Putting It All Out There
This has been a fairly stretching process for me. To not only advertise, via the web, what miracle we were fully expecting from the Lord, but to also journal the large majority of my thoughts, doubts, victories, and questions throughout the process.
All there in black and white. for the world to read. and to judge.
When the Lord first asked me to blog the fact that His Cross canceled out all sorrow and sickness...especially the ones associated with birth...and to share my personal story in it, I wasn't sold on the idea.
Are you sure, Lord? Cause really...I got loads of other testimonies I could share. Remember? I especially like the one about the lame woman. I could totally tell that one. Dontcha think? ...No?
Though I'm a fairly "out there" person, I knew from personal experience that birth stories, in and of themselves, are a very personal, intimate matter. I knew that I could be perceived as being judgemental if someone had less than a painfree birth. I knew that I may very well step on toes and hurt feelings. I knew that my story could quite possibly cause others to question God in their own lives.
None of the things I'm real hip on doing, you know?
But the fact remained, the Lord's truth is the Lord's truth. not speculation. theory. or wishful thinking. He wasn't asking me to offend people. He was asking me to share His Truth made evident in my life. manifest in my labor and deliveries. How could I say No and still live with myself?
So, I wrote the first blog. sharing my heart, in all its vulnerability. my testimony, in all its power.
Whew. Okay, Lord, that wasn't so bad. Alrighty. Passed that test. Time to relax. Would ya hand me a pina colada, please?
But He had other plans... He then asked me, months later, to be very public with what I was praying and believing for during this last pregnancy. as I was praying. in the midst of warring for it.
For real? Lord, don't I get a rest period or something? Can't I wait until after the delivery to share? That'd be soooo much nicer. Kind of hit them with the end *Ba-da-bing* result instead of ...uh, boring them with the process. Right?! ...No?
So I began to write. to press in. to put my faith in the very place that it needs to be on a daily basis in order to be strengthened: Up Against A Challenge.
In this case, the challenge of a daily, public viewing.
And THEN my oldest girls go and decide that they want to be a part of the delivery. Okay. I like the sounds of that. Quality family time. Woo-Hoo! I'm all over it. Until I found out that in order for them to be in the room, they each had to have an adult present with them during the entire birth.
Oh yippee. A live audience as well as an internet one. Lord!?
My friend, Jolanthe, joked me once...referring to my birthing room like it was a restaurant table. "Party of Eight. Right this way!" :)
And though it made me really laugh...that was what it felt like. Like I'd be on display. As well as my faith. Can I get a collective "Ew"?!
Hm. A little quality time with my family...plus some. Lord? Are you working on a theme here? Cause really, I'm thinking I like being the more private person when it comes to my faith. You know...You. Me. The Holy Spirit. and God. We're fun group of people; it'll be quite the party. Can't we just be exclusive for a short season?Say...nine months? Then I promise to come out shouting your praise. telling of your good works.
What's that you say? that's not true faith? I need to proclaim the things I'm yet to see as though they were? You do know you're killing me here, God. Oh, that's the point? Nice.
The Lord spoke to my heart about the people who pray for miraculous healings, completely expecting to see them. He pointed out how they, first, have to make the decision to put it out there in public, vocalized prayer. Calling forth healing. And then trusting that God is who He said He is. that He would do what He promises to do.
He told me that because those people step out, He has the room to step up. HE would be the one on display. Not me.
"What I tell you in the dark, utter in the light." Matthew 10:27
And so I began to blog on a somewhat regular basis. Choosing (as I wrote in my journal) to be:
"...sick of aligning my life with fear of tomorrow. There's no fruit in that. And I refuse to be saturated by that faithless thinking.
So I want to bring my faith to a deeper depth. if need be, to a public realm where others can be encouraged. ...as they walk with me on this Faith Journey..."
So the last few months have been...um, shall we say "fun"? sharing with you this process of digging deeper into the Well of Faith. I pray that you've been encouraged to embrace that which God is challenging you to believe Him for. He IS a God who remains true to His Word. All of it.
Next post, I'll finally get to share the labor and delivery details.... You know, the *Ba-Da-Bing* reveal that I've been waiting for. :)
