Blog...a heart under construction

What is the purpose of my blog? I've been asking myself this recently. Especially in the wake of the "yes, we do teach our children to respect themselves enough to not let people run over them" blog. A lot of friends have told me that particular blog sparked some pretty in-depth discussion with their spouse and friends as they, too, searched out their stance on it.

SO is my blog to challenge people? Is that it's purpose? No. It cannot become the single purpose. Or I fear my self-proclaimed "I am here to challenge the world" status would produce an ego that my shoulders haven't the strength to carry. IF people are challenged as a by-product, then great! I'm all for that. I think our lives as Christians should continually be challenging/challenged. Simply because we are infilled with the Holy Spirit!! Who is, by nature, challenging on every realm (John 16:12, John 14:17, Acts 1:8).

When I asked the "parental question", I suddenly had people commenting who had never commented before. I knew I had a lot of readers, but only a few commenters. So I was like "Sweet!" I loved hearing every body's responses. Loved seeing that people actually cared about the things that I did. I loved that most people were in agreement with me (who doesn't like to know that?). But my goal cannot be to write for approval. As my life cannot be either. I have to continually remind myself of this as I write, as I'm sure you can relate.

If I live to please man...then I am displeasing to God. So my blog cannot be used as an instrument to gain approval OR a "reader following". Though I admit, those things are so tempting, as they evoke a sort of emotional "high" that can be addictive.

I love to write in a way that brings unexpected humor to situations that would otherwise make me cringe with frustration. Uh, like Selah and her obsessive desire to pee in the grass. In public. Um, yeah. Those are moments I speak of. I love to laugh and find joy in things...and to share this with you. But I cannot set that up as my purpose for this blog. Because then I just get tripped up on trying to entertain the masses.

And yes, I want to document all the little things that my precious family does. I love that part of it...the being able to look back and sort of relive the experience again. I love the convenience of sharing these moments with my friends and family. Of essentially being able to "scrapbook" without the scissors and glue. But...in my heart, that is not what my sole purpose is.

So I've come to the conclusion of what my blog cannot entirely be: A means to Impress. Entertain. Challenge. Enamor with my lofty words and creative jargon, all in hopes of getting nods of approval.

Because my heart cannot be turned towards striving for the approval of others. My heart has been created to only serve ONE love. (Luke 16:13)

So my heart for this blog: I want to write in a way that if I were to die tomorrow, my girls would have accurate record of my true, uninhibited heart for and experiences in the Lord. Not watered down. Not worded so others can easily swallow it. Not effected by the judgement I think I may receive. But a full-out passionate recording of the workings of the Lord in the lives of my family. In all His wonder. In all His amazement. In all His mystery.

That my girls wouldn't look at this blog and say "Wow, Mom had a lot of blog comments." or "Mom could sure use words. Good for her."

I want their hearts to be deeply stirred. And that even in my absence from this world, my life would leave a meaningful imprint upon theirs. That they would say,

"You know, I really want what Mom had with the Lord. I want her resolve to not be held back by status quo Christianity. I want to have my eyes open to God's depths. Because of her life, I have that hunger in me."

If my life on this earth doesn't get to see their teenage years...or beyond. Then I want them to have, in print, my heart. My thoughts of God. My penned plea of encouragement to push aside all hindrances (whatever they may be) and run, wholeheartedly, after Jesus. Not solely from a pew. But in a hands-on way. I want them to see that in my life. But if their memories can't retain real-life examples...then I want this blog journal to clearly show them my passion for Christ.

I want to instill in them the knowledge that though you may not always understand the outward workings of God, you can understand the heart of God. And therefore you can trust him even when circumstances could warrant doubt or question.

Because, let me tell you, there are crazy-amazing things that have happened in our lives...wonders that I cannot explain to this day...open visions of another realm...things that I, for the life of me, cannot wrap my brain around outside of just saying, "All I know is God's ways are bigger than mine." I've been in worship services where oil will start dripping from my hand. Where I am suddenly covered in flecks of gold dust. (and yes, these can be explained biblically). Things that I haven't shared with too many people outside of my immediate circle, for fear of being judged or having the precious gift/revelation/miracle of God be nit-picked to death.

Yet. Things that I want my girls to know. to understand.

AND there have been amazingly frustrating things as well. Times when God has asked us to obey. Blindly we did...still waiting, years later, to see the fruit of it. Our lives have not always been easy. But our God has always been good. ...even when we had to dig deep to blindly cling to that belief.

And I want my girls to know that.

Therefore, my purpose is to leave a heritage for my children. So they can look back and see the questions, the amazement, the joy, the hurt, the healing of their young mom as she seeks out the Creator of it ALL. The One that DOESN'T live inside the box that our minds and our denominations place Him in. But the One that desires to pour Himself out on us in ways that will offend our mind to reveal our heart.

Luke 7:23 "Blessed is he who does not take offense at Me."

For He is far more concerned with the condition of our heart, than its comfort.

So there you have it. My heart exposed. Once again. My mind renewed as to why I blog....more a reminder to myself, than anything else. A desire for this blog to not be a waste of time. Rather a Heritage of the Heart.

Deuteronomy 11:18-21