Janet and Jessica had been over here to play. We had gone over to their house to ride horses. Janet taught their Sunday school classes. My girls knew who she was, up close and personal.
So I figured they could pray.
Charis prayed, "Jesus, help Ms. Janet to get better and don't let her die because parents can't die when there are kids still in the house..."
She pauses and looks up at me. "Right, mommy?"
I don't remember what I managed to say.
Today after the news of Janet's death, I was careful not to mention it to them. Not that I aim to shelter my girls from the truth of death. I knew they would find out. But I wasn't ready to go there. I needed to grieve without an onslaught of questions.
And then this afternoon, the phone rang. It was my sister. I quietly asked her if she had heard.... and Charis, who apparently never misses anything, picked up on the one telltale word I used. Because after I got off the phone (10 seconds later) she said, "Did Jessica's Mommy die?"
Yes, honey.
"Why do mommies and daddies die when the kids are still living?"
I don't know....
Tonight, as we let the girls watch our wedding video for the first time, Charis walked over to me and Jet. She spoke of her wedding...and how she'd be a mommy and I'd be a grandma. "And you'll still be living when I have kids, right?" She embraces both of us at once.
*sigh*
How do you explain to a 3 and 5 year old? How do you fill in the blanks for them when you don't have the words (or knowledge)? How do you give them comfort when they just watched their friend lose their mommy? How do you understand all that goes on in their head when you can't even understand half of what's going on in your own? How do you answer the very question that you can't even bring yourself to ask: "Why do mommies die when the kids are still in the house?"
God. As much as we adults need your comfort, I ask that you pour it out on the kids. ...All those young children that Ms. Janet's life touched on intimate levels.
15 comments:
I don't have much to offer but prayer that you will be able to process through your grief and that you will be given inspiration from GOD as to what to say to your girls. I remember having to tell our twins about the two miscarriages of a dear friend of mine. They both greived terribly the loss of her babies and was a difficult time for all of us.
I didn't have a set statement to make to them to tell them what had happend. But I did allow them time to be sad with me. Cry with me. Ask questions. There was time to talk. And there were questions that I couldn't answer. But I was able to help them by allowing them time.
Praying for all of you during this difficult time. And for your friends family and the transitions that they will have to make.
And I am sorry.
Thanks for emailing me back. And I am still praying. I really am. :) My heart...so much is on it right now.
Jolanthe
That is such a hard one to tackle with our children. I'm praying for God's wisdom and peace to pour over you and your family.
Praying for you.
Oh, Christin, I'm so sorry about this loss. I pray that you will be able to both process it WITH your girls and also have the time that you need to deal with it separately.
The only thing I can offer is the promise of heaven. When I have had to deal with my boys' questions about death, we always end up talking about heaven. What else is there to say? What else can possibly take the sting out of death? What else can I do but strive to help my boys realize that heaven is their true home, and that death is simply a doorway to that. And so I rejoice that Janet is experiencing the glory of God face to face even as I write this!
But I know that the pain of those who linger here on earth is still deep, and I don't want to diminish that at all.
What I have to leave you with is I Thessalonians 4:13, 14, 18. Brothers, we do not want you to be ignorant about those who fall asleep, or to grieve like the rest of men, who have no hope. We believe that Jesus died and rose again and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in him...
THEREFORE ENCOURAGE EACH OTHER WITH THESE WORDS.
I love you, Christin, and am praying for you and the others whose lives have been touched by this.
It's tough to deal with these situations with young kids. I believe God has already given you wisdom and will continue to in the days ahead. I like the one comment about the basics. We know that Jesus is good - the devil is bad. We cling to Jesus even when we don't understand.
wow. what a powerful post. such real and raw questions. i have tears in my eyes just thinking about that moment with your daughter.
i am so sorry about your loss. praying for peace for you and your family. may god give you the words and wisdom you need right now.
Oh Christin, I am praying for you guys right now. I know God has given you much wisdom, and I am sure you are handling it just fine with your girls. I think I would tell my boys that sometimes when we don't understand why something happens, we have to cling to what we know to be true about God...and that is...He is good! He is good and HE will take care of those precious children that He loves so much. We delt with this when Ryan's grandma passed away a year and a half ago (different in that we knew she was dying). The boys wanted to know what would happen if daddy or I died. Some good opportunities in those conversations.
It is still very sad that this happened, and I am praying for wisdom for you in talking to your girls, for you as you grieve, and for this other family, that they will find real comfort during this time, in the arms of their heavenly Father.
Wow. Reading your posts I have been brought to tears. Thankfully the Lord knows my heart, because the words that I was able to utter out in prayer weren't recognizable by anyone but Him. My mother suffered from a brain aneurysm when I was younger. (*I don't know what Janet died from, just using my mothers aneurysm as an example*) It was only when I got older that I realized how serious her condition really was. The pain from even thinking that I could have lost her was so real... I can't imagine what it would have been like for her to die then. My heart breaks to think of Janet's family. Her husband, the children. I pray that everyone touched by her death will find shelter in the arms of our heavenly Father. There is no better shoulder to cry on, no lap better to sit on, no arms better to be held with than those of Jesus.
you're on my heart.
praying for peace,wisdom, and comfort
You & your family are on my heart as are Janet's family.
One of the things I've learned dealing with death is that for Christians while we grieve the physical loss of loved ones, we know they are with Him.
God has the ability to provide for those left behind in a situation of loss. He can provide for our needs in bigger ways than we can ever imagine. When I've needed Him most, is when I have felt the closest, and most loved and protected.
God knows the fraility of our bodies and knows that it may have been harder for her & her family for her body to physically live on in pain and disability than to be with Him. I have seen the financial, emotional and physical burdens of surviving hemorrahages that have left people changed/ scarred for life. And at times like this we have to speak in faith -- God knows our needs. He will be so faithful to these motherless children and widowed husband. Many places in scripture he advised the church to care for these people -- which just goes to show you that His heart goes out to them...
He is not suprised by life circumstances and has created provisions for them and for you all. Many of which we can not see in the early days.
That doesn't make us wrong to grieve loss. It just provides hope and solace and peace in the painful moments. I pray that God's peace protection and love surround her family, your family and the families that she touched in the upcoming minutes, hours, days and months ahead. And that He continue to provide you with faith of his continued love and wisdom.
We've had similar discussions here. I'm glad for the opportunity to discuss death again, but I hate it every time. Without death, we cannot appreciate fully what life really is. I've heard my children discussing it among themselves,even, as they put themselves in their friend's shoes. Heavy stuff.
OH Christen, my heart aches for their family. There are no easy answers but only that steady reminder that we must draw closer to the one who holds the plans so that we can rest confidently in Him.
Praying.
you're on my heart
((hugs))
My heart aches for you here. We have a dear woman at church who is dying leaving her 10 year old son and teenage children behind. It affects all of us and causes us to all question "WHY!". While her battle has been painful to watch, it has grown an entire congregation into a closer walk with God, her suffering has also brought many others into a place of faith. When her sweet soul finally passes into God's arms, she will be bringing a list of Christian converts with her! With God, there is ALWAYS beauty from pain.
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