I can just see Him now. Up in heaven. molding. sculpting. chiseling out the perfect Dream for each of our lives. A dream that he has equipped us to carry. equipped us to complete.
I imagine him completing this Dream...fashioned by his hands and his hopes...and calling over an angel.
"Alright. This is a special assignment. I've spilled blood and tears over this set up... over wooing her heart by my Love and then carving out a little niche where this Dream will go. You take care not to deliver it to anyone but the person I have fashioned it for."
And then he tenderly hands the Dream over to the angel-on-assignment...
Have you ever noticed that when you receive a Dream from On-High, it feels all light and fluffy? You like pulling it out and tossing it around. You show it off to those you're close to. You sit in on a proverbial shelf and examine it from all angles. It feels good, this gift postmarked from Heaven.
Yep, you say, this is one special Gift... given just to Me. God...well, He must think I'm pretty stinkin' special.
And then time goes by.
The dream gets a little dusty sitting on that shelf. It takes some time and patience for the upkeep. Plus, things aren't going quite as you thought they would. not as quickly. not as smoothly.
And yeah, the dream is growing and all...but as it does, it gets heavier. harder to hold onto. harder to throw up and toss around. It no longer feels all light and fluffy.
In fact, it sort of resembles concrete: heavy and impossible to tote around.
Do you have a Dream Shelf? Because I know I do. Some dreams have been sitting there for quite some time. Some I've had to push wayyyy back and ignore due to this season in my life. And some the Lord has recently pushed to the forefront of the Shelf. reminding me of them. challenging me to step out in them.
And then there's one Dream in particular that I'm currently walking out.
For I'm starting up a Life Long Discipleship Program, where the prime focus is to train up a generation of worshiping warriors. People, recruited from birth, to participate in a specialized program where they come to intimately know the heart of the King. And then, take it out to a world in critical need of understanding His Father's heart for them.
These little people just happen to come from my womb.
I remember when the vision of Motherhood began in my heart...first, the shock of it all. then, the sheer joy of having received a Heavenly Invitation over my life to participate in something larger than myself.
It felt like an honor. like a sweet recognition of how much God trusted me with something of such magnitude. like a higher calling to partner with him to accomplish the things that are on His heart.
Ah yes, life was grand. because I had been hand-delivered The Dream.
With it came peace... yes, a knowledge that all wouldn't be roses and such... but still, a peace and a joy in the knowledge that this was MINE to accomplish. And though it remains a joy...admittedly there comes a day when a certain reality sets in:
Um, excuse me, Lord? We need to chat...because this dream takes work. Tons of it. The hard and sweaty kind. And I'm losing some sleep in the process. When did that become part of the deal? Because really, I didn't sign up for interrupted sleep.
AND while I'm on the topic, it seems to have come equipped with the innate ability to chip away at my rough spots. What's up with that?! So not only has it lost the whole fluffy feeling, Lord, but it seems to have exchanged the feathers for arsenal. The kind designed to hone in on my weaknesses.
AND let me just add, the whole "finished product" isn't coming together quite as fast as I had thought it would when I first opened this Dream of yours. In fact, I'm not seeing much progress. If any.
And just so you know, God, I'm all about seeing progress. On a daily basis! It so happens to be one of my personal motivators. Weren't you aware of that bit of information when you designed this thing?! This Dream called Motherhood that you hand-delivered. You know. Especially. For. ME!?
Has that ever happened to you? You receive a invitation to partner with God on a specific assignment, down a specific path.
Uncharted Territory.
Where you naively assumed "uncharted" meant exciting adventure around every corner. NOT the drudgery of walking blindly into a pathless jungle. Where you have to remind yourself, almost daily as you forge ahead, that this Dream God planted in your heart IS a gift. Still hand-picked by the Father especially for you. Still a blessing.
Even amidst the rugged terrain that I now am wading through, I daily remind myself of this. For I know the Promised Land is not too far in the distance:
A land flowing with milk not drank from sippy cups and honey not caked in some one's hair. big girl panties and gateless stairways. children who sleep through the night. and conversations that do not include the words "poopy" and "no-no".
It's so close, I can almost touch it.
Yet. As mind-numbing as some days can be, I have to acknowledge that this season is still a part of The Dream. A priceless part. And I want to embrace it. I need to embrace it.
For I've heard it said "The days are long, but the years short."
I believe it. And before I know it, this dream will be over. I'll wake up. and this season in life will be gone. finished. My part in the playing out of this Dream will be done. And now is the only chance I have to partner with God in this arena.
So yeah. This particular Dream IS of the life-changing kind. The ever inspiring this-is-what-will-fulfill-the-core-of-who-you-are kind. The kind of dream that's worth devoting my lives to.
But admittedly, it's also the kind that can suck the life right out of me.
Honestly God, I'm not sure how to end these thoughts....other than to say THANK YOU for choosing me to raise these girls. For picking me to carry this Dream that your heart birthed. To be the one that gets a front row seat in its revealing. in its unfolding.
I just ask that you please enable me to carry this Dream through to the end. In a way that I'm proud of. In a manner that produces a strong foundation in the lives of my daughters.
Hmm. Kind of like concrete. You know, the things not so easily tossed around.
