- A comfy-cozy place where children are clueless to the world of lust and sin around them.
- A place where I have all the time in the world to have "the talk".
- A world believing that surely because they're so young, surely because they're homeschooled, I don't have to worry about teaching on se.x, yet.
Well, today I'm pretty sure that my imaginary little world was shattered...
by my 5 year old.And all I can say is Thank God! as I'd hate to be Clueless-Mother when it comes to the purity and innocence of my daughters...totally taken by surprise after someone else has crept in and (mis-)informed my sweet, sweet daughters of se.x.
In the world's skewed, twisted version, no less.
After all, it's the INITIAL message that is the most powerful. The introduction of a topic that builds the foundation of understanding and leaves a lasting impression, even when contradictory messages are presented.
So I want to be the one to introduce my daughters to the world of se.x...and all that comes with it. So that MY telling can be the lasting foundation of their understanding.
Recently I read "The Story of Me" to Charis (7).
It's book 1 in the "God's Design for Sex" series. And while it says it's for ages 3 to 5, I found it to be a great way to broach the topic (in a "formal" way) to Charis (7).
It introduces words like vag.ina and pen.is. It talks about how those are private areas, except "Someday when you marry, you won't have to be private with your wife."
The book is written in a conversational question/answer type format between a little boy and his parents.
"Was I in Mommy's tummy right away when you got married?"
"No, God waited a couple of years. Then He took a little tiny piece of Daddy's body and a tiny piece of Mommy's body and made you! That's why you look a little like me and a little like Mommy."
The presentation is just sweet and provides a general skimming of the whole topic. But it's enough, you know?
- Enough to give the child an understanding of the basics
- Enough to open up the communication lines and let them know that, as parents, you aren't afraid to talk to them about "weird" stuff.
- Enough to present an opportunity should our children have questions they'd like to ask.
And mine did.
At the part where the book mentions how God made a man and a woman and said it was "very good," the topic of how God created marriage between a man and a woman came up.
And not by me!!
I didn't bring it up. I didn't figure it was something that needed to be addressed. But Selah (5) saw a chance to voice something that's obviously been festering in that innocent little mind of hers.
Selah: "Yeah. It's (Marriage) not for two woman, like the woman I saw."
This is where I get a little fuzzy on the details, as I was trying to nix the shock factor in my voice, stay calm, and try to understand/answer the heart of her statement/question.
Me: "What do you mean?"
Selah: "I saw two woman together. It wasn't like they were mother and daughter. Or mother and grandmother...or aunt...or anything like that. They were together. And that's not right. ...Right?"
Me: "Where did you see them?"
I ask as casually as I can, just trying to understand the full spectrum of what she's thinking, of what she may have seen. all while thinking, Dear Jesus this is so not happening.
She clams up a bit, looks a little embarrassed, and says, "Never mind."
It's amazing to me the number of thoughts that can go through your mind in a split second. I remember thinking that I have to keep her from clamming up, that I've somehow got to re-engage her.
Me: "No. I'm really glad you're telling me this. I like hearing what you think. And I like that you're telling me what you think."
I stress, in every subtle way possible, that I appreciate her thoughts. that there's nothing wrong with what she's sharing. that I like talking to her. in hopes of averting her tight-lipped silence.
Assured that I was sincerely interested in her thoughts (thank you, Lord!), she told me that she'd seen two women "together" at Wal.mart.
Ah yes. Who am I kidding? Wal.mart does sell everything, now doesn't it? Even a quick education in sex.
(Don't even get me started about the "clothes" people wear shopping these days. It's enough to evoke my "Evil Eye". Oh how it infuriates me! Seriously. Do I really need to see that, oh-woman-with-no-modesty?? *snarl*)
Okay. all better....
Honestly, I feel entirely blessed that I had the opportunity to clear up whatever confusion Selah had been mulling over!! I'm sooo very thankful that she spoke up and shared her thoughts with me!! I'm so very very thankful that I now know my children aren't as "sheltered" as I had once thought. (though how I wish they were!) *sigh*
Now I know that some churches support homo.sexuality. I know some Christians believe that it's alright. But let me be clear, I am not one of those people. I have friends who live that life, as well as relatives. But I will not applaud, excuse or explain it away.
The Bible says it's wrong. and so I will teach my children that it. is. wrong. Period.
I just didn't realize that today would be that day. But trust me, I will not make that mistake again, for my brain is already coming up with ideas about how to best approach The Talk.
And I'm thinking it will be soon.
...I remember asking my mom a question regarding se.x as a little girl (most likely 1st or 2nd grade). I remember that she laughed at me/my question. To her defense, she probably didn't know what to say.
But what I took away from that interaction... that I knew better than to EVER ask her anything regarding sex again.
And believe me, I didn't.
I'm determined not to make that same mistake with my own daughters. I'm determined to be the one to approach my children about it before they strike up the nerve to ask, before they are approached by other children who think they know what they're talking about.
I'm determined to create an atmosphere of trust. a safe place where questions or thoughts aren't embarrassing or shameful.
I'm praying that our talks now can set the stage for those teen years that are fast approaching. I praying that then, as well as now, my daughters will be comfortable enough to share with me what they think, what others are saying, and what people might be asking them to try.
God help me.
But I wanted to share this with you, parent to parent. In case you, like me, were under the disillusioned impression that our children are living unaware.
Because, though I don't consider myself stupid or clueless, I know I NEVERRRR would have thought that my homeschooled kindergartner already had homosex.uality on her radar. *exhaling slowing*
And I never would have thought that I had to include a 5 year old in my planning the discussion of se.x *shaking my head*
"Don't copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God's will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect." Romans 12:2
God gives us wisdom as we teach our children how to effectively live that out in a world determined to abolish innocence, rebel against integrity, and defile anything close to resembling purity.
And please, Lord...could You give those people who frequent the doors of Wal.mart a clue about how to dress? I mean, I'm assuming they're just waxing all sentimental about the Garden of Eden and stuff.
But really, fig leaves just don't cover enough.
