Like an unseen spiritual tornado of my very own. uncovering. unsettling. uprooting. all the hidden places of my heart.
Yippee.
Maybe the emotional "instability" was because I was contracting prematurely? Maybe it was due to my not having slept the night before? Or because I had already been frustrated and stressed by the day's events prior to the tornado? Because, really, all of those things are fairly relevant reasons to feel undone at the end of the day.
But somehow I knew it was something more...
I had been telling Jet for days that I felt like this yard sale held significant meaning for us in the spiritual realm. Like a tangible, real-life parallel to the spirit realm that only God, in his creativity, can author. but that I was catching wind of deep within me.
Somehow I knew that upon the completion of our yard sale, there would also be a completion of all the *crap* that came out of the season of testing in Texas.
That just as we were getting rid of the final load of unnecessary stuff that we u-hauled back and forth across the country, we'd also be unloading the remaining emotional baggage that we still carried due to that season.
Maybe that only makes sense to the one who is experiencing it? But regardless of how "flighty" it may sound, I cannot shake the realization that a door has been closed behind us. a season officially ended. a supernatural severing of the chains that bound.
That by God's grace and sovereign timing, we no longer harbor the junk that was stored deep within in the crevices of our heart. and now, due to our "unloading", we have access to the future He has promised us.
Right after I tried to verbalize my feeling to Jet about the coming yard sale and it's spiritual implication, he was listening to a teaching tape from Graham Cooke, who said:
"Many people earnestly pray for the presence of God but are not making any room for His presence in their lives." and " God's presence will fill the area that you submit to Him."
Exactly. We made room in our home. And God made room in our hearts.
But what I didn't expect was that stinkin' tornado, you know? I didn't know that was part of the parallel He had in mind. For God was sending his own gale force wind into my heart. and I felt like emotional debris lay everywhere... so that by the time Jet and I went to bed in the upstairs guest bedroom at my parent's house, I was completely undone.
And for the first time in a LONG time, I allowed my emotions to surface. Fears, frustrations, anger, you name it... came rushing out as I lay there crying.
Relationships that bring up all sorts of negative emotions for both of us... My (in)ability as a mom... My frustration with where our marriage has or hasn't been in the past...
The gamut of emotions. The spectrum of topics. Things I didn't even realize were there. Things I had never taken the time to even acknowledge. The Lord unexpectedly shook it all loose. It was a lovely time of tears, snot, and raw emotions. Jet was amazing. And it actually was a sweet time. Oddly enough.
And the thing that struck me as we drove home the Morning After:
That the tree that fell in our yard came up by the root. a complete uprooting. Yet in the process, no one and nothing was hurt.
Exactly as I believe it happened in the spirit. A complete uprooting. Yet. it didn't hurt.
Though it may take some time for me to get used to the new look, especially the way the lack of tree allows exposure (of both my house and my heart), I trust. that as God's hand caused a shaking to occur within me, he will also bring me to a more steady place.
A place where my weakness has been shaken off and carried away, leaving only the strong branches behind.
