I always have. I even remember, vividly, dreams I had when I was WAY young. I'm talking like 3 years old.
God has used dreams to speak to me for years. Quite possibly because I'm too hard-headed to listen for long enough when I'm
This morning, I had a really vivid dream. One that I know was from the Lord as a warning of sorts... before it was too late.
The overview is this:
I was in a department store with my five girls. Only I wasn't shopping with them. I had opted, instead, to watch a movie (on my laptop) with a girl friend of mine in some corner room of the store, sending the girls off by themselves, to watch each other and have fun as they browsed the store without me.
And then during the movie (or was it after?) I suddenly realized what I had done. that I had sent my little girls all throughout the store, without an adult to help them or enjoy them. And now I didn't know where they were.
I was completely panicked.
I ran around the store, yelling for them. asking everyone if they had seen them. I was embarrassed and scared as I was forced to ask other people about my daughters.
Finally I found all but one of them. At this point, I went crazy-frantic. Whatever calm facade I had mustered up until that point left as I got really fearful over why I wasn't finding her.
And then I saw her coming out of the clothing section, sobbing as she was walking around the store looking for me and her sisters...
The moment I woke up, I heard the Holy Spirit explain something to me: The children's department store represents their childhood.
Just like you don't shop that section of the store forever, you don't have this season of life forever.
And I have a choice to make.
Am I going to accompany them as they live this oh-so-temporary season? enjoying them. helping them. walking with them.
Or am I going to choose to fall prey to the temptation to do what I want to do? nurturing myself and my entertainment?
because remember: I was watching a movie...and doing the computer... with a friend. taking my kids to the Kid's Department...hanging around it...but not being a part of their experience of it.
Honestly, the whole thing broke my heart. Not because the dream, itself, was necessarily sad. Even though it was.
But because of the reality behind the dream. the message in it. the chance that I am/would waste these passing years with them. THAT is heartbreaking and a little too close for comfort.
Admittedly, I struggle with this. The desire to be something outside of a mom. to do something outside of investing in my children. to have ample time away from my family so that I can feel like I actually have friends apart from those who I birthed...or married.
Don't get me wrong. I don't think aspiring to have friends is wrong. or getting away from the kids to recharge is selfish or weak. But there's balance.
Especially when it comes to the brain: The way I perceive my life during this season. and the self-talk I participate in. Do I encourage myself in what I'm doing? Or tell myself how lonely and left-out and boring my current station in life leaves me?
*groan* There's a reason why the Word says to renew your mind. and to take your thoughts captive. They're powerful things when it comes to molding the "reality" in your life.
There are seasons in life. They come and they go.
My fear? that I won't invest myself in THIS one...that I'll waste time longing for something that is not mine to have right now (Scads of Me Time. Freedom to come and go as I please. Multiple free weekends where I can escape for get-aways without children).
I know the Lord gave me this dream as a warning. or maybe it was an encouragement.
to put away the laptop and the movies and the time on Facebook and.... to stop investing in things that only entertain me. and to start enjoying my husband and daughters TO THE FULLEST. before they've moved on to the next season of their life.
The season where they don't need me like they do now.
I want to be able to look back on this time in the life of our family and be deeply proud of every little daily decision made on how to interact with my hub and troop of girls.
