It's as if, because I chose to be at home full time with my children, I'm fighting against some unseen force that wants to discredit me. that wants to peek in on my day and say:
"Ah-ha! Just as I suspected. You just sit and watch TV all day. throwing in a load of laundry every once in a while to make it look legit."
Yup. those would be the notorious bon-bons that clueless people speak of when referring to my snack of choice...
You know, during my daily 3-hour marathon of soap operas. ;)
At times, I feel like invisible critics drive me, pushing me to prove that I, indeed, do something of value, of worth, of meaning. Something that does require strength and work and intelligence.
I know for me this means that there are days where I pace my house, walking round and round looking for "something" to do. Because God forbid, I actually sit down and relax at any point during the day.
After all, what would those Spying Eyes think?!
What this physical (and sometimes mental) pacing proves to any one, I'll never know. But regardless, I catch myself doing it. shouldering the unnecessary burden of other's clueless opinions of me my station in life. OR my perception of others' opinions.
And it's a burden that cripples.
convincing me that in order to be of worth, I must be more than a woman who is content to "just" live within the realm of my four walls.
convincing me that I must be more. my children must be more. and I must always, always, always make sure that I put myself last.
So as to make sure I have time to do all the things that I "need" to accomplish in a 24-hr period.
That said, when I made the goal to focus on ME this week...to awaken my inner athletic abilities...I knew I might struggle with a little guilt.
You know that thing I talk about? ...I happen to think ALL mothers women are intimately acquainted with it.
Because really...what would "They" think if they knew that I, the homeschooling mom of four, was choosing to do something besides focus on my offspring?!!
that I was forcing allowing them the freedom of self-entertain. that I was ignoring redirecting their cries of boredom, encouraging them to learn the art of creative play. without me at the helm.
The nerve of it all.
But I can say...after two days...that it's been freeing! Knowing that I have set aside this week to focus on ME. to go after my personal 'frivolous' goal with unabashed determination. to put ME first, "pampering" myself.
I know...most people wouldn't call sweating on a treadmill a spa-like experience. But for me, it's been, thus far, rejuvenating.
Ibuprofen-inducing. But rejuvenating, nonetheless. *wink*
Just knowing that I have a life...GOALS...that do not include the short people running around my home has reminded me of who I am.
outside of the Mommy title.
Don't get me wrong. I LOOOOVVVEEE being a mom. If you know me at all, you KNOW that I cherish everything about Motherhood.
But I am a woman and a wife
And this woman is taking the time to strengthen her "temple". to touch base with my personal goals. and to show my young ladies-in-training that to be a Woman outside of the joys of being a Mommy is GOOD.
This week I'm teaching my girls what it means to have goals. and to achieve them.
