Adoption is beautiful....

professionally photograph it. for free.


The concept is that families who have adopted within the last year can get a free photography session from a photographer in their area.

The website is http://www.celebratingadoption.org/.

There you can find out more about the program and locate a local photographer.

Work out songs. Part 2

THANK YOU. You guys sent enough songs to have me on the computer for WELLLL over two hours last night. Just trying to sort through them all.

Though I have to admit...I laughed at some of the suggestions.

But what do I know? I'm sure somewhere... in some far off place where AM radio is the only option... there is some poor soul motivated individual who gets a hearty workout listening to Wind Beneath My Wings.

I can totally see that getting the blood pumping.

.....
And though I know many a people that loooovvvveeee the 80's and all that it's "creative energy" bestowed upon us, I, admittedly, am not one of those people.

But apparently a lot of you guys are, huh? :)

Exhibit A: Van Halen's "Jump"

Hmm...that may work, I thought, as I naively went to view it on Youtube.

Huh. Right. Well, that was... educational. My thoughts? Don't do that unless you have a large bar of soap. Being that after viewing the video, I had the overwhelming urge to run to the shower.

*Insert me frantically pawing at my eyes yelling Unclean! Unclean!*

Yes. It was that bad. Don't believe me? Go look for yourself at what used to be considered sexy back in the day. But don't say I didn't warn you. It gets ugly. Long hair, skin-tight pants kind of ugly.

But oh how I got the best stomach workout. Belly laughing. (Thanks Crystal! See...I was really reading)

....
And I had no idea about the following. Courtesy of Sara.

"Itunes has FREE podcasts you can download called Podrunner. It is kinda techno music but you can pick what beat you want it at like 150 beats per minute, 180 beats per minute, etc. Its awesome for running, jogging or even walking."

Sweet! Will be looking into that.

....

So what am I looking for you ask? Hmm...well, this go round, being that I only have a limited amount of money on my itunes gift card, these were the criteria:

1. Christian songs. unless totally clean lyrics. I have a mind like a trapdoor when it comes to music and will find myself mindlessly singing what songs I've been listening to.

2. Cannot be something that will immediately whisk me back to 1989. The gym dance floor. clad in braces, glasses, and a purple paisley sweater. wondering if I can sway back and forth cool enough to dance with the 8th grade boyfriend of the week.

One time was enough for me.


3. Has to have a fast beat and high energy. with preferably lots of bass. to drown out the sound of my children exhausted breathing. as I'm only using the songs for when I'm on the treadmill and am in need of a rhythm to keep up with.

...a couple of the songs I picked aren't like this...but they'll be used either for warm-up or cool-down phases.

These are the songs that I'll be adding to my Workout Repertoire over the next little while:

Shackles (Praise You) by Mary Mary
Stomp by Kirk Franklin
Freedom by Nicole C. Mullen
Extreme Days Remix by Toby Mac
Catchafire by Toby Mac
I like to Move it by Reel 2 Reel
Fast and Furious by Grits
Unbreakable by Fireflight
Moving by Group 1 Crew
I'm letting go by Francesca Battistelli
One more round by Barlow Girls
Undignified by David Crowder Band
Lets Go Back by Everyday Sunday
Anything is possible (mix of life album) by Zoegirl


If you think of any more, keep the suggestions coming! I'm off to the treadmill.

Jammin' out to...?

Thanks to mi padre, I grew up in the gym. I remember from a very young age accompanying my dad to his friend's basement gym set-up, where a select group of guys worked out. I remember picking up the itty-bitty weights and doing arms curls. to the tune of 1lb. handgrips.

So because of that, I grew up with a love for fitness. And to this day, I still have a motivation to stay in shape.

Even though, at times, it remains just that. A motivation...and not an action. *wry grin*

But now, as I stare my too-small wardrobe in the face I feel called to action. So this past Sunday I asked two friends to join me in making fitness goals and sticking with them. keeping each other accountable and revving up our competitive drives in knowing that someone else was out there doing what we "should" be.

So now I ask you... would you help? I'm in need of upbeat, fun workout-type songs that I can download off of itunes.

I had already asked Tracy (a blog-bud from NY) for some suggestions a while back...to which she directed me to Toby Mac. Got one song ("Ignition") and love it! Makes me workout harder. *thanks, Trac*

If you have a favorite workout song leave a comment (or send me an email if you so choose) telling me what songs you'd suggest. I don't have scads of time to go through the Itunes lists...so will you help a girl out and share your fav. upbeat song?

My sagging boot-ay and 20 extra pounds would so appreciate it.

Ignition -- tobyMac

Just in case you want to hear my current favorite jam-out song. :)

...to see if you want to add it to your repertoire of work-out musik.

Home Skewl at its best ... Fa-ne-tikally speaking

Three of our girls...veggin' out in front of the TV. Learning the rules of adding and subtracting. If you haven't heard of the Leap Frog DVD series, I highly recommend that you look into it. Seriously. They are worth every cent in terms of how much your child will love them. and how much they learn.

There are five that I know of:
1. Letter Factory
2. Talking Words Factory
3. Code Word Caper
4. Learn to Read
5. Math Circus

All very much a necessity, in my opinion, when teaching your child to read.

Their way of presenting the "how to" of reading is captivating. Great characters, catchy songs to help you learn the rules of reading, and word-picture associations that have stuck in my daughter's head...helping them to master phonetics.

For instance have you ever heard: "When two vowels go walking, the first one does the talking"??

I hadn't! But it's true. Take the word READ. Two vowels "walking" together. The first one does the talking...meaning together they say the "E" sound.

Pretty catchy, eh? The dvd is full of learning tools like this. In the form of song, which kids retain like nothing else.

That said, I was tripping all over myself this morning, as Selah and I sat down to practice reading. because there are a TON of exceptions to these rules.

Take the "ou" sound for instance. I've been saying it says the "OW" sound. Like it the word "spout" and "about" and "mouse". Sounded logical to me.

Until I read the following sentence: "yOU shOUld go arOUnd in a circle." Huh. Blew that rule to... pieces, now didn't it?

And then there's the rule: The silent E at the end of a word makes the vowel says its name. Like in "cute"... "kite" ... "bake"...and "tote".

Of course, then there's words like "come" and "done" and "above" and a plethora of other words I won't take the time to write out. Again...rule? What rule?!

And don't even get me started about these words:
Right and Gnat. where the g just decides to go mute.

One. goes against every rule. The silent e is not making the o say it's name. In fact, the O is rebelling all together and stealing the w's sound.

Said. is in a class by itself. You can't just assume that it rhymes with "aid" because of its spelling. Nor can you assume that it follows the rule of "two vowels walking."

Nope. The a and the i got together and sang their own song. to the tune of the letter "e".

Or the fact that "read" can be read in two different ways. Yet have the same spelling.

And would someone please tell me why cow and low do not, in fact, rhyme?!

And I've just decided that the letter "C" is having an identity crisis. Is it a K (closet, cat, comet)? an S (celery, circus, cent) ? a SH (precious, ocean, special)?

Make up your stinkin' mind, Letter C. I'm trying to teach here. and you're driving me crazy.

Whoever established the English language should be shot. For there is no rhyme (try to explain that word phonetically!) or reason to the way our words are spelled/read. I mean just look at the word "phonetically" for petesake!

Well, I'm off to teach reading. once. more.

If you listen carefully, you may just be able to hear it. Shhh. Can you? That's me. Beating my head against a wall. Holding an "I can read" pre-K book in my hand.

I'm concentrating really hard.

...trying to be like my daughter Selah. For she has a talent that most do not possess.

the ability to turn her tongue upside down.


I know. I'm rather amazed... and slightly disgusted as well.

But go on, admit it. You're going to go and try it too.

A new year

The past few years, I've intentionally steered clear of making New Year's Resolutions. I figure, they'll only be broken and then I'll be depressed.

Not the most enticing end result to pursue.

But this year, I am throwing caution to the wind and setting a few goals for myself. And I will document it here.

Even if only so I can look back years from now and say "Aw, what a stupid stupid girl I was ... thinking I could raise four girls, homeschool, stay get in shape, and have a life."

But a girl can dream. And so I will.

1. Ironically, the week proceeding January 1st, I walked an average of 4 miles a day (treadmill). Then December 31st, 11:59PM arrived and Bu-bye motivation! I stopped walking. It wasn't something I consciously decided. It just happened.

My goal: To walk at least 1 mile a day. I figure it doesn't take me long. the mileage is no where near intimidating. and once I'm at 1 mile, I'm more than likely to go for more.

2. "Early in the morning will I rise up and seek thee." I want to wake up early to walk on the treadmill. Before the girls wake up.

Whenever I'm on the treadmill, the Lord starts to open up the heavens. Seriously. I actually have a notepad and pen on my treadmill, so I can write down any the many things He says.

Who knows why He chooses this time to consistently speak. Maybe it's the fact that I'm expending energy getting no where. like a hamster. and He's laughing at me and just has to share the joy. ;)

Or Maybe he's not laughing, feeling sorry for me instead. So he opts to insert wisdom. You know, to balance out my lack of (walking) progress with his revelation. He's kind like that.

Maybe it's because I'm jamming to worship music. have no little distractions running around. and therefore, he has my undivided attention.

But regardless of the why. It happens regularly and I cannot deny it. SO I want to do it before the girls wake up. That way I know I'll have actual worship time. just me and Him.

3. I want to get together with a few lady friends of mine on a regular basis. To laugh. To chill. To go deeper into the Lord together. I love the ladies the Lord has surrounded me with.

4. I want to drink lots of water. Eat lots of vegetables and fruit. and drastically reduce the amount of junk I eat. God help me. I rather have a thing for food smothered in fat. The brown, creamy kind of fat.

5. God has been challenging me to step out in a certain arena. Not too long back, I was having such an intense time with the Lord that I had to literally lay on the ground during worship. And as I closed my eyes, I had a vision. One where the Lord was basically getting up in my face. telling me that I would do this thing that he's been prepping me for.

My goal: to dive in head first. to go at it with passion. dedication. and joy. And leave the rest up to him.

A year passes rather quickly. Above all else, I hope that I can look back this time next year and see a marked growth in my passion for the Lord, understanding of his Word, and experience of his power and presence in my life.

Walking Hand in Hand

This is how I've felt these past couple of months....Supported on all sides as I move forward in this walk towards Christ.

As I've been putting more and more out there, in the form of blog, I've had so many women from around the globe write me letters, encouraging me to no end. I LOVE getting your emails. Love it. *thank you*

But because my computer seems to hone in on your emails as well... booting them from its system before I even know what happened...I am planning on posting some of them on here. With your permission, of course. But that way, years from now, my girls and I will have them to look back on.

Long after I've sent this rebel Toshiba to the junk pile.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

Christin,

I'm your read-only friend (that you didn't know you had) in Kansas.

I've read your blog for the past 2 years, after praying for a mentor--I found your blog, totally by accident. I prayed, knowing that this mentor would probably be one with whom I wouldn't have time to do coffee twice a week- and I specifically asked for a mentor whose homeschooling life and heart would be transparent.

In a way, I asked that I could somehow eavesdrop on another mother's heart-cry as she walked this road of homeschooling, living in faith.

I prayed for a relationship of an honest friend, one whom would share her heart- preferably someone just a few steps ahead of me on the journey- in experience with homeschooling and living in faith in general.

Your blog has been a precious answer to a mentoring relationship for me.

I check in about twice a week, and love seeing what you're up to! I live in Western Kansas, and work part-time, our kids are 6, 4, 2--so there's always something going on...

I say all of this as introduction, because it feels kind of creepy to tell you that I love your honesty, and the joyful heart that you carry, when we probably won't ever speak face-to-face. You walk in such a way as to know the Father's ways, not just His acts.

So, by way of introduction, I promise I'm neither:
1) crazy or
2) an axe-murderer.

Anyhow, your post today got me off the read-only bench. I'm writing with simple words-- not of wisdom or prophesy-- just a word of hope, life, encouragement.

I'm so sorry for the onslaught of bills and financial ick that you and your family are experiencing. I will be praying, hoping for you and your family- and for the outpouring of favor & promises realized of which He has spoken to you!

A quick review of what I've learned, so far... things that He continues to remind me of daily.... God is good. God is a God of hope, promise, and not of scarcity. (there is a lot more that I've learned, of course, these 2 things stuck out as important in writing this email)

I've really been blessed by reading your blog, thank you.
Amy

------------------------------------------------------------------------
*Used with permission. Thank you, Amy. As you know, your letter made my morning.

Exhibit 1-A

Dear Daughters,

One day, after I remind you that it's your turn to clean the kitchen, you may ask me why I work your fingers to the bone. Why I seem to take joy in watching you work. And who, pray tell, made me the Slave Driver.

To which I will only say: You did, dear.

...
This conversation is neither a figment of my imagination nor exaggerated for dramatic effect.

Selah: "Can I clean the counters?" She pauses for a whooping 2 seconds before rushing on, completely frantic that I didn't answer an automatic yes. "Charis got to wash dishes...can't I help too? Please??????"

Me: "Alright."




She does a little jig around the kitchen, yelling her excitement. ;)

Who would've thought that I'd have to fight off my girls when trying to clean the house?! Seriously. They're begging to help. Asking me to teach them "chores".

Even thanking me when I let them.

...
So there you have it, Dear Teenage Daughters, the reason why you are now part of the local slave market.

You asked me to enlist you. And I, the ever loving mother, obliged.

Finally. An update.

This past week, the Lord spoke something to my heart. And it made so much sense.

(Can't you just see God in heaven, letting out a sigh of relief? "Oh goody, my revelation made sense!" I'm sure herds of angels are rejoicing at the thought.) *playful grin*

He said that my heart is to be transparent... so that He can be seen through me.

Pretty stinkin' poetic, if you ask me.

Couple that with my new life motto "It is what it is" and you have one lady who is learning to care less and less about what people think. and becoming more and more willing to just take my life as it comes...

putting it out there for the sake of allowing Christ to strut his Miracle Making Stuff in the midst of my crazy life.


That said, here's the update to my Three Week Period of waiting:

January 12th:
-Jet's place of employment had a prayer time at the office, asking for breakthrough in the midst of this economic mess
-Someone (who does not read my blog) just walked up and gave Jet $100 because he said God told him to.

January 13th
-Church called. Someone gave an anonymous donation of $300 to put toward truck tires.
-Town came and fixed our septic.
-Jet started fasting for breakthrough

January 14th
-Selah with 103 temp.
-The town's meter-readers come to re-read our electric meters. They held their ground and said its accurate. Unbelievable!
-Faxed more paperwork to hospital financial aid department, showing that they overestimated our assets.
-A friend emailed me about Fuel Heating Assistance Program through our town. News to me! THANK YOU, Friend!
-I researched to find that our state's Social Services also offered a fuel assistance program, and that I could apply for both of them.
-Did our taxes....getting back a substantial refund

January15th
-Church called. Someone gave us $500! All I could say when Jet told me was "Why?!"
-Talked to our town's fuel assistance. program person. God gave me extreme favor with her. She went ahead and told me, on the phone, that we qualified for a one-time help amount. She gave us two options: $300 towards electric or 100 gallons of oil.
-Turned in the fuel assistance application to the state's social services. They processed the application immediately (another miracle!). And due to the paycut Jet took, we qualified down to the dollar. They delivered $584 of oil (253.9 gallons) a few hours later!! For free.

January 16th
-Jet home sick. All of the girls really sick with fevers, sore throats, etc
-Jet called the hospital financial aid department. They showed us favor by taking our application out of order (they have strict policy that they process it in the order they get it). She said that we still don't qualify. But after we pay another big bill that's due, she said we will. (such a large pain in the butt...this whole proving to them that we have bills and aren't sitting on a large sum of money)
-Jet broke his fast after conversation with hospital

January 17th
-Mom came over to give strep tests. Everyone was positive except me
-Had extreme favor with doctors. Never had to leave the house, except to pick up Rxs.


January 18th
-Mom said that the people renting my Gma's house had an extra desktop computer that they wanted to give away. And while I'm still praying for a laptop, this is still a miracle b/c our desktop is also on its way out. (Can you tell we use our computers until they keel over?)


January 19th
-Jet took another sick day.
-Had appointment with the town's fuel assistance lady. Made the arrangements for her to pay $300 of our electric bill. Wa-hoo!

January 21
-Jet took back space heaters that we bought two months ago (which apparently jacked up our bill)?? He got back $312.00. The exact amount we needed to pay the rest of the electric bill.


So there you have it. A part of God's provision these last few days. The other part is in the making. Top Secret stuff. :) To be revealed whenever it becomes more official. Don't you love a good intrigue?

Admittedly, it hasn't been easy accepting help from people. Part of me is like "Can I just crawl under a rock now?"

But then I think...that is exactly what my heart longs to do: I want to be able to walk up to someone in the grocery store, hand them $200, and walk away. I want to go shopping for some one's child, buy them school clothes, take it to their door, and leave it there. I want to bless people like that. And one day, I trust that I'll be able to.

For now, I can only say thank you, Lord, for providing like you have. I will continue to trust...

I haven't died. I promise.

As of right now, everyone in my family has strep throat. Everyone, except me.

We have enough antibiotics stockpiled in our frig to kill off a large colony of any virus ballsy enough to get within a half mile of our home. And I daresay, there is none that brave.

And I, to put it mildly, am on the tired side. Jet told my mom this afternoon as I sat on the couch in a half stupor that "Christin's been going 120% for a week and a half straight."

Huh. so maybe that's why I'm so tired?

Oddly enough, having someone voice an excuse for my lethargy gives me some sort of relief. Like it's okay to take a 10 minute nap because my husband has noticed that I haven't slept in...oh, six years.

Sad that it's come to that, isn't it? I need someone to tell me it's okay to feel tired. To my counseling friends: Should I be concerned by this? To my Seasoned Mom friends: Or shall I just rack it up as yet another trait of Motherhood?

I'm finding that I can run empty for weeks on end. energized by only the Mom status I wear.

Until finally, that title can no longer sustain me. I collapse on the floor. curl in the fetal position. and suck my thumb.

So there you have it. The reason why I haven't been updating the blog. I'm sucking my thumb. Which makes it completely impossible to efficiently type.

Update on the Provision of the Father soon.

Jehovah Jireh

"When all is stripped away, where will my trust be?"

Jet said this last night as we sat on the couch together, reading the Word.

When all around me shakes, I have a choice. or three.
1. I can start to whine.

2. I can start to pray, motivated only out of fear...beating on Heaven's door with a liturgy of desperate demands. or

3. I can cling to Jesus, allowing my heart to be put to rest. trusting that He continues to be who he promises to be. My Jehovah Jireh.

And it is in this place that the Lord challenged me. encouraged me. and even, surprised me as I read the Word this morning.

Genesis 22. God tested Abraham.

Three little words. So easy to read. So incredibly difficult to endure.

Do you know the test I speak of? It's one that involves Abraham journeying three days so he could sacrifice Isaac. But allow me to reword that. Because I think we get to used to reading those Sunday School words that we don't truly think about all that is involved.

It's the test that involves Abraham taking his only son. the one whose very life was the heartbeat of God's promise to Abraham.

It's the test that involves THREE long heart-wrenching days of walking to the land of Moriah. keeping God's instruction to himself. agonizing internally. trying to guard his heart from becoming hardened toward God.

It's the test that involves taking rope and tightly binding his child. the very one who looked at him, as the parent, with eyes of innocent trust.

It involves laying that child on top of sticks. A child who is old enough to know what is about to happen.

It involves taking a knife...and watching as you intentionally pierce the most precious child in the world through the heart. Before setting the body on fire. as a burnt offering to God.

I can't even begin to imagine. Seriously. Can. Not. fathom it. Can you?

First, just hearing the Lord tell me that... I'm sure I would be yelling, "Get thee behind me, Satan!" For what loving Father would instruct such a beastly act?

And then to try to come to terms with the fact that God appeared double-minded in his instruction.

For he had said: "Look toward heaven, and number the stars. If you are able. So shall your descendants be." Genesis 15:6

Yet, here God was taking that promise back. Or so I'm sure it seemed.

But

Abraham believed God. He trusted God. He worshipped (vs. 5) God. He then, he moved to obey.

Then (and not before)

God intervened. and Abraham named the place JehovahJireh (God the provider). I think that's the first time that name is mentioned in the Bible. ??

I am in awe of the whole story.

...Since writing the previous post, my thoughts had splintered into a thousand directions.

I've had moments of panic. moments of complete peace. moments of hope. moments of impatience.

Moments where I think 'Oh Dear God, why did I put it all out there?' And moments where I just shrug and say "Oh well.. It is what it is."

I've worried that people will judge me. that they will think my intent was invoke pity. to try to conjure up charity. to perch myself atop a sounding booth from which I can orchestrate the ultimate "Awww...poor Christin!" from Blogdom.

But it was none of the above.

My heart in this journey is to walk as faithfully as I can. as honestly as I can. as real as I am able. So that, for His Name Sake, I can display his glory. Embody his marvelous works.

Regardless of the nasty roads or the horrible tests I endure in the process. Regardless of how ugly I prove my heart to be at times. I want to be real before the Father. and before my children (for whom this blog is ultimately written)

And I can only pray that my heart before God will be as pure, as innocent, as set upon the face of the Father as Abraham's was.

My desire is to please Him. to follow Him, despite the fact that it appears he is taking me in the exact opposite direction from that which He promised.

And despite my lack of understanding, I will continue to walk to the land of Moriah.

So that he can give me open my eyes. And give me perspective.

**I've heard that Moriah means The place of perspective or The Lord is my Teacher*

Caution. Rough road ahead. Enter at your own risk.

Raw.

I think you can handle it. If not, turn aside. This will not be the blog for you. But if you can handle a woman going emotionally bare, for the sake of documenting her journey with Christ, then hang on.

Because I'm thinking it's about to get ugly.

I've talked before about my faith walk with Christ: He asked me to believe for a pain-free delivery. I said Sure. I believed him...he provided. The four times I've walked that journey, while they've been a stretch, has always drawn me deeper into Him.

He's asked me to pray for people. To pray and believe Him for healing. So I did. And I've seen miraculous healings. Physical infirmities disappear before my eyes. A lame woman getting up and walking away for the first time in her life. Pains instantaneously leaving people's bodies.

He's allowed me to experience life inside the realm of the Spiritual. I've smelled things that weren't of this realm. seen things. felt things. heard things. All supernatural. All mind-boggling.

I know he exists. It's not a question I have to entertain. For I've seen too much to even begin to doubt that.

But one area where my heart still breaks...where my faith continues to waiver...where I feel He has continually let me down...is in the area of finances.

Essentially, I have faith for crazy, miraculous things to occur. as long as it doesn't involve my checkbook. Then, I just have a hard time holding out hope.

Now before you go all Pharisaical on me, know that I don't mean to imply that he owes me anything. If all he did was save me from my sins and promise me a life in Eternity with Him, that would be enough.

I know that when I accepted Him as my Savior, I was not promised an easy life. A life without trial or struggle or opposition. I know that when I signed on to be a Christian, I was, essentially, signing a blank contract.

An agreement that metaphorically said that though I didn't know what the future held, I would trust that to Him. and Him alone.

Okay? So I know this. And I willingly follow Him. I love him. I will serve Him. I will trust him. Even if it is by choice...without constant proof of His intervention in my life.

Yet

The arena of finances leaves me wondering so much. Because it is in that place where he continually gives us detailed promises regarding what's to come. Promises that literally number in the dozens. Promises that remain unfulfilled.

He has given me more financial promises that any other promise I've ever heard from him.

Prophetic words about finances given to us by people who had no idea that their exact words were mirroring what the Lord had already spoken weeks earlier. Dreams that spell out the financial abundance that is to come. An angel that loudly proclaimed it to me (in a dream). And personal words spoken from His heart to mine during the random times of my day. Time and time again.

Even after delivering Alana and having a supernatural birth, the Lord didn't skip a beat. He challenged me to up my faith and believe him in the area of financial provision. knowing full well the massive battle of trust this would be for me.

Bottom line: He's promised us for the last seven years that we'd be blessed beyond measure financially. And while I truly don't care about amassing wealth, what gets me is we're experiencing the exact opposite. A place where we're not sure how we're even going to be able to pay some bills.

And it's in this place that my heart before God is so fragile. A place where I inwardly ask:

"Lord? Do you not see? Do you not have compassion? What are you asking of me? How am I to release your promise? Is there something I need to be doing to call it forth? Because honestly, I feel I've exhausted my every outlet. And I need you to move."

That said, I have a hard time when I hear people saying "Praise Jesus! He always provides." or "You can't out give God."

Because this is not a phenomenon that we've experienced. We've given away half of our money for missions at one point. Only to have the IRS mistakenly clean our the rest of our money, without our knowledge. Putting us in the red until they finally agreed to fix their error.

We've given away very expensive things...to people who needed it...just because he told us to. Even when that meant us going without. in our own need. Etc Etc etc

We continue to tithe, knowing that may very well cause us to be late on some bills.

Do I say this to pat myself on the back? NO. I say it because it's truth. and because it truly baffles me to no end. For scripture says

"Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, so that there may be food in My house, and test Me now in this, says the LORD of hosts, if I will not open for you the windows of heaven and pour out for you a blessing until it overflows." Malachi 3:10

For years we've blindly trusted. Given him ample opportunity to intervene and open up the windows of heaven. only to see the exact opposite manifest in our lives. despite the fact that Christ continually promises something completely different.

And it breaks my heart. because it causes me to question the heart of God.

I say all of this because despite my emotions ....despite my desire to scream and shout WHY to the heavens, I am choosing to believe. I'm forcing myself to hold on for just a little while longer. I'm needing to be faithful in pressing in for that. in believing that He could and may intervene at any point...

On January 5th, the Lord whispered something to my heart over and over again throughout the day: "Three weeks." And in my spirit, I felt I was to expect something to change, to happen in the next three week time span.

Even now, my saying that...my writing it for the world to see... Man, it scares me. and drives me to exhausted tears.

Because part of me says, "God I can't do this anymore. I can't put it out there. Only to have you, for whatever reason, decide to hold off for another year. or three. ...And what if I'm totally off? What if I'm hearing something that I want to hear? What then? Or what if your version of an answer doesn't fit what I'm expecting? or something that I'm even able to see in this realm? What then?"

Last Friday, I could feel a battle waging over my mind. over my ability to trust. And all I could do was sit myself down in the middle of the floor, amidst my daughters running around and playing, and pray.

Honestly, my prayer probably consisted of no more than one word: "Lord?" But I laid my heart bare before him. And then got up and walked away, trying to not think about all that weighs on my heart.

The Ugly Facts:

-The day after God whispered three weeks, a policeman came to my door at 7:30AM. Taping a judgement (or whatever they call it) saying that I have to be in court because we haven't paid our hospital bill in full yet (we'd been paying it in small increments...there's $500 left). And while we've been trying to work with the hospital for the last forever, they turned us over to collections. Saying they weren't responsible to handle it anymore.

Okay God. Day One. Not looking so good.

-Then our truck went due for inspection. It needs four new tires. Tires that we cannot at this time (with all that is up in the air) afford to pay. So we're officially becoming a one car family.

Okay God. Day Two. Not looking so good.

-Our laptop starts making horrible sounds. It appears to be dying. I'm wondering if it will last more a few more days.

Um God? Day Three. Still...not looking so good.

-Jet still trying to work with the hospital was finally told that we didn't qualify for any of the assistance they offer. This was after our being told that it looked like we would. This was a major blow.

Okay, God. Day Four. Starting to feel a bit nauseous here.

-Then, I went to the mailbox and pulled out an electric bill that read over $600. Knocked the wind out of me. I honestly don't see how that could possibly be anywhere close to correct. But now the ball is in our court to prove the town is wrong.

Okay, God...it's been five days. And seriously? Not looking so good.

-Then Days 6 and 7 are girls were sick. And today (Day 8)...our septic system has obviously begun to get backed up. overflowing into a corner of our yard. This has happened before. It's the town's fault. Their issue. They just have never fixed it correctly.

So as all this twirls around in my head, I struggle. Trying to keep my emotions at bay. to keep my heart in the right attitude before God. to just remain in a place where I'm not completely undone.

And the Lord gently spoke, "Can you hold on for three more weeks?"

I called Jet, crying. Telling him what I felt the Lord said. Exposing the part of my heart that says, "What if three weeks come and goes and nothing concrete has changed? What then?"

...

And there you have it. Christin Unplugged. Raw. Exposed. and completely Vulnerable before the Throne of Heaven. and the judgement of readers.

Here I am. NOT standing in victory over this territory. honestly a little annoyed that I'm still having to fight this battle, holding onto promises that feel like a slap in my face. and way past tired and emotionally drained.

Yet. I hold on. for at least three more weeks. Choosing to trust. Choosing to believe, despite present realities, that He will intervene. that He will move in a way that turns present circumstances into something He foretold.

I document because I want to share "The whole truth. and nothing but the truth."

I document because I'm expecting the ending to be better than its beginning. And what's a miracle story if you don't know the downside? Nothing but a convenient praise of the Lord made public only after the hard part has been walked through.

I want to publicly worship him even though the hard part is all I currently know.

I choose to worship him. Because He's God. I'm not. and it's all I have to offer: My choice. My lack. My weakness.

You think you'll remember every detail.

Every cute little mannerism. every funny quip. all the little things that each child does to make her uniquely who she is. to make her stand out among the other little ones that run around your home.


Afterall, the days feel soooo long. How could you possibly forget what you spend the entirely of your every day doing?

But the truth?

At least in this house... I have trouble remembering which girl did what thing. Was it Charis that said that? Or was that Selah? Was Raegan the one that made us laugh...or was it Charis?

It's a sad feeling to know that, in truth, you couldn't identify the cute little person behind the memorable act if your life depended on it.

And that is why I write. To remember.

And today, I want to remember the fact that my little Selah bug is our cuddler. On any given day...in fact several times every day...she asks me to snuggle with her.

And then she proceeds to curl up beside me. or on top of me. Whatever suits her current mood.
Sometimes she curls into my neck and hangs on tight. Sometimes she just wants to sit for a matter of seconds, before she gets up to show me her newest dance move.

She just wants my attention. my undivided attention. And today, when I gave it to her, she whispered, "Tell me how much you love me."

These are the days that I never want to forget. And I pray, my sweet sweet Selah, that you never forget how much I love you....

"To the moon. To the sun. and to heaven. And then back again." (her answer to how much she loved me.)

That thar girl look differnt, don't she?

It's so hard for me to believe that this little sweetie pie is mine. I know, I know. She's my fourth, so you'd think I would have gotten used to having a new baby by now.

But each one is just so sweet. so unique. so incredibly beautiful in their own way. That this fierce love I automatically feel always puts me in awe. on a daily basis.

And thus far, little Lani has lived up to her name's meaning "Outpouring of Joy". Because she, truly, has been so bubbly from REALLY early on. She started smiling (at people, upon eye contact) before she turned 5 weeks. She started have deep belly-laughs at 2 months.


Can't you see the joy in those eyes? That smile lights up her entire face. It's hard to miss the Joy when you look at her.

As well is the fact that she continues to "have her own look", as so many people say.

So I decided to finally show you where she gets her look. Being that she did, in fact, come forth from my womb... even though all her older sisters are darker in every aspect.

Exhibit A:
My dad's sibling group. Blond Blond Blond. (he's the exceptionally cute one on the far left. with the dirty face)



Exhibit B:
My dad as a young, blond stud. (I just saw this picture last week for the first time. Love it). He's now 60 years old and still blond (with some grey mixed in).

Exhibit C: My brother as a little tot. Need I say more?

Obviously my family has it's share of blond-hair, blue-eyed genetic tendencies. But if that wasn't enough, there's Jet's side...

Exhibit D: Jet's youngest brother, Isaac.

Yep. Blond. Blue eyes. and cute as can be.

I'm thinking my little Blond Beauty is in good company.

What a large mouth you have

No, the point of this picture is not to show you Raegan's bicuspids. nor is it to show off the exceptional size of her 22-month old mouth. Though both are rather impressive. :)

But to give you an insider's view into what our house looks like these days. Why is she screaming, you ask?


To put it plainly...because I put a stop to this.

The na*ked boot-ay.

The one that is not potty-trained. and therefore has no respect for the rather expensive rugs we have scattered throughout our home.

So I harnessed those chubby little cheeks. With a pair of whitey-tighties.

Only they weren't, being a size or two too large.

But that didn't stop her from hysterically screaming "Too Tight! Too Tight!" as she ran around the house. somewhat akin to a puppy trying desparately to rid itself of a leash.

Seriously. This whole potty-training thing is over-rated. There are days I think I'd rather stick my head in the toilet than try and get her to cooperate.

Her idea of potty training is stripping down to nothing and streaking through the house. Somehow I don't think that qualifies for socially acceptable behavior.

But eh. We homeschool. So I suppose that lets us off the hook, being that we're apparently not raising socially "with it" kids anyway. Right? *bwah haha*

Christmas Photo. Take One.

Well, I did it. I took down Christmas and boxed it away in the attic.

I had intended to pack everything but the tree. You know, so I could attempt to get better Christmas pictures of the girls in front of the it. Like I did last year.

But once I got started packing boxes, I couldn't stop. What can I say? It's the OCD in me. heh heh

Bu-bye, Tree!! Your pre-lit lights were, once again, a royal pain in the *ahem* ...hind quarters this year.

So this will have to do for our 2008 Christmas shot of the girls.

At least the one in front of the tree (albeit it in an off-centered sort of way). But so help me, I will get a better picture in a few days!! Sans the tree of course.

But eh. Who cares? I'm planning on sticking them on top of something red and green. And when all's said and done, that's what really matters, right? ;)

Favor

This evening as I walked on my tredmill, I began thinking/praying over some of the current difficulties that friends and businesses are going through during this economic downfall.

And my mind was drawn to This Season of Favor, wondering how it plays into all of it. When the Lord spoke to me.

You cannot learn to fight with favor, if there's no need to go to battle.

Wow, Lord. Can I just say that one statement about made me fall off the treadmill?

For those that go to my church... that are trying to embrace the prophetic word while living out certain current circumstances that appear to be a direct slap-in-the-face of the Promise....this speaks so much. Does it not?

Keep pressing in as we learn to FIGHT with the favor He's promised.

My Sweet Selah

This little lady's mind is always working

...even when she's not saying anything.

Tonight I was in a rush.

I wanted to put my daughters in the bed. have them quickly brush their teeth, get dressed in their footie pajamas and go straight to sleep.

I wanted my downtime. But Selah didn't want to be quiet; she wanted to chat.

Admittedly, most nights I'm so ready for some time with Jet...or to myself...that I don't stay and let the girls just talk. But for whatever reason, this particular night, I did.

And I'm so so thankful. Not only was it a sweet time for me as a parent, but it also gave me a little insider's view into the Hand of God on my sweet Selah's life.

Selah: Sometimes I pray for yours and Daddy's friends. Like sometimes I pray for Aaron.

... she pauses as if she's trying to think of their last name...

Me: "Gabi's daddy?"

Selah: Yeah...Gabbi's daddy. Sometimes I pray for him. Who's friend is he?

Me: Mommy's and Daddy's. What do you pray?

Selah: I don't know. Just whatever I feel.


I sit in stunned silence for a minute before gushing over how proud I am.

Me: Does God tell you what to pray?

Selah: No...I just pray what I feel.

Me: "Well that is sometimes the way that God speaks to us. by giving us a "feeling"

... continued gushing of how proud I am.

Selah: Well I only do it sometimes...

And with that, the moment faded away. never to be retrieved again. like so many of the fleeting moments we have with our kids, huh?

I can't relay how precious this whole thing was to me. First, knowing that she's been doing this. interceding for people on her own. inspired by God.

AND that she wanted to share it with me!

AND that she wanted to clarify that it wasn't an all the time thing. Even though she could see that her doing it made me proud, she didn't want to give me a faulty view of the frequency. That showed such integrity!

I'm so so blessed by this little girl. by her relationship with Jesus. and her obvious heart for others. and I had to document this small moment in time.

Christmas has come and gone.

Let us pause for a moment of mourning...

How I dread this time of year. The After Christmas season. Town is all a-buzz...with cranky, unsatisfied consumers returning gifts that, for a plethora of reasons, didn't suit them.

And my own home is also all abuzz. with sad people who have to partake in the dismantling of All Things Christmas.

My sparkly, beautiful tree is still up, mocking me.


For it has to come down.

And when it's a faux (doesn't that sound better than FAKE?) evergreen tree and piles of breakable ornaments needing to be individually wrapped in tissue paper...this includes a better part of the afternoon. Complete with many-a-trek up two flights of stairs to its cozy home: the attic.


*the following is my nativity set that our good friend, Jon Clark, said I'd be reported for... to my church elders. for its Swedish rendition of Jesus. complete with blond hair and ultra-pale skin. *laughing*

The Christmas decorations that make my house feel so festive and colorful are needing to be packed away. causing a sudden lack of festivity in my soon-to-be lackluster abode.

Where Red, Green, Shiny, and Sparkly have been for weeks, there will soon be Nothing. just an empty space of ...has been. Normal, every day nothing.

I know...just hand over the Drama Queen award. I'm pathetic, I don't dispute this.

Our mailbox goes from filled-with-holiday-cheer to bills. and non-profits asking for donations before December 31st. What happened to the spirit of giving? Oh that's right...it's my turn to fork it over. to our local mortgage lender.

So in a span of a few days, my house goes from looking all cheery to ...not. Tis a sad sad time for me.

But despite the depressive "after" part, I wouldn't trade the last months for anything. I love all things PRE Christmas. Especially the shopping for my loved-ones.

And this year, I found something last minute that I'm thinking will go down in Christmas Present Hall of Fame.

At least in this house of daughters...

*we got the book version. not the audio

I'm happy to say that I got this little beauty of a stocking stuffer last minute for $3. And it fast became Jet's and my favorite gift this year.

We cried. We laughed. We were inspired to look at our daughters trek to teenager-dom in a whole new way.

It's a story of a guy with four daughters (so easy for us to relate to him, eh?!) who decided when they were young that if a guy wanted to take his daughter out for a date, he had to interview them first.

(Jet said to put in here that the cover makes him look like a dork-dad. but his image is redeemed in the pictures inside. *too funny*)

No, the "Interview" wasn't in some over-controlling way. but.......... oh, just get the book and read it. It's was so sweet. eye-opening. inspiring for both of us.

especially for Jet.

Here's a quote from a man who was one of the young guy long ago interviewed by The Dad:

"Removing a father's role as protector of his daughter and her purity would be like removing the castle wall that guards a princess."

Exactly. Get it. Read it.
...I would say you can borrow Jet's, but I'm thinking you'd have to wrestle him to the ground to get it. being that this copy was signed by the very princesses that he's standing guard for.