Jet said this last night as we sat on the couch together, reading the Word.
When all around me shakes, I have a choice. or three.
1. I can start to whine.
2. I can start to pray, motivated only out of fear...beating on Heaven's door with a liturgy of desperate demands. or
3. I can cling to Jesus, allowing my heart to be put to rest. trusting that He continues to be who he promises to be. My Jehovah Jireh.
And it is in this place that the Lord challenged me. encouraged me. and even, surprised me as I read the Word this morning.
Genesis 22. God tested Abraham.
Three little words. So easy to read. So incredibly difficult to endure.
Do you know the test I speak of? It's one that involves Abraham journeying three days so he could sacrifice Isaac. But allow me to reword that. Because I think we get to used to reading those Sunday School words that we don't truly think about all that is involved.
It's the test that involves Abraham taking his only son. the one whose very life was the heartbeat of God's promise to Abraham.
It's the test that involves THREE long heart-wrenching days of walking to the land of Moriah. keeping God's instruction to himself. agonizing internally. trying to guard his heart from becoming hardened toward God.
It's the test that involves taking rope and tightly binding his child. the very one who looked at him, as the parent, with eyes of innocent trust.
It involves laying that child on top of sticks. A child who is old enough to know what is about to happen.
It involves taking a knife...and watching as you intentionally pierce the most precious child in the world through the heart. Before setting the body on fire. as a burnt offering to God.
I can't even begin to imagine. Seriously. Can. Not. fathom it. Can you?
First, just hearing the Lord tell me that... I'm sure I would be yelling, "Get thee behind me, Satan!" For what loving Father would instruct such a beastly act?
And then to try to come to terms with the fact that God appeared double-minded in his instruction.
For he had said: "Look toward heaven, and number the stars. If you are able. So shall your descendants be." Genesis 15:6
Yet, here God was taking that promise back. Or so I'm sure it seemed.
But
Abraham believed God. He trusted God. He worshipped (vs. 5) God. He then, he moved to obey.
Then (and not before)
God intervened. and Abraham named the place JehovahJireh (God the provider). I think that's the first time that name is mentioned in the Bible. ??
I am in awe of the whole story.
...Since writing the previous post, my thoughts had splintered into a thousand directions.
I've had moments of panic. moments of complete peace. moments of hope. moments of impatience.
Moments where I think 'Oh Dear God, why did I put it all out there?' And moments where I just shrug and say "Oh well.. It is what it is."
Moments where I think 'Oh Dear God, why did I put it all out there?' And moments where I just shrug and say "Oh well.. It is what it is."
I've worried that people will judge me. that they will think my intent was invoke pity. to try to conjure up charity. to perch myself atop a sounding booth from which I can orchestrate the ultimate "Awww...poor Christin!" from Blogdom.
But it was none of the above.
My heart in this journey is to walk as faithfully as I can. as honestly as I can. as real as I am able. So that, for His Name Sake, I can display his glory. Embody his marvelous works.
Regardless of the nasty roads or the horrible tests I endure in the process. Regardless of how ugly I prove my heart to be at times. I want to be real before the Father. and before my children (for whom this blog is ultimately written)
And I can only pray that my heart before God will be as pure, as innocent, as set upon the face of the Father as Abraham's was.
My desire is to please Him. to follow Him, despite the fact that it appears he is taking me in the exact opposite direction from that which He promised.
And despite my lack of understanding, I will continue to walk to the land of Moriah.
So that he can give me open my eyes. And give me perspective.
**I've heard that Moriah means The place of perspective or The Lord is my Teacher*
