I am completely incapable of doing it all.
Why this comes as a shock is beyond me. Yet. it does. Because inevitably, I feel a sense of weighty guilt when I render myself ridiculously inept...
...because I simply cannot simultaneously nurse a newborn. open an 18 month old's death grip on the dirty diaper she retrieved from the trash can. comfort a 4 year old's delicate emotional balance. and home school an advanced 1st grader who wants to learn about things in which I have no clue.
ALL while wearing my starched Betty Crocker apron, masterfully whipping up some healthy 5-course meal for my entire extended family that only cost $2.32. Total.
Again, I scream: I Can't do it.
And then add in the fact that I am well-aware that other homeschooling moms are seemingly quite capable of successfully juggling more children. more outdoor field trips. more school subjects (like Latin for crying out loud!).
All while spending only $150 month on food...for a family of 8. interviewing Ivy League schools for their preschooler. and maintaining good hygiene practices AND impeccably clean toilets.
And then add in the fact that I am well-aware that other homeschooling moms are seemingly quite capable of successfully juggling more children. more outdoor field trips. more school subjects (like Latin for crying out loud!).
All while spending only $150 month on food...for a family of 8. interviewing Ivy League schools for their preschooler. and maintaining good hygiene practices AND impeccably clean toilets.
It's that last one that particularly has my head in a bind. personal hygiene AND clean toilets. Who knew.
And though it may sound silly to read, I find myself seriously battling these thoughts. Thoughts of how every other mom I know does it better. and then some.
Questions swirl around in my head. mocking me with their persuasive proof-positive that all my attempts fall short in light of so-and-so.
Why can't I just have it all together like ____? or have children who do things like _____? or be a whiz of a chef where I can feed my small brood for next to nothing? OR single handedly start an at-home business that grosses more money than any top-level exec? ...all while maintaining sanity and quality of life that yields contentment. and not ulcers.
Surely that's not too much to ask.
But the truth is irrefutable. I cannot do it all. and do it well. This frustrates my high-powered multitasking gene.
So today I find myself...yet again.... Processing.
Processing what it takes to do this God-given job WELL. to victoriously inhabit this land of Stay-at-home home-schooling Mom. A land where the only one writing out the current list of expectations is none other than...Me.
I'm thinking I need to go read the Business Manual for Mothers, Inc.
The Bible.
Because I need to (yet again) reevaluate. renew my mind. and find a solid understanding of what my life should (or rather *Gets To*) look like in this season of mothering.
