To the least of these. Part 2

My heart is softening.

Honestly, I always thought that I had a soft heart. I cry over injustices. Deep sobs well up in my chest when I hear stories of people who've experienced the power of God whether through the miraculous or an outstretched hand of a stranger. My heart goes out to the poor, the widowed, the lonely. Truly. It does. On a deep level, I do feel these things.

But I'm not sure that I've ever been moved to action, you know?

I mean, yes, I've done missions trips. ministered to the homeless. prayed with the lame. BUT this time is different. In my heart it feels different. For I can't explain it any other way except to say I'm being moved to act...

Something is stirring inside me. Calling me to step out. It may not sound different, but in my heart I know that it is. For in those above examples, I was prepared to do something. I had planned to do something. My goal in life, at that season in my life, was TO DO something.

This season has been different.

In my blissful complacentancy, I've been all too happy in the routine of raising my girls. worshipping the Lord. praying from the safety of my rather large house for those in need on the streets. Ahh, the comfort of it all.

Maybe in my heart...in the way back part that I feel but don't care to vocalize... I figured I was "due" for a break? You know, since I was in the ministry mode for YEARS. Missions trip after missions trip. Feedng the hungry. Clothing the poor. I led a ministry. I sacrificed countless hours and money. I did my time, thank you very much.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying this to glorify myself (eh. if anything I think it shows what a dope I can be). But to say, I'm actually not someone that just sits at home and does nothing. I kind of think I'm one of those "radical people" that some of you may try to avoid. *wry grin*

BUT the real question is am I a radical representation of the LOVE of Jesus on a daily basis? How about to those who hang out on the streets? The ones whose physical stance screams out, "I carry a gun and I'm not afraid to use it. So don't talk to me and I won't mess with you." Or how about to the ones that come weighed down with enough emotional baggage (and a desire to speak of said baggage) to tie up my evenings for the next 5 years? You know, the ones whose lives don't fit into my nicely organized life. What about THOSE people?

Sadly and to my shame I'd have to say No. I am not loving them. But THOSE are the people that are continually being laid on my heart. The unloveable. The discarded. The misunderstood.

And what gets me is...the Lord isn't asking me to sacrifice for them: money, clothes, food. He's asking me to give of myself. To offer my friendship and enter into a true relationship with them.

So yeah, that's where I am. There's a stirring in my heart and in our home that can't be denied. Our minds are being filled with the thoughts of God on how to go about this. Ideas are in the works and our heart are being changed, challenged, and humbled. To the extend that I don't think I can sit by and do nothing anymore. For I am being MOVED by the heart of God.

But honestly, the whole realm of emotions are warring within me. My heart is broken, inspired. and most assuredly, terrified.

Yet all I can do is lay the feelings at the foot of the One who led by example and became the friend to the people others hated. avoided. rejected. Lord? I'm needing you in this. Pretty desparately.