Falling off the Parental Pedestal

Mommy!! Mommy!!

Charis stood in the middle of her floor, clutching her beloved "Biscuit" dog. Rest time was officially over and I could tell that she wanted to tell me something very important.

Now I have to say, I'm really busy here. I mean, I'm in the middle of holding Raegan and gathering up Selah's nap time items. You know, life-altering mommy things that can't possibly be put off. But I, in my ever-giving spirit, smile and say, "What, honey?" Though I'm sure my eye contact lasted...oh, I'd guess...about 0.2 seconds.

She looked at me, eyes wide, eyebrows raised high. Quite obviously busting to tell me something!


"Biscuit asked me if he could have special time with me. Because I'm his mommy, you know. And I said NO! Then he spit in my face. And I told him to 'Go back to bed!'"

My mouth drops to the floor. Time stands still as the weight of the message BEHIND that statement hits my heart like a lightning bolt. Thankfully, I didn't drop Raegan as I stood there watching Charis gloating...obviously expecting me to applaud her "just and fair dealings" with the over demanding dog-child.

*big sigh*

The implied meaning behind her imaginary play has stayed with me ever since (as it was over a week ago). The hidden message that she was feeling put off and desperately wanting some one-on-one attention...and the inner anger at my denying her of it (hence the dog spitting in her face. WHERE she got that from, I'm still wondering??!).

The week before that loaded statement, she drew a picture of just the two of us playing. She made sure to point out that she and I were outside by ourselves, while Selah and Raegan remained inside.

So yeah, needless to say, Saturday we went on a much needed date.

We ran around town, going to all of her favorites places. We were having fun. We held hands. We laughed. We did whatever she wanted to. All without having to take into consideration her two younger sisters' desires/needs. Everything was going perfectly. She was declaring her undying love for me every 15 minutes. Seriously.

Ahh, yes that's right. Go ahead, sing my praises. I won't stop you. What's that, you say? I'm the best mommy e-ver?! How sweet of you. I'll receive that compliment, as I know I've earned it. ...I was, again, scaling the heights to my rightful place: The Mommy Pedestal. Once more, the stars in my small universe were realigning. Life was good. Please, allow me to pause while I pat myself on the back.

THEN...

As we're driving down the road on our way to Chick-fil-A, the topic of homeschooling came up. I made some random statement about how fun it was. And she got this look on her face. (I could see her clearly in my rear-view mirror). You know, the kind where your lip sort of curls up in disgust. And she said, almost in a pitying type tone, "Uh, I don't think homeschooling is fun."

If she were a few years older, I'm sure she would've rolled her eyes and said "Duh!" It was that type of tone she was using.

And just like that, I was jerked off my little pedestal. Flat on my rear. ;)


Honestly, the statement knocked the wind out of me. I was devastated. Here I am, in the middle of spending a Saturday focusing solely on her and out of her mouth comes yet another blow to my parenting skills, albeit it this one NOT disguised in imaginary play.

Did the face painting 20 minutes earlier count for nothing?! Isn't the glow of this sacred time supposed to last at least another 24 hours?! Do I really stink that much at the whole homeschooling thing as to cause her, in the midst of my Focus-on-dear-Charis Day, to take such a rigid stance? Has she already crossed over into the realm of child-who-knows-better-than-parent?! Somehow I didn't expect this for another couple of years.

I didn't know what to say at that point. Maybe I laughed. Maybe I sat in stunned silence. I truly don't know. My head was spinning and I was trying to focus on keeping our large SUV from swerving off the road.

Now, we happened to be on our way to have lunch with Grandma. Three generations of love coming together to love on Charis. She was thrilled...and for her, the fleeting homeschooling comment was never discussed again. But I, on the other hand, felt like I was walking around in a blurry haze. Mom said a bunch of comforting things, reminding me how much she is benefiting from my teaching her. But seriously the whole thing gave my confidence a pretty solid shaking. Even my mom's encouragement sort of fell flat.

Questions and doubts assailed me. Is this the best choice for her? Am I making the wrong decision? How can I do it better? What if what I do is never good enough? On and on it went. (In all reality, she couldn't have gone to school this year anyway. By law, she's 5 hours past the state cut off having to turn 5 by September 30th. So this year is a freebie in those terms. But still....)

The whole thing has prompted a discussion of sorts between me and my beloved. And when I say conversation, I mean he's talking and I'm sort of sitting there. ...staring off in the distance. mumbling incoherently to no one in particular about what a horrid parent I've become.

Okay, so not really. But it's not too far from the truth. :)

Being a parent, we have been entrusted to love and train these little ones. Because we know that we're people with limited perspective, we seek out God's...and go from there. We've done this. We know that homeschooling is what we're supposed to be doing right now. But man, if hearing that comment from Charis...as flippant as it was...didn't feel like a kick in the gut.

But I am learning that as a parent, I have to make decisions that are based on what we know to be the best for them. And, as I'm finding, that may not always be the thing that honors me with the "most popular award."

Did I come into parenting thinking that I would strive to be the most popular? that my self-esteem would be built-up by these little one's constant adoration of me and my methods? No. I had no such illusions. Truly! But hearing that they aren't happy with a decision that ultimately effects every aspect of their lives...that is a hard one to swallow.

Now, she did clarify that the reason she isn't happy with homeschooling (as she knows it) is because she wants to "do more work" than we are presently doing. I was relieved to hear that. Though my brain was screaming out, "She doesn't mean it! She just wants to please you in saying this and really does hate it." ;)

Either way, the point is...I know that I need to be confident in who God has called me to be as a parent AND the direction we feel led to take. Does that mean I think I'm never wrong? Um no. I'll be the first to admit that I am wrong fairly often (ie. daily!). But it does mean that I can't be swayed or pressured to make a decision based on the erratic state of my daughter's estrogen-laden emotions. I cannot allow their whims to become my barometer.

I can not parent solely to please.

Sounds so easy. Yet, it IS hard to continue on a path that you know may not be lined with the enthusiast cheers of the ones you're leading. I love them with a fury...and want them to be happy!

Does Charis like homeschooling? Um. I'd say yes...most days. Will we continue to do it? Yes, for now. Because that is what we know we are supposed to do. Will I try and make it more fun for her? By all means!! But I think this whole thing was a good wake-up call for me.

For I do need to trust God's leading in our parenting of these little beauties...regardless of whether they can appreciate it in the moment or not. I am the parent. They are the children. I will lead them. They will follow. (and by golly...they had better like it! *tease*)

Seriously, some days I feel like I'm a blind woman groping in the dark when it comes to raising them. But then I turn to other parents and find that I'm not alone; there are many of us feeling this out there. Maybe God designed it this way? So we won't get too comfortable sitting atop our self-made "I'm such an amazing parent" thrones? And will, instead, seek out the One who rightfully sits on THE Parental Throne. The One that blessed me with these children. The One that created and knows every detail of their needs and desires. And has, in His graciousness, equipped me to be their mom.

Regardless of whether MY erratic emotions warrant that to be true. What he has called me to, he will equip me for.