating grate.

See? my cloth diapers hanging "out" to dry.


So ALLLL that to say, we just got our electric bill last week. Drum roll pa-lease.....

$34.12

Now THAT'S what I'm talkin' 'bout! Obviously the town conceded and fixed their mistake. You know, the one they refused to admit in the first place.

Why or how they came to the decision to first, acknowledge the mistake and second, to fix it is beyond me. Because we all know they didn't have to!! They could have easily just swept their error under the rug and moved on.

But they didn't.

and though I will never know the ins and outs of the behind-the-scenes, I'm just chalking it up as favor of God. The Only One who can move on the hearts of men to do what's right.

Caution. Rough road ahead. Enter at your own risk.

Raw.

I think you can handle it. If not, turn aside. This will not be the blog for you. But if you can handle a woman going emotionally bare, for the sake of documenting her journey with Christ, then hang on.

Because I'm thinking it's about to get ugly.

I've talked before about my faith walk with Christ: He asked me to believe for a pain-free delivery. I said Sure. I believed him...he provided. The four times I've walked that journey, while they've been a stretch, has always drawn me deeper into Him.

He's asked me to pray for people. To pray and believe Him for healing. So I did. And I've seen miraculous healings. Physical infirmities disappear before my eyes. A lame woman getting up and walking away for the first time in her life. Pains instantaneously leaving people's bodies.

He's allowed me to experience life inside the realm of the Spiritual. I've smelled things that weren't of this realm. seen things. felt things. heard things. All supernatural. All mind-boggling.

I know he exists. It's not a question I have to entertain. For I've seen too much to even begin to doubt that.

But one area where my heart still breaks...where my faith continues to waiver...where I feel He has continually let me down...is in the area of finances.

Essentially, I have faith for crazy, miraculous things to occur. as long as it doesn't involve my checkbook. Then, I just have a hard time holding out hope.

Now before you go all Pharisaical on me, know that I don't mean to imply that he owes me anything. If all he did was save me from my sins and promise me a life in Eternity with Him, that would be enough.

I know that when I accepted Him as my Savior, I was not promised an easy life. A life without trial or struggle or opposition. I know that when I signed on to be a Christian, I was, essentially, signing a blank contract.

An agreement that metaphorically said that though I didn't know what the future held, I would trust that to Him. and Him alone.

Okay? So I know this. And I willingly follow Him. I love him. I will serve Him. I will trust him. Even if it is by choice...without constant proof of His intervention in my life.

Yet

The arena of finances leaves me wondering so much. Because it is in that place where he continually gives us detailed promises regarding what's to come. Promises that literally number in the dozens. Promises that remain unfulfilled.

He has given me more financial promises that any other promise I've ever heard from him.

Prophetic words about finances given to us by people who had no idea that their exact words were mirroring what the Lord had already spoken weeks earlier. Dreams that spell out the financial abundance that is to come. An angel that loudly proclaimed it to me (in a dream). And personal words spoken from His heart to mine during the random times of my day. Time and time again.

Even after delivering Alana and having a supernatural birth, the Lord didn't skip a beat. He challenged me to up my faith and believe him in the area of financial provision. knowing full well the massive battle of trust this would be for me.

Bottom line: He's promised us for the last seven years that we'd be blessed beyond measure financially. And while I truly don't care about amassing wealth, what gets me is we're experiencing the exact opposite. A place where we're not sure how we're even going to be able to pay some bills.

And it's in this place that my heart before God is so fragile. A place where I inwardly ask:

"Lord? Do you not see? Do you not have compassion? What are you asking of me? How am I to release your promise? Is there something I need to be doing to call it forth? Because honestly, I feel I've exhausted my every outlet. And I need you to move."

That said, I have a hard time when I hear people saying "Praise Jesus! He always provides." or "You can't out give God."

Because this is not a phenomenon that we've experienced. We've given away half of our money for missions at one point. Only to have the IRS mistakenly clean our the rest of our money, without our knowledge. Putting us in the red until they finally agreed to fix their error.

We've given away very expensive things...to people who needed it...just because he told us to. Even when that meant us going without. in our own need. Etc Etc etc

We continue to tithe, knowing that may very well cause us to be late on some bills.

Do I say this to pat myself on the back? NO. I say it because it's truth. and because it truly baffles me to no end. For scripture says

"Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, so that there may be food in My house, and test Me now in this, says the LORD of hosts, if I will not open for you the windows of heaven and pour out for you a blessing until it overflows." Malachi 3:10

For years we've blindly trusted. Given him ample opportunity to intervene and open up the windows of heaven. only to see the exact opposite manifest in our lives. despite the fact that Christ continually promises something completely different.

And it breaks my heart. because it causes me to question the heart of God.

I say all of this because despite my emotions ....despite my desire to scream and shout WHY to the heavens, I am choosing to believe. I'm forcing myself to hold on for just a little while longer. I'm needing to be faithful in pressing in for that. in believing that He could and may intervene at any point...

On January 5th, the Lord whispered something to my heart over and over again throughout the day: "Three weeks." And in my spirit, I felt I was to expect something to change, to happen in the next three week time span.

Even now, my saying that...my writing it for the world to see... Man, it scares me. and drives me to exhausted tears.

Because part of me says, "God I can't do this anymore. I can't put it out there. Only to have you, for whatever reason, decide to hold off for another year. or three. ...And what if I'm totally off? What if I'm hearing something that I want to hear? What then? Or what if your version of an answer doesn't fit what I'm expecting? or something that I'm even able to see in this realm? What then?"

Last Friday, I could feel a battle waging over my mind. over my ability to trust. And all I could do was sit myself down in the middle of the floor, amidst my daughters running around and playing, and pray.

Honestly, my prayer probably consisted of no more than one word: "Lord?" But I laid my heart bare before him. And then got up and walked away, trying to not think about all that weighs on my heart.

The Ugly Facts:

-The day after God whispered three weeks, a policeman came to my door at 7:30AM. Taping a judgement (or whatever they call it) saying that I have to be in court because we haven't paid our hospital bill in full yet (we'd been paying it in small increments...there's $500 left). And while we've been trying to work with the hospital for the last forever, they turned us over to collections. Saying they weren't responsible to handle it anymore.

Okay God. Day One. Not looking so good.

-Then our truck went due for inspection. It needs four new tires. Tires that we cannot at this time (with all that is up in the air) afford to pay. So we're officially becoming a one car family.

Okay God. Day Two. Not looking so good.

-Our laptop starts making horrible sounds. It appears to be dying. I'm wondering if it will last more a few more days.

Um God? Day Three. Still...not looking so good.

-Jet still trying to work with the hospital was finally told that we didn't qualify for any of the assistance they offer. This was after our being told that it looked like we would. This was a major blow.

Okay, God. Day Four. Starting to feel a bit nauseous here.

-Then, I went to the mailbox and pulled out an electric bill that read over $600. Knocked the wind out of me. I honestly don't see how that could possibly be anywhere close to correct. But now the ball is in our court to prove the town is wrong.

Okay, God...it's been five days. And seriously? Not looking so good.

-Then Days 6 and 7 are girls were sick. And today (Day 8)...our septic system has obviously begun to get backed up. overflowing into a corner of our yard. This has happened before. It's the town's fault. Their issue. They just have never fixed it correctly.

So as all this twirls around in my head, I struggle. Trying to keep my emotions at bay. to keep my heart in the right attitude before God. to just remain in a place where I'm not completely undone.

And the Lord gently spoke, "Can you hold on for three more weeks?"

I called Jet, crying. Telling him what I felt the Lord said. Exposing the part of my heart that says, "What if three weeks come and goes and nothing concrete has changed? What then?"

...

And there you have it. Christin Unplugged. Raw. Exposed. and completely Vulnerable before the Throne of Heaven. and the judgement of readers.

Here I am. NOT standing in victory over this territory. honestly a little annoyed that I'm still having to fight this battle, holding onto promises that feel like a slap in my face. and way past tired and emotionally drained.

Yet. I hold on. for at least three more weeks. Choosing to trust. Choosing to believe, despite present realities, that He will intervene. that He will move in a way that turns present circumstances into something He foretold.

I document because I want to share "The whole truth. and nothing but the truth."

I document because I'm expecting the ending to be better than its beginning. And what's a miracle story if you don't know the downside? Nothing but a convenient praise of the Lord made public only after the hard part has been walked through.

I want to publicly worship him even though the hard part is all I currently know.

I choose to worship him. Because He's God. I'm not. and it's all I have to offer: My choice. My lack. My weakness.

Favor

This evening as I walked on my tredmill, I began thinking/praying over some of the current difficulties that friends and businesses are going through during this economic downfall.

And my mind was drawn to This Season of Favor, wondering how it plays into all of it. When the Lord spoke to me.

You cannot learn to fight with favor, if there's no need to go to battle.

Wow, Lord. Can I just say that one statement about made me fall off the treadmill?

For those that go to my church... that are trying to embrace the prophetic word while living out certain current circumstances that appear to be a direct slap-in-the-face of the Promise....this speaks so much. Does it not?

Keep pressing in as we learn to FIGHT with the favor He's promised.

Breaking down the wall

A month into this "Year Of Favor" and I can already see what a weak prayer warrior I'm turning out to be.

Alright, Lord. I'm so not seeing your favor. If anything, there are some arenas where we're seeing the exact opposite. Specific areas that you have challenged me to believe you for. What gives?

I hate to say it, but I'm about done, Lord. Enough of this dedicated prayer. I've given you more than ample time to answer. I mean, hello! It's already been a 47 days. And last I checked, it only took you 7 to create everything I see. So uh, couldn't you work like that again? quick. swift. and complete!

I'm thinking if you're not going to do your part, I'm more than willing to not do mine. because honestly, I'm tired of asking. I'm tired of walking this faith walk. It can be exhausting, you know. And what if you don't want to breakthrough for me anyway? Then it's all a waste of time. who knows, maybe I'm even annoying you with my requests.

Yes, I realize this mindset stinks. In fact, I'd say that's an understatement. And while I don't reside in that hopeless state, it's honestly where my heart has ventured from time to time. going from feeling a complete peace in approaching the Throne of God to struggling with guilt and greed for even daring to draw near.

The mind is the hardest battle to war, I'm convinced of it.

Well...this week has been one where I haven't wanted to press through. I'm just tired. emotionally, spiritually, and most definitely physically (with Alana not sleeping well due to a cold). To top it off, I haven't really heard the Lord say anything. Not that I've given him a whole lot of "down" time to speak. *sigh*

But then

I had this conversation with my 4 year old this morning. And through my own words, the Lord spoke encouragement to my own heart. and *Life* to my resolve in pressing in and believing the Lord for what he has promised me and my family during the next season. regardless of what I'm currently seeing.

Selah: Why do you wear glasses?

Me: So I can see better. We should pray and ask Jesus to heal my eyes.

Selah: We already did that.

Me: Well, sometimes we just have to keep praying.

Selah: Why?

Me: Well...it's like there's a wall in the spirit realm....a wall that we can't see. But it can keep God's promises and his provisions from coming through. So our prayers act as a hammer. pounding away on the wall. causing it to become weaker until finally, it falls down. And then, God's will can come through.

Still Me: You know how when you hit a nail... you don't hit in only once, do you? No. You hit it as many times as you need to in order to get the nail in all the way. Right? Well, that's exactly how it can be with prayers. You just keep praying until you see the results.

As soon as I finished speaking these words to my daughter, I immediately felt the Lord say something to the extent of "Uh-huh. Now that's what I'm talkin' 'bout!"

Yep. He speaks something akin to inner city gangsta talk when addressing me. We be tight like dat. *grin*

And just like that, I knew he wasn't annoyed. neither by my asking nor my difficulty in coming to a place of solid Faith Footing.

And suddenly my plans of leisure for tonight change. For Jet and I will be pressing in as a couple. Taking out our Prayer Hammers and beating the snot out of that wall.

You know, in keeping with the gangsta talk and all.

Measuring... Up?

For the past few days, I had been noticing something different about Jet. to the point that every time I looked at him, I was overwhelmed with how attractive he is. :)

Now don't get me wrong. On any given day, I think my My Man is pretty smokin'.

But you know how it is when someone gets a new haircut and they just look different? Well, it was like that. There was just something different about him, though nothing overtly obvious.

Just enough of a little sumpin' that I could only sit and stare. taking in the hubby eye candy. heh heh

Well, Friday night was no different. I found myself just watching him move around the room. completely marveling in how attracted I was to this man. When suddenly, I had to ask:

"Jet, have you grown?"

Now obviously I didn't expect a 32 year-old man to say "Why yes. Yes, I have." In fact, I think I rather shocked myself to have thought such a random thing.

But still, I couldn't help myself. The question had to be asked. If nothing else, just to verbalize what suddenly occurred to me as I looked at him.

He looked undeniably taller.

Turning to face me, he looked at me like I had two heads. And though he didn't say it out loud, I'm sure he was thinking something akin to "Poor woman. You've been cooped up far too long with preschool midgets."

Instead he said the obvious answer. Uh, no.

"Well, tomorrow I'm going to measure you." For some reason, I couldn't back down.

Well, not that I ever back down. But that's another story. :)

The next morning (Saturday), as I watched him play with the girls, something else stood out to me. He was broader. I was sure of it. But having no recorded measurement of his shoulder width in which to compare...cause really, who measures that stuff?... I suddenly remembered his height.

Sweet! Let's see if there's anything to this random question that flew out of my mouth last night!

"Alrighty Jet...it's Measuring Time!"

Backing him up to the wall, I marked the top of his head, pressing my finger against the numbers. Stepping back, he looked to where my finger was, saying..."See, exactly 5 foot 10. Just like always."

"And a half." I corrected him, moving my fat ol' thumb to point the exact spot where he came to.

...I can't remember everything that happened in the moments that followed, though I'm sure it was a comical sight. At least from the Heavenly Throne Room. Where I know the Lord, all pleased with His Bad ol' Self, was smiling at our discovery.

Jet had grown exactly a half inch.

We measured three different times. in different places around the house. just because. I even pushed down his hair with the ruler to make sure that that wasn't given him any additional height. I was pushing so hard, I think I left an indention in his scalp. *whoops*

Trust me, we wanted to make sure of the validity of our little discovery. And each time it came back that he had grown exactly one-half inch. to the mark.

Sometime later, we were talking about the significance of it...the random favor all over it...the complete craziness of it. when God showed me a scripture to display the prophetic symbolism behind it.

"And he increased in wisdom and in stature and in favor with God and with man." Luke 2:52

The Lord, in a very intimate way, was showing both of us that His hand of favor is upon Jet. that he is growing in both wisdom and in favor. and even a little "stature" to boot.

Obviously it's very much a God-thing. Because really, who notices a 1/2 inch of growth like it's a marked difference?!! Even now, days later, I have to wonder what it was that I noticed. how in the world I could tell that he was taller?!

It just has to be the Lord. He caused me to see it...so that we would know what He had done...so that we would know that He was on the move, causing a stirring in our lives.

I have to admit, the whole thing just revved up our expectation for the things of Favor to come. Because even though Jet has always wanted to be a little taller, it obviously wasn't something he was asking for. God just threw that in for the sheer fun of it.

Because He's like that.

Favor

A few weeks ago, a prophetic word was spoken over our church body by Graham Cooke, an international speaker gifted in the prophetic. I won't go into who he is...because his identity isn't really important. He was just the messenger.

But its the message that continues to weigh on my spirit. It was one of favor. A year of unprecedented favor on our lives. Unmeasurable, unparalleled favor. A year where we learn to walk in the continual favor the Lord offers his Body.

I could write pages and pages on the prophetic word alone. but I can't. My spirit is too overwhelmed with all that it implies that I can't bring myself to write more than this:

God's favor has already begun to hit our home. He has already begun to change our lives. Turning them, literally, upside down. completely changing the plans that Jet and I were pursuing for the next few years. and showing that he has more options for our lives than we were even considering.

Over and over and over again, he surprises us with the things he's said and done. And it's those things that I hope to document over the coming months.

But for now, I just proclaim to heaven and earth that the Favor of the Lord has hit our church. and our home.