One where I'm trying to find the balance between accepting the "what is" and yet striving for even better.
It's a fine line...this road between contentment and yet hoping for more. And that's where I've been as I'm mentally trying to find my place in this new stage of life...
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This year one of my personal goals is to become more comfortable in my own skin.
With every new season in life, there comes the *need* to reevaluate.
When winter comes, we all know to pull out the coats, the gloves, and the heavier clothing. From the ol' shed comes boxes filled with antifreeze, snow shovels, and ice scrapers.
*shrug* It's just the accepted reality that as a new season approaches (or hits suddenly) we have to readjust the way we interact with life.
Heck, even the SAME season during a different year requires some upgrades: "That shirt is soo last season." ;)
Yet.
My logic refuses to extend myself the same freedom when I enter into yet another LIFE season (metaphorically speaking).
I can't seem to, on some emotional level, accept the fact that the way I look/think/interact NOW may NEED to be completely different than it was even 4 months ago.
As totally skewed as my brain knows this is, the Emotional Me feels the need to be the same size I was in college. or have the same amount of close relationships and free time as I did B.C. (before children). or be able to accomplish as much now as I did back when I only had one or two children.
I know this doesn't make sense on the realistic end of things. But let's be honest, there are times when "reality" doesn't cut it when going head-to-head with "emotion".
Because there are times when my brain wants nothing short of occupying itself with the memories of what I used to be. bucking anything "new". and defining it as Less Than.
But I'm so ready (and needing) to clue in the stupid side of my brain to the fact that this is my Now Life. This is a new version of me. The Me that has evolved over time and through circumstances.
This WILL be a year where I throw off the hindrances in my head (the part of my mindset that's stuck in the past) so I can effectively run in this new season.
I mean, I may as well conquer the "What-used-to-be-is-better" mindset now. Because I'm going to have to overcome it every. single. time. another Life Season arrives.
- When all my children are old enough to be in school.
- When they leave home and the "empty nest" hits.
- When menopause makes its grand entrance.
- When gray hair takes over as my new look.
- When an aging body dictates my daily activities.
To a large extent, I know I can't control what life brings me. But I can control the way I interact with it. the way I allow my brain to perceive it as it remembers past life seasons.
I may not be the same size I was 15 years ago. I may not have the same friendships as I did 10 years ago. But I'm beginning the journey where I intentionally retrain my brain to not judge *Me* based on an Expired Identity.
The journey where you acknowledge that the "shelf life" of A Season of a Woman's Heart only lasts for so long.
