Do you want to play with me...?

Learning to give and receive love isn't always the easiest thing.


See the girl in the tie-dyed dress? Her name is Hannah. and she's the friend that Selah fought to gain, Saturday July 3rd, 2010...

Over July 4th weekend, Jet and I loaded up the girlies to go camping with Jet's extended family.

When I say extended, I'm talking well over 100+ people here! It was unexpectedly FABULOUS and will be shared on this blog. One day.... When I finally shake hands with Spare Time.

But for now, I'm just introducing the point to say that Selah was overwhelmed with the amount of children there. We're talking dozens and dozens of cousins, to one degree or another... yet strangers all the same.

Whereas her other sisters tend to be more outgoing...

(Raegan just walks up to little girls she doesn't know and makes herself right at home)


Selah, at this stage of her development, leans more towards the shy end of the spectrum.


And so...

She felt left out for the first little while, assuring herself that people didn't want to play with her and obviously weren't pursuing her for a friendship because they didn't like her. or at the very least, liked other children more.

(she stayed near to her sisters and 1st cousins during the first day)

As a mother, it was heartbreaking to see. Like you other parents know, watching your child hurt is nothing short of experiencing that hurt for yourself.

On several occasions, she and I had to go off by ourselves, as I'd listen to her heart and gently try to encourage her to see beyond the hurt feelings.


It's a hard thing to see beyond yourself when speaking on matters of the heart and hurt, isn't it?

But I know, from experience, it's one of the most important lessons a young girl needs to learn early on: the ability to not get caught up in the drama of your emotions.

for the heart is a wild member. with a imaginative mind and strong will all its own. A Destructive Duo unless aptly trained.

And so, I "trained.

Some of the time, I came away feeling like I hit the nail on the head, that what I said was nothing short of Heaven interacting with Selah through me. Other times, I felt I stayed way on the other side of Inspiring.

But, in truth, I kind of doubt ANY of what I said, whether noteworthy or not, will be remembered. The words weren't what she needed. It was the perspective.


(she did play with others and others did play with her. but in her heart, she wasn't seeing it that way)

...
And on the second day of camping, I saw Hannah. She had just arrived with her family and, by divine intervention, was yet to start interacting with the mass of children. sort of hanging around her van, watching the others from the fringe.

I called Selah over, as she was now playing comfortably with some of the other children.



Though still a bit reserved, you could tell that she was starting to feel more a part of the camaraderie.

" Do you see that girl? She looks like she really wants to play with someone, doesn't she?"

Selah looks at me and smiles her amazing smile.



"Part of wanting a friend is being one. Part of making friendships is pursuing them, being the one to go up and do the inviting. So why don't YOU go up to her and ask if she wants to play with you? This your chance to make someone else feel included."

She looks excited, but apprehensive.

I could tell she wanted to go to Hannah, yet was being held back. most likely by that stinkin' voice in our head that causes us to doubt our ability to be desirable.

"Do you want me to go with you?"

She beams and shakes her head, but then turns to me and says, "But I don't know what to say."

"Just tell her your name and ask if she wants to play."

Why we make relating to people so complicated, I'll never know. Yet, don't we all do it from time to time, don't we? God deliver us from ourselves, as I dare say I get in my way more than others at times.

With me trailing behind her, she raced ahead. I couldn't hear what she said as she approached Hannah, but I'm guessing it was quiet and under her breath because Hannah looked at me for clarity.

As so I became a part of the conversation as naturally and quietly as I could, not wanting to overshadow Selah or be the mom who always has to step in and take charge. Yet, recognizing that this interaction was going to set the foundation for later friendship-pursuing-moments.

I figured it was best for Selah to have a happy outcome than a totally independent conversation.

And as I walked away from the sandbox, leaving the two of them smiling and playing together, I couldn't help but to smile to myself. Sweet victory! It doesn't always come with bells and whistles. Sometimes it comes in the form of inconspicuous winks between mother and daughter.

Though it wasn't a big moment as far as others watching might say, I knew it was pivotal in the heart of my little girl.

Because in her heart, she fought a battle and won. overcame her fear of rejection. and introduced herself to a little girl named Hannah.

6years ago I gave birth to a miracle

...because 7 months earlier she had no heartbeat.

I was in the Texas ER, dealing with my first and most dramatic miscarriage. We'd already lost Selah's twin that day, confirmed by the fact that I had miscarried at home and still had substantially elevated HcG levels that, according to the nurse, indicated the presence of multiples.

Until that point, we didn't know Baby Twin existed. And the sweet little baby that we were aware of was essentially declared dead. via lack of heartbeat.

Yet.

God had other plans.

(around 1 yr)

The next day, the unthinkable occurred as the OB declared that Selah not only had a heartbeat, but a strong one. DearGodinHeaven...Hallelujah!

I told her that story for the first last month. She loves it and wants to hear it over and over again. ;)


I'm SO so so incredibly thankful for God's hand on her life. both in the womb and now. because I cannot imagine my life or the dynamic of my family without this sweet little girl.


And today we celebrate her.

Dismembering and other such teachable moments.

Let's set the stage, shall we?

My three youngest are napping. My two oldest and I are snuggled up on the couch reading Proverbs in the Bible.

Now before you go and wax all crazy, thinking that I am the magnanimous mom of obviously superior, never disobedient children. a woman confidently standing at the helm of a 100% peaceful and sparkling house...

(Hark! Is that a halo I see emerging over my daughters' heads? Oh. Nope...it's just the sunlight hitting the flying dustballs in my pigpen living room )

... allow me to lay all my crap bare clarify.

We've not sat down to read the Bible like this for a while now. My days, of as recently, have consisted of conversations like this:

• "If your stuff is not put away in 5 minutes, I'm throwing. it. away. Period"
  
• "Stop putting your fingers in your sister's mouth!"
• "If you complain about doing school work on more time, so help me..."
• "Jet, you have to come home NOW because I'm borderline abusive." (spoken a little tongue-in-cheek. but yeah, only a little) *wry grin*
  

So yeah, don't bother crowning me Mother Superior with the faulty thinking that sometimes comes from reading other people's "perfect-home-moment-snippets"... as I'm most assured the tiara would self-destruct.

Anyhoo... there we were, reading the Proverbs when we came to the concept of wisdom. Trying to explain this deep concept to my girls, I used the example of Solomon...more specifically when he was dealing with the two woman who were fighting over the newborn baby. (1 Kings 3:16-27)

Now I half expected dramatic symphony music to crescendo as I got to the part about how Solomon declared, "Cut the baby in half!"

Totally prepped and ready to have the girls go all emotional with the injustice (and disgusting nature) of it, I was taken wayyyy off guard when my five year old looked up at me and calmly stated:
"I bet they'd both want the head."

Huh. didn't see that one coming. It's never quite like you plan, is it?

Cue curtains abruptly closing. Nix the dim stage mood-lighting. Show's over, people. Because *poof* emotional moment of spiritual teaching gone in an instance as I couldn't contain the laughter.

Where do they come up with this stuff? And should I be worried?

An adult's moment of Crazy= A child's Lifelong memory

"Will you carry these bowls outside for me?"



My daughters are at the stage where they want to help. They ask for chores. They crave opportunity to prove themselves capable.

So yes, they were definitely up for the challenge. and were really excited about it.

We were at my parents house, getting ready to eat lunch on the patio, taking advantage of the amazing fall weather. And Mom, wanting to include my oldest girls, had asked them to be the Official Table Setters.

*insert trumpets blowing in the heavens and little girls eyes lighting up*

They had been given a Big Girl Chore. Oh the glory.

But then. A couple minutes later as I walked by the patio door, I saw Selah standing there watching the door, her big hazel eyes filled with unspilled tears. Being on the verge of sobs, she silently held up the broken pieces of the heavy ceramic bowl. Waiting for my reaction.

I may have sighed. I think I said, "Oh Selah." But holding Alana, I couldn't comfort her like I wanted. But no matter...Mom got to her first, wrapping her arms around her, as Selah cried.

"It's no big deal. They're just plates. Okay? Things break all the time...they can be replaced. But if you had been hurt, that would make me sad..."

But my sweet, tender-hearted Selah wasn't buying it. She clung to Grandma, but still cried, so distraught over having shattered a dish. A dish that she had been entrusted to carry. but broke instead.

I stood there watching the precious interaction between my mom and daughter, so very thankful that Mom was choosing to honor Selah and not her nice pottery.

And then my sweet, crazy Mom spoke again, shocking the heck out of me...

In her attempts to really drive home the point to Selah's broken heart, she said, "Selah, it's only a dish. Do you want me to break one so you can see it's not a big deal?"

Selah immediately nodded her reply. :)

Mom just smiled and sort of laughed. walked to the table. picked up a bowl. and threw it hard against the concrete patio before I could even form two coherent thoughts in my head.

"See? It's not a big deal." Shattered pieces lay scattered...

I kept some of the broken pieces. as a reminder to me...and to Selah...that she is cherished more than a piece of pottery. that she is loved more than material wealth. and that our hope in this life is to keep her heart from being broken.

Even if we have to break a few prized possessions to prove it. Just like Grandma did today.

Pray for me, Mommy?

This afternoon, the girls and I read a book. A book that they didn't want me to choose from off our shelves...though I have no idea why. Maybe it didn't look exciting enough?

But once I started reading it, they were mesmerized.

After all, it is about three knights trying to win the hand of a princess. What's not to like? especially for girls who are in the stage of *always* pretending to be princesses who are getting married!

As I read Max Lucado's book aloud, the journey that the three men had to take through the dangerous woods started to unfold.

The men were to choose one person to accompany them through the dark, as they traveled through the home of the Hopenots. They were told that in order to make it back to the castle through the blinding darkness, they'd have to listen for the flute playing of the King.

A song that his son, the prince, also played on his own flute. A flute and song both identical to his Father's.

The girls began guessing who would win...the quick one, the strong one, or the wise one. I could tell they were getting emotionally involved as they discussed the knights in quick, hushed tones.

Though I would have no idea how emotionally involved one of them was...until the end.

Finally one knight made it back to the castle safely. All because had made a very wise choice...he asked the son of the King to travel with him as his one companion. playing for him his king-like flute, until the knight knew the song by heart.

Even when the Hopenots played their thousand flutes in attempts to confuse the men.

When the story was over, I explained to them what the story represented. How in life WE are like the men traveling. that in order to make it back to the Castle (heaven) we needed to learn to hear the voice of the King (God). And that walking with Jesus on a daily basis, listening to his voice, would enable us to know God's voice.

And then the crowd of princesses-to-be dispersed. running to different rooms in the house.

Except for Selah. She sat there, looking at me quietly until she said, "Would you pray for me to have that?"

Have what?

"To be able to hear God's voice like that."

Most definitely! And so we prayed...


And of course, I had to try and document the moment...
and finallllllllly got her to uncover her face. for a second.



Lord, may that tender, deep-thinking spirit that you've placed in her never stop hungering for more of a friendship with You. Speak to her, even now, the sweetness of Your Song.

The birthday celebration continues!

With Selah feeling better, we've been able to get out and do some of the birthday things we've been planning for a while now. And being that Jet worked REALLLLY late last night, he was able to have off at noon today!!

Perfect!

He came home just after the girls had gotten a morning nap and eaten lunch (ie. were content and happy) and took us to the 2:30 showing of Pixar's Up.

Mom met us at the theatre to take Lani with her to an auction. Lovely! And the rest of us went on our merry way... inside to buy tickets, popcorn, and priceless family time.

The only thing that I was worried about, going into the movie, was the insane noise level. Raegan has a thing against high decibels. And as we all know, theatres seem to be geared towards the clinically deaf.

But she acclimated...eventually. having Bucky (her beloved blanket) and snacks helped tremendously.

A great time was had by all!!!

And then off we went to Chic-Fil-A for their annual Cow Appreciation Day, where you dress like a cow and they treat you like a king...giving a free meal to every bovine-doned customer.


My mooing beauties.

Unfortunately, after movie theatre popcorn, we weren't really hungry. but we sacrificed and ate anyway. :)

Hand's down, the day was *amazing*! Alana did so well with my parents...didn't even fuss once. Have I mentioned she loves them? And my older girls got to have special Mommy and Daddy time doing crazy things.

I love days like this. especially when it means making Selah's birthday..which is turning into a Birthday WEEK...into something memorable.

Baby meet Selah...

After we got home from telling the girls we were pregnant, Selah came over, sat on my lap, and began introducing herself (and the family) to the baby in my belly.

It doesn't get more precious than that.

Selah's 5th Birthday

My not-so-little Selah Bug turned 5 years old!

But unfortunately, the days leading up to it, she wasn't able to do much outside of this...



She was beyond sick for days. unable to eat or drink. or move. Not quite the way someone wants to spend their special day.

But thankfully, on her birthday, she perked up enough to keep down a few bites of food. which enabled her to actually smile for the first time in DAYS.


She opened the gift from Jet and I


with some help from her very curious sisters

lovin' the Leap Pad and games!

And so did Charis :) (Charis has one as well, with different games)

They get it from their father's side.

Selah, from the time she was little bitty, was known for her adventurous spirit. It wasn't abnormal to see her with a black eye. or two.

By 6 months, my aunt declared Selah into Extreme Sports.

Always having to find the hard way to do things, she was walking up the hardwood stairs... backwards... when she could barely walk on even ground. Freaked me out.

and brought out the intercessor in me. ;)

She loves finding the physical challenge and attacking it. hence doing push-ups as a 4 year old!



That's why when she started doing backflips off the couch, we weren't surprised.

She lands on her feet as well. like a cat.

Though apparently, doing it that way became too easy. suddenly lacking in the "challenge" element.

Because she began to try it a different way...

I have no problem with this display of daring. With one exception.

My daughter Raegan appears to have the same drive running through her veins

and will try everything that she sees her big sisters do. Even the things she's never seen them do...like walking up the stairs backwards!

I'd say I have another Extreme Sports Girl on my hands. God help me.

But I guess I shouldn't be surprised, being that their Daddy did the most Extreme Sport there is.


Bull riding. And yes, that is my husband a top 2,200 lbs of untamed terror.

Maybe I should keep those home videos secret? under lock and key. away from the eyes of my girls who love a good challenge.

Rain rain, go away

This is what the last "few" daysssss (weeks) have looked like...

Wet.

Effectively cooping us up. all while nursing our bumper crop of weeds.

During the few hours of sunshine, Selah made sure to go out and enjoy the rain's produce.

Even though I am anxiously awaiting a dry spell long enough to spread weed poison, I have to admit...she was adorable sitting among her "flowers".

Daddy's girl

I'm in the kitchen getting the last minute things ready for dinner when I hear Selah (4.5 years) say:

"I wish I were 23. Then I could marry you, Daddy."

Dolch Sight Words

When Charis started to read, she and I would just pick up a book and go at it. Apparently this method worked for her, as she's reading grade levels above 1st grade.

This is great for Charis's self-esteem...but not so much for Selah's.

I'm thinking that Selah (4 1/2 yrs) may be a little intimidated by her older sister's reading abilities. Because whenever Selah and I pick up a book to practice, she gets all kinds of frustrated and declares, "I can't!"

So I've had to approach it from a different angle.

Which, by the way, is fast becoming my new mom-motto being that I have four little ones. ALL of whom are very different and ALL who happen to be of the gender that errs on the side of self-comparison.

That said, I tried something out this week that is working like a charm!

Have you ever heard of the Dolch Sight words? They're the list of commonly used English words originally published by Edward William Dolch, PhD in his book "Problems in Reading" (1948).

Many of the words on the list cannot be sounded out. Therefore, they must be learned by sight. Words like "said" and "could" and "two".

*This is me smacking my forehead*

Remember this post about the perils of teaching children to read in a language that houses all sorts of exceptions to grammatical rules? *groan* Yeah well, I so wish someone had told me about this guy!!

I believe there are kits you can buy that come with laminated word cards. But really, why bother?

You can find the list of words here.

And I can attest that in the two days that Selah and I have worked on them, her confidence has sky-rocketed, as she is quickly becoming able to read, upon sight, a growing list of words.

All it takes are some note cards, a marker, and some snuggle time on the couch. Keep your $19.95 for something else.

Oh Lord...Kumbaya

My girls love all things Worship. And will routinely lead it in our very own living room....

For all sorts of ragamuffin congregations.

These guys happen to be of the Esau lineage. Note the amount of body hair.

But regardless of how uncivilized they look, they come equipped with the Word.

The JIV version. That's Jungle International.

While The Little People preferred the easy stuff. quick read. lots of pictures.

Gang Disney preferred something a bit more challenging. King James Version. toddler style.

But these farm guys were a little more closed-minded. they liked their interpretation. and nothing else.

But really...what does it matter when you get to be lead in worship by this chic...

Tina Turner.

For some reason, I couldn't get Selah to wipe this look off her face.

It was like she was trying her hardest to look "sanctified".

and holy.

Though I'm thinking she looks more annoyed than anything.

Of course, how would you look if you were trying to lead a bunch of primates in Kumbaya?

Preparing to... downsize?

Picture it.

The dinner table....peacefully eating a casserole when all of the sudden Mommy asks the kids a question.

"So guys, what would you think if we adopted someone one day?"

Blank stares. No reply. In fact, no response of any kind. though an eye might have twitched, but I can't be too sure.

Okay. let's try a different approach, shall we?.... "Do you remember what adoption is?"

Selah, with her elbow on the table, hand cupping her chin, didn't hesitate, as she nonchalantly answered.

"That's where you and Daddy give one of us away to another family."

Uh. *mind reeling for something intelligent to say* NO!!

This leaves Charis in tears, as she declares she doesn't want to be the one we give away. She doesn't want have another mommy. She wants to stay...*sob*....right....*sob*....here.

*insert her running to my lap and throwing herself in my arms*

Yup. We have dinner conversations like that. Openly asking our children how they'd feel if we suddenly up and gave them away.

Bless their sweet little hearts.

And for the record, we did, in fact, clarify the heart of our adoption question. Though I'm quite sure we'd done that before.

Note to self: Proceed carefully when use the "A" word.

Home Skewl at its best ... Fa-ne-tikally speaking

Three of our girls...veggin' out in front of the TV. Learning the rules of adding and subtracting. If you haven't heard of the Leap Frog DVD series, I highly recommend that you look into it. Seriously. They are worth every cent in terms of how much your child will love them. and how much they learn.

There are five that I know of:
1. Letter Factory
2. Talking Words Factory
3. Code Word Caper
4. Learn to Read
5. Math Circus

All very much a necessity, in my opinion, when teaching your child to read.

Their way of presenting the "how to" of reading is captivating. Great characters, catchy songs to help you learn the rules of reading, and word-picture associations that have stuck in my daughter's head...helping them to master phonetics.

For instance have you ever heard: "When two vowels go walking, the first one does the talking"??

I hadn't! But it's true. Take the word READ. Two vowels "walking" together. The first one does the talking...meaning together they say the "E" sound.

Pretty catchy, eh? The dvd is full of learning tools like this. In the form of song, which kids retain like nothing else.

That said, I was tripping all over myself this morning, as Selah and I sat down to practice reading. because there are a TON of exceptions to these rules.

Take the "ou" sound for instance. I've been saying it says the "OW" sound. Like it the word "spout" and "about" and "mouse". Sounded logical to me.

Until I read the following sentence: "yOU shOUld go arOUnd in a circle." Huh. Blew that rule to... pieces, now didn't it?

And then there's the rule: The silent E at the end of a word makes the vowel says its name. Like in "cute"... "kite" ... "bake"...and "tote".

Of course, then there's words like "come" and "done" and "above" and a plethora of other words I won't take the time to write out. Again...rule? What rule?!

And don't even get me started about these words:
Right and Gnat. where the g just decides to go mute.

One. goes against every rule. The silent e is not making the o say it's name. In fact, the O is rebelling all together and stealing the w's sound.

Said. is in a class by itself. You can't just assume that it rhymes with "aid" because of its spelling. Nor can you assume that it follows the rule of "two vowels walking."

Nope. The a and the i got together and sang their own song. to the tune of the letter "e".

Or the fact that "read" can be read in two different ways. Yet have the same spelling.

And would someone please tell me why cow and low do not, in fact, rhyme?!

And I've just decided that the letter "C" is having an identity crisis. Is it a K (closet, cat, comet)? an S (celery, circus, cent) ? a SH (precious, ocean, special)?

Make up your stinkin' mind, Letter C. I'm trying to teach here. and you're driving me crazy.

Whoever established the English language should be shot. For there is no rhyme (try to explain that word phonetically!) or reason to the way our words are spelled/read. I mean just look at the word "phonetically" for petesake!

Well, I'm off to teach reading. once. more.

If you listen carefully, you may just be able to hear it. Shhh. Can you? That's me. Beating my head against a wall. Holding an "I can read" pre-K book in my hand.

I'm concentrating really hard.

...trying to be like my daughter Selah. For she has a talent that most do not possess.

the ability to turn her tongue upside down.


I know. I'm rather amazed... and slightly disgusted as well.

But go on, admit it. You're going to go and try it too.