I feel like the Gates of Heaven have literally been opened over our home. It's been that intense. that revelatory. that sweet.
Relationships have been shifted and priorities renewed. Life has been overflowing, on so many realms. And I've had three very sweet distractions that have kept me from writing: My God. My husband. and My daughters.
And this post...well, this one is about the "My Daughters" part.
--------------------------Seasons come and go. There's no doubt or debate on that subject.
But one thing... a truth independent of emotions or trends or busy schedules, will always remain...
I will forever be The Mom to these amazing little girls.Therefore, I've been spending any free time I have these past days months not writing blogs or documenting life, but rather living it.
side by side with these little ladies.
as well as this one. :)
who is currently too little to sit on the swing with the others eating Icees.
Though allow me to assure you, she has four more-than-willing older sisters who'd LOVE to volunteer their baby-cradling-expertise.
*This is me prying fat, sticky fingers from a rather-strong choke hold around Raquel's neck*
Um, no thank you, honey. Let. Mommy. have. her.
(Notice that she didn't seem to mind sisterly-lovin' via Choke Hold.)Anyway, what was I saying? Uh...spending time? focusing?...focusing on....what? Oh yeah...my girls! All five of them.
Sorry. I get distracted when I look at sweet baby cheeks.
These last months, I've been spending time with these guys. in such a way that I'm getting to know the ins and outs of who they are.
as real people.
with real feelings.
and real thoughts.
and real dislikes.
and real senses of humor.
all independent and different from my own.
And that takes time, you know? At least for me, it's required a ginormous amount of intentionality and dedication to really listen and enjoy them as individual people and not just see them as a mass of children cohabitating with me:
- to really pay attention when they're telling me something, instead of just nodding indifferently while I continue to research something online.
- to allow them to help with dinner prep even when I know their "help" involves a huge mess and a large amount of extra time.
- to spend quality time with Charis and Selah once the three youngest are napping, even though there are days where I want nothing more than to ignore all the conversational needs of people under 4 feet tall.
- to spend an extra 10 minutes one-on-one with them before naptime, instead of saying a half-hearted 'Night-night' from the hallway.
- to schedule date nights with the oldest three.
- to play that
obnoxiouslovely little game that holds absolutely no interest to me. just because I know they love it.
Being a mom to lots of young children can be draining. It requires a copious amount of
But it also gives me a last ditch effort at being spontaneous and young again. ...I have to remind my Old Self of this from time to time. You know, being that Old Self tends to be boring. focusing on bills and housework and menus.
I totally admit it. Hi, my name is Christin and I get wrapped up in things that don't matter.
We all know the drill, right? Our Distracted Self takes over...and demands to live a life not meant to be ours in this season. Which then gives rise to Ungrateful Self who monopolizes all thought, moaning over What Will Never Be and becoming bitter over What Is.
It's a lovely little cycle I like to call SIN.
And so, these past few months, I've been making it my focus to put to death both Distraction and Ungratefulness. For they've been robbing me of THE most precious gifts this side of heaven.
My family.
It's crazy, but sometimes it's so easy to lose sight of the preciousness of what we see on a daily basis, isn't it?
Take my engagement ring, for example. It's gorgeous. But because I see it on my hand every day, I can easily forget to admire it. to cherish it.
Same with my hub and girls. I see them every. single. day. So, if I'm not careful, they can become less valuable in my eyes. giving me the open door to esteem someone (or something) else more highly for novelty-sake.
Tragic.
SO. That said, I've been taking the time to reallllly listen and spend quality moments together with my girls. Pushing through that stinkin' built-in temptation that seems to come along side the choice to remain at home with the kiddos.
Or is it just me?
Pathetic Moment. Take
- "But YOU get to actually talk with ADULTS during the day!" (This said to my husband when I'm pouting about how my life is soooo horrible. Cue violins.)
- "Don't ask me what I do all day. Because I couldn't tell you, though I know it most likely had something to do with wiping some body part. and putting away that same stinkin' 100,000 piece puzzle someone insisted on giving them."
(Insert adult woman dramatically throwing herself, face-down, onto the bed in a moment of glorified self-pity)
Ahem. *straightening my shirt and checking my hair in the mirror* That was awkward, now wasn't it?
*clearing throat* Moving on.
Anyway. Those moments...they're the ones that I've been pushing through. determined to see my way to the other side. ;)
In the midst of this self-inflicted Mom Overhaul, I felt the Lord remind me of a conversation I had with someone a while back, where she said: "I need to work outside of the home because being away from them helps me to be a better mother."
*sigh*
Don't get me wrong. Clearly, I understand the heart behind that. Because *hello* I've found myself thinking along those lines before (This is where I refer you to the above examples of Confessions of a Stressed out Mom).
What mom doesn't want to get away from time to time?!!
Heck, I'll just go ahead and confess right now: I've literally called up my husband and said, "That's it. I'm leaving the kids and driving ...somewhere."
(Though I never would do this, obviously the tone is my voice was convincing as Jet found it necessary to inform me that this just wasn't a viable option. Ha!)
So yeah. I get it. But that's why that statement struck me as so sad...because it sounds so logical... wise, even. Have lots of time away from children = Ability to enjoy children.
But think about it. That's essentially saying: in order to have the emotional energy to like our kids, we have to limit the amounts of time spent with them.
Kind of sad when put that way, isn't it?
Again, don't get me wrong. I GET IT. I know how draining children can be. After all, I live with five of my very own.
But this past season, I've felt a new resolve to NOT allow my heart to wander to that place. to not be deceived into that way of thinking. but to allow God to turn my heart.
He will change parents' attitudes toward their children and children's attitudes toward their parents. If not, I will come and reclaim my land by destroying you." Malachi 4:6
And I can tell you one thing...He has. Seriously, there's unavoidable difference in the way I view my daughters.
I've been learning. changing. and discovering that Mothering doesn't have to be draining. it can be life-giving. if I allow it.
And yes, I've always known this...and experienced it to a degree...but it's like there's been a massive shift in the atmosphere of my heart. And I'm so grateful.
especially when those moments of Intentional Mothering lead to Little Girl climbing in my lap to whisper, "I love you so soooo much, Mommy!"
*le sigh*
So my life, while its been MIA in Blogdom, has been more than full in REAL LIFE, as I've been deepening the relationships I have with these five little girls.
who just happen to be daughters.(Note: this post took a culmination of weeksssss to write. as it felt slightly inappropriate informing my girls, "I'm sorry, but I can't play right now as I'm writing about how much attention I'm giving you." Ha!)
