And so I leave you with this. the foundational point of where my heart is as a mom....
Confession: I want to have a ton of children.
I'm sure that THAT comment, all by itself, is enough to send most of your brains into warp-speed shock. WHAT?! You mean, have more than the 2.5 children alloted by the US Census? Or even more than the 4 that the "really far out church people" have?!! Have you lost your mind?
In a word. Yes.
Which moves me to answer the next question that you're thinking: How many children do you mean exactly? I mean are we talking 5 here or are you making plans for your very own sports team?
To answer. I don't really know. But I have to say that when I see three teenage boys walking around together, something deep inside of me says, "I want that." I like the idea of having a three-some of boys. And being that I'm yet to have ANY boys... you do the math.
And this brings me to the next thought. There's no way to ENSURE that we will actually have three consecutive boys. OR three boys at all. In fact, allow me to give you a birds-eye-view into one marital conversation:
Me:"Well, how many do YOU want to have?" -I'm pretty sure it's my turn to ask our tri-yearly question. Therefore, I do my wifely duty and start the conversation.
Husband: "I don't know. But I do want a boy."
Me: "Yeah well, I think if we have one boy, we at least need to do the courtesy of giving him a brother."
Husband:"Yeah. So what if we have a boy...and then try for another boy, but get a girl. (note: this is not posed as a question. But rather a statement. Hence, the period mark.) Where does this theory of yours go from there?"
Me: "Okay, so what if the next baby we have is a girl. Four girls."
Husband, without a moment's hesitation: "Then we're done."
Me: "yeah, but what about the boy?"
Blank stare. No words. My husband is stumped. And though he says nothing, I guess that he's envisioning himself later on in life. Me, surrounded by my girls doing what girls do. Him... surrounded by bottles of conditioners... and lotions... and hormonal boys trying to date his babies.
I know there's no way to tell what we'll have. Though I've heard there are "theories" out there about how to create the "correct" gender. Trust me, I've seen the writings. Do yourself a favor and don't read them. Otherwise at that moment when you and your spouse are being intimate, your mind will flash to "page 3. third paragraph down" And you'll realize that you need to stop and reposition. Because obviously this is the way to have a GIRL. Um yeah, not so good for the whole romancing thang. *laughing*
But still...I know that I want to have a house full of children. Well, let me specify. One day, I'd love to have a housefull of grown children. There's just something about THAT thought that really appeals to me. I envision huge Thanksgiving dinners. Everyone laughing. Siblings picking on each other and trying to embarrass the newest datee. Built-in friendships. The lifelong kind.
But it's just the getting there part that gives me a thirst for the hard liquor. The sleepless nights. The family flu bug...and all that that lovely venture entails. The endless diapers. The potty training mishaps that leave tell-tale marks on your Persian rug. The constant fighting over the toy that someone else has.
But regardless, I cannot deny that my heart seems to have been created to mother a lot more than I currently have. And somehow I doubt when I'm lying on my deathbed, that I'll look around me and say, "dangit, I knew I shouldn't have had those last two kids!"
Somehow, I know that I'll look back on my life and know that I did something good. Because as Dr's Sears and his wife say (they have 8 children and are always questioned on the wisdom of it):
....The world needs MY children.
