..."It's not a big deal."
This can be heard throughout our homeschooling day. Not in a bad-attitude type way. Not in an indifferent sort of way.
But in a way that leaves little hearts from being scared to try and fail. or scarred from a mom's outburst of frustration.
When I first began formally teaching Charis, I ran across some hurdles. My daughter's feelings, for one.
Meaning, I would find myself carelessly plowing over her feelings every time I turned around. with my impatience. with my tendency for perfectionism. with my frustration at her wavering attention span.
I soon found that this wasn't the way to produce good fruit in her life.
What can I say? I have a knack for intuitive parenting. *rolling my eyes*
So, during her kindergarten year, I backed wayyy off. We stopped doing anything formal. Choosing, instead, to just wing it throughout the day.
Reading books. Playing words games that I'd make up on the fly. Practicing handwriting in a way that didn't seem like work.
I stepped back from anything that felt like structured school. and just let Charis do her creative imagination thang.
Not because I'm of the unschooling approach. I don't think I am. Not because Charis needed time to get a hang of the whole learning thing; she didn't. It had nothing to do with her. or her capabilities.
But rather mine.
I needed to learn how to home school in a laid back fashion. how to present learning in a fun way. and to intentionally kill off any and every perfectionism streak that ran through my being when confronting home education. and life in general.
Before my careless words did permanent damage.
One day, the Lord stepped in and filled my mouth with words that have forever changed the way I try to approach the girls and their mistakes.
I don't remember what had just happened. probably some casual mistake like writing a 3 backwards. or spilling mustard on the rug.
Whatever it was, tears started to flow. I'm sure, in part because they were sad over what they had done. and in part because they were afraid of what I would say.
"Oh honey, it's not a big deal."
It really wasn't a big deal to begin with. but my words of assurance cemented that reality in their hearts. The 'offending' child relaxed. smiled. and moved on.
And so...it's become a motto of sorts. when tears start to flow over something not important, one of us will say "It's not a big deal. Say it with me!"
I'm hoping it will become like a little tape recorder in their brain for later on in life when they make an honest, simple mistake. that they'll immediately hear our little conversation (that comes complete with hand motions) and will inwardly recite, "Eh, it's not a big deal."
And move on.
I want our homeschooling time to equip them. For their lessons, yes. But for more than that, you know? I want to be able to teach them how to maturely deal with their honest "less-than" moments in life.
By my example. by my reaction to their mistakes.
And a lot of time my example stinks. Royally. But I am so trying...because the way I respond to their mistakes does matter.
