For as long as I remember, I would have to physically duck down in order to pass between the trees so that I could go sit on a swing.
A couple years back, my parents took that clothes line down.
Around that time, Jet and I moved back from Texas. And as we waited for the contract on our house to close, we lived with my parents for a couple of months. So on a daily basis, at least once a day, I passed between those two trees to join my girls on their beloved swing.
Just like I had done all of my life.
The first time I walked between the trees (after the line was removed), I ducked. In fact, I hadn't realized that the line was gone yet. I was so used to it's presence, that I just expected it to be there and reacted accordingly.
The second time I walked through, I ducked. Again. The fact that the clothesline was actually gone (and I was aware of this) didn't matter. Because my brain kept insisting:
- You can't always see a clothes line until you're almost on top of it.
- It will hurt. Therefore avoid it at all costs.
Day after day, I would pass through those trees. Day after day, my body would draw back as I walked through. Time after time after time...
In all honestly, the whole scenerio was baffling to me.
The fact that I was apparently unable to break this odd habit was crazy. The fact that my body was pulling rank over my rationalizing skills just seemed so silly. Especially since I knew it was gone, you know?!
Especially since I had the reassurance that it was not going back up. Ever.
YET my body had been conditioned to duck, regardless of whether the present-day need was urgent or non-existent. My mind had been trained to anticipate the pain and avoid it.
Habit was over-riding logic. Expectation of being clothes-lined was effecting my daily walk (to the swing).
This "habit", formed out of necessity to avoid pain, had apparently become as involuntary as breathing.
So I, being determined to not let this "invisible line" rule me, started to consciously change my thinking.
It may sound silly, but I'd walk up next to the trees. Stop. And remind myself that the clothes line was not there anymore. That there was no need to duck. That I could just walk straight through. Without incident or pain.
And then, I would proceed to walk through to the swing on the other side.
It took me many many times of this kind of resetting of my mind before I could walk through without physically hesitating or flinching. It took practice. It took a Ginormous amount of mental dedication to walk the path over and over again. *hard to believe*
My body...and my brain...expected an obstacle as I walked that path. Regardless of what reality said I should expect. So I had to intentionally retrain them both.
Crazy isn't it? Even now, as I write this, I think, "Seriously, was it THAT hard?!" But I assure you, it was. Yet during this entire process, I heard the still small voice of the ever-creative Father say, "Isn't this how trust is?"
Huh. Yeah, I guess it is.
If there's any area in my life where I have been hurt again and again, it's easy to just expect it, you know? Regardless of whether "reality" says I have reason or not.
Because when people have let me down again and again...if I have been betrayed, back-stabbed, or emotionally beaten down...it's near impossible to not just expect it and react accordingly. Regardless of how I want to react, you know?
It's a tricky thing, our brain. When you think a thought enough times, it literally creates a groove/pathway within the framework of the brain. Essentially, it becomes easier and easier to think the same thought. Or in music, to play the same song without effort. Or I'd wager a guess... in relationships, to expect the same outcome.
SO on the same token, does that mean that it becomes harder and harder to think something that travels apart from that groove? *shrug* Just a guess.
The question that I have to ask myself is this: what grooves have been niched out in the framework of my brain? Spiritually, emotionally, relationally, etc.
Are there invisible "clotheslines" in my life where I continue to duck? Expecting to get pelted,when it's not really reality? Am I walking through life, avoiding going between the proverbial trees because I think a boobie-trap of sorts has been set?
Am I withholding my heart...my trust...from a particular relationship because I have trained it to hide behind walls for protection sake?
My guess. Yeah. There are many invisible clotheslines. Especially where relationships are concerned. I expect certain people to act a certain way towards me.
So okay, Lord. You have my attention. I get it. You used that stinkin' clothesline to challenge me. To show me that I have some trust issues. ....I'm listening. What do I need to do? Show me how and what to change.
Renew my mind so that I may interact with those people (You know the ones) in a way that doesn't stem from fear, haughtiness, judgement, or hate.
I really do want to be able to walk to "the other side" without expecting to be *whacked*.
Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Romans 12:2
