My Response to YOUR responses to below post! :)

I was going to just write a response under "comments", but I knew it'd turn out to be a long one. So...here's my very own response to all of your responses regarding the below "Spiderman Mom." post :)

Wow. Thank you guys for ALL your input (on my blog comments and to my personal email)!! I was overwhelmed and encouraged by the response. Though I wholeheartedly agree with Val: there is no one cookie cutter thing to do each and every time, it did encourage me to hear so many of your stories and advice and words of wisdom. Thank you. Truly.

There were some tidbits of information that I chose to leave out about the mom. Simply because I wanted your opinion without the added knowledge of her "identity". Being that things like this have and will continue to happen as the girls get older... with both strangers and with parents that we know from our kids' activity circles.

But the mom "in question" is someone that I have recently started to befriend. She just moved to the area a few months back with her family and doesn't know anyone. I've invited her to join us on some homeschooling field trips we're getting ready to have. (not sure how I feel about her coming now, but that's a different story). I've really tried to reach out to her....be her friend...be an encouragement to her.

That said, all of that was rolling around inside of my head as I stood there. Mute. Watching.

In the grand scheme of things, should "knowing" her matter? Uh? Not really. But at that moment in time, it did play a factor, as I wasn't wanting to hurt her feelings.

BUT this is what I have to ask myself. Are HER feelings more important to me than my girls'? There is a "duh" obvious response to this. I know. Of course my girls are more important. But do my actions always line up with that?

When I was growing up, I KNEW beyond a shadow of a doubt that my dad would protect me. He was a bodybuilder. He wasn't one to be intimated. I knew I was the apple of his eye. I REMEMBER him telling me that if a grizzly bear ever tried to hurt me that he would kill it with his bare hands. And I can tell you that I believed him. 100%.

I remember when a man that worked for my dad cussed in front of me. My dad told me to go outside. And then he promptly told that man that he does NOT cuss and use that kind of language in front of his daughter. He called me back in. The man apologized profusely. I was a bit embarrassed that I had "caused" the man to get in trouble. But I can tell you that I felt protected and looked after AND cherished.

And because of that, I felt secure. AND because of that, I came to understand a lot of the Father Heart of God. The part where he says he is my Strong Tower. My Shelter. My Fortress. My protector. All because my earthly daddy was protecting me at all costs.

I want my girls to feel that security. My husband and I want to model that for them. To build into the depths of their foundations that they are cherished enough for us to protect them. that they are worth enough for them to stand up for themselves.

On the flip side, I had a relative who would always put other people's (even strangers) feelings above my own. If I was with this relative and someone offended or hurt me, the relative would, for the sake of extending kindness to the other person, expect me to stuff my feelings away. Get over them. Not let it bother me. Overlook it. And because of that I became someone who felt like my feelings weren't as important as the next person's. I became an expert at "stuffing down the inconvenient feelings". So I've had to really work at being consistently vunerable with myself, with the Lord, and with certain others.

I don't want my girls to EVER feel like they are taking second place to some random person...simply because I want to guard the other person's feelings more than theirs.

So that, too, has been rolling around in my heart since this whole episode....as I want to truly consider all the different angles as I take the "what to do" to the Father.

But it also needs to be understood that the option to hit back/push them off is after they've exhausted all the other options. It really is that last option. And I hope it never gets to that. But I have walked into a room where she was literally getting fists in the face and body. And she was standing there. Horrified and scared and hurting. Because we had never equipped her with the truth that you don't have to just stand there and let someone do that to you. When I gave her permission to fight back, I literally SAW something change in her countenance...in her confidence. For she was armed with the fact that she had options outside of just getting beat up.

Does she hit people? Honestly, no. Does she know that if it comes down to it and there is no other option that she CAN take up for herself? Absolutely. Maybe it comes naturallly for boys...the inner knowledge that I don't have to just stand there. But for my girls, it was the furthest thing from their personality. And the way the world is...with sexual violence and whatever...I WANT them to know, upfront and early on, that if someone is doing something to them that they do not want to happen, they CAN protect themselves.

Now on paper, I realize my use of the word "warrior" may seem like we are condoning our children to REact violently to violence. But we aren't. By any stretch. but what we ARE condoning is the strength of character TO be able to NOT allow other people to push them around, on any realm. And as I saw a few days ago, Charis is getting it. She stood up to that little boy. she didn't hit him back. She made sure he knew, clearly, that she wasn't going to put up with what he was doing.

Do I believe it's Biblical? You had better believe it. It is ABSOLUTELY Godly to have boundaries and not to let someone push past that. We are not teaching our girls to pick fights or giving them license to bully/hit others. We are teaching them that can stand their ground and refuse to be bullied. There is a significant difference.