"TOO EMOTIONAL"
As a woman having five daughters, I hear ALL. THE. TIME. how sorry people feel for me. how they're glad it's me and not them. and how they don't know if they'd be able to handle all the drama I'm bound to run into during their teen years.
(I'm sure it can be scientifically proven that Idiots are people who lack the ability to hear the words coming out of their own mouths. If a bonafide scientist happens to be reading this and wants to conduct a field study on this topic, I can totally refer you loads of people.)
Why people find it necessary to say this, I'll never know. Why some think its their duty to categorize the emotional part of women as something Less-Than, I just don't understand...
Years ago, I dated a guy who judged me harshly for any tears I cried. saying I was being dramatic. intentionally turning on the tears. and using them as manipulation. It took me YEARS before I let myself cry again. Yes, I'm serious.
Even as a young girl, I learned how to NOT let things bother me as deeply as they really did. It was a survival technique that I had to fine tune in order to emotionally survive certain things/people in my life. And yes, I remember being accused of using my tears as manipulation.
Media, television, and general conversations comment about girls being the emotional gender. A sentiment rarely spoken as a compliment, as it's usually accompanied with the whole "weaker sex" ideal.
It's a one-two punch to women everywhere: Emotional = Weak = BAD
I personally think the whole thing a recipe for disaster: A society who's leading its people to believe there's something completely WRONG and WEAK with crying/showing emotion. (all while desensitizing us with crap on the television. but that's another topic)
Excuse me while I shout *Give me a break, people!* because that's just not true; God designed us to feel and express and love deeply.
So the question I find myself asking is how to train five emotional daughters in a way that:
1. Allows them the freedom to feel the entire spectrum of emotions
2. To the DEPTH that God created them, as individuals, to feel it.
3. All while training them to not let their emotions run/ruin their lives.
Because I don't want to accidentally teach my girls that they should be ashamed of their emotions. or have to guard them at all costs, even to their detriment. or ignore any negative feelings that they have. ...all to avoid being considered "wrong" or "weak".
YET. I don't want to lead them into thinking that never have to temper their emotions OR that feelings should be their guide.
I'm finding the whole thing is a really really really fine line to walk.
At this stage in their lives, I'm trying to teach them the difference between whining and crying. And all I can say is God help me.
My hope is to show them that while there's truth to tears... whining, on the other hand, is lazy, self-centered, and unacceptable. But let's be honest, that's a hard concept to grasp, especially for
Do I know exactly how to do this yet? Nope. But I do know that one key aspect is for me to remember what it was like to be a little girl. Because what I, as an adult, consider a "legitimate" issue on the spectrum of "Deserves tears" will not always be the same thing that my girls consider legitimate crying material.
I.E: My oldest daughters sometime feel very overwhelmed when trying to learn a new math concept. Because,to them, it IS difficult and frustrating and therefore, emotional.
But to ME, as their homeschooling teacher, it's just plain annoying to have them burst into sobs/tears when a new school concept is being taught. (just keepin' it real here *grin*)
So I'm having to constantly remind myself that I can't always go by what my adult interpretation of whining vs crying is. And yes, I find myself going back and apologizing for those times when I wrongfully define their honest tears as immature whining.
*sigh*
I'm guessing that I'll frequently fail in this whole "teaching them about appropriate ways of showing negative emotions"....but I'm praying that I err on the side of grace, you know?
Because I never want to fault them for their tears. connect their sadness to deserving a guilt trip. or always insinuate that their honest feelings are being aimed to manipulate others.
I never want them to view the depth of their emotions as "too much". thinking that they're only acceptable when they are even-keel, never-phased, emotionless girls.
If nothing else is accomplished regarding my daughters and their deep range of emotions, I want to raise girls that:
- feel comfortable expressing themselves.
- celebrate the fact that God created them to feel deeply
- recognize that emotions are a gift, not a curse.
- know better than to allow others to force them into stuffing what they feel
I want to have girls-turned-women that are strong enough to let others know they feel deeply. trusting that as they mature, so will their understanding of crying vs. whining. as well as all the other complexities in the World of Emotion.
And though I want to keep leading them toward that place of maturity, I want even more to establish that they can trust me their sadness and pain and humiliation and....whatever other emotions some may deem excessive.
So to all those people who think my future is bleak because of my daughters' inevitable unstable emotions... I have to say that I'm actually looking forward to the time in life where I have five teens.
My home will never be dull. lacking in laughter. or paralyzed when it comes to expression or love.
And seriously, is that such a bad thing?
