Ahh...Friday at last.

There are weeks that fly by. One day you're making dinner for Monday night. Then you turn around, it's Thursday afternoon, and you're suddenly staring The Weekend in the face. Man, I love those times.

And then there are weeks like the ones I've been having recently. (Note: When I say "recently", it must read as "for the past month and a half"). This week has been no exception. For I'm sure that it's somehow packed more than its allotted share of 7 days and nights into it. Ever have those?

Maybe it's because I've been laying around trying desperately not to throw up as I clean up other's vomit and diarrhea? Hm. There's a novel thought.

But as much as the above has tested my will to go on (yes, I'm being a bit dramatic here), I'm thinking the length of this week is more due to the fact that my husband doesn't come home until way past "late" two nights of the week (night classes).

Now, before I go on, I must say that if you are one of those freaky type readers who tends to lean toward the crime of "stalking" and therefore should be sitting behind bars instead of a computer...just allow me to say:

I have a large doberman and I'm not afraid to use him. Before meeting my husband, I was pursuing a career in the FBI (the kind where they put arsenal to use...not the desk). And I'm neither a Pacifist, nor a Democrat. Need I spell it out more clearly? ....Think NRA.

Okay then. Moving on.

Soooo as I sit here now...all I can think about is the fact that I have an entire weekend stretching out before me. One to be spent solely with my husband and girls. Well, after the Women's Spa Night that my church is putting on tonight. ;)

I foresee much cuddling on the couch. Mixed in with a few Wrestling matches and games of catch among the Littles. A dozen competitive games of Memory. And a whole lot of just "being together."

Who knows, maybe even The Hub and I will go to my parents and practice shooting. *wry grin*

Honestly, it doesn't matter to me what we do. I'm just so relieved and excited that it's The Weekend. And that in a matter of hours, I'll have my Love home all to myself. Well...and the three other women of the house. (But thankfully, they're in bed by 7pm.) *grin*

And all we have to do for the next few days is focus on each other. Hmm. Sounds so great. You got Plans?

WrestleMania

In a few short weeks, my little Raegan Roo will be turning one year old.

Already she has brought so much life to our home; I can't even begin to imagine life without her spunk. How can such a petite little thing hold so much personality?!!

She is SUCH the ham, already knowing how to work the lens. From about 6 months on, she would pause and pose whenever she saw me bring out the camera. (Of course, if I didn't get the perfect shot right away, the moment was gone. Because she was off and crawling like mad to grab the camera.)

But don't be fooled by her innocent demeanor. For she is proving herself to be quite the little brute. And for better or worse, her sisters are now the target of her physical ....uh, prowess. One of her favorite games is to throw herself head-long on to her sisters, wrestling them to the ground.

She'll sit on her knees, raise both hands above her head, growl this deep guttural sound, and then lunge. Usually the target-sister moves just in time. As Raegan hits the floor with her face. Hard.

But she's completely unphased (usually)...getting up and going after them once again. This time with more determination. And a lot more Growl.

The girls love it! Especially the part where they don't have to treat Raegan like she's made of glass anymore.
Every night they wrestle. Rolling around and around the floor. Growling and chasing and laughing and hiding. I absolutely love hearing Raegan yell "Day-yah?! Ere Aw ew?" (Selah, where are you?) over and over again as Selah hides behind the coffee table.

These moments are, by far, my favorite times of the day. You know... the part where Daddy is home too...where the kids are "almost" going to bed...and where they are exhausting themselves by expending all of their remaining energy. Yes, those times. :)

It just so happens they are completely adorable in the process.

I know you can't hear her. But can't you just imagine the sound coming from her mouth? Selah taught her how to growl. And I'd say she has it down pat now.

I know that one day...not too far away...these days will only be a memory. And their growls will be replaced by something more "grown up".

But for now, I'm so loving this stage. The one where they finally are all able to interact together. Throwing each other to the ground. And loving it.

Have I mentioned that I'm SO thankful my girls are coming out of their "timid" phase?!?! ;) Thanks, in part, to our little Raegan Roo.

Back and Forth...Round and Round

For the past couple of years, I've toyed with the idea of a homebirth.

I have friends and in-laws who have gone that route. I have easy births, which I think would lend themselves to the whole scenerio. I have a close friend who is a midwife-in-training and therefore has had the ...uh, "pleasure" of being my very own "Dear Abby" when it's come to the subject of homebirths over the past 5 years.

And Jet?

Well, he basically delivered our second daughter on his own (We had a VERY laid back hospital midwife in Texas who just stood back and said "let me know when you need me") and therefore isn't against the idea in the slightest. In fact, when I was pregnant with Raegan, the hospital midwife had us both prepped for Jet to deliver the baby in our car in case this last labor went that fast. *grin*

So all in all, I'm pretty much surrounded when it comes to people who would support me in this decision.

But there's that small fraction of a "But what if...?" that tends to stay in the forefront of my mind. Discouraging me from stepping out into the unknown. Encouraging me to live in fear of the things that could go wrong.

BUT this last experience at the hospital was not something that I recall with fond memories. A lot of things happened during the labor/delivery that I didn't like or appreciate in the slightest. And without going into detail, those concerns may just be what puts me over the "edge" into making the decision for a homebirth.

The only thing is I cannot sit around on my rear just "thinking" about it anymore. I've got to make some sort of decision. NOW.

I know at least a few of you have gone the route of homebirths and I'd love to hear how you came to that decision. Your experience. Questions I should ask when interviewing midwives. Etc Etc. If you don't want to put it out there for everyone to read, just email me.

My first appointment with the midwives isn't for another couple of weeks (I'll be 2 days shy of 13 weeks). So I suppose I have a little while yet to make an "informed" decision. Any feedback you can give would be a great help!

Confession

After the girls go to bed, Jet and I play The Game.

You see, we're both pretty competitive. We both love a good challenge. Especially one where our brains are "stretched."

So for the past week (when I'm not ending up in bed by 7pm due to sheer exhaustion), we play. Again and again. Honing the very skills that will give us an edge in winning during our next Game Night.

Family Game Night, that is. :)


Jet and I play Memory. A game who's box clearly states

"For ages 3-5. A Preschool Recognition and memory game".

Remember it?

Unfortunately, our little late night rendezvous with those colorful, matching chips hasn't helped that much. Because Jet still gets his booty kicked by a 3-year old.

Notice I said Jet. ;)

(And if you happen to have children and haven't play this game in a long time, try it. It's harder than you may remember! Maybe next time, I'll lay down my competitive side long enough to take some pictures. Maybe.)

You're pregnant. Again?

The varied reactions to our Pregnancy Announcement has cracked me up.

Yes, we've gotten many thrilled reactions. And then there have been some who try to cover their shock with a polite smile and a congratulations. Some go on and on about how they hope, for the love of God, that this will finally be The Boy. Because, you know, that would be our goal here. *tease* One person, who was truly excited, looked at me and said, "Well, aren't you just a Fertile Myrtle". That one cracked me up. (She's so cute!) And yes, I suppose I am. ;)

But of all the reactions that Jet got from announcing the pregnancy, one of my favorites has been:

Doesn't she get tired of being pregnant?!

I have to admit when Jet relayed this comment to me (and he couldn't remember the commenter), I couldn't help but to laugh.

But for the sake of those who truly want a concise, clear answer... let's pause and take a closer look at this one, shall we?

While there are those who speak fondly of the Pregnancy Glow and hold dear the feeling of being one with God as body and Spirit work together to create life, I... Well, I'll just say, I am not one of those people.

At least not in my present frame of First Trimester Mindedness.

You see, the inability to eat... though it may very well hold its place as a time-tested diet among the Hollywood population... does not appeal to me. I happen to like food and the subsequent eating of it.

And when I am finally able to eat or drink, I'm not partial to the sudden on-set of bulemic tendences my body adopts. I find no pleasure in toilet-hugging. For months at a time. Maybe this is just me?

And let me just say that "Morning Sickness" is a cruel misnomer. Morning, Noon, and Night in this house, baby! *groan* So for the present day, I am always starving, yet completely incapable of eating. The combination drives me to tears.

And while I'm on the whole topic of food... the whole craving thing really baffles me. I'll crave a food. Say a kiwi. Then, if I cannot get that kiwi within a small span of time, my body rejects the idea and suddenly goes violently sick.

But the flip side of the coin isn't much better.

For if I am able to get ahold of the desired food in time, it comes right. back. up.

Thus, forever crossing itself off from the Foods-I-can-eat-While-Pregnant List. Why is that?! Why do I crave food only to have it forever banned from my ability to stomach it?!

In fact, I still suffer from nausea just hearing the word "brisket." When I was pregnant with Selah (in Texas), I was extremely sick. I'd never had brisket before...never even heard of it. I tried it and ...well, I'll just say I can't even hear someone mention the vile stuff without having flashbacks and a slight turn of my stomach.

Ick. Moving on.

Now whereas my sudden ability to burp like a trucker may, in fact, win me prizes in circles I'd rather not associate, it does not win me romantic favor in the eyes of my dear husband. And though I'd like to think he's turned on by me regardless of the circumstances, I highly doubt that my new-found talent wins me the "Hubba Hubba" award from the only one whom I want to attract.

And that pregnancy glow everyone speaks of? Yeah not so much for me. I get the pregnancy break out. The fun little thing that happens because my hormones are all across the board. Yippee.

Need I go on? I wear pregnancy well, don't I?

But if my sudden fall from Attractiveness isn't enough to put our little Love Relationship out of whack for a season...the following deals it a Death Blow.

My nose.

No, not the look of it. But the sudden strength of it's smelling receptors. :( During one pregnancy, I literally couldn't take the smell of... my husband.

Not that he was exuding offending smells. He was not. It was just him. His skin. His deodorant. His...everything. Nice, huh? Not really top on my priority list to have to shout, "Ugh, get away from me or I'll throw up." Doesn't do so much for the hub's confidence level, now does it? (sorry hon)

Can you picture it now? I'm looking fairly scary. I sound like a trucker on chili and coke. I'm hugging the porcelain throne on an hourly basis. And then to add insult to injury...I tell my husband that HE smells bad.


So yes, for the person asking Jet about my potential tiring of pregnancy... I. am. beyond. tired.

Admittedly, during the whole first trimester's explosive Shock and Awe of Hormonal Imbalance, I always play with the thoughts of "maybe this will be my last one?!"

BUT. I do have to say that the Little Treasure that is birthed from the whole experience is priceless. And that is THE ONLY REASON why I won't make any rash decisions regarding the future size of our family.

Because my heart is to have a large family. Well...at least until the third trimester. That's when heartburn kicks in. And at that point, my heart tends to agree with my stomach, who just wants to forego the thing all together. Now...if only pregnancy consisted of three 2nd-trimesters, I'd be good to go.

There now. Does that answer your question? *wink*

This is Fertile Myrtle reporting. And Signing off ....to go throw up.

Closure

The last few days have been an emotional roller coaster. During the day when children loudly play underfoot, there was no time for thinking. or mourning.

Then night would come in all its unavoidable silence. It was in these moments when questions. tears. and pain would emerge.

Jet would just sit and listen as I'd talk and cry and pray, rolling the loss around and around in my head. Things emerged during that private time with my husband that I desire to neither articulate nor share. But for me, those raw moments were the path to closure.

And Today felt like complete closure: The funeral and celebration of her life. A gathering of her family and friends.

During the Celebration, a few of her family shared their hearts. Just hearing them (her brother and sister) speak of the Comfort they've received ...the way that they had seen God in the midst of it...brought immeasurable comfort to my own heart. The Grace that surrounded them somehow covered me.

I know in my heart that Janet dances with the King. And that the King has made a way for those who deeply grieve for her earthly absence. Though I am fully able to embrace my grieve, I also fully embrace Him.

He is faithful. And I choose to wait and watch for His Faithfulness to unfold in this situation. In all its detailed splendor.

Thank you for praying. Please continue to pray for her husband and children. That they will continue to feel surrounded and held. Even after the last flower arrangement has been put away. And the night comes with all its unavoidable silence.

Mommy, are you going to die?

Yesterday, I had the girls sit down with me to pray for "Jessica's Mommy" (refer to previous two posts). They knew her, as most kids identify adults... by their children.

Janet and Jessica had been over here to play. We had gone over to their house to ride horses. Janet taught their Sunday school classes. My girls knew who she was, up close and personal.

So I figured they could pray.

Charis prayed, "Jesus, help Ms. Janet to get better and don't let her die because parents can't die when there are kids still in the house..."

She pauses and looks up at me. "Right, mommy?"

I don't remember what I managed to say.


Today after the news of Janet's death, I was careful not to mention it to them. Not that I aim to shelter my girls from the truth of death. I knew they would find out. But I wasn't ready to go there. I needed to grieve without an onslaught of questions.

And then this afternoon, the phone rang. It was my sister. I quietly asked her if she had heard.... and Charis, who apparently never misses anything, picked up on the one telltale word I used. Because after I got off the phone (10 seconds later) she said, "Did Jessica's Mommy die?"

Yes, honey.

"Why do mommies and daddies die when the kids are still living?"

I don't know....

Tonight, as we let the girls watch our wedding video for the first time, Charis walked over to me and Jet. She spoke of her wedding...and how she'd be a mommy and I'd be a grandma. "And you'll still be living when I have kids, right?" She embraces both of us at once.

*sigh*

How do you explain to a 3 and 5 year old? How do you fill in the blanks for them when you don't have the words (or knowledge)? How do you give them comfort when they just watched their friend lose their mommy? How do you understand all that goes on in their head when you can't even understand half of what's going on in your own? How do you answer the very question that you can't even bring yourself to ask: "Why do mommies die when the kids are still in the house?"

God. As much as we adults need your comfort, I ask that you pour it out on the kids. ...All those young children that Ms. Janet's life touched on intimate levels.

Prayer Request

Our friend has gone to be with the Lord.

Please, please pray for her young family. Four children aged 4 to 17. And especially for her husband, Brian.

And if you have the faith, pray that God would still perform a miracle where a Display of His Glory would unfold. I pray it is so.

In John 11:4 when Jesus heard about Lazarus's illness, his response was: "This sickness will not end in death. No, it is for God's glory, that God's Son may be glorified through it."

When we are weak...

I cannot think straight tonight. For a friend of mine lies in the hospital fighting for her life. One day she was fine. The next she is in dire need of miraculous intervention.

I've sat in shock all day. Not sure how to respond. Praying. Grieving. Trying to ignore the ache in my heart.

It's moments like these that the Fraility of Life abandons its place of hiding and shows itself...in all its shocking horror. For she is not old. She was not sick, outside of a migraine. There was no huge warning flag.

Oh, God. I don't even know what to say. Accept to ask for your complete healing. For as frail as life may be, You are stronger still.

*no comments allowed

The Girls' Reaction to the News

The last few days I've been feeling sick. You know, sort of laying around like a leech. So we figured that meant it was time to tell our news. Before other people started to guess it themselves.

So this past Thursday (7th), we all gathered around the chair that Mommy had been loafing on to tell the girls our secret:

"God answered your prayers, Charis."
"What prayers?!"
"There's a baby in Mommy's belly!"
"A boy?!"
"Well... maybe." Jet and I exchange glances over her head. "It's up to God to decide."
"It IS. It is a boy. Because I prayed for one for a long time. So God DID decide." The indignant confidence was almost funny. :)

Selah came over and layed her hand on my belly. "Thank you, Jesus, for this baby boy... like Charis prayed. And thank you that you won't take him to heaven."

I could only stare at her. It's at times like these that I, again, realize how keenly aware of everything the girls were during the last miscarriage. And the personal loss they also felt.

Selah looks up at me and says, matter of factly: "Now you have two babies."
"Two? Who's the other one?" (thinking that she was talking about Raegan).
"Well, one is XXXX (boy name) that you named last year." She shrugs, "I don't know the other name." She was speaking of twins. Which Charis has been religiously praying for since the birth of Raegan. ?????

Selah continued on: "...and Raegan can share her crib with XXXX!! Right, Mommy?!"

It took our girls No Time Flat to familiarize themselves with the news of a new baby. For seconds after hearing it, Selah was already referring to the baby as a boy...and by his name. (Obviously, with three girls, we've had a boy name for a while now!)

Which brings me to the obvious fact: in their minds, this baby cannot be a girl. Any less than a man-child would be sacrilege. I did have to intervene on that train of thought though. When the next day, they kept thanking God for making the baby a boy. I had to remind them that they had wanted a boy when I was carrying Raegan. But how they loved having her be a GIRL. They relented by changing their prayers to "a boy or a girl" though I could tell it was a half-hearted thing. :)

I thought it was all taken care of until after the Sunday "unveiling" of the news to my parents, Charis told my mom, "I wish I had been a boy." WHY, Charis?! "Because we need brothers!" My mouth hit the floor, as well as my heart. I never want my Charis Girl to feel like she has to be anything less than what she is. Especially because she's a girl!!

But I have a feeling that regardless of what the baby is, all of the girls will be thrilled. It just always seems to work out that way.

Because when all is said and done, Charis is just thrilled that I'm having a BABY so soon: "It's funny that you're growing a baby in your belly when Raegan is still a baby. You surprised me!!!" ;) Raegan and Baby #4 will be 18 months apart.

A picture speaks a thousand words

That's right! This picture says it all: We are expecting!!!

We were finally able to tell my parents today. Selah shared The Secret over lunch in little more than a grinning whisper...

"Mommy has a baby in her belly!"

But not me. I'm all about sharing the news on a louder decibel. Blog-style.

Woo-Hoo!! #4 on the way....

A little discovery

One of our neighbors has three trucks, a car, and a camper. Not to mention some motorcycles. As you can imagine, it costs a lot of gas to fill those puppies up. Especially since the average person needs to take out a second mortgage to afford gas for a compact car these days.

The other day, my hub noticed that someone pulled into this neighbor's side yard. parking among his "fleet" of automobiles. This Intruder got out of his own truck and just stood there for a while, surveying the scene. And then, he left. Odd.

So that evening when Jet took the girls on a walk, he stopped to tell our neighbor what he saw: the description of the truck, man, and license plate. Our neighbor was so greatful that Jet took the time to take note of that. And then he proceeded to tell Jet that someone from our neighborhood had recently had their gas tanks emptied in the middle of the night.

Excuse me?!

He went on to show Jet what he had bought to insure that this would not happen to him.

Locking gas caps.

Now, maybe you're more clued in than I am. Maybe you not only have heard of these things, but own some as well. But just in case, I wanted to share my little discovery this weekend: People steal gas straight from your tanks. AND there are things on the market to protect against these midnight thieves.

We decided that it was worth the (average of) $15 to protect the $60 that it takes to fill up our tanks. So I wanted to share...

The Power of the Unborn

"Yet she shall be saved through childbearing; if she continue in faith, and love, and sanctification, with sobriety." 1 Timothy 2:15

God's creative ways are always amazing to me!!! The following is an actual news article found on Foxnews.com:

"Like any thrilled mother to be, Michelle Stepney cherished the first kicks she could feel from her unborn babies. But her lively twin girls were doing more than simply making their presence felt.

Each little kick was saving their mother's life.

Unknown to her, Mrs Stepney, 35, had developed cervical cancer. Her unborn twins' constant kicking in the womb actually managed to dislodge the tumour."

To read the full story click here! If that happens not to work...it's on Foxnews.com

If He can Create a Plan for the Entire Universe...

...Imagine what He can Do for Your Finances.

This little saying has been on my fridge for years. Encouraging me. Driving me to my knees. Causing me to question the timing and compassion of God in our lives.

Yes, you read that right. I'm just keeping it real here.

So how are we planning on accomplishing this large financial goal of paying off our mortgage (briefly eluded to in an earlier post), you ask???!! A lot of faith in a Creator who has unlimited resources and being wise stewards of what He's already entrusted to us.

Because honestly, I look at our finances and I think, "There's no way." But thankfully, I serve a Bigger God...who happens to own The Way.

Allow me to give you some background:

After the Lord ASKED me to stop working, our income was nearly cut in half. It was a shock to our system. We'd never had money issues. We never had debt. In fact, when we got married, we had three cars, a college degree, and a good amount of other things (enough to fill a house)between us...all debt free. And then, God spoke... He asked us to go to one income. So we did. Ouch.

At that point, I was getting ready to enter a Masters Degree Program. But then *surprise* Baby on the way.

And then God spoke again. He asked us to move to Texas. Just up and move. NOW. Trusting Him for everything. And so we did. OUUUUCCCCCHHHHH. We've never been so stressed or stretched thin in EVERY area of our lives. Finances included. In fact, it'd be a gross understatement to say our money was "tight". Because there were times we were hardly able to pay bills. ...of course the fact that the IRS accidentally took a hefty sum of money from our savings without our knowledge didn't help. *groan*

Why am I sharing this? Especially since the retelling of it still borders on making me sick to my stomach. Because in order to tell a miracle story...though I feel as if I'm still in the midst of it's unfolding... you have to have a NEED first. Period. So, I share from our Season of Need.

Do I realize that my sharing this may bring judgement on us? Yep. People are always willing to throw their oh-so-insightful judgement around concerning other's lives. But I cannot live life under that shadow. For it cripples.

But I can say that in the midst of it all, I've never known more intimately that we were RIGHT where God wanted us to be. Once He clearly spoke to me and said: "I can wipe out debt in a matter of minutes. But you cannot get what I am teaching you here through any other means."

Now don't get me wrong. It was hard. Harder than hard. And I'm someone who even likes a "challenge". But to give you an insiders point of view of my lowest point dering this "Need"....I called up my mom once, sobbing, and said, "Does He have no compassion!? We left everything to follow Him and we're dying out here! We're dying!"

This was no easy road. But it was a road chosen by God for us. For His purposes, which are STILL unfolding to this day. (There's SO much more to this story, but it'll have to wait for now)

Fast forward a few years. We moved back to our home state with over $60,000 of debt. Debt incurred, not through shopping sprees, but through fixing up a house that we bought (that happened to have rotting foundations. *surprise*) and living expenses. Like food and heat.

All of it (with exception of some we owe my parents) has been payed off. God demolished it. In record time. With money that we did not have. Because he's faithful to His Word. He told me that he could wipe out the debt that he was allowing during that time...and He did.

And so...on that note, last year, the Lord challenged me to believe Him for the paying off of our mortgage (and parents) in the next X-number of years. And as of THIS year, I have an excitement and a desire to see that happen. Not because we are wealthy. We are not. But because we have a challenge from the Lord to believe Him for it.

SO! These are some ways that we'll walk towards elimination of house debt...since some of you asked:

-We don't normally buy new. I love the GoodWill and have actually found new things there. If I am ever tempted, all I have to do is revisit my attic in my mind. Thinking of all the stuff I "had to have" that now sits unused makes me ill. Especially when I think that I'd only get pennies on the dollar for it at my yardsales.

-We don't use credit cards. I don't like to pretend we have money we don't. So we buy with cash.
-We rent books and movies from our library. I love having books for my girls. But oddly enough, I've found that they actually like books better if they aren't the ones we own. So all those books on their shelves aren't as treasured as the "new" ones we check out from the local library.

-As of this year, the girls are only going to get special things at Christmas and their b'days...instead of immediately giving them the bargains that I find at yardsales. No more. In fact, I can't imagine that they actually need anything else.

-Jet's older sister blesses us with hand-me-downs from her daughter. Who happens to be 9 months younger than Charis, but larger. Thank you, Justina! :)

-Grocery-wise, we don't buy sugary foods or sodas. But one of the things I want to do is start cooking for a month and freezing it. That way we're not buying unnecessary foods...or doing impulse buying at the last minute, which I think is our downfall.

-We don't take expensive trips. I'd LOVE to travel, but at this point it our lives it doesn't make sense. So we are putting off that desire to pay down/off remaining debt. But there are ALL sorts of free places to visit!

-If I haven't used it in the last year, it leaves my house. Thus, the yearly yardsales. I find the more we have, the less we enjoy it. So...we chuck the unused. Last year, I bought a much-needed new door with my yardsale money (we own a fixer upper). I went through the house picking up random items saying "Which do I want more? This or a new door?" And from that "test" I got my yardsale stuff. :)

-I PLAN on (we'll see if we can make it happen this year) having a veggie garden in my backyard. I love vegetables, but they are SO expensive. So...grow them myself. Freeze the left overs. And voila! Save money.

-We don't have TV. I mean, we have one and a DVD/VCR. But it doesn't get channels and we refuse to pay for cable. It's trash anyway.

-We're getting a hefty tax refund this year. It's all going towards our second mortgage.

I know there's more. But that's some of it. We've looked through our spending before but couldn't find "fluff." Unless you consider a cell phone with the least amount of minutes on a family plan to be fluff. As a mom of three, I do not. If something were to happen while I was driving my girls around, I'd want to not be at the mercy of a stranger to stop. But that's just me.

BUT somehow I know we can do more. I'm determined to find ways to save more than we are now; I just have to get really creative. So if YOU do something as a family, we'd love to hear it.