Maybe the picture is too small. But can you see it? There's a spark of something there. Passion. Zeal. Joy. Depth. That little girl loves life and everything she encounters in it. Period.
But yesterday...and once a few days before that... she had me completely baffled. and admittedly, at my wit's end. For the first time ever, she essentially threw a fit.
For an undisclosed amount of time (long enough to make me question my both my sanity and my abilities as a mother), she screamed. and screamed. and screamed. Low-pitched, gutteral screams. High-pitched screams. And everything in between. (What can I say? The girl's got vocal range).
Essentially refusing to talk to me, but rather preferring to scream it out. thankyouverymuch.
I felt like I tried everything. reasoning with her. ignoring it. putting her in her room until she calmed herself down. asking her to tell me what was wrong. Nothing worked.
I mean, sure she'd stop for a little while. Then ONE mention of it from me, like "Are you alright?" started it ALLLLLL back up again.
Yes, I know what started it all. At least I think I do. Something rather inconsequential, in my opinion. (like what she had for lunch). Though in my spirit, I felt it was something more.
**Addendum: she usually IS complaining about eye pain in the midst of her screaming ??? Has anyone heard of a child getting migraines or anything like that. How would a pediatrician even begin to know how to check that!? **
But regardless, it was all enough to start her down a "No Turning back, dead- end" road.
And when it was all over? I mean REALLY REALLY over so I could actually talk to her and know she'd respond... I finally asked her what was going on. To which she sort of laughed and said, "I don't know."
WOW.
But really. What can I say to that? We all know (at least the women readers) that there are times when even WE don't understand our emotions. We feel it just because we ...well, we do.
So how then, do I fault a little girl...a passionate one, mind you...for feeling the very same thing that I tend to feel at times? That "my emotions are so raw right now I fear I may just cry if someone speaks to me" type of feeling.
BUT at the same time, this is the daughter that God has asked me to raise. So how do I discipline her in that moment? Love her in that moment?
All while training and building up her understanding...yet without crushing the God-given fire in her spirit? All while not ignoring the circumstances that are screaming in my face (sometimes quite literally), but not being blind or deaf to the hidden issues of the heart that may be fueling the fire?
Sort of sounds like a job for ...insert horns playing a Calgary Charge... Super Mom.
Sadly, I am not she.
YES, I love her to no end. So there's no doubt I am the woman for the job. My heart OVERFLOWS with the intensity of love she stirs up in me. As a mom, I want so much for her.
BUT as a imperfect parent, there are so many avenues where I feel I fail. (especially yesterday)
BUT as a praying Believer, I find hope in the fact that the Lord promises WISDOM for those who seek it. I'm banking on it.
Lord? I am truly baffled and broken over here. I love her. More so, I want to love her in the way that you have created HER to need love...and discipline...and understanding.
All while doing the tight-rope dance of a successful parent: Knowing WHEN to speak. when to be silent. when to pursue. when to back off. WHAT to say in the moments I am to speak. HOW to do all of the above in the right spirit/frame of mind.
*big sigh*
Now to finish off my thoughts by quoting the time-tested, number-one prayed prayer by parents:
Lord, help.
7 comments:
Well...I have a few thoughts. :)
First, thanks, as always, for your vulnerability.
Second, I completely identify with the "tight-rope" dance you mention. In fact, I was JUST thinking about that analogy in regards to issues with Josiah: different issues from Selah's, but equally baffling to me.
Third, besides the "Lord, help" prayer :), I find that my number one prayer recently has been a specific prayer for wisdom as a mother, based on James 1. I know that God's wisdom is available beyond what I can imagine, and I long to tap into that in inexplicable ways as I go through my days and am confronted with challenging situations. I've had moments where an idea just "pops" into my head about how to deal with something...and I try it...and it works! I know the Source of those ideas.
Fourth, I've been reading a parenting book by Dr. Kevin Leman, and the part I just read today was about temper tantrums. His advice (and I'm sure you've heard this before) is to remove the child from having an audience and let them deal with it by themselves in their room.
Fifth, I can so relate to just needing to let it out! And not being able to explain why...
Sixth, if this is the first major fit she's had...and she's 3 years old...I'd say you're doing great!!! :)
Sending hugs your way, my friend!
HUGS to you! It is so hard to know what to do and how to find balance as a mother. Thank you for sharing your struggles. I'm right there with you!
I was equally taken aback the first time Joseph threw a tantrum. I think I stared at him with a blank look on my face for a few minutes before I came up with a plan.
Some things that helped him: Taking a deep breath. We'd go to his room (preferably) and take a few deep breaths together. This almost always helped. I realized that they usually came when he was tired or overwhelmed. So planning ahead of course helped. I gave time to allow screaming and carrying on, but when I said enough was enough then it needed to be over or there would be consequences. Deep breahts helped here. I found that he really did want to calm down he was just so worked up that it was hard to calm down. He went through a tantrum spell, where any little thing would set him off. It was a very emotional time for him (and the rest of us!) but we learned a lot through it and he is much better at expressing his feelings now.
I pray that God would give you wisdom in how to deal with this and patience to walk through it.
Tantrums are never fun. Especially in Wal-mart. Or church. Not that I've ever experienced that. (haha)
I love the hand down the pants! :)
I've felt similar with my youngest. She's a 'life enthusiast' and there are times I'm not quite sure how to respond to her. Lots of prayer is first, I suppose.
its a GREAT prayer. and i've used it many times myself. HE ALWAYS answers it!!! i believe it shoots up to the heavens, penetrates His ears, and He is MOVED by LORD HELP!!!!
I totally identify with this. K is my sensitive one, often in tears without an "identifiable" reason. T is a passionate one and can really get going for a while with STRENGTH and ENERGY. (K is quieter sobbing)
So hard to walk that balance.
Lord, help me, guide me, fill me, use me, strengthen me, and give me wisdom...DAILY
I can identify with Selah, myself. (: And Christin, it sounds like you're doing a great job. Just being available and ready to help is huge.
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