QUESTION...

...Are you kidding me?!!

Okay, so maybe that's not the entirety of the question. But it is part of it. Allow me to explain...

We were leaving Story Time at our local library when one of the little boys... who happened to be dressed from head to toe in a Spiderman costume... out of the blue, hauls off and hits Selah (3). In front of me and his mom and the librarian.

Now we've been drilling our little girls about what to do in moments like that. "If someone hits you, you tell them to stop/back off." You see, we want them to learn to talk it out with their friends, instead of always expecting someone else to 'fight their battles' for them.

"If they don't stop, you tell a teacher or us." We want them to know that someone will, if need be, have their back. And that they can trust someone in authority to protect them.

"If there's no one close by, and they still are hitting you, push or hit them to get them off of you." Yes. I'm serious on this one. We want them to know that their purpose in life is not to stand idly by and let people abuse them, without having the okay to take up for themselves. Maybe if we had more aggressive children, we wouldn't be encouraging this. But my girls have stood by while another child was literally beating on them, feeling completely helpless.

(This whole parenting perspective came from reading John Eldredge's book "Wild at heart"...he talks about how God has called us to be warriors. But how we forget that, taking the whole "turn the other cheek" to the utmost extreme, and instead train our children from birth to be every one's doormat. Or something to that effect. I am unable to find the quote, but when my husband and I read it, it resonated within us.)

BUT ANYWAY. That's been our stance concerning this new stage in our children's lives: friendships with other independent little children.

So here I am, standing and talking to the librarian with Mom-of-Spiderman when it all happens. Selah looks at me, ready to cry, and proclaims that he hit her, hard. Being that the mom is standing there, I figure "Okay, I'm not going to discipline HER child. That's her job." So I tell Selah to talk to the little boy and tell him not to hit. But she looks scared.

Without Selah even saying anything, the boy starts arguing with her. Saying that she's lying. Selah looks at me. I look at his mom, who is watching this entire thing! (I can't see him well because from my point of view, he's mostly covered by a table. so in order to address him, I'd have to physically move to be standing right on top of the mother) But the mom says nothing. And I am so tongue-tied at this lack of her parental involvement that I, too, stand there speechless.

But not my 4 year old! She steps close to the boy and says, "Don't. you. hit. my. sister!" She says each word carefully, so that this little bully won't misunderstand she means business. I have to admit I'm proud. Not long ago, both of my girls would have cowered in the corner and done nothing.

Charis's proclamation sets off the 2 year old brother of the boy clad in superhero garb. For he gets in Charis's face and starts seriously going off. I mean the boy is yelling. screaming. physically shaking.

I look at the mom. Who does look horrified, but still says nothing to the boys. Are you kidding me?!! Not one word about not hitting. Nothing about apologizing. She just tries to quiet him down.

I look at the librarian, say bye, gather my three girls and leave. My girls are now heart-broken because there was no closure for them. As Selah has now started to cry because no one apologized for hitting her, not even the mom. And Charis's attempts at rectifying the situation caused mass hysteria from the other boy, in front of the mother, where nothing was said.

Yes, I spoke to them in the parking lot. and in the car. and at home. I told them I was proud of them. That the boys shouldn't have treated them that way. Etc Etc. They understood that, but didn't get why the other mommy said nothing.

Though apparently Charis DID get a rush from it. She proclaimed her warrior-like protective abilities for Selah on the way home and how she'll "ALWAYS PROTECT" her. ;) And then she said, "And I won't let anyone hurt you either, mommy!"

Aw. thanks hon.

In hindsight, as I've had a few days to think it over....I've come to the conclusion that if given the chance, I'd go ahead and correct the boys. Maybe? But...in all honesty, when situations like that spring from no where, I usually tend to let people's rudeness shock me to silence. But that is not something I want to model for my girls. Yes, I want them to extend grace to people. But no, I don't think I should set them up to accept that their role in life is to take any and all abuse people heap upon them.

*big sigh* So my question...what should I have done? What would you do in that situation?
Any thoughts?