Asking Why

Charis is in the stage of asking "Why?"

The question, in and of itself, doesn't bother me. You know, when asked in terms of learning, of being educated. "Why does it snow?" "Why does the caterpillar go into a cocoon?" "why....?"

But her habit, of late, has been to question every single "No." that I give. Charis, don't sit on the arm of the chair. Don't tilt the dining room chair backwards. Please don't chew your shirt. "BUT WHY???"

And it had begun to get to me. Especially yesterday. Every single time I said "No, please don't do that." Instead of obeying, she'd say "Why?" or the very appealing "If I want to, I can." I, being the rational and ever-patient mom, got right in front of her face and said "You just need to obey. You don't need to ask why everytime I say something."

Of course,my tender-hearted child cried. And being someone who wants to please, she started to apologize profusely. I took her in my lap...and suddenly felt the Holy Spirit's view of things come over me. I started to say things that were NOT in my line of thinking only minutes before.

"Charis. It IS alright to ask why. God likes it when you ask why. So asking 'why?' isn't a bad thing. Okay? Asking questions isn't a bad thing. I just don't like it when your first reaction to everything I say you need to do is 'why?' I'd like you to just obey. So how about we make a deal? I will be more patient when you ask why...and I'll give you the reasons, if there are some to give. And you just practice being obedient to what mommy needs you to do. Alright?"

"Mommy, I love you so much." I knew at this point that my little girl felt understood. not controlled.

I never liked it as a little girl when I wasn't allowed to ask "why?" either. Not that my parents were mean dictators...but they just were doing the same thing that I was. Giving an "order" and expecting a Yes-sir-immediate-reaction on my part. As a child, who is forever learning, that is a hard thing to do.

Yes, I recognize that immediate obedience does have it's place, and is an important part of what I need to instill in them. So for instance, when they are running towards a road where a car is speeding close by. I can say "Stop!" and they'll just listen.

But there is another side to it all. A part of their emerging personality that I need to protect, AS I'm training them to obey without question.

Not too long back I was having a conversation with the Lord. I had asked him for something specific but was yet to see the answer. And though I didn't understand his lack of response, I was trying to be the 'good little girl'. You know, the understanding child that doesn't ask again, but just waits to see what the parent will do. Jesus blew my mind with what he revealed to me.

In the Bible (Luke 11:5), in a section where Jesus is teaching about prayer, he tells a parable:

And he said to them, "Which of you who has a friend will go to him at midnight and say to him, 'Friend, lend me three loaves; for a friend of mine has arrived on a journey, and I have nothing to set before him.' And he will answer from within, 'Do not bother me. The door is now shut, and my children are with me in bed. I cannot get up and give you anything.'

I tell you, though he will not get up and give him anything because he is his friend, yet because of his persistance he will rise and give him whatever he needs. And I tell you, Ask, and it will be given you; Seek, and you will find; Knock, and the
door will be opened to you."

God went onto explain to me that I had lost my ability to "go after it" in prayer because as a little girl, I was punished if I continued to ask and ask and ask. And I had unknowingly transfered that into my prayer relationship with Him.

I was speechless.

And now, months later...as I now have a child who is very capable of driving me crazy with her continued asking and ceaseless "whys", I am reminded that I am the parent. I am the one who is the mirror of what a relationship with the Father God is like.

*big sigh*

God, give me grace and patience as I am just entering this whole new stage of parenthood: "negotiations and explanations with my 4 year old". Please cover, with your mercy, the times that I screw it all up. Protect her fragile heart and the God-given desire to ask...to press...to not just be a robot-child. Protect the sheer joy in the discovery to find out the whys and the hows and the whats of living. Help me, in my desire to have things run smoothly, not crush that in her.

I know that these qualities are very needed in today's world! The desire to find out the whys...the tenancity to not just do what someone else says you need to do...the ability to not just go for "status quo." I want my girls to have that! To have the sort of gusto that says

"You will NOT run me over. You will NOT define my life. You will NOT expect me to go along with the crowd."

It's needed, especially in a world that is becoming less and less tolerant of Jesus, his morals, and those that follow Him. And I do recognize that this whole "why" stage is just the beginning of her exercising those muscles. Of trying to figure out the reasons behind the way we think and act as a family.

God, give me the wisdom to find the balance as I strive to train her up to be obedient to what is right...whether or not she understands it. And yet, the remain persistent and joyful in finding out the whys of life.

George Simmel German philosopher said
"He is educated who knows how to find out what he doesn't know."

...and I think:
He that is successful figures out how to Know and Possess that which he doesn't know. And it all starts with asking "why?"