During my last OB appointment, I had to drink that glucose drink. For those of you that have no idea what I speak of. Rest assured. Ignorance is bliss.
Basically, it's an overly sugarfied drink that you have to guzzle in less than 5 minutes so that your bloodsugar levels can be checked. Helping to diagnose pregnancy-induced diabetes.
But in my way of thinking it's just a sorry excuse for some nurse to make a pin cushion out of me.
Now you have to realize that I have had some horrible blood-taking experiences. Supposed "tiny pricks" that have left both of my arms black and blue for weeks. Times when the trusted nurse holding the blood-taking weapon thought nothing of repeatedly sticking me over and over again.
"Opps, honey. You're vein moved. I'll have to do it again." Say what? It moved? Did you PUSH it while trying for the sixth time?!! Hello...real person with sensory nerves here. Back. Off.
So due to those pleasant memories, I now ask the nurse before they attempt to sever my arm, if they're a "good stick". I figure, if they're not, they'll have to fess up beforehand and I'll get someone else to do the deed.
Okay, so not really. I'm stuck with whoever I get. But I know, at the very least, that they'll be aware of the fact that I'm watching them, that I actually do care about the number of times they poke holes into my arm, and that I'm not too keen on needles.
I figure it's always nice to warn my nurse that they may have a Code Blue on their hands. I'm sweet that way.
Well, this time at my local OB was no different, as I was not looking forward to The Blood-taking Event. Though I have to say I've gotten much better dealing with needles since having lots of babies.
Excuse me a brief moment while I contort my body, won't you? Patting myself on the back takes flexibility and all.
Anyway...sitting in the room, I eye my nurse. I've never had this particular girl take blood before. She looked a little young to me. Just out of nursing school maybe? Great. I'll be dead in 15 minutes due to loss of blood. Excuse me, may I have a piece of paper? I'd like to take a moment to write a final goodbye to my loved ones.
But she interrupts my thoughts before I can even ask her for a pen...
"Which arm do they usually take your blood from?"
You're asking ME? Seriously?! Shouldn't you be equipped to know that? Hmm. This isn't starting out well. So I venture asking The Question: "So are ya a good stick?"
"Sometimes. It depends."
WHAT?! What kind of answer is that?!
I start laughing, "Sometimes? Meaning not all the time?! NURSE! SOMEONE?!" I start pretending to call for backup through the closed door. Unfortunately no one responds to my cry for help.
She laughs and assures me it'll be just fine. Though she says something else (which has slipped my memory) that made me laugh all the more and paw for the door. What can I say, I laugh when staring death in the face.
Hysteria. The natural pain reliever.
Again, she asks me what arm. Okay...obviously I'm going to have to identify the best vein for this chick. Uh, let's see. This vein might be alright? I start rubbing it, trying to get the blood flowing, while desperately racking my brain for any other tips that kind nurses have given me over the years. before extracting my blood like a frenzied mosquito.
And then it hits me. Crap! I forgot to drink lots of water this morning. (it's supposed to help with the overall ease of blood taking) In fact, I didn't drink anything outside of that nasty sugar drink they gave me.
I'm doomed.
Positioning the needle, she says "I think you'd better look away."
Ya think? I try focusing on anything else in the room. They got nothing but white walls. And sadly, any attempt to divert my own attention only makes me more keenly aware of the fact that a foreign object is getting ready to puncture my overly sensitive skin.
Strangely enough Girl-fresh-out-of-nursing-school got the needle in without any problem whatsoever. In fact, I hardly felt a thing.
"How was that?!"
"Great! You may actually be the best stick I've ever had!" I feel the extra blood fade from my hot face. My body temperture goes back down to normal. And I start to breathe easily. Ahh, sweet relief. I want to hug her.
But Nurse Child opened her mouth, ruining the moment. Right before taking the needle OUT of my arm, she said "This part always makes me a little nervous. It can really hurt if I just yank it out."
"Seriously, you just need to stop talking. You make it worse. Just yank the sucker out and say "opps" afterwards. Don't warn me first!" ;)
She told me later that I was the most fun she's ever had taking blood. Huh. Really? Thanks. I would make a date to do it again, but...well, you understand. I like you and all, but I want to see other people. People who aren't of the vampire family. Sorry. But hey, thanks for the compliment. Glad that my phobic tendencies towards needles entertains.
And there you have it, another part of my pregnant journey documented for posterity sake. It's amazing the things you endure when preparing to become a parent. Conception (hee hee kidding!), nausea, weight gain, ravenous hunger, swelling, NEEDLES...
I think I'm pretty much homefree for the next few weeks. Until, that is, they start to check the progress of my dilation. Then I may very well lose my eyesight. As my eyeballs fall out due to how wide they involuntarily open...watching as my midwife's elbow disappears inside of me. You know, just to make sure everything's fine wayyyyyy up there.
And the moral of this rather pointless story, you ask? None whatsoever. Just sharing the complex personality quirks of Me:
-I am a complete weiny when it comes to any and all things Needles.
-I turn MY head when my girls get shots. I cry right along with them.
-This is one of the factors in my desiring a homebirth...they don't do the customary IVs.
-I want my girls to see that their mother is not as brave as they think. ...Okay, so they probably don't need to read this to realize that bit of information. But hey, I can dream.
-And to show myself, yet again, what a true miracle it is that my births are painfree. Because really...they are. Or else Charis would be an only child.
....I'm thinking 7 inch epidural needle. "Are you kidding me?! You're going to insert THAT into my SPINE to make it NOT hurt?! Whatever. Just go ahead and saw me in two. That may be more productive."
So yeah. 28 week blood taking adventure is behind me. Thank you Jesus. Now...to pray up for the delivery itself. :) But actually I'm getting kind of excited about that. I can't wait to see what the Lord has planned...
And after hearing about how much I LOOOAATTHE needles, I figure that says a lot about the Peace of God, eh?
Basically, it's an overly sugarfied drink that you have to guzzle in less than 5 minutes so that your bloodsugar levels can be checked. Helping to diagnose pregnancy-induced diabetes.
But in my way of thinking it's just a sorry excuse for some nurse to make a pin cushion out of me.
Now you have to realize that I have had some horrible blood-taking experiences. Supposed "tiny pricks" that have left both of my arms black and blue for weeks. Times when the trusted nurse holding the blood-taking weapon thought nothing of repeatedly sticking me over and over again.
"Opps, honey. You're vein moved. I'll have to do it again." Say what? It moved? Did you PUSH it while trying for the sixth time?!! Hello...real person with sensory nerves here. Back. Off.
So due to those pleasant memories, I now ask the nurse before they attempt to sever my arm, if they're a "good stick". I figure, if they're not, they'll have to fess up beforehand and I'll get someone else to do the deed.
Okay, so not really. I'm stuck with whoever I get. But I know, at the very least, that they'll be aware of the fact that I'm watching them, that I actually do care about the number of times they poke holes into my arm, and that I'm not too keen on needles.
I figure it's always nice to warn my nurse that they may have a Code Blue on their hands. I'm sweet that way.
Well, this time at my local OB was no different, as I was not looking forward to The Blood-taking Event. Though I have to say I've gotten much better dealing with needles since having lots of babies.
Excuse me a brief moment while I contort my body, won't you? Patting myself on the back takes flexibility and all.
Anyway...sitting in the room, I eye my nurse. I've never had this particular girl take blood before. She looked a little young to me. Just out of nursing school maybe? Great. I'll be dead in 15 minutes due to loss of blood. Excuse me, may I have a piece of paper? I'd like to take a moment to write a final goodbye to my loved ones.
But she interrupts my thoughts before I can even ask her for a pen...
"Which arm do they usually take your blood from?"
You're asking ME? Seriously?! Shouldn't you be equipped to know that? Hmm. This isn't starting out well. So I venture asking The Question: "So are ya a good stick?"
"Sometimes. It depends."
WHAT?! What kind of answer is that?!
I start laughing, "Sometimes? Meaning not all the time?! NURSE! SOMEONE?!" I start pretending to call for backup through the closed door. Unfortunately no one responds to my cry for help.
She laughs and assures me it'll be just fine. Though she says something else (which has slipped my memory) that made me laugh all the more and paw for the door. What can I say, I laugh when staring death in the face.
Hysteria. The natural pain reliever.
Again, she asks me what arm. Okay...obviously I'm going to have to identify the best vein for this chick. Uh, let's see. This vein might be alright? I start rubbing it, trying to get the blood flowing, while desperately racking my brain for any other tips that kind nurses have given me over the years. before extracting my blood like a frenzied mosquito.
And then it hits me. Crap! I forgot to drink lots of water this morning. (it's supposed to help with the overall ease of blood taking) In fact, I didn't drink anything outside of that nasty sugar drink they gave me.
I'm doomed.
Positioning the needle, she says "I think you'd better look away."
Ya think? I try focusing on anything else in the room. They got nothing but white walls. And sadly, any attempt to divert my own attention only makes me more keenly aware of the fact that a foreign object is getting ready to puncture my overly sensitive skin.
Strangely enough Girl-fresh-out-of-nursing-school got the needle in without any problem whatsoever. In fact, I hardly felt a thing.
"How was that?!"
"Great! You may actually be the best stick I've ever had!" I feel the extra blood fade from my hot face. My body temperture goes back down to normal. And I start to breathe easily. Ahh, sweet relief. I want to hug her.
But Nurse Child opened her mouth, ruining the moment. Right before taking the needle OUT of my arm, she said "This part always makes me a little nervous. It can really hurt if I just yank it out."
"Seriously, you just need to stop talking. You make it worse. Just yank the sucker out and say "opps" afterwards. Don't warn me first!" ;)
She told me later that I was the most fun she's ever had taking blood. Huh. Really? Thanks. I would make a date to do it again, but...well, you understand. I like you and all, but I want to see other people. People who aren't of the vampire family. Sorry. But hey, thanks for the compliment. Glad that my phobic tendencies towards needles entertains.
And there you have it, another part of my pregnant journey documented for posterity sake. It's amazing the things you endure when preparing to become a parent. Conception (hee hee kidding!), nausea, weight gain, ravenous hunger, swelling, NEEDLES...
I think I'm pretty much homefree for the next few weeks. Until, that is, they start to check the progress of my dilation. Then I may very well lose my eyesight. As my eyeballs fall out due to how wide they involuntarily open...watching as my midwife's elbow disappears inside of me. You know, just to make sure everything's fine wayyyyyy up there.
And the moral of this rather pointless story, you ask? None whatsoever. Just sharing the complex personality quirks of Me:
-I am a complete weiny when it comes to any and all things Needles.
-I turn MY head when my girls get shots. I cry right along with them.
-This is one of the factors in my desiring a homebirth...they don't do the customary IVs.
-I want my girls to see that their mother is not as brave as they think. ...Okay, so they probably don't need to read this to realize that bit of information. But hey, I can dream.
-And to show myself, yet again, what a true miracle it is that my births are painfree. Because really...they are. Or else Charis would be an only child.
....I'm thinking 7 inch epidural needle. "Are you kidding me?! You're going to insert THAT into my SPINE to make it NOT hurt?! Whatever. Just go ahead and saw me in two. That may be more productive."
So yeah. 28 week blood taking adventure is behind me. Thank you Jesus. Now...to pray up for the delivery itself. :) But actually I'm getting kind of excited about that. I can't wait to see what the Lord has planned...
And after hearing about how much I LOOOAATTHE needles, I figure that says a lot about the Peace of God, eh?
