Uh, could you read it again? This time with more...feeling.

"Who do you think you are?"

How do you read that question? Is it full of contempt? or full of sincerity?

For years, I studied acting. I loved it. I loved improv. I loved scripts. I loved drama, comedy, tragedy. I just loved theater.

One thing that strikes me about acting is that you can hand a script to three different people, ask them to read the same exact lines, and get three different reads. Some actors will stress the first part of the sentence. Some the second. One will add an accent. The other will add an attitude. Voice inflection. Timed pauses. Body language. Facial expression.

Every aspect adds a depth. a dimension that was not there before. The WAY that the sentence is read breaths life into it. It gives the black and white words a living personality.

So I ask again. How did you read that question? Do you stress the "you"? Do you read with a sneer? Or a smile?

I ask only because it's been said that both the Devil and the Lord are asking the Church the same question. That question. "Who do you think you are?"

One is an invitation. The other an accusation. It's the exact same sentence. But a very different heart intent.

And THIS is what strikes me about the Word. It's "just" a bunch of words on a page. Left up to US, the Believer, to read. So our voice becomes the representation of Christ's.

But how do I read it?

Or maybe I should ask...how do I picture Christ saying it? Do I imagine him glaring? seething? laughing? waiting to prove me wrong? waiting to embrace me? judge me? befriend me? ...How?!

Because the grid through which I read it is the way my heart interprets it. I mean, have you ever talked with someone that has rejection issues? They've been rejected over and over again. And because of this, they have come to expect it, you know? So regardless of what is said to them, they process it through a grid of rejection. Through a heart that interprets their being unacceptable. Make sense?

So what is MY "grid"? Do I have one? How do I think God wants to address me?

When I pray...and I try to imagine the eyes of the Father...what do I see? When I read the Word...and try to imagine the voice of the Father...what do I hear? An invitation or an accusation?

Lord, as I read Your Word...please break apart all "grids". Allow me to hear Your voice speak Life into the words. Read your "Script" over me...so I may be your Understudy. That I may adequately walk in your shoes. correctly act out your words. intimately mirror your cues.

Pick your battles

Not too long ago, the opportunity to pick our disciplining battles presented itself when Selah stated that she wasn't going to eat the food we had for dinner.

Now I admit, there have been times that I have not been in the mood for the illustrious Food Battle. So I, in my desire to not make everything an issue, gave them options. Oh, you don't want the 5 course meal that I've been preparing for 3 hours? Okay. No problem. What's that you say? Peanut butter and Jelly? Sure. Why not?

Alright, so it hasn't been that extreme on our part. But close enough.

Well...recently I decided that I'm done with this. The opinion that once stated food was not an important battle, changed. In part because the self-inflicted "hunger strike" became more and more commonplace at the 3 year old side of the table. *groan*

Thus, we came up with the following: If they don't eat what's for dinner...they can eat it tomorrow. Putting our mass mounds of tupperware to good use.

So...when Selah started the "I-don't-want-to-eat-this" routine not too long back...Jet and I were fully prepared. He laid down the law. Letting her know, very clearly, that if she didn't want to eat it now, that was fine. She wouldn't be getting any more food tonight. But she'd be eating this exact plate of food tomorrow. For lunch.

I sat there, silently taking it all in. Watching the sigh of relief on Selah's face at having been released from eating this food. All the while, knowing full well that she was only catching the "you don't have it eat it" part. And completely letting the "but you will tomorrow" part slide right. on. by.

I watched Jet talk the big talk of how, come tomorrow, the plate would revisit her. All the while, knowing full well that the next day at lunch, he would be sitting safely behind his office desk, while I would be the one dealing with the savage beast of "follow through".

Fast forward. It's lunch time. The next day.

The girls are happily running through the kitchen, laughing and playing some game. When I pull out last night's dinner plate from the frig. Selah stops. The laughter ceases. The smiles fade. And I am left there, in the sudden silence, holding the offending object. Rejected-dinner-turned-lunch.

I RE-explain what Jet recited at least four times last night. Selah burst into sobs, drowning out my somewhat-forced, albeit gentle reminder that she agreed to this last night when she chose to not eat dinner. All the while, wishing that my dear, sweet husband were here to partake of this touching moment, instead of being 20 miles away. Traitor.

Selah runs off to tell her sister the injustices of Mommy in a near-impossible-to-understand language. For her native tongue, orginating from the Whine Dialect, was put to action.

I don't remember much of the meal. I'm sure it consisted of much complaining, negotiations, and indegestion. But we survived.

And apparently got the point across. As NOW, when the girls don't want to eat something, they announce that it'll be lunch for tomorrow. And though the "food fights" haven't gone away...they have gotten much easier. For they know that they either go hungry...or eat it. No more Dinner-Take-Two options.

*Score One* for the parents, eh? And I'm thinking it'll come in handy when we take them to Africa for missions. :)

How do you "encourage" your children to eat their food?

For the love of his girls

Don't these people know that I am a DOBERMAN?!

A dog of noble blood?! A dog that strikes fear into the hearts of all who look upon me?!!

Hollywood knows this. My neighborhood knows this.

Why, in the name of all things sacred, don't these people?!

And now look at me.







Shamed. Scorned. Mocked.

Surrounded by little girls, armed with dress-up clothes. And no sense of canine respect.

Oh, the high heights from which I fall. All in the name of love.

Victory times Two

This is a picture of our tree...two years ago. But eh, who cares?...it's still the same tree, right? :) But the point is to say:Yes. The Christmas tree lights are back on and in working order. Hallelujah! (refer to last post)

Word to the wise. If you, too, own a pre-lit Christmas tree don't use the online helping service. They just refer you to their phone service. Odd way of helping in my line of thinking. "Hello, My job is to direct you to a different person. Have a nice day."

To which I have to say: Do not...I repeat DO NOT...call the listed help line. It's a waste of time and energy. Because they, nicely put, cannot help you.

Sure, they talk with you. Make you feel like you're being heard. like you've just begun a fabulous, understanding friendship. And then before you know what's happening, your new-found friend instructs you to cough up some money and order a new part.

Well, THAT friend comes right back off the Christmas card list. Imposter.

But you CAN call my husband. He fixed what they said couldn't be fixed without buying new lights. And he did it all without paying a dime. So, moral of the story?

You got tree issues? Contact my hub.

On a different note...

Tis the season to be baking, right?

Picture it. Multiple sticks of butter. Pounds of sugar. Egg yellows and salmanella viruses. And enough chocolate to choke a herd of elephants.

Ah, the weight of glory sits right there on my counter. In the form of holiday pounds-to-be.

Mocking me. Tempting me. Demanding that they be used. You know, since any and every ingredient closely resembling lard suddenly becomes of key importance when using holiday recipes.

Nice.

So today, as I prepared to bake with the girls, I scanned the internet in search of a healthier way to make Oatmeal Chocolate chip cookies. And I came across what sounded like two relatively good recipes, combined them, and set to work. We mixed. We rolled. We baked. We tasted.

Um. Not as good as my normal butter-laden cookies. These have applesauce. And part whole-wheat flour. Hmm. In theory, looks good on paper. But doesn't sound so appetizing.

Yet, the girls seem to like them! Maybe because their taste buds aren't as refined as my own?
ButI, in my practiced ability to make a decision and then regret it, was tempted to throw some good ol' fashion butter in to the batter. ...yet, I refrained.

And honestly, they aren't so bad! ...in fact, with the extra chocolate chips I put in, you can't really tell the difference. heh heh

What's that you said, dear?!

Growing up, my family had the wonderful tradition of Christmas tree hunting. My older brother and I would make bets on who would be the one to find that year's tree. Oh, the memories!!

But two years ago, my husband and I decided to nix that tradition...as lovely as it is...in lu of practicality. Where we took our family on a little jaunt to the Lowe's Christmas tree farm. In search of a tree of the boxed variety. The pre-lit boxed variety.

Uh-huh. An easy-to-assemble...one price...not-effected-by-drought Christmas tree. Sa-weet.

Except

Last year...right before we boxed up the green beastie...a few of the pre-lit limbs went dark. What? This was not part of the packaged Christmas we bought into!! No sir-ree! So we called up the help-line number. Busy. For an hour straight. Apparently a lot of other practical tree-loving people were not happy with the boxed spruce variety.

So, us, in all of our procrastination glory, decided to take care of it "next year". Funny how fast "next year" comes around, eh? So ...for the past few days, we've been dealing with the beast of not-so-pre-lit lights.

...Allow me to set the stage for you. Our house is cozy. I've been decorating all day. Christmas cheer is spread all around me. Carols play softly in the background. How quaint. When suddenly, my dear husband breaks the reverie and yells from the other room

Jet: "It's no wonder that Christmas trees are of a pagan tradition."

Me: Why?

Jet: "Christmas lights make me want to swear."

Huh. Now doesn't that just ooze of the Christmas spirit...joy, peace, expletives, and all that. ;) That man makes me laugh...

Over the river and through the woods...

...to Grandmama's house we go.



This past week has been crazy busy. Getting ready to go visit family. Helping my niece prepare to leave for a year-long trip. Driving long distances with the rest of the free world in bumper-to-bumper traffic. Eating an unnatural amount of food over and over again. Dealing with the upexpected killer trio of yeast infection, thrush, and my first monthly visitor since R. was born. Too much info? Yeah...for me too. *wink*

But such was the weekend. Fun yet...not. :) Here are some of the highlights.


Jet's youngest brother, Isaac, ran in a 5K race. Here "we" are waiting for the runners to pass us...
The front of the pack on their first loop.
Finally! Isaac was so fast that everytime he came around that I had a hard time getting a picture. On his last loop, I got it!

He finished the race inUNDER 20 minutes! That's a pace of less than 6-minute-miles! and he's only 15!!!! Give him a few years and he'll be kicking everybody's booty. Nah, I'm not proud or anything. ;)

And not to forget our special runner. Santa Claus. The girls went crazy when they saw him. And with his bowl full of jelly belly...he came in dead last. *grin*
the girls with Uncle Ikey.
BAREFEET in November! Thanksgiving Day was gor-ge-ous!
The girls are mesmerized... ...by the string quartet that was playing at the restaurant where Jet's mom is the head caterer/banquet manager. Uh-huh...We got connections in high places. Thanks Kathryn, for lunch. :)

So there you have it. A bit of what we've been up to during the Thanksgiving holidays. Can you even believed that it's already over?!!! I'm off to decorate my house for Christmas!!

I'm trading up

When I lost Asher (@4 mo. preg), this picture really ministered to me.

No, I don't think that my children are now angels. But just the thought of my baby being cradled when I was unable to filled me with peace. I stared at this picture. taped it to my computer. carried it around with me.

Now, over the past few years, I have lost three children to miscarriage. And there are times when I look at our family and feel like children are missing. So though I've yet to meet them this side of heaven, I love them. I miss them. And I feel, as a mother, almost incomplete without them... You need to know this before I can tell you a story.

Not too long back, I was walking on the treadmill when the Lord asked me a rather odd question. One that shook me to my very core.

"Would you trade your three daughters for the three children in heaven that you don't know?"

What?!

The thought so struck me that I started to cry on the spot. Because no, I'd never want to NOT have Charis, Selah, or Raegan. Knowing those three little girls is joy indescribable. They are precious in and out. Yet I DO desire to know and experience the personalities of my other three children.

For I love them. Seren. Jordan. Asher. At least the idea of them because I obviously don't know them in the way I know the three I've birthed and held. But regardless, they are mine. I carried them. I heard heartbeats. I felt kicks. I had dreams for each and every one of them. So they are very real in my heart...and in the realm of heaven.

But what if it had been Charis, Selah, and Raegan that I lost? I never would have known of their sweetness had I lost them instead. So what would life be like had things been different? On and on my thoughts raced as I silently processed this Random Question.

And truly, I have a hard time putting them into words. For, at the time, I had a hard time grasping them with my mind.

But I do remember that the Lord interrupted my thoughts and said, "Is your love for them (the "unknown" children) deep enough that you are willing to sacrifice that which you do know and love (my 3 girls)... so that you can experience your 'heavenly babies' instead?"

My heart broke because I couldn't bring myself to even form an answer. While I'm assuming that knowing the 'heavely babies' would be amazing, I can't make sense of giving up what I do know for something else. For something that only holds promise, but doesn't, at this time, manifest it.

And it became obvious to me that THAT was/is what He was asking me. The heart of it was not to ask if I was willing to swap children for children. But to open up my spirit in the deepest way possible...by inquiring of my love for my children...so that I coul better understand true sacrifice.

Essentially he was asking me:

Is my love for Him...for the unknown plans that He has in store for me... greater than the love I hold for the things that I do know? for my current circumstance's reality? AM I willing to sacrifice that which I know for that which He has planned in secret? Do I TRUST Him to fill my life with unimaginable blessings as I willingly surrender my life as I know it?

"He who loses his life will find it."

It's always been such a "normal" scripture to me. Sure. I lose my life. I die to self...to my desires...to my flesh in order to one day live in paradise with Him. But I think it's more than that. It's more than just ending up in heaven at the end of my life.

When the disciples asked God to teach them how to pray. He prayed this: Your will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Because He desires for us to live DEEP, RICH lives here on earth. In the NOW. And though I don't know the fullness of that reality YET, I do know that I love the IDEA of it.

So I have to ask myself: AM I holding too tightly to the things that I know? to the things that my limited knowledge understands? that my arms can physically embrace? and in the process missing out on getting to know the things that God has stored up for me in heaven? ...and is waiting to release here on earth?

I KNOW that God isn't asking me to give up my children, but rather to embrace His unknown for me.

I have to make that clear to anyone reading this. And I don't even know if this even made sense to anyone besides me. But I had to document it. Because in that moment, the Presence of God was so profound and so tangible that I know He was very serious about the question...about the heart issue behind it. And writing helps me to process...

Now, to embrace "losing my life"...trading what I know for what only He knows...so I may find *life* in Him.

Blogdom come to life

Random picture of me (pregnant with Asher 2 yrs. ago) in front of the carport that we *knocked down*. I post this in HOPES that we get snow soon!!!!

My computer still isn't working well...but I'm giving it a try. You know, typing and not seeing ANY words come up until 30 seconds later. About to drive me crazy, but eh, I figure I'm always up for a challenge. ;)

So here's a random snippet of my life right now:


I've been emailing back and forth with "one of you" guys in blogdom since August. You can identify yourself if you want to, but I didn't feel the liberty to without asking you.

It's been crazy!! In the best possible way, of course. *wink*

At first, I'd say we bonded because of our love of sarcasm. *At least that's the way I remember it* But we pretty quickly started to discuss the deeper things. Questions about why I believe in prophesy, a prayer language, spontaneous healings, etc. Disagreeing a little here and there...then finding common ground once more...talking it out on the phone...asking a booty load (wink) of questions and telling different personal stories...

AND I just have to say that I LOVE it. It's been one of the sweetest gifts AND suprises for me in blogdom. Your friendship.

I love that you feel comfortable asking, disagreeing, and asking again. Your heart to search out the Word...to not continue at the same place just because it's known and comfortable...encourages me. inspires me. excites me. I love our new-found friendship. I can't wait to see where God takes it.

And to see if what other friendships he surprises me with. :)

Stuck

*Computer freaking out. Takes forever to write....hopefully will get that fixed soon*

UPS finally came to my door

Here are two of my girls with Jolanthe's two.... I just don't like to post without some sort of pic. :)

Some of you have asked what homeschooling curriculum we've been using.... To which I have to say. None. Until now.

Because I, the totally inexperienced homeschooling mom, thought "It's only Kindergarten. Shoot! She's already reading a couple of years ahead of her age group. So all I have to focus on is math. And really, how hard can 1+1 be? I mean, come on! I aced advanced calculus. I got it covered."

Can't you just hear my clueness confidence? I mean, sure if I only had one child it'd be fine. (image me winking and giving you the thumbs up) I could spend my days writing impressively creative curriculum.

Well, okay so maybe in a world where I actually liked spending my time doing that. Alas, that world does NOT exist. AND I have three little girls, not one. Plus, a life outside of those little girlies. So free time, interest, and brainwaves have not been available...

And Kindergarten "Unstructured" has been killing me.

I found that our days have been sporatic. My need to "plan" takes up more time than the actual activity itself does. And I just feel all-together disorganized. Which, if you know me at all, you know that I thrive on organization. My brain functions to the extent that my house/life is organized. So yeah. De brain not be doing so good.

I've become an avid watcher of ebay, informing my husband that I was planning on spending an insane large amount of money to aid in this homeschooling thing that God has asked of us. In fact, I think the conversation went something like this "If I can't buy curriculum, then we are sending our girls to free public school because I can't keep doing it like this."

Yes. I, too, hear the tiniest thread of threat in that. Opps. Silly me.

BUT!! I've recently come across a curriculum that I think will be the best for us. Jolanthe's friend loaned her some information...I saw it...and voila! A curriculum that I really think will work well for us. AND the entire package cost $102. (minus the math and spanish that we're doing. I'm still determined that I can use a math workbook bought from Costco and a Spanish workbook bought from Wally-World.)

Geomatter's Galloping the Globe.

We've just started, but already I can tell I'm going to love it. It's a unit study that can be done in a year...OR stretched out to three years. I'm in the process of learning its ins and outs. Tweeking it to fit our girls, since some of it is WAY advanced in my opinion. But I figure we'll be working through it for at least three more years. I'm all for that! Save loads of money AND my sanity!

BUT I have to warn you...as I know that some of you are looking into it...the song CD that comes with it is PAINFUL to listen to. Painful, I say. My dear, laid-back husband even asked me to "turn the thing off!" So yeah...don't expect the CD to be something that you actually enjoy listening to. As I'm currently in the process of trying to sneak ours OUT of the CD changer....

So there you have it. We've officially invested in this homeschooling venture. And why homeschooling, you ask? As a few of you actually have asked. :)

We only do it for one reason and one reason alone. God has asked us to....right about the time that we had determined that we were not for it. :) And we'll take it year by year. Day by day.

I don't claim to be a "homeschooling family." Though I guess we are. We just desire to be an obedient one. And for now, that includes teaching my littles ones at home.

And thankfully that now includes a new found, fun filled curriculum. Thanks Jo...and UPS.

Wrestle Mania

The girls LOVE when Daddy comes home at night. Because it's a guarantee that he'll roll around with them in the floor. Wrestling. Tickling. Little girls jumping from coffee tables and chairs onto Daddy-body-parts laying innocently on the floor below. Little girls who love to feel strong and tough.

But sometimes, to the outside world, it may sound a little extreme. Especially from the mouth of a 5 year old. But allow me to back up a bit.

Yesterday afternoon was a doozy with Raegan. I think she's teething? And the only calming thing was to hold her. Constantly. By the time Jet got home, I was exhausted and ready to hide far, far away from any and all people under 4 feet tall.

So right after dinner, Jet took the girls and went to the grocery store.

Now whenever Jet goes anywhere with his little girls, he always gets mass media attention. I've stood far off and watched as he walks through a store. Strangers watch, smile, point, approach, and/or comment. They get a lot of attention. Last night was no exception. (*following is a story as relayed by Jet)

As Jet was making his rounds through the aisles, an older man came up to talk to the girls. Wanting to make a connection, the man said "Do you guys like to count?" He got a very feeble 'yes.'

Though I know the girls have gotten used to random people engaging them in conversation, there are times where I can see that look in their eye, as they quickly glance at me. A silent "Mom, do we have to talk to this guy!?"

But this guy obviously didn't catch that look. Or the lack of their enthusiasm. He plowed ahead in his quest to make the girls smile. "Well, I bet you can't count like this!" A sudden and loud rush of auctioneer number-calling flew from his mouth.

Silence. Blank expressions. Confused stares.

And yet. On his continues. (You gotta give this guy credit. He's persistent)

"I don't have any girls. I only had boys. Can I take one of you home with me?"

In the spirit of silent and blank stares, Charis just sat there. Studying this guy and thinking. Until finally she speaks, baffling Jet and silencing the man. "My Daddy plays rough with me."

Jet just stood there, mouth hanging open. Wondering how this guy would interpret that little bit of information and praying Social Services wasn't around...

Knowing my daughter like I do, I think THIS was her train of thought. "You are an old man. One that obviously needs to learn to count. I don't have time to teach you. I like to play. Rough. You probably couldn't handle it being that you're so old. But my daddy can. He loves to. And I love him for it. How do I break this to you easy?"

Too bad she just cut straight to the punch. Or was it? I'm thinking the conversation ended there. :) And I'm sure THAT got a smile from the girls.

Lovin' me some Random...

Mary did a "Random Post" on her blog...and in her heart I know she tagged me to do it, too. Since I KNOOOOWW she's all about wanting to learn the random ramblings of my heart. (see, I know you so well, Mary).

So here it is...in my language of choice: Random.

1) I don't consider myself a girlie-girl. Though I'm not sure why because I love massages and painting my nails and fixing myself up for my husband. So maybe I feel exempt from the world of "girl" because I rarely, if ever, wear pink? (Though at least one, if not all three, of my girls will wear the color on any given day. Go figure.) Or maybe because I'm not into diamond jewelry...except for the rock of a diamond my husband gave me. Or maybe because I hate gossip. Eh. Who knows? But whatever the reason, I just don't feel like the frilly type girl.

2) I never would have thought I'd be a stay-at-home mom. I was the girl who went to college as a freshman knowing that I'd at least get my Masters Degree. Suffice it to say, that after 10 years of trying to find an open door to complete it, I finally put that dream (masters) to rest two summers ago. (I found out I was pregnant with Charis after being accepted into one program...found out I was pregnant with Raegan the last time I started to pursue it...and a bunch of other closed doors in between). And since laying it down, my love and desire to be a stay-at-home mom and wife has only increased 100 fold.

3) I tend to be a perfectionist. But don't expect others to live up the same standards I set for myself. I'm a list maker. And I find great joy in crossing things off. :) I used to be an "all or nothing" person. Though I have gotten better at finding the balance over the last few years

4) I love photography. Thus the reason for the almost non-existent pictures of me...b/c I'm the one behind the camera.

5) I want to learn how to use large power tools. Especially since our shed is full of them. But the blades...you know, the one that slices through metal...scare me. For some reason, I just know a freak accident will happen. You know, one where the blade magically produces a personality and jump off its hinge and sever an appendage. Or two.

6) I have driven a dump truck. Once. It's my sole claim to redneck fame. Yes, I do have a redneck side. I keep it hidden. Under lock and key. Right beside the fact that I'd consider getting a tattoo. (have I mentioned that I have an intense hatred for needles? thus the word "consider")

7) I was an All-State Track sprinter for years and held a few records/titles. But now, due to those competitive years, I am sorely lacking in (knee) cartiladge. I'm telling you, running shoes should come with a warning label.

8) I'm annoyed by people who think having children takes away a person's ability to have fun and be youthful. Like the fact that I've delivered a child somehow allowed part of my personality to dry up and fall off. Like the umbilical cord.

The FACE of an angel...

The preciousness of this little one is overwhelming. She's our CuddleBug, one who will not let you leave the room (when she's going to bed) without hugging and kissing her multiple times. She's our daredevil, always looking for the hard way to accomplish something. She's a mysterious mixture of sweet and sassy.

She, truly, has a precious heart...YET is a fireball waiting to erupt. For there is a small streak of "how far can I push this?" that runs through her blood. Obviously gotten from my husband's DNA. As I never would push the limit. (For those of you that know me...zip it.)

But man oh man! when this little "edgy" personality breaks through and mixes with her deep, little voice and big puppy eyes...it's just so hard to NOT laugh.

(Note to self. Laughing while administering correction, shockingly, is not helpful. Apparently, you lose the whole parental credibility thing. Must. remember. this.)

So I was standing in the corner of their room, unnoticed as I was putting away laundry. Just as I looked up, I saw Selah, the precious little angel that she is, throw back her arm to the full extension of flexibility.

Time stands still as my mind processes what I'm witnessing. Surely, she's not planning to hit her sister! Followed by a "Who am I kidding? Of course, she is!" But apparently, the message of "stop her!" sent from my brain to my feet wasn't fast enough.

...And just as she threw her arm forward to hit Charis, out came a repentent and sweet sounding "Sorry!" Immediately followed by a hard *whack*.

Huh. Well, isn't that something? Never read about this situation in my trusty parental handbook. The apology comes before the offense. Nice.

"Selah!!!" Whipping around quickly, her eyes were wide open at the sudden realization that she'd been caught. But this girl's got some mad drama skills. Because the shocked look FAST turned to an "Yes mother-dear? Is there something you need?" facade.

But before I could even say a word, out of her mouth innocently comes "But I said I was sorry."

Eh. Um, yeah. But you happened to say it BEFORE you hauled off and nailed her. You can't say "Pardon me for what I'm about to do."

Really, the longer I'm a parent, the more I realize I'm so not equipped to do this job without a large dose of heavenly wisdom. So I'm signing off...heading out to beg another injection from the Lord.

Need. Wisdom. Now. Before she turns 4 and her abilities to rationalize and strategize become even more perfected. ;)

A little this and that from the retreat...

Here's Jolanthe...One of my roommates for the ladies retreat! :) We somehow didn't get a picture of our third roommate, Crystal?!!?

I truly had THE best time!! For the first time EVER (at least since I've been going), this retreat didn't revolve around cliques. After the meetings were adjorned, people hung around in their small groups (which were four women prayerfully placed together before the retreat)...talking, praying, laughing. It was amazing!

Usually people have exited the conference room within 10 minutes of the meeting ending. But seriously...the ladies hung around talking to people they normally wouldn't have! Mom and I were SO excited!!!! :D I can't even begin to put words on it.

It's something my mom, the speaker, had been praying about for the last 6 months. (Isn't she sweet?!) That the need for comparisons, jealousy, bitterness, self-doubt would all COME DOWN in Jesus Name. And God answered her prayers in abundance.

In fact, she's still getting emails concerning the level of bonding that occurred...the work the Lord did...the releasing of the prophetic in their lives (another reason Mom felt God asked her to speak). I'm SO Excited to see where God takes this!

Still, my heart is so full from all that went on before, during, and after the retreat. I'm simply unable to put it to words. So for those of you that weren't there, I know I'm leaving a lot of holes. But I just can't express (yet?) all that God did.

These three ladies did a dance that I SO wish I had on DVD. It was so powerful you could hear women weeping as the Holy Spirit ministered through the dancers.
Their black cloaks removed. The bondages gone. Freedom and Joy replaced. So be it Lord!

There you have it...just a taste of my weekend. :)

The heart of a woman

Over the years, I've heard a countless number of women say that they don't do women's things, like bible studies or retreats. They don't like them. They don't go to them. They avoid them at all costs.

And while I'm sure there are various reasons, I think it boils down to one thing: As women, we just don't feel good enough. We compare ourselves to other ladies: The beautiful. The talented. The comedian. The popular. The extrovert. The athlete. We survey the "line up" and dub ourselves lacking. (Couple that with the fact that, as women, we tend to run in cliques ...and I think it's a dangerous formula for endlessly hurt feelings.)

So women's retreats, bible studies, and friendship circles remain incomplete because so many of us women choose to listen to the voice that says "They don't want you." And we remain on the outside. A spectator, plagued with the accusation of " You don't fit in, so why bother?"

It's odd to me because the times where I've shared my insecurities with friends, the response is usually the same, "I never would have guessed you of all people felt like that. You seem so confident. so with it. so together."

My point in saying that? My closest friends wouldn't peg me to be someone who feels left-out or less-than. YET I, "the oh-so-confident-one", struggle with it too. At times it traps me. Crippling me from interacting with others. Mentally nailing my feel to the floor. Forcing me to remain on the sidelines feeling little more than unworthy. The lies of the enemy are no respecter of persons or personality because I'd guess that every woman faces this battle.

....I just got back from a weekend women's retreat. There's much I could say. So much that is echoing around in my heart waiting to be journaled. But at this point, to put words to what the Lord did would lessen it. At least at this stage of post-retreat processing.

But what I will say is this: I know other women who either didn't come or who came and then fought "less than" feelings while there. One person had even decided to remain in her room for the big Saturday night banquet. BUT she did end up coming because of a single phone call. Someone I know felt compelled to call her up and ask her to sit with her at dinner, not knowing that she was feeling isolated. A simple gesture on one end. A HUGE gift for the person being asked.

Someone else (who I NEVER would have guessed would have felt this way) told me that there have been at least two times that she has pulled up to the church on Sunday morning. And then turned around and left. Because she couldn't bring herself to walk into the doors and face people. She didn't feel good enough. She said she felt she didn't "fit."

Wow. Have we, as the church, become that exclusive? So as one of OUR OWN even has a hard time walking in the doors?!!! Have I become so handicapped by the taunting of the enemy that I've waxed introspective to the point that I've stopped loving on people?

Break ME out of my own "I'm not good enough" mentality! The kind of mentality that compels me to "look out for number one" and to try and find myself a clique to become a part of. All in hopes of dispelling my own feelings of being excluded. Such a violent cycle, isn't it?

A cycle of hateful ridicule from the enemy of our souls...in a desperate attempt to keep us from utilizing the most powerful weapon given to women: Our ability to feel, love, and connect on the deepest of levels.

This year, it's my hope that I will SHUT that voice up (because I know it's demonic) and stop being so introspective and start loving others extravagantly. Regardless of what I think they think of me. Because who knows when my "simple gestures" will be a lifesaving moment for someone feeling completely hopeless and lonely. Someone that I may have thought was excluding me...when in all reality she may be excluding herself because she thinks she's not good enough for me.

God, break the cycle. Show us how much you love and accept us so we can turn around and mirror that lavishly.

Skipping Town!

Jolanthe and I ...and a hoard of other ladies...are packing up and shipping out today. 'Cause it's Annual Ladies Retreat time, baby!

My husband has INSISTED that I leave Raegan (who is still nursing!) with him so I can have some time away. He said if she needs me, he'll drive the 2 hours and bring her to me. Yes, he is that amazing.

But I can't even tell you how hard it's been for me to agree/decide to do it!! I'm praying that she won't reject me when I return home (as I have heard can happen when you leave a nursing baby). Please Lord...?

So I'll be out of blogdom (writing mine, reading yours) for a while now. If you happen to have this insatiable desire to read the thoughts that bounce around in my head....

First, I suggest that you seek help. *wink* I know many good counselors, having once been in that field of work myself.

And then, I have left a few of my favorite "humor" posts to help with the withdrawal symptoms. Uh-huh. I'm some kind of thoughtful, I know. hee hee

I love the suprising community I've found in blogland...you guys are amazing!

http://meandering-thru.blogspot.com/2007/05/working-on-being-tri-lingual.html

http://meandering-thru.blogspot.com/2007/06/little-miss-manners.html

http://meandering-thru.blogspot.com/2007/05/this-is-your-brain-on-children.html

http://meandering-thru.blogspot.com/2007/06/evolution-of-bandaid.html

My wild animals...all dressed up and ready to go

Our town businesses open up their doors for two hours to shower the kids with candy and other treats. The girls, who have never done this before, couldn't get over the fact that all they had to do was open up their bag and someone would fill it with chocolate. :)

So we ran around our town for an hour and then headed to our church's harvest party...
Where they had a climbing wall, craft tables, a moon bounce, and so much more.
At the end of the night, we had over SEVEN POUNDS of candy! ...and that was after we ate some!!! The baby food is in the picture just to show how big that bowl is. No...no one gave out mashed bananas as a treat. :)