Driving the 20 minutes home from my parent's house on Christmas Eve, my mind wandered to a place that's become all too familiar. At least recently.
The thought that somewhere, most likely within arm's reach of me right now, there are children who are not having a Merry Christmas. Nor the hope of one...
And I don't mean because of the lack of presents. Though yes, I'm sure that's their reality as well. But whose holidays, as well as the normal days, are filled with abuse...
A few weeks ago, as my girls danced around the living room, I was immediately struck with how peaceful our home is. and how some children never experience the atmosphere that our girls have come to expect as the norm.
The knowledge that there are children's lives who mirror something akin to a horror movie, on a daily basis... well, it haunts me.
And it is there that my mind locks. My brain becomes almost paralyzed to move past the thought of child abuse. and the accompanying images.
Truly, there are times that I get so overwhelmed with the thoughts that I literally have to make myself think on something else; those images being so uncomfortable to face.
But seriously? the irony in that statement disgusts me...
Facing the thought of a child being abused is uncomfortable to me?! Yet...what about a little girl facing the fist/temper/sexual advances of an enraged adult? What about her comfort level?
I've always had a soft heart for children. Even as a child, I was never one of the mean-spirited kids. I hated injustice and took up for the underdog.
And being a parent has only cemented that in me. For I think "What if my Selah had been born to someone else? What if she had been born into a family that molested her?"
And something in me rises up and says "Oh no you didn't!" I am literally gripped with an overwhelming desire to gather those children into my home. protect them. embrace them. and show that real love doesn't hurt.
Of course, only after stringing up those abusers by...whatever body part I can get a hold of.
Look, I'm just being honest here. I have very little tolerance for people who prey and/or hurt children. Innocent children. Children I may never meet, but who's silent cries literally pierce my heart.
And I'm left to wonder...where do I go from here?
Yes, I realize there are many "obvious" answers. Go adopt. Do foster care. Save one life at a time.
And while Jet and I commend those things and have discussed pursuing them... I honestly don't know what the Lord is asking of us at this moment. I don't want to start in the direction of something "good"...when there may be something "greater" in a little bit of a different direction.
Something that maybe only could originate in the heart of God. not in the mind of social services.
Please don't read me wrong. Don't send me emails saying how you think I'm dissing adoption. I'm not. My sister was adopted. For all intents and purposes, so was my dad. A lot of my childhood friends were....as well as the friends of my own children. I'm surrounded by the beauty of adoption...and love everything about the heart behind it.
But because my very being has suddenly become so violently plagued by these images, thoughts, and feelings, I want to know God specific purpose behind it. What is he asking of me? What exactly is he trying to stir up in me? What vision is he planting?
Do we become political advocates? use the connections we have around the world and stir up ...something?
Do we uproot our family and move to help start some care center on the other side of the globe?
Do we...? I have no clue. But I know something it stirring....
**While I was going to post some images to accompany my thoughts, for whatever reason I couldn't get the photos to cooperate. But...if you want something to grip your heart, go to this site. In fact, go to this site even if you don't feel like it. Their pictures say it all. And I think it's about time we all take notice of what's happening to the little ones. behind closed doors.
www.dreamcatchersforabusedchildren.com/
