In and Out of Season

*Mentally, I'm drained. Emotionally, I got nothing. Physically, I'm pretty much great. unless I go and do something daring like...oh say, climb the stairs. :) Spiritually, I feel like I can dig no more. kind of like when you've studied and studied for a test and to look at the text book one. more. time. will only confuse you. The whole scenerio of either you know it or you don't kind of thing.

So since I got nothing of intelligence in this moment...for memory sake...here's a part of a letter I wrote to a friend last week. It's pretty much describing where I'm at in this whole Season of Waiting (regarding the pending delivery)

"...preach the word, be urgent in and out of season, convince, rebuke, and exhort, be unfailing in patience and in teaching." 2 Timothy 4:2 (some translations replace "urgent" with either earnest or instant or ready).

Dear XXXX
You know that scripture "be ready in and out of season"? I've been thinking on it recently. Because really...how tiring is that?!

I figure that's pretty much the season I'm living in right now...the being ready and on alert every day. YET not sure when I'm actually NEEDING to be ready, but having to be ready all the same.

Can you say draining?!

Packing my (and the girls') hospital suitcases everyday. Loading and unloading them into the car (since it's stuff we need on a daily basis too). Making sure that we can all leave the house at a moment's notice, which is next to impossible with three little ones. Making sure that my spirit and mind are built up and ready to receive from the Lord. etc etc....

So my question is HOW do we get to the place where being constantly on alert and ready doesn't completely deplete us of any and all strength? Because I'm thinking...what's the point of being ready "in and out of season" if you're just going to be comatose when "the time" comes, you know?

God can't expect or want us to be a bunch of weak soldiers.

"Uh, sorry, God. I'm reporting for duty. You know, since it's Time and all. But FYI, I'm REALLY tired because I've had to be ready in and out of season for...well, a looonnng time now. So in body, here I am. But that's all I got to offer. Hope you're cool with that."

That can't be right. Can it?

Seriously, I don't get it. This whole being ready...in an urgent, instantaneous-response-required kind of way. And yet. still having the mental sanity and spiritual strength to be of any good. I'm hoping he downloads Wisdom regarding all of this into me soon.

But for now, all I can do is trust. and continue to blindly walk forward, pressing into His Presence. making sure that I am ready (as He continually tells me to "go get ready"!!). believing that when the time comes.... when His Outpouring pours forth with a "Ready or not, here I come!" shout... I can say "I am ready. Bring it."

and then, I will be infused with a Heavenly strength.