The Light goes on

"Too bright!! Too bright!!"

My 3 year-old had just gotten up from a late nap. Her head was down and her eyes were tightly squinted shut against the light I had just turned on. She stood in the middle of her room in a still sleepy stupor. A room that had been almost completely dark, due to the closed blinds, drawn shades, and additional blanket to keep out ALL possible sunlight from their two five-foot-tall windows. (can you tell I don't want early morning risers in the summer!?)

Apparently, the light hurt her eyes.



Okay. Change of scenery from little girl's room to little padded cell...

On some prison yards...at least in the movies...there are small box-like cells. I think they call it Solitary Confinement? Or some discipline of sorts? Regardless, the prisoner is stuffed into this box, where no light can shine in. For days. Weeks. Maybe longer?

When the time comes for the warden to release them, the camera pans in on the prisoner's obvious discomfort as they stretch out their cramped body. Their legs. Their back. Their neck. Their arms. But it's the intensity of the sunlight on their face and the resulting inability to fully open their eyes that has formed a lasting impression in my mind: I can see the ragged man. His eyes are mostly closed. A hand is partly covering his face. A look of immense pain at the intensity of this sudden sunlight.

Have you ever thought about this whole concept (as I'd guess we've all experienced being awaken from sleep by a sudden, intense light) in light of the following verse:

"But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God's own people, that you may declare the wonderful deeds of him who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light. Once you were no people but now you are God's people; once you had not received mercy but now you have received mercy."
1 Peter 2:9,10

Whenever I've read that, it's always been the whole "I am God's" theme that jumps out at me, you know? I had no one. And then, lo and behold, God called me HIS. Aww, thanks God. Great stuff. I like to belong. Especially since it's Heavenly Royalty we're talking about.

But what about the whole part about coming "out of darkness into his marvelous light"? Ever really thought about what that must be like? I never have. Until now. And I have to assume, in following with the above examples of going from complete darkness to intense light, that there is some level of "pain" involved.

The past few days, there has been a guest speaker at our church. There's something about having a guest speaker that causes you to expect God to move in an unusual way. In a way that almost allows...by expectation alone...for your perspective, your attitude, your heart to be changed...renewed.

So as I'm listening to this speaker and hearing the way that God intervenes in his life, something stirs inside of me. I think something like "Lord, I really want to know you in that way." ...and I hear a still small voice challenge me. "What if you were to give up watching Grey's Anatomy and instead used that time to focus on me?"

*crickets chirp in the distance*

Uh, God? Come again? For I'm sure I heard you wrong.

Now don't misunderstand me. I don't watch much TV. We get 1/2 of a channel... on good days. But we do watch Grey's Anatomy. We started last year. And the season premiere is this month. AND I had recently borrowed Season One from a friend. You know, since we never got to see it and all. I wanted to "catch up."

But as I've watched Season One, I've been struck by one thing. The amount of blatant casual sex...with perfect strangers. The obvious way they act like having sex partner after sex partner is no big deal. The way that a pregnancy is viewed as something to be terminated. The way that lying, cheating, and stealing are protrayed as something that can, under the right circumstances, be good. be right.

All things I don't agree with. Yet...apparently something I can wink at in order to find entertainment in?

*big sigh*

So...here I am in the middle of a church conference. Crying out before God that I want more of Him. That I do want to experience him on a real and personal level. In a real and tangible way. And he up and essentially says "So...nix the Grey's Anatomy."

Ouch, God! Too bright! Too bright! Can't I just stay in my dark little napping corner for a little longer? It's far more comfortable and convenient than having to adjust to this Light you got going on.

"...who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light..."

Serious, Lord? You mean that in order to be able to be a powerful vessel for you, I have to sacrifice the things that I happen to like? I mean, yes...I know it's pretty sinful and all. And yes, I know you probably don't find it entertaining. And yes, you most likely have to vacate the room when I watch it...but....but....

"...who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light..."

Blog movie-camera pans in to view an entirely different picture. A balance-scale.

On one side sits the promise that the Pure in Heart shall SEE God.

On the other side sits a not-so-pure 45 minute television saga that for some reason feeds a inner thirst I apparently have for drama.

You wouldn't think that the decision would be so hard, you know? Hello, Christin! Clue in! On one hand: See God. On the other hand: See sit com. God? Sit-com? God? Sit-com? This isn't supposed to be a trick question.

...who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light...

*another sigh* Am I really this bound to what I want?!!*

So yeah. I have to say that there is pain involved. Pain of sacrifice. of learning to truly die to self. of realizing that my life is not my own. of understanding that if I am to walk fully in His marvelous light, I have to leave behind any shadow of darkness.

"Do not be deceived, my beloved brethern. Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of Lights with whom there is no variation or shadow..." James 1:16

God, I do want what YOU have. I want to tip the scales in favor of You. Strip me of ...ME. and all the weights that I've allowed this world to hang around my neck. Albeit disguised as a beautiful adornment...and as a worthy form of leisure time.

Turn the Light on. So I may come out of my own sleepy stupor.