Sleep?

People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one. ~Leo J. Burke

Amen, Leo. Amen.


Raquel does sleep 6 hour stretches...just not during the middle of the night. Lovely.

She's a sweetie. But an exhausting one. ;)

These past couple days she's had some breathing/phlegm issues. So she's been sleeping on our bed, in my spot, as I hug the bottom of the mattress. *ouch*

I can tell that she will be an easy baby, sleep wise, once she gets a little older... Now to make it until then. because I'm kind of missing the ability to think a thought through to the end.

Sleep deprivation + Postpartum Hormonal Craziness = ADHD Momma.

Thinking outside the box.

If God can equip these ANIMALS with a creative way to provide for themselves and their families... then I'm trying to imagine what innovative ideas he has waiting for me!






I bet if these little guys had presented this "New way to fish" theory to some Mammals Unite Ocean Forum, they would have gotten shut down. *laughing*

Drawing circles in the sand? Utter Nonsense.

But these dolphins went with this God-given inspiration ...and now just sit there while scads of fish simply jump into their open mouths. A-maz-ing.

I don't know about you, but I'm thinking Bring it, Lord! I'm all for Him given me some crazy, new way to bring about that kind of provisional results! ;)



MATTHEW 6
²⁵"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes?

²⁶Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? .....

³¹So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' ³²For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them.

³³But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well."

Traditions...

...are like glue for the family.

Kind of like a child's security blanket, you know? comforting in it's predictability. reassuring that regardless of what else happens, you know it's set in stone.

Knowing this, establishing family traditions is one of The Big Ones as far as "mom goals" go for me.

That said, this year we started another tradition. One that I believe will continue well into the years where they're dating and married.
The Yearly Christmas Dinner

...a time where we dress up to the hilt. decorate the dining room. go all out on the dinner menu. and just focus on enjoying each other.

Being that Raquel was born a week before Christmas and I had sudden-onset of postpartum preeclampsia, the dinner was postponed until the beginning of January. But better late than never, right?

THE MENU

Back in early December, we sat the girls down and took a vote. They were given the opportunity to choose the meal. I have to admit, I was a little worried that our First Annual dinner would be corndogs and jelly beans.

But letting the girls be a big part of the planning process makes the tradition THEIRS. So it felt key to let them choose at they saw fit. Thankfully, corndogs were never mentioned. :)

This year, Charis was the emcee.


Manning the dry-erase board, as she wrote down every one's thoughts on the menu.

Very serious matter... being the ONE In Charge. ;)

Then again, so is coming up with viable menu options...

Selah's deep in thought. :)

We went through the voting by items: Vegetables. Meats. Sides. Desserts.

Listing all their ideas on the board before putting it up to a vote.

I'm pretty sure this little girl, only knowing Food was involved, voted more than once.


I have to admit, the whole Voting Drama part was almost as fun as the dinner itself.


Just hearing their ideas, for one, was so telling. These girls were reallllly putting a lot of thought into it.

And then watching their faces as they saw that THEY were actually getting to determine The Special Dinner was precious.

They loved every minute.

As did Daddy...as he got some cuddle time with SelahBug.


These are the moments that made traditions so special. The slowing down and enjoying each other.


and teaching the kids to enjoy each other as well...


I love how you can literally see their pride in this picture. Knowing that they were in charge. that their ideas and their vote were the determining factors.

Just the memory of their excitement makes me smile.

The Big Day (January 23)



MENU:
Shrimp and Salmon
Salad
Green beans
Sweet potatoes
Corn on the cob
Fruit salad
Ice cream cake and Pumpkin Pie


Selah was all about documenting all the details with her camera.


Raegan, all about helping the big sisters decorate with whatever she could find


The oldest girls were loving being Dolled Up.


And I was loving watching my manly man cook. ;)


Unfortunately, due to a snow storm, we were unable to get all that we needed. And then during Prep Time, due to Jet pulling a back muscle and Raquel refusing to let me put her down, we were forced to improvise on a few items.


But oh well...that's life with kids. Everything felt chaotic in the hours leading up to the Big Dinner. But it was all so worth it, watching the oldest girls work themselves up into a frenzy.

twirling around to show off the poof in their skirts. and the curl in their hair.


Their choice of accessories, tights, and shoes cracked me up.

Selah (5)...

She loves shiny things. And loves to combine different textures, styles, and prints. Budding artist maybe?

Or just a future victim on the show "What not to Wear."

Charis (7)...


She loves looking grown up. high heels, tights, frills...she loves it all. As long as she thinks it makes her appear older... and as close to a "real princess" as possible....she'll wear it with pride.

Raegan (2)...


She hates shoes. usually screaming that they are "too tight", even when we know they're a size too big.

Unfortunately these were the shoes she picked. and refused to take off.

Future tomboy? Or maybe just like her momma...a pushover for sweats and socks as her daily attire?

Alana (16 months)...


loved the decorations. This is her seeing the streamers for the first time after we got her up from her nap.

She never lost her excitement over the decorations...or the food.


Of course, none of the girls did.

They said it was The Best Night EV-ER. :)

Score! I'm positive that this is a tradition worth keeping.


And this party will be one that we'll look back on and smile.

Heaven help us ten years from now

These two, aged 34- and 16-months, are stuck in the middle of five sisters.

Little girls who look nothing alike...

yet who have recently become inseparable.

You can hear them all throughout the house, entertaining each other with nothing but their laughter.


Both of them are seriously hilarious all by themselves. So when you put the two of them together, it's hysterical to watch.


I can't even imagine when they're both old enough to conspire together...

Uh...Can anyone suggest a good in-home security system? I have a feeling we may need to install one just to keep an eye on these two.

...Two little girls who look nothing alike. Well, with the exception of those devious little glints in their eyes. ;)

New and Improved?

Insider's View into my thinking: These past few weeks have been a huge processing time for me.

One where I'm trying to find the balance between accepting the "what is" and yet striving for even better.

It's a fine line...this road between contentment and yet hoping for more. And that's where I've been as I'm mentally trying to find my place in this new stage of life...

-------------------
This year one of my personal goals is to become more comfortable in my own skin.

With every new season in life, there comes the *need* to reevaluate.

When winter comes, we all know to pull out the coats, the gloves, and the heavier clothing. From the ol' shed comes boxes filled with antifreeze, snow shovels, and ice scrapers.

*shrug* It's just the accepted reality that as a new season approaches (or hits suddenly) we have to readjust the way we interact with life.

Heck, even the SAME season during a different year requires some upgrades: "That shirt is soo last season." ;)

Yet.

My logic refuses to extend myself the same freedom when I enter into yet another LIFE season (metaphorically speaking).

I can't seem to, on some emotional level, accept the fact that the way I look/think/interact NOW may NEED to be completely different than it was even 4 months ago.

As totally skewed as my brain knows this is, the Emotional Me feels the need to be the same size I was in college. or have the same amount of close relationships and free time as I did B.C. (before children). or be able to accomplish as much now as I did back when I only had one or two children.

I know this doesn't make sense on the realistic end of things. But let's be honest, there are times when "reality" doesn't cut it when going head-to-head with "emotion".

Because there are times when my brain wants nothing short of occupying itself with the memories of what I used to be. bucking anything "new". and defining it as Less Than.

But I'm so ready (and needing) to clue in the stupid side of my brain to the fact that this is my Now Life. This is a new version of me. The Me that has evolved over time and through circumstances.

This WILL be a year where I throw off the hindrances in my head (the part of my mindset that's stuck in the past) so I can effectively run in this new season.

I mean, I may as well conquer the "What-used-to-be-is-better" mindset now. Because I'm going to have to overcome it every. single. time. another Life Season arrives.

• When all my children are old enough to be in school.
• When they leave home and the "empty nest" hits.
• When menopause makes its grand entrance.
• When gray hair takes over as my new look.
• When an aging body dictates my daily activities.

To a large extent, I know I can't control what life brings me. But I can control the way I interact with it. the way I allow my brain to perceive it as it remembers past life seasons.

I may not be the same size I was 15 years ago. I may not have the same friendships as I did 10 years ago. But I'm beginning the journey where I intentionally retrain my brain to not judge *Me* based on an Expired Identity.

The journey where you acknowledge that the "shelf life" of A Season of a Woman's Heart only lasts for so long.

The three littlest

A sister shares childhood memories and grown-up dreams. ~Author Unknown


I love watching these three interact.


Though, I'm thinking Raquel looks a little scared. ;)


Kind of like "Uh, Mom? You do realize that I'm sitting on a couch with a 2- and 1-year old? Right?" :)

I imagine the future friendship of these girls and can only smile. Fun times ahead.

Here today. Gone tomorrow.

I love my blessed life. The every day part of it.

It's 4:28. And ordinary, everyday life events are happening all around me at rapid fire pace.

I just finished an impromptu tea party with Charis and Selah. Selah's idea, as she's been begging me all day to do something (with an implied 'special') with her. She's definitely a "quality time" girl.

Selah is now in the other room "practicing' drums. God has given that girl an innate musical ear, especially where beats and rhythms are concerned. She's such a go-getter and I have no doubt she could be a professional dancer or musician.

I found a youtube video of a 5 year old boy playing the drums like nobody's business. She was so impressed. and inspired to practice harder. And louder. ;)

Charis is now in the other room doing a 100 piece puzzle that she got for Christmas.

She loves mind challenges and can't wait until Daddy comes home so she can show him the finished product.

I have to admit, I'm glad she's currently excited about something "work" oriented being that she just finished writing her book report for the THIRD (or was it fourth?) time this afternoon. She kept doing it in a way other than specified in my directions.

I hated having her do it again and again...but I've been working with her on following directions (complete obedience) and not just doing something in a way that she deems best. Hopefully today's Repeated Assignment Drama will help remind her.

Raegan just got up from her nap and asked for an Elmo video. Suits me!

And while she's watching it, it's as if she has one ear inclined to hear what her sisters are doing. for she kept getting up to involve herself in their activities.


...as well as being attune to mine. She's never too busy or mentally engaged as to not be ready for a Paparazzi moment.


Raquel is sleeping in the midst of all the noise. She seems to prefer the loud and chaotic sound of her sisters over silence. A product of being Sister #5 I suppose?

As I type this Alana is screaming a joy-filled high-pitched scream right by Raquel's head. She doesn't seem phased.

Alana also just got up from her nap and is determined to give Raquel kisses. regardless of how much pain it inflicts upon Raquel and her stomach.



"Gentle" is a word I'm trying to make a part of Lani's thinking, as she thinks hitting Raquel in the head with random objects is part of the whole sister bonding set up.

These are the days that I'll inevitably forget. The days where nothing monumental happened, yet somehow hold the most joy.

These are the quiet moments that pass unnoticed, yet...when captured in a journal are THE thing that makes us smile the biggest.

Motherhood is all about capitalizing on days like today.

Anything to pad my self-esteem these days.

It's amazing what adding a new baby can do to your sense of daily accomplishment.

I mean, sure, there's the obvious lack of sleep. finding time to complete simple tasks like applying deodorant. and the inevitable eating of meals while standing up.

All things that don't bode well for feeling human confident. But in the spirit of saving my self-esteem, here is documented proof that I am getting something done during the day.

Usually a couple of "somethings" simultaneously.

Just call me "Queen Multi-tasker"

TASK #1:

Changing two diapers at once.

Impressive I know. That is, until you become privy to the nasty little fact that a small piece of ...*gagging*...petrified something was found on the rug the other day. NOT directly following a diaper changing.

I still involuntarily wretch whenever I think about it. Oh, and compulsively reach for the Lysol.

So maybe finding a "droppings" in the house deems me not so impressive of a multi-tasker in this right?


TASK #2:

Helping a 2 yr old go potty while keeping a 1 yr old from throwing things into the toilet.

Yes, I have had to retrieve an object out of the "water"...after said toilet had been used. Not something I aim to repeat.

*Gagging. Again*


She, on the other hand, thought the whole thing was hilarious. (as she does whenever I try to discipline her)


Her picture depicts her to a T.

The girl has a sense of humor like none of my others. I can't pinpoint it with words...but when you watch her, you can see the obvious glint in her eye.

So yeah, uh...maybe having to slosh around in those "droppings" deems me not so impressive in this multi-tasking moment as well?

TASK #3:

Teaching a 2nd grader multiplication and parts of speech while helping a kindergartner to fine tune her reading skills.


All while trying to create an atmosphere where the 2-year old feels like she's doing school. and where the 1-year old is unable to access the markers, scissors, crayons, or pencils.

She eats everything. regardless of how edible it is not. I spend my days making sure that she doesn't choke on pencil erasers.


TASK #4

Working out on a daily basis to try and rid myself of this extra weight. while trying to calm my infant, who's indignant that I dare to put her down.

The girls, seeing me work-out everyday have also started to exercise "until we sweat".

Doing sit-ups.

Note to an older Raegan: I did not dress you like this. For some reason, you realllly liked this shirt. Too bad it was recently *cough cough* ...lost.


TASK #5

Spending time with the Lord in the midst of it ALL.

Admittedly this is something I don't do as much as I want to. It feels like I do a little here. a little there. Nothing incredibly deep or consistently intimate.

But I try and keep my focus on Him throughout the day. readying my heart to hear. positioning my thoughts to receive. submitting my will to worship. (We keep worship music playing almost nonstop.)

It doesn't feel like much as I move in and out of the throne room...kissing this boo-boo. refereeing this fight. wiping that cute little toosh.

Yet. He is so faithful. ...The other day I walked into the family room to this scene:

Selah on her knees, worshipping to a new CD my friend sent us: Fee's Hope Rising. Song 6: We Crown You. (love that song)

But what blessed my heart even more was the fact that she and Raegan were worshipping together.


The younger learning from the older.



And my heart was filled with...something no words can adequately express.

At that point, my hygiene-deficient self was able to put everything into better perspective.

If the only thing that I get accomplished during this crazy season is teaching the girls how to live out their days worshipping...then, I'm so good with that.

So see, Self Confidence? There now, Self Esteem...it's okay, don't be upset. You are a multi-tasking momma. You can nurse and worship at the same time.

Works for me. :)

Life on pause.

I'm having to constantly remind myself that this is just a season.

...that the "littleness" of Babyhood doesn't last long.

soo tiny! (taken at 2 weeks)

...that those frequent non-stop nursing marathons won't always consume the entirety of my days. and that there will actually come a time where I wish I could turn back time and snuggle with my babies like only nursing allows.

...that the craziness of dinnertime will pass. And that in the not too distant future, Jet and I will live for the evenings where all five girls are home for dinner at the same time.

...that I'll have years and years to enjoy ME time, but only a short time span to interact with my girls at this young, impressionable age.

With five daughters aged 7 yrs and under, life is never dull. or slow. or quiet.




A lot of the things that I enjoy...like writing to mention just one...have taken a back-burner as I try to figure out how to love each of my girls in a way that makes them feel as special as the newborn that demands so much of my time.

There's so much that the Lord is doing. too much for me to begin to document. (I only just got around to write about Raquel's delivery in my journal.)

So my prayer is that my spirit will retain what my pen cannot capture.


Babies make you push the *pause* button of Life. So if you don't see me on here for a while that'd'a be why: My brain is on FreezeFrame. My heart is occupied. My arms are full.

Changing...it's the way of a healthy life.

*DISCLAIMER*
This is pro'lly gonna be a long one. Being that I've been saving up blog material for a while now. as nursing a floppy-headed newborn doesn't lend itself to being a multitasking activity. At least not where two-handed typing is concerned.


**Additional Disclaimer: This rather long blog may and/or may not make sense. This Momma-Mia totally blanked on Raquel's middle name today. while on the phone. with an office. that kind of needed that little bit of information.

They told me I could call them back once I remembered. Yes. I'm serious.

Clearly BrainMatter is limited as I sit down to write.


And yeah, it's Kathleen by the way. ;) Raquel Kathleen. I've been chanting it all day.

That said, due to above disclaimers Management does not accept responsibility if the reading of said blog brings about confusion. headaches. unexplained tremors. or hunger due to sudden onset of boredom.

--------------

What I used to be VS. The Present Reality as I know it:

• Then: Athletic
  
  Now: Hmm. Athletic? Uh. Well, it took an obscene amount of muscle strength to push five babies out. That's gotta count for something, right?
  
  
• Then: Public Speaker
  
  Now: Asking my girlie masses "Does anyone need to go to the potty?" in the middle of Wal.mart totally qualifies as public speaking, doesn't it? Or is that just speaking in public?
  
  Eh. Close enough.
  
  
• Then: An integral part of a professional team.
  
  Now: Well, if I look at the motto "There's no I in team"....then I have to say: Count me in! Because, by my calculations, the last time I had "me time" (yeah, that'd'a be going to the bathroom by myself) was close to a decade ago.
  
  So by that definition, I'm still "team" material.
  
  
• Then: Able to hold intelligent conversations that did not require me to simultaneously wipe someone's body part.
  
  Now: Intelligent conversations? *laughing* Okay, so I may have to concede to remain lacking in this department for the time being.

... I'd briefly mentioned that there were things I wanted to change about ME this year. In fact, the list is rather long. Obnoxiously long.

Since Jet and I were married 8.5 years ago, I've changed a lot...some by choice. some by circumstances. some by default. But that's what you do in life, isn't it? You roll with it...and you embrace change.

That said, in a lot of ways, I'm completely unrecognizable compared to who I used to be. And I'm good with that. In fact, I'm hoping that this time next year I'll be unrecognizable yet again.

I have a list of things that I intend to set my mind on to intentionally change this year. Because, if I'm totally honest, there are moments where I just don't like who I've become...the WAY I walk out my being a wife and mother.

Sitting on the couch the other night, Jet asked me what I was thinking. Hmm. Dare I say it?

Eh. Why not? I'm still within the realm of the notorious "6 weeks postpartum" stretch. I mean, the man expects me to be a bit crazy, right?

So I look at him and say "Sometimes I just hate who I am."

There. Isn't that a doozy of a conversation starter? *wry grin*

He asked if there was anything he could do to help. But what do you say to that other than "Uh, No." ?

Because when all is said and done, it's ALL in how I perceive myself. whether or not I believe that I am, in some way, lacking. broken. or defective.

Don't get me wrong. I don't walk around with a dark cloud of "Self Loather" hovering overhead. I don't have issues with depression or anxiety or thoughts of suicide. I'm a relatively balanced person. (Zip it, oh Husband o' Mine)

But even then. I still have to acknowledge there are things I do. not. like. And totally intend to do something about.

So a couple of my New Years' "Resolutions" of sorts? (I'm only doing two...gotta creep back into this Blog thing slowly. Lactating-Brain can only handle so much.)

1. To not micro-manage my children.

When Charis was younger, I was really good about giving her ample opportunity to make decisions. You know, building the self-esteem and providing a needed outlet for that emerging "self" that can sometimes presents itself as Tantrum during the "Terrible Twos".

But add four children to that and this Momma lost some of her ability to let the kiddos roam freely in the Land of Decisions.

I rather prefer to be in control. Enter stage left: straight jackets. *rolling my eyes*

But my heart is to raise confident girls. to encourage creative thinking. and to give them the ability to tap into their own opinions.

Now grant it, being that the oldest is only 7 years old, the decisions I'm talking about rotate around the lesser things in life. but to the Littles, those things register as Big.

Bottom line, I've seen how my mouth intervenes far too often into those "smaller things" in their lives. and I've seen how it's effected them.

And I'm done with micro-managing. Done.


2. To stop Wishing Upon a Star, get off my booty, and make it happen.

I can't tell you how many times a day, I utter the words (inside my head anyway) "I wish..."

I wish all my pregnancy weight would just fall off *bam* like that.
I wish this book was finished.
I wish the house painting was completed.
I wish I could just ....
I wish such-and-such would happen...

It's a total waste of time. a horrible example for my children. and dead weight when it comes to how I'm being a partner to my husband.

Because if my energy is occupied wishing on a star, then there's no extra energy to expend on much of anything else.

I'm sorry, honey. I can't pray for you about X. I can't help you come up with a plan for Z. I'd much prefer to live in the land of Pretend. where the I-Dream-Of-Genie nose quiver reigns supreme.

So my "resolution"? to stop entertaining those thoughts and start pushing through the WORK that's going to bring about those wanted results.

I'm done with "wishful thinking". Done.

Still alive and kickin'

I present to you the reason why my computer hasn't seen much of me:


Well, that and the lovely World of Migraines has been holding me hostage against my will.

Shall return when I'm able to form complete sentences again... Okay, so maybe just partial sentences.

Don't want to aim too high. *wink*