My scattered thoughts...

Sometimes it's hard for me to give a true, uninhibited expression of my heart, circumstances, and God-experiences in this blog, knowing all the different people who read these most intimate thoughts of mine.

But then I remind myself that this itty bitty iota of the internet is, ultimately, for my daughters. I want them to know my heart. I want them to see the work of God in our lives. I want them to have a life-scrapbook of sorts to look back on, as a testament of His Work in my heart. in our family.

Only take heed to yourself, and diligently keep yourself, lest you forget the things your eyes have seen, and lest they depart from your heart all the days of your life. And teach them to your children and your grandchildren. Deuteronomy 4:9

So for them, and for no other reason, I write.

pictured because she's one of the sweet little faces that I write for. :)

...
Do you ever feel like God has called you out? set you apart to do great things? Yeah, I guess that should actually describe everyone who calls themselves Christians, huh? We ARE a people set apart. (1 Peter 2:9)

But sadly, there seems to be less and less of the "set apart" and more and more of the blurred line of "trendy living".

These days, it seems that everything is going more decisively towards mainstream... even the Church at large. As Hollywood deems it should be, so it becomes. making it very difficult to decipher between Mainstream Society and those who are called to be "in this world but not of it."

• Ordaining homosexual ministers.
• Hosting drinking parties, claiming "Well, Jesus drank."
• Conversations degrading people who devote their lives to loving orphans...yet condoning others who devote their lives to loving money.
• Embracing clothes styles that reveal too much.
• Using "downtime" to support Primetime TV shows that glorify murder, adultery, homesexuality, lust, and crass humor.

My heart literally grieves over where we're heading as a Nation...and a Church.

I want with everything in me to guard my heart so that my life doesn't become that which grieves Him. And I'm finding that I have to know who I am (which means knowing THE I Am) in order to remain become who I want to be.


Because we, as a Church, shamefully look and sound the same as everybody else. making it excessively easier to be exactly what I don't want to be.

So what now? Do I spend my time pointing fingers and making judgments. NO.

Though I do believe that Christians are called to keep other Christians accountable, I want to spend my (limited) energy on something other than setting my attentions on what I don't want to become.

Set your mind on the things above, not on the things that are on earth. Colossians 3:2

I'm finding that the things (whatever they might be) that I focus on are the things that I begin to resemble/desire. Don't believe me? Then consider this: Has a crass cuss word ever shot through your thinking out of the blue? Well, it has for me...and the ONLY reason it would be readily available in my brain is because I hear it when watching (focusing my thoughts on) PG-13 movies. *sigh*

So these past few weeks have been spent realigning my sights onto HIM.
reevaluating my life. taking a hard look at
my priorities (not those I SAY I have, but those my time reveals I have).
my relationships.
my long-term goals...

And then seeing whether the way I spend my time matches up with the characteristics/life style I want to embody.

I'm determined to set a different standard, for my children's sake.

I don't want to live in a rut. I don't want to live status quo. I don't want to revolve my life around the computer or when a certain show comes on or when it's more convenient to be aggressively righteous.

Do not think that I have come to bring peace on earth: I have not come to bring peace, but a sword. Matthew 10:34 (so yeah, the reason why I put "aggressively". Because this IS war.)

I want even MORE freedom than I'm experiencing now. I want to run with all I've got towards all that the Lord, out of his limitless generosity, says is mine.
-healing...for me and for others.
-intimate friendship with Him.
-power to obliterate Hell and disease.

I want to live in way that off-sets anything else my girls may will see.

And no, not simply for the sake of being seen by them. But as any parent knows, the consequences of our decisions no longer live within the limited realm of Self. They show up time and again in the lives of our children.

Even the silent way I live is becoming the foundation for how my girls view what's acceptable in Life, and as a Follower of Christ. SO when I live life on the sidelines or with a certain attitude, they're picking it up and adopting it as their own, you know? *God help me*

So attitudes that allow pessimism or defeat when facing a person asking for prayer for a miracle need to go.

OR the defeatist mentality that warrants that I CAN'T lose this baby weight because "I'm 33 and have had 7 pregnancies in 8 years and I just need to accept it..." has to be severed from my thinking.

OR "I've never done XYZ before so I'm sure I wouldn't be any good at it so why bother trying"...OR the mindset that just sort of waits for life to invite me to be a part instead of causing LIFE to happen around me. Yeah, gotta kick those to the proverbial curb.

Those mindsets MUST be put to death IF I am to become who I was created to be, if I am to lead my daughters in the direction that they should go. You know, despite where mainstream society (and sometimes even the Church-at-large) wants to take us.

I want to be bold and daring and athletic and FEARLESS. Yet...most days I'm not, you know? Most days I take on the attitude of "Tomorrow, I'll..."

BUT I want to become "THAT" woman TODAY. I want to put off the things that hinder (the movies, the status quo living, the excessive computer time, the mindset that says I can't) so that I can RUN.

Today, I'm determined to not let who I have been dictate who I will be. For my daughters' sake, yes. But more so...for my own.

These are the days...

These are days that, if I'm not careful, I find myself wishing them away. Anything to just get to the end of the evening when I can put them in bed, flop on the couch, and have "me time".

Picture taken March 2010: Alana (18 mo), Charis (7yrs), Raegan (newly 3 yrs), Selah (5.5yrs), Raquel (3mo)

These are days that I'm sure, later in life, I'll be wishing them back again. Anything to just turn back time and have the opportunity to snuggle with the little version of them just one. more. time.

The things that make up 95% of my daily schedule this month will be forgotten by this time next year mid summer. Because life is moving fast, and my girls are literally growing up over night.

And I'm just feeling the need to remind myself again and again and again that I cannot emotionally live in a constant state of "One Day..."

• One day, they'll all be potty trained.
• One day, we won't have to use baby gates
• One day, I won't have to work my schedule around naptimes.
• One day, our car won't be crammed with five carseats.
• One day...

Or I'll miss out on Today.

I want to soak in every little bit of their quirks and budding personalities and sense of humor and current challenges. All things that can easily go unnoticed and/or "unremembered" if I'm not intentional in taking note.

So that's what I'm going to do: Take Note. Document for my sake as well as their own, so that one day we can look back and remember...

Charis (7 years 7 months)

This sweet little thing is every parents dream. She's (one of) my compliant child. wanting to always do what she thinks will please you. never wanting to make a mistake...

She wants, with everything in her, to do things "right". And I struggle with this...the knowing how to balance correcting her with encouraging her. Because I know how hard she can be on herself. So she definitely doesn't need to feel like I'm always on the sidelines wanting to pounce on her every mistake.

(this is where my NewYear's resolution to not micromanage comes into play!)

I'm praying about how to encourage her to take chances and to break out of the mindset of perfectionism. because that is something that will cripple and suffocate the joy right of life if not dealt with in a healthy way, early on.

When she was little (18months +), while most little children were getting pleasure in knocking down a stack of blocks, she did not. She wanted to build it and got upset if it fell down. So in the spirit of kicking Perfectionism to the curb, I had to start knocking down the block towers myself...and then cheering like a crazed monkey.

It took a while for her to catch on, but eventually she did...laughing with me when our blocks would fall. If only the rest of the "perfectionism issues" were as easy as clapping over fallen blocks.

-She's already a "little mommy" and definitely a HUGE help to me!! During the first few weeks of Raquel's life, she was my right-hand woman, especially when Alana would cry in frustration because she didn't want me to hold Raquel instead of her.

During those moments when nature proves that I am, in deed, lacking in my multitasking capabilities, Charis was always willing to step it up and do whatever I asked of her. whether that was holding Raquel for a minute, getting a diaper, or helping Raegan go to the potty.

And even though that trait blesses me to no end, I'm determined to find ways to make her feel special APART from being the 'big sister', you know? I DO NOT want her confidence to be hinged on her ability to please others. I DO NOT want her to feel like my life would fall apart if she didn't step it up and hold it together. With everything in me, before God, I am determined to make sure that she does NOT grow up feeling like her role in life is to make everyone else's life easier.

Do all parenting issues feel like we're walking an itty bitty tightrope? a little too much of this or a bit too little of that and *bam* you hit concrete. God, give me wisdom.


-A few months ago, Raquel had some breathing issues. Ones that required us to take her to the ER to see an neonatologist. which meant that we had to cancel a Date Night that Charis and I had planned.

Charis was obviously annoyed that we were having to postpone her plans when I told her we were taking Raquel to the hospital. I looked at her, slightly annoyed myself, and said, "Charis! Raquel isn't breathing right. If she stops breathing, she could DIE."

Without skipping a beat and without changing the look on her face, she casually said, "Oh. Okay. Well, that's important too." :)


March 27th, she lost her first tooth, while brushing her teeth, after spending the night at Grandma and Granddaddy's house.

Being that she's the last of her friends to lose her first tooth, she was starting to wonder if she'd ever have any loose teeth. ;)

-She's into everything Kitchen:
writing recipes.
wanting to cook 'by herself'.
wearing aprons
playing money and restaurant games with her kitchen playset

She's even asking for a cooking set (as in the REAL thing) for her birthday.

Chances are if I'm in the kitchen cooking/baking, she's underfoot, asking begging to help. And while I let her help and make food whenever I can, I want to be even better about entrusting her with culinary things. despite the fact that it'll inevitably slow the process down.


-Just recently, she decided that she wanted to be a doctor. In addition to being a Professional Princess, of course.

When I asked her what kind of doctor...she asked what I meant. So I told her there were all different types: pediatrics, dentistry, ENTs, heart surgeons, brain specialists...

She wanted to look into "the brain one". Until I showed her a you*tube video of an actual brain surgery. With tears in her compassionate heart (because after all, it was some poor person's brain that they were working on), she said that she didn't know what type of doctor she wanted to be...

Just not the brain one. Ha!


-She's a very logical thinker, that one. And a very literal as well, as I'm constantly having to explain jokes to her...though, I do have to say, she's gotten a LOT quicker, more savvy in the whole joke department in the last month.

-She continues to be like a sponge when it comes to anything intellectual. In fact, she's constantly teaching me things that she learns during her nightly reading.

-She tends to be a little timid when trying new things. That said, I'm SOO proud of her as she recently joined a track club. Her first time racing getting 2nd place in the 60m AND 2nd place in the 100m sprints. WAHOOOO

though I have to say her athletic abilities are beginning to surprise me. I've just recently started JillianMicheal's 30 day Shred video. And while one level (20 minutes of INTENSE workout) is enough for me. She, my crazy 7 year old, does all three back to back.

Which means that she does sixty minutes of increasingly intense workouts. Um yeah, you're only supposed to do one level at a time. She does all three, breaks into a total sweat, but then does more. Aw, my little glutton for (exercise) punishment. :)

SELAH (5 years 8 months)

Selah (5) singing in the spring play

This little one continues to be a Snuggle Bug. a deep thinker. an intense feeler.

-She fiercely loves her sisters...to the point that I have to repeated tell her to not kiss her sisters if she's sick. She's that into snuggling and loving on her family. In fact, whenever she's with Raquel, she'll lock her jaw real hard, squeeze her hands into fists, deepen her voice, and say, "I just want to squeeze her!" ha!

-She's always wanting to make someone happy if they're crying. And while I really love this desire to bring joy to others, I, again, just want to make sure that she doesn't get into the train of thought that her life's purpose is to focus on making others happy. But God bless her, she's just so genuinely sweet, and hates to see others sad or lonely.

Like when I asked her who she wanted to call one day, she said, "Nana."

I thought it soo sweet that she was thinking about her and the fact that she was probably feeling lonely living alone. But that's just like her, sincerely sweet through and through.

When the time came for her to try out for the spring play/musical at church, she was all over it. At least where the singing was concerned. She had no fear, no hesitation, no thought that she couldn't do it and do it well. (though she didn't want to have a speaking part to begin with, but did reallly well with it in the end! Atta girl!)

We've recently been talking about approaching life with the confidence that you can do it. that all throughout life, we're going to have to try new things, and if we go into the situation thinking that we can't...most likely we'll do just that, fail. But if we approach a situation believing that with God we CAN do anything, then, chances are...we will.

Am I teaching my daughters that they'll never fail? No. But I am challenging them to believe in themselves instead of taking the view that if they've never tried something, then they won't be any good at it.

Whenever the opportunity for a deep talk happens, it's Selah that sits there and soaks it in. She gets this half-grin on her face, like she's getting to hear a secret meant only for important adults. But what blesses my heart is that she usually (immediately!) changes her attitude/actions/thinking. In fact, I'm ALWAYS amazed at how interested and influenced she is by our talks.

Of course, I shouldn't be surprised...her name does mean "pause and reflect on what the Lord has done." And she is definitely into thinking about life.

In fact, at least a few times every week, she's talking about what her life will be like when she has a family. how she wants to teach her children the things that I'm teaching them. how she's going to make a certain dinner for her kids. or keep a certain toy for them. She's definitely a forward-thinker and gets that life isn't all about the immediacy of today.


She has such a desire to know Jesus, especially his voice. Whenever I tell her something that the Lord has told me, she gets teary-eyed. Because she yet to hear his voice in a recognizable way. (doesn't that just melt your heart???)

Because of this girl and her questions and desire for the deeper things in life, I have multiple open doors to discuss things with my daughters that most wouldn't be talking about until the teens years. But I so love that about her!

I'm thinking her love language is touch because she's daily asking if she can snuggle with us. I'm constantly finding little love notes to me, asking if we can spend time together and snuggle. Even after she's been disciplined and is crying, she wants to sit on our lap and just hug. I love that about her, that she doesn't close off her spirit after being corrected.

Her heart is soooo tender....crying if she's disappointed Jet or me...or been misunderstood... or accidentally hurt one of her sisters.

Selah...always so photogenic, regardless of what else is going on. :) She is my sweet sweet SelahGirl. And I cannot imagine life without her.


RAEGAN (3 years)

A few months ago, Raegan turned 3. and God bless her heart, we were all sick. Yet, she didn't complain. Not Once! She just focused on the fact that she got to have cake (that she threw up) and a few balloons, which she shared with her older sisters.

Can you say TROOPER!?

I am continually amazed at this little girl. A girl (16months-ish) that used to attack her sisters out of frustration of being the littlest (ie. left out). But since the birth of Alana, she has matured into this big girl (I'm not allowed to call her "little") that won't even retaliate when little sisters pull her hair (out!) or grab away toys.

Already she has a tender heart towards the Lord, wanting to pray for people's healing...reminding everyone to pray before meals...asking honest, simple questions about the heart of God. Like yesterday.

As I was leaving her room after tucking her in for her nap, I stopped and walked back to spend a few more minutes with her. Completely overwhelmed, I just started telling her how much I love her. How I love her eyes. her nose. her tummy. her toes.

At some point, I told her how much God loved her. And she stopped, looked up at me, and said, "But why?" My first reaction was "Man, this little girl is sooo much like me." (Jet tells me he love me and in my deeper moments I ask this same question. Not because I don't believe him, but just because I want to know what he's thinking when he says that.)

So we talked about the reasons why God loves her. Each time, I'd try and answer on an increasingly deeper level, but each time she'd ask again "But WHY does he love me?" Finally, I got to the place where I told her that even when she makes mistakes and does bad things, he STILL loves her.

She laughed and asked, "He does??!!" It was such a precious moment to be there when she first grasped that concept, at such a young age (just barely 3).

Yet. Despite her intense sweetness and irresistible charm, she knows when and where to draw boundaries....

Where: Public library. Children's floor, in front of the snoopy house that all the elementary-aged kids want to be in.

The Antagonist: A rather large (in both height and...*cough cough* stature) little girl playing the part of territorial bully, obviously having issues with the fact that Charis and Selah were inside Snoopy House. and she was not.

The Situation: Charis and Selah were just smiling at Massive Bully, essentially ignoring her. (or were they just not cluing in to the fact that they were being picked on?) while Mommy practiced extreme levels of self-control by not going over and giving that bully a little lesson in Momma Don't Play That.

The Heroine: In walks 2 year old from stage right. Without hesitation or the slightest bit of intimidation, she makes a bee-line to Bully Girl. Points her finger in her face (which essentially meant that Raegan's arm was at a 45 degree angle), and said, "You stop dat!"

And then she calmly walked away, leaving Bully completely speechless. Raegan wasn't being malicious. She had no interest in fighting. She just wanted to be clear, "You are messing with my girls and that just isn't permitted on my watch."

I have to tell you, whatever self control I had been practicing up to that point...you know, to not put that little tyrant in her place... was nothing to the self control I had to muster in order to remain seated and calm. because I so wanted to give Raegan a standing ovation,with a loud, "You go girl!!" ;)

She's the perfect mix of sweet and sassy. I have a feeling "leader" in somewhere in her future calling. In fact, I'm thinking Charis and Selah will learn how to be more assertive by watching their little sister. :)

-She cracks me up with the way she talks sooo grown up. to the extent that I SO wish I could capture it all. But there's just no way to bottle up the essence of "Raegan" into words. She's hysterical and innocently assertive well beyond her years.

-For some weird reason, she's into asking "What time is it?" And then regardless of what time you tell her, she says, "That means it's nine o'clock!" Uh...? No. but she won't be swayed that every hour of the day does not equal her golden 9:00 hour.


Alana (20 months)

This little girl is the life of the party.


Regardless of whether she has a known audience or not, she's hamming it up...making hilarious faces in the corner just to amuse herself. If she then catches you watching her, she bursts into laughter.

She loves to sing. It doesn't matter if it's her ABCs, Old McDonald, or the song her daddy wrote for her (all the girls have a "daddy song" that is sung to them every night before they go to bed)...she just loves to sing.

I rarely know where my cell phone is, due to her uncanny ability to retrieve it from all manner of heights...and then hide it. Though I don't think she's intending to hide it, she's just highly distractable. So when she sees something more entertaining, cell phone gets dropped on sight.

Praise be the God that her cell phone escapades haven't included the toilet bowl. Yet. She did go through a phase where she discovered the toilet...and the water that lurks within. I'll just leave it at that, being that the thought makes me involuntarily heave.

She LOVES talking on phone (and has for a LONG time) and will routinely hand it to me, saying "Ma-ma" (Grandma). She's always had this special love for my mom, asking for her on a daily (sometimes hourly) basis. My mom, of course, loves this. :)

Thankfully, at 20 months, she still naps two times a day. *Sweet bliss*


I just want to squeeze that face. Gently, of course.


Everything ends up in her mouth. pencil erasers. rocks. markers. bubbles.

I told Jet today that it's a wonder she has never choked. I've gotten to the point where I'm just having to trust that God has got her protected because, seriously, I think the girl likes to try her (my) limits.


She LOVES her sisters...especially Raegan and "Baby 'Quel".


But because Raquel has a thing for grabbing hair...


Lani's interactions with Raquel can go from this...

to this in 2.2 seconds.


She loves Raquel sooo much that she leaned in to kiss her face. *insert heartbroken sobs over having her offer of love being met in a firm yank of hair*



I'm so completely blessed to have daughters that truly love each other, when I know that siblings can fight nonstop. So yeah, I don't take that for granted on any level. Even some of our neighbors tell us how they love watching them play together. ;)

-Alana calls cheese "izza!" Can you tell what we ate a lot of right after Raquel was born? You know, being that she connects cheese to pizza. ha!


-She's very into doing things herself. completely refusing to eat food unless she is the one using the fork or spoon.

-I have never, as in EVER, seen a child more in-love with shoes than this girl! Once Jet was trying to get her to come back into her room. Laughing, she hightailed it in the opposite direction. "Lani, come get yours shoes on." She LITERALLY stopped in her tracks, turned 180degrees, and ran back to him.

Who knew the promise of putting on shoes could bring about such immediate obedience? Nice. :)

If she knows we're leaving the house she runs around saying "I want shoes on! Shoes on!!"

-Her newest thing is to pucker up and come at you, ready to plant some kisses. I'll have to get a picture of that soon. But unfortunately my camera has been lost since Memorial Day. (this is where I fight back tears of frustration)



RAQUEL. (5months)

(picture taken a while back...maybe around 3.5 months?)

more up to date...5 months

-This sweet little lady has been sick for over 6 weeks now (coughing, throwing up mucous, struggling to breath), finally getting diagnosed with pneumonia a while back. All I can say is that she is a trooper!

Thank God she's so laid back because were she prone to scream, she may have had to be hospitalized (screaming=more mucous=less breathing).

If this were a video insert, you'd be hearing her "singing", which in my opinion, somewhat resembles Scuttles squawking on "The Little Mermaid". Love it.

I don't think I realized just how much it was effecting her strength *duh, Mommy!* until after she started to feel better (at 5months). Because almost immediately she started rolling from tummy-to-back and then back-to-tummy.


and then just recently, she's moved on to sitting up.

(Charis has been trying to help her sit up for a little bit now)

She's definitely a sweet, sweet personality. laying in the bed, talking to herself, rolling around...until she falls asleep (at least most days). I'm SO looking forward to watching her personality develop as she grows.


One last thing (that I can think of at the moment)...

She crosses her feet when she sleeps. like her daddy. ;)

I love each stage that my girls go through!! I told Jet last night that I felt like each one of them was in my favorite stage.

• The smushy, chubby stage of babyfat, and cuddles while they nurse.
• The stage where they're starting to grow up and want more independence yet are ever-ready to crawl into your lap and plant messy kisses on your face.
• The stage where you are just able to start having 'big" conversations with them, watching their eyes open in wonder to all around them.
• The stage where they're beginning to learn about themselves and their capabilities.
  
• The stage where they're branching out, apart from you. becoming more and more like the young adult version of themselves.
  

I love them all! And I consider myself WHOLLY BLESSED to have the chance to watch five beautifully sweet girls grow into young women.

"You don't know me but..."

The most precious phone call I've ever received came today. via a woman I've never met.


So I confess. I totally screen my calls. Once we got caller ID, I was hooked. "Oh...it's the person running for re-election calling to ask me for my vote? Hm. Sor-ry. Not home."

Or "Huh. It's my husband calling to apologize for that stupid thing he did this morning? Hm. Sor-ry. I want to ignore you for just a little while longer." Wha? Me?? do something like that? Nah. I'm farrrrrrr too mature. *ahem*

Yeah, I'm totally digging this new found Phone ESP.

So this morning when I saw a name come up on the caller ID that I didn't know, I hesitated. Do I really want to deal with yet another wrong number?

(Some phantom Rodriquez family gives out OUR number to THEIR creditors. Over the last 5 years, I'd guess we've had at least 200 calls from creditors across the nation. Oh, as well a *bonus* call from an impatient attorney. ALL looking for that elusive Rodriquez family. Sometimes, when they've REALLY exhausted their options in tracking down the R. Fam, they start to harass me: not believing me when I say I am not them, don't know them, and don't live with them. Grrr. But I digress...)

Despite my bad experiences with numbers I don't recognize, I answered the phone. I'm wild like that.

"Hello?" I answer in my firm voice, primed and ready to reprimand the poor, uninformed creditor on the other end of the line.

CALLER: "Is this Christin?"

Okay, so that doesn't sound like a wrong number. "Um, yes?"

CALLER: "Well, you don't know me, but..."

I spent the next ten minutes talking to an elderly woman who called me for no other reason than she saw my last name in the phone book. A last name that shares her heritage.

CALLER: "I really love learning about geneology. Can you tell me anything that you know about your last name? It's mine too."

Have you ever heard of anything so sweet? Can't you just see it? A sweet older lady thumbing through the phone directory on a Saturday morning...coming to my last name...timidly picking which one to call (they're aren't many in this area)...and then striking up a conversation with a total stranger just because she knows we have one thing in common.

Oh. my. word. I wanted to hug her.

I told her what I knew, laughed with her, and answered questions about myself. And out of the blue she then said, "I'd just love to meet you guys. I turn 80 soon, and there are a couple of other (my last name) in the area and I'd love to have you guys all come and help me celebrate."

Okay, so my heart melted on the spot. Does this woman not have family? Is she looking for people to help her celebrate the last years of her life? in the phonebook??!! Oh my goodness, I wanted to hug her. Have I mentioned that yet? because I really did. :)

I assured her that we'd be HONORED to help her celebrate. And man, you should have heard her. Her voice got all high as she laughed in delight. :)

And yes, she does have family, I asked. She told me more about herself, sounding completely giddy that the conversation was going so well. She repeatedly said that we'd definitely have to meet...especially being that I have five daughters.

Because really, what person over the age of 50 can resist a posse of little sisters? :)

I do believe I may have just been adopted by a grandmother type. And I couldn't be more thrilled.

Miraculous (though somewhat embarrassing) healing. With before and after pictures.

Some miracles display the awesome power of God. Like this story a YWAM friend sent me some years back where they prayed and someone was raised from the dead.

Some miracles display His intense desire to, first and foremost, woo your heart . Like this story where a friend was paralyzed for a year, people from her church faithfully prayed for her every week in her living room, and then one day...she took a step.

Some miracles happen right before your eyes as you step out in blind faith. Like the time the Lord literally told me to "blow on it"...and as I blew air on someone's badly infected boil, it disappeared right. before. my. eyes.

(I have no link to that story because I'm not even sure I've ever mentioned it. Crazily enough. :) Trust me, if I tried to document it all, I 'd be stuck to my computer day in and day out. His work in our home is that intense...and frequent. Love it.)

Every work of the Lord reveals yet another facet of his love for His Bride. It's just too deep to put to words, so he uses the framework of our lives as a display.

That said, not all miracles of the Lord are the same. One will reveal a specific expression of his heart, while another will unfold something entirely different. In the end, our stories combined reveal a God who's love is rather hard to resist.

So for me... The miracle that hit my life this past week reveals a side of Him that I think can sometimes get overlooked and underplayed in every day living: The tangible COMPASSION of God.

I mean, sure He has compassion on the blind guy. or the leper. or the guy who's been given 2 months to live because he has an incurable cancer. Those things are life impairing! But for Him to show compassion concerning something that is nothing outside of a bother, an embarrassment, and a frustration to me? *shrug*

Well, that defies reason.

The Story

In a nutshell, years ago my hormones levels went crazy, causing unwanted facial hair, especially along the jawline. I was *horrified*. I cannot stress that enough. But the clincher was when the OB said that once hair folicles are established, the hair remains. (even after hormone levels are stabilized.)

I think it'd be fairly accurate to say that with that statement my heart dropped.

Now I gotta say, this is embarrassing stuff for me just "put out there". Because honestly, I HATE that I've dealt with that. It's demoralizing as a woman. But bottom line, every one has something about themselves (physically) that they don't like. Right?

But it just becomes something that we learn to deal with, to hide. We learn to shadow it with makeup or mask it with clothes. We smile so as not to show our crooked teeth or position ourselves so that our "less than" feature is out of view.

Essentially, we become pros at concealing that which makes us feel less than. But I'm seeing that God wants to use those things to show himself More Than.

Over the years, I've casually asked Him to intervene....to, essentially do what doctors said wasn't possible: to cause the hair to just go away.


Yeah. I h.a.t.ed. that picture. Besides the fact that my face was still swollen from having a baby the day before, it was a total shot of the very thing I hate. That hair on my jawline.

You know, the hair that the OB said would never go away. Well, Mr. OB...I gotta say that the Lord IS the final say.


Last week, I noticed that it was alllll gone. Um, yeah. Just like that.



He's that concerned about the things that concern ME.


My heart is to never hide the works of God in my life. I've told Him that "I want to be transparent so that you can be seen through me." Even when that telling might cost me. Um yeah, that'a'be pride I'm talkin' 'bout!

The Lord will perfect that which concerns me. Psalms 138.8

Wow. Take the truth in that scripture out for a spin! It's mind-boggling to think that He will PERFECT that which concerns ME. But this week, I'm come face to face with the truth of it.

But don't let it stop here. This is my story, but He has a story for you as well....

Less Stuff. More Peace.

There's something about simplicity that appeals to me.

Simple meals. Laid back time with friends. Sitting on the porch hand-in-hand with my husband, talking as the sun goes down. Meeting someone for coffee (even though I don't drink the stuff) to share the ins and outs of our hearts.

I much prefer the slower things in life; the things that don't require batteries or remote controls or rented party halls.

Don't get me wrong, I love parties, and am actually energized by them. Yet...there's just something so completely "ahhh" about Simple, you know?


These days my love of All Things Simple is translating into our home and the amount of stuff that fills it. (This is where children everywhere run to hide their favorite toy in fear of it mysteriously exiting the house) <--- yeah, so not kidding. ;) The less stuff we have in our house, the more peace there is in our hearts. Or is it just me? We're yet to get our house on the market, held back by details that are fast coming together by my handy-dandy, brilliant husband. But the smaller details...the ones that require a high tolerance for the filthy attic...are ever being readied by yours truly. This is me curtsying, broom in hand.

• the organizing of the toys with a million pieces,
• the cleaning out of the closets and bookcases and storage bins,
• the purging of the unwanted and unneeded,
• and the packing of whatever remains...

Yup, that has been a major part of my day month. Uh-huh, I'm that hip. BUT (and this may only reveal more of my Dorkism) I'm getting some kind of giddy thinking about what "LESS STUFF" will actually mean!!!

Buy lots of land and live in a trailer, you say? Alright! WHERE do I sign up? Seriously, I'm totally game being that I'm so over having a large house filled to the brim with stuff. Stuff that requires me to revolve my life around taking care of it. Ew.

Right now the plan is to rent a honkin' storage unit once we our house on the market. We're doing this for a few reasons (since I know you're going to ask, Dad. haha):

• Some people aren't gifted with the ability to see past people's stuff and we, therefore, want to help them out by removing some of our "unnecessaries".
  
  
• Some little people..*ahem*... aren't capable of keeping our house free from clutter.
  
  
• Some people are better off when they know that all the packing won't have to be accomplished in one panicked swoop, while simultaneously trying to herd cats keep five children under control. Clearly, I'm referring to Jet here. *cough cough*
  

And I have to admit, I'm loving packing up and sending out. Bu-bye.

Over the last year, I've been working like a woman in need of psychological intervention on a mission to rid my house of excess. This is where I insert a BraveHeart Mel Gibson-esk cry of FREEDOM.

It's truly amazing how much stuff you can amass over a few years. But even more amazing is how much that stuff can weigh you down on every level. I'm telling you, Excessive Stuff = Bondage, people! Even if I can get something at a yardsale for $.25, I ask myself if its addition to our home with cost me (in sanity) more than the presumed bargain.

Anyhoo...that's where I am: very over living a life choked by stuff and on a mission to ready our house to sell by organizing every little bitty thing in my home. I hope to find my way out from under this pile soon. But I'm so excited as I know a life of pure SIMPLICITY is within my grasp. *bliss*

Dismembering and other such teachable moments.

Let's set the stage, shall we?

My three youngest are napping. My two oldest and I are snuggled up on the couch reading Proverbs in the Bible.

Now before you go and wax all crazy, thinking that I am the magnanimous mom of obviously superior, never disobedient children. a woman confidently standing at the helm of a 100% peaceful and sparkling house...

(Hark! Is that a halo I see emerging over my daughters' heads? Oh. Nope...it's just the sunlight hitting the flying dustballs in my pigpen living room )

... allow me to lay all my crap bare clarify.

We've not sat down to read the Bible like this for a while now. My days, of as recently, have consisted of conversations like this:

• "If your stuff is not put away in 5 minutes, I'm throwing. it. away. Period"
  
• "Stop putting your fingers in your sister's mouth!"
• "If you complain about doing school work on more time, so help me..."
• "Jet, you have to come home NOW because I'm borderline abusive." (spoken a little tongue-in-cheek. but yeah, only a little) *wry grin*
  

So yeah, don't bother crowning me Mother Superior with the faulty thinking that sometimes comes from reading other people's "perfect-home-moment-snippets"... as I'm most assured the tiara would self-destruct.

Anyhoo... there we were, reading the Proverbs when we came to the concept of wisdom. Trying to explain this deep concept to my girls, I used the example of Solomon...more specifically when he was dealing with the two woman who were fighting over the newborn baby. (1 Kings 3:16-27)

Now I half expected dramatic symphony music to crescendo as I got to the part about how Solomon declared, "Cut the baby in half!"

Totally prepped and ready to have the girls go all emotional with the injustice (and disgusting nature) of it, I was taken wayyyy off guard when my five year old looked up at me and calmly stated:
"I bet they'd both want the head."

Huh. didn't see that one coming. It's never quite like you plan, is it?

Cue curtains abruptly closing. Nix the dim stage mood-lighting. Show's over, people. Because *poof* emotional moment of spiritual teaching gone in an instance as I couldn't contain the laughter.

Where do they come up with this stuff? And should I be worried?

I'll take 1 ounce of truth and 10 pounds of comfort, thank you.

Status quo living, you say?

A life where I primly fold my hands on my lap, affirmatively shake my head as I try to thoughtfully process the information you deem as Truth? A mere existence where I line up with the other sheep, give you my wool, and bleat and baa on command?

Does that about sum it up? Just checking because I want to be clear here. After all, it is my life we're talking about.

Is there anything duller than that?

A life where everyone likes you because you are careful not to offend with any "edgy" opinion, overly aggressive arguments, or outlandish claims that God is actually alive and interacting with you.


Is there anything less world-changing than that?

An isolated kind of life where you don't challenge others and don't want others to challenge you. After all, we like our comfort. And confrontation...well, it just isn't comfortable.

Is there anything more dangerous than that?

Just from casual observation it would appear that we've become a society determined to believe whatever the 6 o'clock news or mainstream commercials deem true. with little or no questioning or research on our part.

We live as though the world is being run by the inability to be anything less than honest and good and upright. But the sad truth *HELLO* is that there are powerful people who want nothing more than to use and manipulate and deceive us...all for their own gain.

One small case in point. I present to you GM's commercial:





Uh-huh. Kind of ironic how they *ahem* failed to mention that GM paid off the bailout money with yet another bailout loan. More of our tax dollars at work. Apparently us law-abiding, tax-paying citizens have proven ourselves gullible enough that corporations don't bat an eyelash when feeding us...*cough cough*...crap.

After all, if it's in writing, surely it's true.

"But, Charlotte," said Wilbur, "I'm not terrific."

That doesn't make a particle of difference," replied Charlotte. "Not a particle. People believe almost anything they see in print."

-taken from E.B. White's Charlotte's Web

As of recently, I've felt this need to WAKE UP and start paying attention. Due in large part to my husband, who is one of the few people I know who can take a wide array of information (from all sides) and find the truth in it.

God has opened his eyes over the past few months (to government, to the Republican party, to the Democratic party, to news media, etc) in ways that I think surprise even him. But that's not my story to tell, so I'll leave it at that... ;)

I normally steer clear of writing about politics or government...partly because I'm not as learned as I'd like. but I just can't keep silent anymore. Because the things that are happening are mind-boggling.

And if we don't start to take notice and start to speak up, I fear one day we'll wake up to a world that is no longer accepting of the freedoms we take for granted.

Did you know, for instance, that right now there are people fighting to lead us in a direction that will give certain "rights" to our children? which, though not overtly stated, means that the authority of the parent would be usurped by the authority of the government.

All in the hopes of providing children with "basic human rights. ... And the convention protects children's rights by setting some standards here so that the most vulnerable people of society will be protected" (quote link here)

So you want to take a peak at what that actually breaks down into? (Taken from www.parentalrights.org:)

Some things you need to know about the structure of the CRC:

• The CRC would automatically override almost all American laws on children and families because of the U.S. Constitution’s Supremacy Clause in Article VI.


• Congress would have the power to directly legislate on all subjects necessary to comply with the treaty. This would constitute the most massive shift of power from the states to the federal government in American history.
  
  
• Under international law, the treaty overrides even our Constitution.
  

• Children would have the ability to choose their own religion while parents would only have the authority to give their children advice about religion.
  
  
• The best interest of the child principle would give the government the ability to override every decision made by every parent if a government worker disagreed with the parent’s decision.
  
  
• A child’s “right to be heard” would allow him (or her) to seek governmental review of every parental decision with which the child disagreed.
  
  
• Children would acquire a legally enforceable right to leisure.
  
  
• Christian schools that refuse to teach "alternative worldviews" and teach that Christianity is the only true religion "fly in the face of article 29" of the treaty.
  
  
• Allowing parents to opt their children out of sex education has been held to be out of compliance with the CRC.
  
  
• Children would have the right to reproductive health information and services, including abortions, without parental knowledge or consent.
  
  

Etc Etc Etc.

As of right now, the U.S. and Somalia are the only countries who haven't adopted this treaty. But there are legislators who are fighting for the U.S. to become a part of it, saying it's shameful that we are holding out. (again, link here)

"I'm sending you out like sheep among wolves. So be as wise as snakes but as innocent as doves. Matthew 10:16

It's like we've so adopted the "innocent" part that we no longer have the nerve to embrace the WISDOM.

And I have to ask myself WHY is it that we, as Christians, seem so content to remain quiet? to go down without a fight?

Have we so lost our ability to step outside of the status quo to speak Truth? Become a people more tuned into comfort and convenience that we've become incapable of recognizing the direction we're heading? Gotten so used to being spoon-fed important, life-changing information by people we believe to have our best interests at heart that it makes no sense to take back the 'spoon'?

Really?

Honestly, I don't know where to even take my thoughts from here. But all I can say is God give me wisdom because I so don't want to live status quo. where I hear no evil, speak no evil, see no evil. Because *duh* there IS evil and it needs to be called out for what it is.

Open my eyes, Lord. So that I may possess YOUR dynamic of innocence and wisdom in a world that's determined to redefine what possessing those traits actually mean.

Repeat after me "You have an amazingly adorable family."

See that hat? Clearly, it has magical powers.

You see, normally when we venture out to town, my family gets a lot of looks.

Now, before you go and assume that I'm all paranoid, interpreting every little glance and casual stare as critical judgement on me and the size of my family...allow me to clarify. I'm not.

There now, didn't that two-word confession adequately clear up any paranoia question on your part? :)

Because when I say we get a lot of looks, I mean we get a LOT of looks... accompanied by whispers...accompanied by frowns.

Which, I gotta tell you, always baffles me to no end because it's not like I'm not SMILING right at them!? And it's not like my children are running around like monkeys on crack. They're actually really well-behaved and respectful.

Still. Strangers everywhere look at us like we're unwed teenagers. with a propensity towards mass breeding. :D (though I'm loving that people think we look so young!)

YET

Last weekend, after a dress rehearsal for my two oldest daughters, we all went to town.


Charis and Selah both looked like they'd stepped off the pages of a magazine. (this is the best picture I could get in that freaky stage lighting.)

And let me tell you, miracles happened.

In a span of a couple of hours, we had T.O.N.S of people come up to us and say how they "loved" our children. We had people telling us how they loved watching my husband and me interact, how inspirational it was.

I was stopped in the bathroom and told "What a blessing to watch your family. Your children are so well behaved! I love watching how you and your husband interact with your children...." I can't even remember all that was said.

People passing our princess-packed shopping cart asked us if they could take some of the girls home with them.

I was stopped and told "I really respect you..." They went on to talk about how adorable our family was and how amazing we were as parents. I had to squelch the overwhelming desire to look behind me to see who they were talking to.

I overheard multiple groups of people talk about "What a sweet bunch of cuties" and "Look at that adorable family!" And holy cow!! Hold the phone! What's that look on your face? Are you actually SMILING at us? :)

Seriously, on and on it went. I felt like we were celebs in a small town flea market. I kid you not, it was that monumental of a reaction.

My conclusion? Apparently, ladies and gentlemen, it's ALLLL about accessories because nothing had changed other than the fact that Charis was donning a little beanie. That glorious, little Magical Hat found in a bin at the local GoodWill.

I'm fairly positive if we stuck it atop a snowman, Frosty would suddenly be standing before me yelling "Happy Birthday!"





Thankfully, I'm not easily swayed by the public's opinion of my family. I know people are stupid fickle. I mean look at how they treated Jesus. One day palm branches waving, the next angry fists, right?

But let me tell you, next time we travel to town on a donkey, I"ll so be packing The Magic Hat. One curled lip in our direction and out *pops* the hat with the hypnotic abilities.

...Can't you just see me, frantically fishing through my stuffed diaper bag in attempts to locate the small, white crocheted mass in order to dangle it in front of people's snarling faces as I chant:

"You will think my family is amazing. You will gush over how entirely adorable my troop of girls are. Repeat after me."

The image cracks ME up, if nothing else.

And a little FYI. Jet has since been informed that after the girls tire of The Hat, he will be taking his turn of wearing it.

So if you happen to see a grown man walking around town with a too-small beanie on his head, be nice to him. It's obviously been a rough day.

Sex talk with a 5 year old??

Apparently I live in my own little world.

• A comfy-cozy place where children are clueless to the world of lust and sin around them.
• A place where I have all the time in the world to have "the talk".
• A world believing that surely because they're so young, surely because they're homeschooled, I don't have to worry about teaching on se.x, yet.

Well, today I'm pretty sure that my imaginary little world was shattered...

by my 5 year old.

And all I can say is Thank God! as I'd hate to be Clueless-Mother when it comes to the purity and innocence of my daughters...totally taken by surprise after someone else has crept in and (mis-)informed my sweet, sweet daughters of se.x.

In the world's skewed, twisted version, no less.

After all, it's the INITIAL message that is the most powerful. The introduction of a topic that builds the foundation of understanding and leaves a lasting impression, even when contradictory messages are presented.

So I want to be the one to introduce my daughters to the world of se.x...and all that comes with it. So that MY telling can be the lasting foundation of their understanding.

Recently I read "The Story of Me" to Charis (7).



It's book 1 in the "God's Design for Sex" series. And while it says it's for ages 3 to 5, I found it to be a great way to broach the topic (in a "formal" way) to Charis (7).

It introduces words like vag.ina and pen.is. It talks about how those are private areas, except "Someday when you marry, you won't have to be private with your wife."

The book is written in a conversational question/answer type format between a little boy and his parents.

"Was I in Mommy's tummy right away when you got married?"

"No, God waited a couple of years. Then He took a little tiny piece of Daddy's body and a tiny piece of Mommy's body and made you! That's why you look a little like me and a little like Mommy."

The presentation is just sweet and provides a general skimming of the whole topic. But it's enough, you know?

• Enough to give the child an understanding of the basics
• Enough to open up the communication lines and let them know that, as parents, you aren't afraid to talk to them about "weird" stuff.
• Enough to present an opportunity should our children have questions they'd like to ask.

And mine did.

At the part where the book mentions how God made a man and a woman and said it was "very good," the topic of how God created marriage between a man and a woman came up.

And not by me!!

I didn't bring it up. I didn't figure it was something that needed to be addressed. But Selah (5) saw a chance to voice something that's obviously been festering in that innocent little mind of hers.

Selah: "Yeah. It's (Marriage) not for two woman, like the woman I saw."

This is where I get a little fuzzy on the details, as I was trying to nix the shock factor in my voice, stay calm, and try to understand/answer the heart of her statement/question.

Me: "What do you mean?"

Selah: "I saw two woman together. It wasn't like they were mother and daughter. Or mother and grandmother...or aunt...or anything like that. They were together. And that's not right. ...Right?"

Me: "Where did you see them?"

I ask as casually as I can, just trying to understand the full spectrum of what she's thinking, of what she may have seen. all while thinking, Dear Jesus this is so not happening.

She clams up a bit, looks a little embarrassed, and says, "Never mind."

It's amazing to me the number of thoughts that can go through your mind in a split second. I remember thinking that I have to keep her from clamming up, that I've somehow got to re-engage her.

Me: "No. I'm really glad you're telling me this. I like hearing what you think. And I like that you're telling me what you think."

I stress, in every subtle way possible, that I appreciate her thoughts. that there's nothing wrong with what she's sharing. that I like talking to her. in hopes of averting her tight-lipped silence.

Assured that I was sincerely interested in her thoughts (thank you, Lord!), she told me that she'd seen two women "together" at Wal.mart.

Ah yes. Who am I kidding? Wal.mart does sell everything, now doesn't it? Even a quick education in sex.

(Don't even get me started about the "clothes" people wear shopping these days. It's enough to evoke my "Evil Eye". Oh how it infuriates me! Seriously. Do I really need to see that, oh-woman-with-no-modesty?? *snarl*)

::Excuse me a moment while I practice deep breathing exercises in attempt to bring my annoyance under control::

Okay. all better....

Honestly, I feel entirely blessed that I had the opportunity to clear up whatever confusion Selah had been mulling over!! I'm sooo very thankful that she spoke up and shared her thoughts with me!! I'm so very very thankful that I now know my children aren't as "sheltered" as I had once thought. (though how I wish they were!) *sigh*

Now I know that some churches support homo.sexuality. I know some Christians believe that it's alright. But let me be clear, I am not one of those people. I have friends who live that life, as well as relatives. But I will not applaud, excuse or explain it away.

The Bible says it's wrong. and so I will teach my children that it. is. wrong. Period.

I just didn't realize that today would be that day. But trust me, I will not make that mistake again, for my brain is already coming up with ideas about how to best approach The Talk.

And I'm thinking it will be soon.

...I remember asking my mom a question regarding se.x as a little girl (most likely 1st or 2nd grade). I remember that she laughed at me/my question. To her defense, she probably didn't know what to say.

But what I took away from that interaction... that I knew better than to EVER ask her anything regarding sex again.

And believe me, I didn't.

I'm determined not to make that same mistake with my own daughters. I'm determined to be the one to approach my children about it before they strike up the nerve to ask, before they are approached by other children who think they know what they're talking about.

I'm determined to create an atmosphere of trust. a safe place where questions or thoughts aren't embarrassing or shameful.

I'm praying that our talks now can set the stage for those teen years that are fast approaching. I praying that then, as well as now, my daughters will be comfortable enough to share with me what they think, what others are saying, and what people might be asking them to try.

God help me.

But I wanted to share this with you, parent to parent. In case you, like me, were under the disillusioned impression that our children are living unaware.

Because, though I don't consider myself stupid or clueless, I know I NEVERRRR would have thought that my homeschooled kindergartner already had homosex.uality on her radar. *exhaling slowing*

And I never would have thought that I had to include a 5 year old in my planning the discussion of se.x *shaking my head*

"Don't copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God's will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect." Romans 12:2

God gives us wisdom as we teach our children how to effectively live that out in a world determined to abolish innocence, rebel against integrity, and defile anything close to resembling purity.

And please, Lord...could You give those people who frequent the doors of Wal.mart a clue about how to dress? I mean, I'm assuming they're just waxing all sentimental about the Garden of Eden and stuff.

But really, fig leaves just don't cover enough.