Not too long ago, the opportunity to pick our disciplining battles presented itself when Selah stated that she wasn't going to eat the food we had for dinner.Now I admit, there have been times that I have not been in the mood for the illustrious Food Battle. So I, in my desire to not make everything an issue, gave them options. Oh, you don't want the 5 course meal that I've been preparing for 3 hours? Okay. No problem. What's that you say? Peanut butter and Jelly? Sure. Why not?
Alright, so it hasn't been that extreme on our part. But close enough.
Well...recently I decided that I'm done with this. The opinion that once stated food was not an important battle, changed. In part because the self-inflicted "hunger strike" became more and more commonplace at the 3 year old side of the table. *groan*
Thus, we came up with the following: If they don't eat what's for dinner...they can eat it tomorrow. Putting our mass mounds of tupperware to good use.
So...when Selah started the "I-don't-want-to-eat-this" routine not too long back...Jet and I were fully prepared. He laid down the law. Letting her know, very clearly, that if she didn't want to eat it now, that was fine. She wouldn't be getting any more food tonight. But she'd be eating this exact plate of food tomorrow. For lunch.
I sat there, silently taking it all in. Watching the sigh of relief on Selah's face at having been released from eating this food. All the while, knowing full well that she was only catching the "you don't have it eat it" part. And completely letting the "but you will tomorrow" part slide right. on. by.
I watched Jet talk the big talk of how, come tomorrow, the plate would revisit her. All the while, knowing full well that the next day at lunch, he would be sitting safely behind his office desk, while I would be the one dealing with the savage beast of "follow through".
Fast forward. It's lunch time. The next day.
The girls are happily running through the kitchen, laughing and playing some game. When I pull out last night's dinner plate from the frig. Selah stops. The laughter ceases. The smiles fade. And I am left there, in the sudden silence, holding the offending object. Rejected-dinner-turned-lunch.
I RE-explain what Jet recited at least four times last night. Selah burst into sobs, drowning out my somewhat-forced, albeit gentle reminder that she agreed to this last night when she chose to not eat dinner. All the while, wishing that my dear, sweet husband were here to partake of this touching moment, instead of being 20 miles away. Traitor.
Selah runs off to tell her sister the injustices of Mommy in a near-impossible-to-understand language. For her native tongue, orginating from the Whine Dialect, was put to action.
I don't remember much of the meal. I'm sure it consisted of much complaining, negotiations, and indegestion. But we survived.
And apparently got the point across. As NOW, when the girls don't want to eat something, they announce that it'll be lunch for tomorrow. And though the "food fights" haven't gone away...they have gotten much easier. For they know that they either go hungry...or eat it. No more Dinner-Take-Two options.
*Score One* for the parents, eh? And I'm thinking it'll come in handy when we take them to Africa for missions. :)
How do you "encourage" your children to eat their food?
13 comments:
Oh, my children are so much more stubborn than yours! We have done that exact thing... and the same plate can be put on that table until it's not fit to be eaten anymore. I kid you not. They will eat all they can at b'fast, knowing Mom will not serve meatloaf at 8:00am. Joseph lived off of 1 box of raisins for 1 week. ugh. Glad he is over that phase.
That picture is adorable! Anyway, this is a good question. Yesterday I was sharing Chex mix with Haven and he couldn't get enough. After a few minutes I thought that was enough for him since it's so high in salt. I put some of his wheat, unsweetened cereal on a plate and gave it to him. He burst into tears and threw the plate upside down. Already?! Isn't he too young for this? I so don't want him to be picky, but I already find myself raiding the cabinets when he won't eat the first thing I offter him for dinner.
Yeah! Good for you, mom. A little thing that is hard at first can make your life so much easier. (Kind of like parents who let their kids stay up until they fall asleep on the couch at 11:00PM...are they crazy??? I couldn't have survived, we were 7:00 bedtime people, it takes a little training, but WAY worth it!)
With my two older ones we made them clean their plates. Always. No exceptions. Then...along came Ethan, 7 years later. Ryan and I looked at each other and said, "What was the big deal?" We decided to change our rule. We don't make them eat everything. BUT...we don't make them ANYTHING else, nor do they get anything else "later". If they don't want to eat, fine. Nothing until breakfast. Period. Nothing ...and I, being the stubborn, have-to-win personality that I am, always make sure we have something really yummy for dessert. I know. mean. You know what? This has been less stressful for us and Ethan is a GREAT eater... of just about anything we put in front of him...so are the older two. They just eat TOO much for our budget!!! :) I love hearing other's ideas though, because...who knows...we might be going through it again!!
Good for you for standing your ground!
I blogged about this at some point in the past, but I sure can't put my finger on which post it was now that I'd really like to read it again...sigh.
When we moved here after living in Israel, Josiah was 3 and we had some huge food battles with him. Now that he's older, I can see so clearly how beneficial it is to set guidelines and hold to them. After a while, the child just accepts it as normal and doesn't fight it. But for some kids, the fighting stage seems to last longer.
Right now, we're going through it with David; and we've tried different things. There are times where I will set aside his food and let him eat it later. There are also times when (as was done to me as a child) I will set a timer and give him enough time to finish his food. If he doesn't, he "gets in trouble"--you can probably figure out what that means! He's learning fast that when I get out that timer, I mean business and he'd better get his act together. He'll say, "Mommy, obey?" And I'll say, "Yes, you need to obey." :)
What I never do is go back to the cupboard or frig for more choices, if the food being served doesn't happen to meet the fancy of the little ones. I do, however, try to make sure that not everything we have for dinner is new and strange to them...and of course, if something is spicy, they don't have to eat it.
I could say so much more about this because it's such a reality in our household, too, but I guess I'll end with WHY my convictions are so strong about the child needing to submit to authority and eat their food. First of all, I've seen examples of situations where the child absolutely runs their own life--deciding when to eat, what to eat, where to eat it, how to eat it, etc. To me, that just goes to show that the child doesn't submit well to their parent's authority in any situation.
Secondly, Luke 10:8 makes it VERY clear that when Jesus sent out his disciples, he expected them to "eat what is set before you"--a verse that gets quoted a lot these days in our household! Why should I expect any less of my children? Training them in good food manners and appreciation of food now will help them in soooooooo many situations in the future.
One example from my own life: I don't care for fish because I got sick from it as a little girl. But when we were in Israel on vacation but meeting with the church there that we would eventually be involved with when we returned to live there, we were in the home of one of the couples and they invited us to eat with them. The language barrier between me and the woman was HUGE, but I knew that I needed to accept whatever food was set before me. Guess what it was? Fish soup. And because I was an honored guest, they made sure I had extra pieces of fish in my portion of soup! How nice, right? :)
Teaching a 3 year-old or 5 year-old to eat what is set before them is not impossible...they are not too young to learn that lesson.
OK, enough of a sermon today. I'll climb off my soapbox now and get back to folding laundry or something really useful! :)
i really like blog reading for moments like this - relatability. :)
both my kids ate anything and everything until they turned one. (so for 6 months) :) and now everything is a battle. there is only so much we can do with my 16 month old, but the 3 year old could probably understand what you did with your little girl. so i will keep this in mind. right now i go back and forth between "giving options" and not giving options. and either way it seems we have some sort of fight...hmph.....
well, anyway, have i told you that i LOVE the name of your daughter, Selah? that is just simply beautiful!!!
I actually think that God has blessed me in this area. My kids don't need much coaxing when it comes to eating what I have made. I do not tell them that they have to finish their food. I do however tell them that they should have seconds if they are hungry and if they are full then they can be done.
Tonight we are having turkey, stuffing, and corn. Easy enough..they will eat it all.
They also eat broccoli!!! *Gasp* And they love the deceptively delicious book, pureeing and trying to figuring out what is in the food. Strange children!
If the kids complain about the food at all when they sit at the table, they are immediately escorted to their rooms, for a brief respite until they are ready to return and be THANKFUL for their food.
We have one who decides to be a little picky at times - although all of ours will eat just about anything, especially when there is a "special treat" on the line.
Our biggest issue has been Zachary who has a lovely gag reflex at times that generally occurs with vegetables. How exactly to stop that? If you force him too much he throws it all up. Literally. N.I.C.E. Such dinner ambiance that is. Sigh.
We've just never let the kiddos be picky. Either they eat it or go hungry (and things have actually come back for breakfast...). You are nice waiting until lunch!! *grins*
Jolanthe
We usually don't make them eat everything, except they must eat their veggies (which most of the time isn't that huge of a hassle) If they don't eat everything though they don't get snack later, becuase they are very small portions to begin with. Boy is that hard because our dear Selah only eats one total meal a day (haven't figured out what to do with her being only 2?) I like the idea of the next days lunch although I think I would actually be more inclined to serve it for breakfast becuase like foxy5 ours would chow at breakfast and then be good for the day. :0)
Wow! That was our dinner table this evening...pretty much a play-by-play. "So you don't want to eat it? Well, that mound of pizza that you just dismantled is your lunch tomorrow." Pizza? Who turns down pizza?
Brilliant ME forgot that I had just given Isaac a glass of milk an hour before. That ruined it.
As for advice...I'll just borrow from your post and read what people tell YOU to do! ha!
ps. Don't let the kiddos fill up on liquid before a meal. What I just learned.;-)
Good for you for following through. Sometimes, well...almost always, that's the hardest part.
Oh for kids like erin's.. saying that is a blessing is a gross understatement! I have a child who NEVER ate meat or veggies. When she was a baby she grinned and let the food drool out of her mouth! Bless her heart she does try new foods and has learned to like two meats. She loves any fruit. But the only veggie she eats so far is potato in the shape of a fry! Oh, she eats peas now!She does try, poor thing tried raw broccoli in desperation (she is old enough to know that she needs to eat better foods) and I told her that I don't even like it plain raw, as much as I love it! We had two with milk allergies.. so that kept a lot of foods away and now that they have out grown it, they have to learn to like things with cheese and milk(hubby and I love cheese) and the littlest tries but, like his momma prefers the startchy veggies and foods, something I learned was not good for me. sigh. With my daughter it is not defiance... she truly tries and has prayed much over this and wants to change her eating as much as we want her to. With the youngest we can say 'eat it. this is your food for tonight. no snack or dessert if you do not eat a few bites of each' And he tries, eats a little, and has no snack. It will come around, I hope! I had to make myself learn to like a lot of food as an adult. I hope they learn earlier than I did.
So funny...had a post in my head about picking my battles...it'll show up one day :)
We don't "fight" the food thing. We used to grab the kids yogurt or whatever if they didn't like what we were having and finally a friend was couragous enough to tell me to cut that out!!!!
We did.
Now, they can eat dinner or not eat dinner, but no one gets anything else. I make sure there is something they like each time - applesauce, carrots, or whatever. We usually force one bite of each item. Then, if they don't eat, they don't.
My girls are pretty good eaters, so it usually isn't an issue. They are very healthy eaters - love veggies, fruit, etc. SO, we have been blessed in this area so far.
We do this very same thing. And it works for us!
~Stacy
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