A month into this "Year Of Favor" and I can already see what a weak prayer warrior I'm turning out to be.
Alright, Lord. I'm so not seeing your favor. If anything, there are some arenas where we're seeing the exact opposite. Specific areas that you have challenged me to believe you for. What gives?
I hate to say it, but I'm about done, Lord. Enough of this dedicated prayer. I've given you more than ample time to answer. I mean, hello! It's already been a 47 days. And last I checked, it only took you 7 to create everything I see. So uh, couldn't you work like that again? quick. swift. and complete!
I'm thinking if you're not going to do your part, I'm more than willing to not do mine. because honestly, I'm tired of asking. I'm tired of walking this faith walk. It can be exhausting, you know. And what if you don't want to breakthrough for me anyway? Then it's all a waste of time. who knows, maybe I'm even annoying you with my requests.
Yes, I realize this mindset stinks. In fact, I'd say that's an understatement. And while I don't reside in that hopeless state, it's honestly where my heart has ventured from time to time. going from feeling a complete peace in approaching the Throne of God to struggling with guilt and greed for even daring to draw near.
The mind is the hardest battle to war, I'm convinced of it.
Well...this week has been one where I haven't wanted to press through. I'm just tired. emotionally, spiritually, and most definitely physically (with Alana not sleeping well due to a cold). To top it off, I haven't really heard the Lord say anything. Not that I've given him a whole lot of "down" time to speak. *sigh*
But then
I had this conversation with my 4 year old this morning. And through my own words, the Lord spoke encouragement to my own heart. and *Life* to my resolve in pressing in and believing the Lord for what he has promised me and my family during the next season. regardless of what I'm currently seeing.
Selah: Why do you wear glasses?
Me: So I can see better. We should pray and ask Jesus to heal my eyes.
Selah: We already did that.
Me: Well, sometimes we just have to keep praying.
Selah: Why?
Me: Well...it's like there's a wall in the spirit realm....a wall that we can't see. But it can keep God's promises and his provisions from coming through. So our prayers act as a hammer. pounding away on the wall. causing it to become weaker until finally, it falls down. And then, God's will can come through.
Still Me: You know how when you hit a nail... you don't hit in only once, do you? No. You hit it as many times as you need to in order to get the nail in all the way. Right? Well, that's exactly how it can be with prayers. You just keep praying until you see the results.
As soon as I finished speaking these words to my daughter, I immediately felt the Lord say something to the extent of "Uh-huh. Now that's what I'm talkin' 'bout!"
Yep. He speaks something akin to inner city gangsta talk when addressing me. We be tight like dat. *grin*
And just like that, I knew he wasn't annoyed. neither by my asking nor my difficulty in coming to a place of solid Faith Footing.
And suddenly my plans of leisure for tonight change. For Jet and I will be pressing in as a couple. Taking out our Prayer Hammers and beating the snot out of that wall.
You know, in keeping with the gangsta talk and all.
