The bonds of sisterhood begin in the small things.

Selah has always been a little girl that loves to be around babies. She loves to kiss and hug and hold them.

There's just something in her that compels her to pour out love on babies. especially her sisters.

The evening after we had first announced that we were expecting another baby, Selah came up to me. sat on my lap out of the blue. and started to introduce herself to the newest baby.

Precious. :)

So I'm not surprised that she has been all too "willing" (begging is the more appropriate word) to hold Raquel for lengthy amounts of time.



Just watching her sleep. Cuddling up with her. Examining all the little curves of Raquel's face.


Selah's newest thing is coming up to Raquel, balling her fists up real tight, and saying "I just want to SQUEEEEZEEE her!"

I have absolutely no idea where she got that from. *grin/wink*


Not a day goes by that I don't feel completely blessed to have been given the honor of raising five girls. sisters who are already friends. little women who will get to go through life together.


I think this picture says it all. For I'm thinking my daughters will be holding each other's hands, whether literally or figuratively, for years to come.

And I get to be the one to watch. Up close and personal.

Wake up call in kid's clothing. Aisle 12

I'm someone who dreams. All. night. long.

I always have. I even remember, vividly, dreams I had when I was WAY young. I'm talking like 3 years old.

God has used dreams to speak to me for years. Quite possibly because I'm too hard-headed to listen for long enough when I'm conscious awake.

This morning, I had a really vivid dream. One that I know was from the Lord as a warning of sorts... before it was too late.

The overview is this:

I was in a department store with my five girls. Only I wasn't shopping with them. I had opted, instead, to watch a movie (on my laptop) with a girl friend of mine in some corner room of the store, sending the girls off by themselves, to watch each other and have fun as they browsed the store without me.

And then during the movie (or was it after?) I suddenly realized what I had done. that I had sent my little girls all throughout the store, without an adult to help them or enjoy them. And now I didn't know where they were.

I was completely panicked.

I ran around the store, yelling for them. asking everyone if they had seen them. I was embarrassed and scared as I was forced to ask other people about my daughters.

Finally I found all but one of them. At this point, I went crazy-frantic. Whatever calm facade I had mustered up until that point left as I got really fearful over why I wasn't finding her.

And then I saw her coming out of the clothing section, sobbing as she was walking around the store looking for me and her sisters...

The moment I woke up, I heard the Holy Spirit explain something to me: The children's department store represents their childhood.

Just like you don't shop that section of the store forever, you don't have this season of life forever.

And I have a choice to make.

Am I going to accompany them as they live this oh-so-temporary season? enjoying them. helping them. walking with them.

Or am I going to choose to fall prey to the temptation to do what I want to do? nurturing myself and my entertainment?

because remember: I was watching a movie...and doing the computer... with a friend. taking my kids to the Kid's Department...hanging around it...but not being a part of their experience of it.

Honestly, the whole thing broke my heart. Not because the dream, itself, was necessarily sad. Even though it was.

But because of the reality behind the dream. the message in it. the chance that I am/would waste these passing years with them. THAT is heartbreaking and a little too close for comfort.

Admittedly, I struggle with this. The desire to be something outside of a mom. to do something outside of investing in my children. to have ample time away from my family so that I can feel like I actually have friends apart from those who I birthed...or married.

Don't get me wrong. I don't think aspiring to have friends is wrong. or getting away from the kids to recharge is selfish or weak. But there's balance.

Especially when it comes to the brain: The way I perceive my life during this season. and the self-talk I participate in. Do I encourage myself in what I'm doing? Or tell myself how lonely and left-out and boring my current station in life leaves me?

*groan* There's a reason why the Word says to renew your mind. and to take your thoughts captive. They're powerful things when it comes to molding the "reality" in your life.

There are seasons in life. They come and they go.

My fear? that I won't invest myself in THIS one...that I'll waste time longing for something that is not mine to have right now (Scads of Me Time. Freedom to come and go as I please. Multiple free weekends where I can escape for get-aways without children).

I know the Lord gave me this dream as a warning. or maybe it was an encouragement.

to put away the laptop and the movies and the time on Facebook and.... to stop investing in things that only entertain me. and to start enjoying my husband and daughters TO THE FULLEST. before they've moved on to the next season of their life.

The season where they don't need me like they do now.

I want to be able to look back on this time in the life of our family and be deeply proud of every little daily decision made on how to interact with my hub and troop of girls.

Blizzard of 2009

Jet and I arrived home from the hospital (with Raquel) at 2:15pm. Less than two hours before the snow began.

The BIG snow. The 2 feet type of snow. Yee-haw.

I have to admit, I am like a kid when it comes to snow. I love it. I love getting enough to have schools canceled and businesses closed down. Roads emptied of traffic and parked cars covered beneath mounds of the white stuff.

Unfortunately for me, I own no snowboots (they're on my Things to Buy After Christmas Sale list). And being that I just delivered a baby...one that wants to nurse often...I was the one relegated to remain inside. Watching.

Not to mention, Jet dug out the driveway, back deck, and walkway while the girls played. Um I think I'll pass, if hard labor is my ticket to be outdoors. :)

My girls LOVED it. to the point that they remained outside, even when they're hands were red and frozen, being that we couldn't find their snow gloves. Opps.


It was quite the day for all of us:

• discharged from the hospital.
• bringing home our last baby girl.
• and a snow large enough to get snowed in with my entire family for a few days.

I'm still in awe of God's timing of it all.

Had I gone into labor any later than I did, I would have been holed up in the hospital away from my family, being that they want the baby to remain in the hospital for 24 hours.


Or had I gone into labor during/after the blizzard...Wow....we would have been challenged with how to even get to the hospital and what to do with the girls.

Uh, Unplanned Home birth anyone?


I couldn't stop thanking the Lord as I sat on my couch, nursing my newborn daughter, looking out at the never-ending snowfall.


We have so many reasons to celebrate as a family. Raquel AND two feet of snow! It just doesn't get any better than this for a bunch of little girls. (or their snow-lovin' parents!)

Welcome Home

I still can't believe this day has already come and go. The Big Day where I bring home my last little baby girl to meet the sisters.



I specifically remember, as a teenager, thinking about what my last delivery would be like...totally imagining that the relief I would feel at never, ever having to push another baby out of my body again. *laughing*

Yes, I really do remember thinking this... ;)

But honestly, the whole thing has sort of felt like a haze. Where I envisioned myself being completely elated right after they put Raquel on my chest...instead I just felt a flood of mixed emotions.

mostly just exhaustion (after two weeks of waking up around 3am every morning) and a desire to curl up in the strength of Jet's arms.

But now...the hospital phase is over. And my girls have met their smallest sister.



loved on her.


claimed her as their own.


held her for lengthy periods of time, smothering her in kisses and hugs.


I wasn't sure how the whole adjustment period would go. If there would be jealousy or hurt feelings or ...what.

But I can say after having her home for a week and a half, the girls have transitioned well.

Yes, there have been some weepy moments. (which could be due to the fact that both Alana and Raegan are teething molars)


But mostly, the girls have opened their arms wide (literally) welcoming the newest little sister into the folds.

Even Alana (15 months) wants to hug and kiss on her.


And me? I'm just so amazed that all these little beauties are mine.

Meet Baby Girl

-One GINORMOUS push brought this little baby girl into the world.



December 17th, 2009. 8:58 AM

The Lord had told me it'd be "Before 9". I had no idea what that meant, being that He said it a week-and-a-half before she was born. But I'd say you don't get much more "before 9" than that.

-My biggest baby. Weighing in at 6lbs. 15.9 ounces. 19 inches. :)




-Looking like a combination between the three oldest girls. Yet, somehow having her own look. I know, only in the World of Sibling DNA can same-but-different be truly manifest before your eyes. It's amazing to see.

I present to you my sweet baby girl... Raquel Kathleen

All bundled up, heading home to meet her sisters.


THE NAME:

Thankfully, Jet and I have never had trouble agreeing on what to name our children. Either he's just exceptionally agreeable or I'm just magnanimously amazing.

Clearly, the latter is true. ;) But aside from that, I have to give credit where credit is due: God inspired each name. I just happen to be the one who finds it. :)

This time was no different.

Well before we knew that I was carrying a girl, I was laying on the bed looking through my baby name book yet again.

It's an awesome name book that Jet and I found when we were visiting his family in Pennsylvania. I don't even remember if I was pregnant when we bought it? But I loved it the minute I saw it because it was different.

It gives some information about the names not normally seen in other baby name books:

• The language/cultural origin
• Inherent meaning (the meaning listed is derived from the original language of the name).
• Spiritual Connotation (the connotative meaning, interpreted in a spiritual sense).
• Scripture (reference from the Word that is intended to shed light on the inherent and implied meanings of the name).

At the hospital in all her after-delivery-swollen-face cuteness.

So there I was reading the book. Again. Only this time, for the first time, I decided to read through it backwards, figuring that they're may be names in the back that I never really considered before because by the time I got to them, I wasn't really paying attention.

Short attention span and all.

And I saw the name Raquel. It jumped out at me. Seriously. Because I've NEVER before considered it... never even gave it a second glance. It just wasn't something on my radar.

I had other names like Shiloh (which went off the list as soon as it became a Hollywood baby name). Or Liberty, calling her Libby (we have a friend in Texas who did this and I thought it was adorable. Plus, awesome meaning!)

But once I saw this: "RAQUEL, see Rachel" I was hooked.

Angels must have been shining some heavenly flashlight down on that name. Because really? "Raquel, see Rachel" ?? Doesn't have that whole grab-you-effect, does it?

But once I saw the meaning, that secured it. And from that point on, I was pretty sure we were having another girl. Why else would this name jump out at me like that?

And the fact that Jet really liked it...well, that, too, was a bonus.

because I'd hate to have to have a SmackDown over the baby's name, especially being that Jet was trained to never hit girls. Utterly inconvenient for him, since I, on the other hand, was trained to have a mean right hook. Pity. :)

• RAQUEL: Innocent Lamb
• KATHLEEN: Pure
• Put Together: Innocent purity. Spotless Lamb.

Love it. And honestly, with her sweet, laid back personality...we can already see that it just fits.

She's just as laidback and gentle as they come. Doesn't cry unless we're changing her diaper, and even then it's only when it's done with cold hands. She just spends her days laying there and watching life happen around her.

And trust me, with four older sisters constantly doting over her, there's plenty of *life* happening near her.

Our family of princesses is complete.

Tick Tock. Tick Tock.

A random, just-because picture...

I'm thinking these sisters (2 and 5 years old) are starting to look more and more alike. Raegan, I think, used to resemble Charis more...but one or both of them are switching their looks.

Though Raegan continues to be a "little Christin" in both spunk and look. ;)



Nope. Nothing so far on the Labor Homefront.

It's just a waiting game at this point. A slow tick-tocking of the clock this weekend as I've contracted. and felt pressure to the point I can't walk. and....

seen the ease with which my "peace" can be so easily tossed when in the face of the unknown.

So yeah. The weekend didn't birth a baby, but rather a total revealing in just how impatient I can be. Yippee.

And for now, I'm processing it all. Trying to grab a hold of what the Lord told me one morning, even though I don't understand how it fits in with ANYTHING.

Don't you just love it when He doesn't make sense? And when we have to com-puh-letely change our mindset, our interpretative skills, and our inner grasp on spiritual reality in order to even begin to remotely understand? *Note the sarcasm*

Yup. Therein lies the reason why this weekend also brought a lot of exhausted, frustrated tears. ;)

Today, I have more peace. No more understanding, mind you! But more peace. I'm praying that understanding comes throughout the day as I get a chance to steal away with Him.

between baking cookies. and laundry. and homeschooling. and cleaning. and little ones running around wanting my full attention as they spin around the family room floor.

I lead a blessed life. One filled to the brim with blessings from Him. And today, I hope to press into one blessing that I know He wants me to take a hold of

Wisdom is supreme; therefore get wisdom. Though it cost all you have, get understanding. Proverbs 4:7

and is more than wiling to supply.

If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. James 1:5

Come on Cervix!

As of yesterday afternoon, I was.... *Drum roll please*....

3 centimeters. 50% effaced. -2 station.

I'm currently 37 weeks 3 days (160 lbs). Right around the time that I usually deliver.

My midwife (the one I like the most out of all 6) said, out of the blue, that she'll be on call for me this weekend. That is unless I didn't want to go to all the hassle...and then, she wouldn't be offended.

Are you kidding me, woman!? Hassle, what hassle??? I was having to contain myself from shouting and jumping up and down!! and here she is downplaying it into a hassle. Silly, silly midwife.

Seriously, I was amazed. and relieved. and overwhelmed. She said she "WANTED to deliver this baby"...on her weekend off. There are no words.

As of right now, I'm contracting, thinking that we just MIGHT go into labor in the next 24 hours. (Okay, so I think more like 7 hours...but I'm trying not to get my hopes up. Again.)

And now...off to throw stuff together. Yes. I'm serious. I haven't packed yet.

In fact, I just registered at the hospital last evening. Can you tell that I'm still not convinced that this enlarged belly of mine is harboring an actual baby?

this shot really shows off the baby belly :)

The whole thing STILL seems so surreal??!! being that my baby (Alana, almost 15 months) is upstairs sleeping.

Okay. I'm off... :)

The anchors of my heart

(Def) Anchor:

• A source of security or stability.
• A heavy object attached to keep the vessel in place

During different seasons of my life, there are times when "everyday things" will suddenly impact me in new and fresh ways. coming out of no where and evoking a deep response that would not have happened were I in another place emotionally.

Like a worship song. or a scripture verse. or a piece of Death By Chocolate Cake. You know... the important, spiritual things in this world. *wry grin*

The whole Pregnant Season, for me, always seems to bring about these unexpected heart connections.

Probably because I tend to press in deeper to the Father's heart: clinging to him for peace and comfort and whatever else he has to offer as I set firm my faith in His promises to me (regarding labor and delivery based on the cross canceling out pain and sorrow).


THE VERSE:

One night as I was reading the Word....

Wait, that sounds too pretty. like I was having some all-together, intimate moment where angels were quietly humming in the background as my halo glistened softly against a backdrop of open heavens.

Because trust me, I wasn't anything close to ...*ahem*...that.

I was stressed. probably on the verge of tears. and trying to take deep breaths in attempts to prevent hyperventilation. Bible Roulette was my game of choice, as I groped for anything that would bring me comfort.

There. That paints a much more accurate picture. Wouldn't want you go picturin' me as anything less than a crazy-emotional, woman in the throes of the last weeks of pregnancy. ;)

SO there I was, randomly opening my Bible, hoping to find something. And God, in his infinite mercy, showed me the following:

"Thus says the Lord God: If the prince makes a gift to any of his sons out of his inheritance, it shall belong to his sons; it is their property by inheritance.

But if he makes a gift out of his inheritance to one of his servants, it shall be his to the year of liberty, then it shall revert (back) to the prince.

Only his sons may KEEP a GIFT from his inheritance..." Ezekiel 46:16-17

This was HUGE to me!! I've mentioned that this go round, I don't feel as "on top" of the whole interceding for the delivery. That instead of feeling like I had hours to press in to a place of deeper faith (like last time), I was just having to trust that God still remains true to Himself and His promise, regardless of my being able to do ...anything relatively deep.

Jesus, The Prince (like in that above verse), told me when I was pregnant with Charis that the supernatural, painfree delivery was a gift to me. He reminded me of that promise a few weeks ago, and then He told Jet the same thing out of the blue: that this delivery was to be a gift to me.

Then I find this completely "random" verse highlighting the fact that Jesus does not take back gifts given to his children. that because I am his child, the gifts he has given me before remain my inheritance now.

As "duh" as it may seem to you...it was SO eye-opening (not to mention comforting) to me!

And I do believe at that point there may have been angels humming in the background. You know, as I sat on the couch and stared at the scripture verse in awe. ;)

For the past week, that verse has been read and reread, as I prepare for what looks like a SOON delivery.


THE SONG:

During the last pregnancy, there was one song that particularly ministered to me. And I listened to it over and over on my MP3 player as I labored in the delivery room. Shane and Shane's song "Yearn".

The song ministered directly to the place that the Lord had me.

Last week, the Lord gave me another worship song. One that spoke to my heart directly on the very things that I've been warring for this go round:

That God has done it all, even when my heart and flesh fail...that as the day draws near, my faith will become seen. Because *HE* has overcome.

...which has nothing to do with me, outside of receiving the gift He's offering me: The Cross that did it all, that holds the very Victory that I'm seeking.

I told Jet about it last night and just sat, with tears streaming down my face, as we listened to it together.

Chris Tomlin's "I will rise".







His faithfulness to walk me through this time, even when I'm feeling emotionally unstable continues to be my anchor. my encouragement. my hope.

Meat Fat. It's what's for ...homeschooling.

This winter, with all the sickness junk going around, we've really been trying to remain healthy.

SOOOO

Sometime in early October (right after three family birthdays), we drastically cut back on sugar. You know, being that sugar realllllly depletes your immune system. as well as having a TON of other effects.

I didn't want my girls...who were coming off of a Birthday Sugar-Induced-High...to just think that I was donning the Mean Mommy Hat, mercilessly stripping them of all taste bud fun.

So I was very upfront with them about the reasons behind the new change.

We'd all talk about it, straight up, around the dinner table: telling them statistics. explaining the effects of sugar on their bodies. talking to them like adults and allowing them to honestly process it all out loud. So that it became a decision that they owned themselves.

Instead of something that was being forced upon them.

The one thing that I was ruh-eallllly careful about was to NOT make the diet change about weight. or being fat. or a.n.y.t.h.i.n.g. to do with outward appearance.

We use the word "Healthy" around here. Nothing more. Because with little girls running around, I'm well aware that you have to be careful with how you approach topics like food and healthy eating and being in shape and the whole myriad of body topics.

Healthy is our family's byword. I can't stress that enough because I refuse to play into the "a skinny girl is a happy girl" mantra.

Now even my two year-old knows (and initiates conversations about) when something is "healthy for me" and when "it's bad for my body". Just because it's become part of her natural thinking when approaching food. Blows me away!

Does that mean that we never let them have any sweets? Good grief, NO!!! I think going to that extreme can be almost as mentally detrimental as making eating about the "f" word (yeah...that'd'be "fat").

So we talk about eating smart. for the sheer purpose of being kind to the body God has given us. using food to protect and heal our insides.

Which has broadened our "Sugar Talk" to defining the benefits and/or concerns of eating proteins, vitamins, minerals, carbohydrates, vegetables, fruits....

And fats.

It's funny because the time I spend making dinner usually brings up more questions and not because I'm trying to make it happen!! Remember: I kind of like to not have children underfoot when in the throes of evening meal prep.

But THEY bring it up. partially because I think they are truly interested in all this nutrition information. and partially because they like being treated like adults, entrusted with conversations that do not revolve around pretend play or non-important issues.

So as I was making meatloaf last night, the girls were right there. very interested in getting a good look at the hunk of protein...whether it was the best kind of meat...etc etc.

Now, we bought a 1/2 cow from a friend who raised it themselves. So it's very lean meat, but obviously there's still fat that cooked off and settled into the pan. sort of sloshing around as I got into the second phase of prepping the loaf.

Soooo in a rare moment of third-trimester inspiration, I took the opportunity to give them a hands-on experience with exactly what we've been discussing these past few months.

FAT and what it does to your body.

Exhibit A:

The liquid version of fat. heated up. runny. able to be easily dumped out of the bowl. and therefore able to pass through a straw without problem.


Exhibit B.

Because we're dealing with kids here, I opted to not go the "let-it-sit-over-night-and-congeal route"...so we put it in the frig for a whopping 15 minutes (if that...since they kept asking to see the hardened fat). *laughing*


Not the best picture. But definitely hardened. immobile. goopy (they stuck their fingers in it). and totally clogging up the straw making it impossible for water to pass through.

We talked about fat in the arteries. what impact that has. diseases that can come about from an over-abundance of fat in your system.


They were REALLY interested. I mean, like, FOR REAL interested. :D Score one for mentally-exhausted, homeschooling, 37-week pregnant momma. *Cha-ching*

(doesn't that description sound so pathetic? haha!)

Honestly this is why I love homeschooling the girls during this stage in their lives. Because I get the opportunity to talk extensively with them about topics that may not normally be broached. because of lack of time in their day-to-day schedules.

I get the amazing chance to impact the way they view life. the way they treat their bodies and their hearts...both in the physically realm and in the emotional one. (We just finished reading The Princess and the Kiss this morning. *so sweet*).

I love this time I get to spend with my sweet girls, learning about things outside the realm of reading, writing, and arithmetic. watching their understanding of the world and their relationship to it come alive.

Ah, there's nothing like bonding with those you love over the grease of your partially cooked meat.

Justified frustration or just a bit spoiled?

Perspective has been something that the Lord has been challenging me on this past few months or so:

The way I see things. The way I choose to interpret situations. The way I position my mind to define personal circumstances.

A bad attitude, a determination to be pessimistic or narcissistic ("my circumstances are worse than yours"), and the inability to allow God to set your heart into right focus...

Well, it's like this picture.

Out of focus. Unclear. and Completely detracting from the true beauty of the moment.

I tried to get this picture into focus. Really I did. But honestly I don't have the best of cameras. Don't get me wrong, it's good. But when it's dark...it's a bit difficult to maneuver. (Probably should read the owner's manual, huh?)

But isn't that how my life is? When it's dark...maintaining a clear, healthy perspective can be a bit difficult, right?

...
Early this morning, something happened that was emotionally exhausting. a whole lot frustrating. and potentially a deal-breaker as far as the level of Joy found in my day.

But then Jet (who was also feeling the same way I was) said something, totally God-inspired, that completely changed my perspective, as well as his own:

Not word for word. Because, as we all know, the moment we are most poignant is the moment that God speaks through us (and to us simultaneously). And there's rarely the ability to recapture the moment exactly):

Jet: "I'm just so thankful for our life, for everything we have. For the fact that we live in a house where I don't have to constantly worry about your safety...about people wanting to hurt you.

I just think about the people who live in Africa who live with fear on a daily basis. People who, when they have to leave their home, to buy a potato or something, leave wondering if their family will still be alive when they return.

I just can't imagine that. We are so blessed."


And in that instant, it was like my early-morning view completely changed.

Everything came into clear view.

The very situation that was making me physically ill was NOTHING in the realm of the 'bigger picture'. It was like God supernaturally upgraded my internal camera lens, allowing me to see what He already knew.

That things were more hopeful than I had once perceived them to be. Brighter. Clearer. Better.

I have to admit it...one thing that bothers me is being around people who's lives are always one step away from doomed.

Let's say, hypothetically speaking ...*cough cough*...the stay-at-home moms who constantly complain because they don't get to have a nap. (Do what?!) Or those people who can't let you say you didn't sleep much last night without having to outdo you by saying they only got 2 hours of sleep.

Things like that just irk me.

Because there are women who want to have children. who want to be at home. who want to have of more of a goal than a daily nap (think empty-nesters or nursing home women). Woman who would kill for their exact position in life.

Because life shouldn't be about us competing for the most "hard up" position. It shouldn't be about us fighting for the right to own the "Worst" title.

Yet. In the eyes of that napless mom, their days are exhausting. a let down. just all around bad.

In the eyes of that sleepless competitor, others need to take particular note of their daily struggles because if they're experiencing it, then *By Golly!* others should know about it and feel sorry for them, too.

But as much as this a.n.n.o.y.s me, I have to wonder what does MY attitude and occasional disregard for God's favor/blessing on my life do to HIS heart??? What does it do to Him when I choose to highlight the trials and struggles and let downs?

When I look at other's attitudes...when I feel totally baffled and frustrated by their obvious choice to set their minds on the "less thans"...I can easily see where I need to stop aligning my thoughts with anything close to pessimism and negativity.

But honestly, I want to get to the point where I don't have look at OTHERS to see myself.

I want to be able to renew my mind. train it in a fine-tuned kind of way. To the point that I see both the reality (the facts) of the situation and the Truth (what God has to say about it). Clearly.

But I want to also see something a little more.


I want to see the detailed image of Christ written all over my life. even if others can't see it. I want to see it. know it. own it.

Yes. Life can get hard. My frustrations are very real. and very important to my personal Savior. He does care. I CLING to His heart of concern for me.

But

I don't want to let Him down with my pitiful attitude of Pity-Poor-Me. I want to see Him and mirror it to others through my perspective of life. Even when life turns dark and it's hard to refocus.

I'm determined to find that button on my internal camera (and maybe my real-life camera too!). so I can clearly capture the moment. From his perspective.

Plastic...uh, surgery?

Yeah. So uh, just so you know...those convenient Red Cups that we all buy from Costco for holiday parties?


Um. They apparently don't do "microwave" so well.

Though I have to admit, I kind of like the short, stubby new shape. Very chic.

Thus far, I've been able to keep myself in check and not microwave/reshapen the entire 180 package of them. Oh, so impressive with the restraint I've displayed.

Then again, I do possess a healthy fear of exploded, burning rubber. Oh, and microwave fires.

Date night with the Grandparents

For the past few years, my parents have made The Nutcracker Ballet a part of their Christmas gift to the grandkids (the girls anyway).

The first year was when Charis was 5 years old. My parents said she didn't look away from the stage. She sat, mesmerized, in open-mouthed awe, watching the dancers. to the extent that the strangers sitting beside her were watching her sweet reaction instead of the stage.

That year, ballet and theatre became a part of her dream. She wants to take ballet and one day preform in that show. on that stage. for me.

Charis (7) before leaving for showing of The Nutcracker, 2009.

For weeks afterwards, she would listen to the soundtrack and tell you exactly what had happened during that part of the story. She LOVED reliving the moment and obviously had every detail branded into her memory.

That was the year playing the Nutcracker CD became a nightly ritual.

The next year, much to Selah's delight, they both joined Grandma and Granddaddy...along with cousins Courtney and Sydney.

Selah (5)...right before The Nutcracker, 2009

It's now a tradition that is anticipated almost as much as putting up the tree. Maybe more?

I mean, what's not to love? Getting dressed up. Going to a ballet without Mommy and Daddy. Getting dressed up. Going out to dinner without Mommy and Daddy. Getting dressed up. AND getting to see professional ballet dancers dance in a way that you only pretend to be able to accomplish in the middle of the living room floor.

Really. It's every little girl's perfect night out. My mom is a genius.

Well, THIS YEAR...

Raegan (2) got to go.

And man, were the girls ALL thrilled. It was sweet to hear them be excited to include her in their "big girl" ritual.



Can you tell they're a little bit excited?

I mean, pictures like this are rare!! These are Nutcracker smiles. smiles that know they look good. smiles that know they're getting ready to be a part of something Big. smiles that say they feel special.

And though they're yet to return from dinner, I KNOW they'll have lots to tell us when they return. :)

Thanks, Mom and Dad, for taking the time to make these memories with them. They L.O.V.E it. and you.

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas

*SNOW* I can't even begin to say how much I love the first snow of the season. and the second...and third...and fourth.

AHHH, love it. And I just can't say it enough.


I told Raegan yesterday that they were calling for snow. She got so excited... sucked wind, shouted "Cool!" and everything!

"Raegan, do you know what snow is?"

Raegan, all wide-eyed and excited, says nonchalantly: No. ;)

Yup. These last couple of winters have been really lacking in the whole Wintry Wonderland theme. Depressing.

So when the weathermen in our valley start predicting 1-3 inches, everyone's face*book statuses are dedicated to talking about their excitement. ;)

...and how their kids are all out playing in it.



Mine were no exception! So cute in their mis-matched snow outfits I threw together from the attic.

I was hoping to get more pictures, but Raegan informed me that she "was done".



I can't say as I blame her.

One on hand: Spending time outside running around in the snow with Cool, Strong Daddy and the sled he just bought them.

OR

One the other hand: Standing still inside for Dull, pregnant Mommy while she tells you to smile. yet again.

Hmm. Such a hard decision. ;)


Thankfully, the weathermen were wrong. We got 8 inches. And the girls loved every minute of it.

Peace Peace, where for art thou, Peace?

*no pictures. because I'm just that tired*

These last few weeks have come to a standstill for me.

I've not gone to church. I've not worked on the book. I've not been in contact with many friends. Homeschooling has gradually slowed down. and I've been sporting the sweatpants and ratty-shirt-that's-long-enough-to-cover-my-belly look.

To the point that one of my daughters asked me "Why do you always wear that?" Ah yes, out of the mouths of wise guys babes, eh? :)

I've just not had the physical energy to do much. And even when I get those spurts of energy, I lack the emotional energy to do it. Yup, I'm definitely in the last phases of pregnancy. ;)

Every time I get this close to going into labor, my spirit begins to really war on finding a place that's secure in what I know the Lord has spoken over my deliveries.
And who I know him to be during those couple of hours when I get to participate in birthing life.

But

Honestly, I stress over the fact that I'm even struggling to find that place, you know? I argue inside myself that I shouldn't even have to fight this mental battle every. stinkin. time. Feeling that I should, instead, be able to ride on the coat-tails of last time's victory, easily walking into that place of previously gained access in the Spirit.

Yet. I do battle.

It's just seems to be reality for me, this need to come to terms with setting and re-setting (again and again) my mind on the things unseen. You know, since the SEEN is all around me.

Apparently, I'm highly distractable. And it's just reality that I have to continually remind myself that my perspective...as well as the perspective and experience of other people all around me...is NOT the barometer or the grid that I mold my life after.

(I don't believe that I will always struggle in this area of "radical faith". I'm trusting that as I continue to mature in Him and challenge my "faith muscles" on a regular basis, that it WILL be more natural. and I will be able to gain deeper access into His Truths...into the keys that unlock the manifestation of miracles)

But man, if it's not frustrating to feel like I'm having to essentially relearn this over and over.

But there's ONE thing that always comes in and pierces the heart of fear and doubts: A personal word from God.

One Word spoken from the Throne of Heaven, even if it's a simple one, is SO life-giving.

I mean, we can pray until we've thought of everything we can think of to say...spend hours telling the Lord our thoughts on a matter...try to convince ourselves that a scripture actually does apply to our personal experience.

BUT to have a God-Word spoken directly to you, even if it's just a simple, short sentence, makes all the difference in the world.

For the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart. Hebrews 4:12

If there's anything I've learned in this journey of faith (especially regarding my labor and deliveries since that's been the area where I've continually fought to walk in the supernatural) it's that seeking Him, finding out what He has to say about something, and taking ahold of His vision and purpose and Now Word on my life brings me directly to that solid place of peace.

His Rama Word in my life cuts straight through my fear. my feeling inadequate. my everything. and gives me something tangible to hang onto. something weightier than myself. a Spiritual Truth that combats scientific facts.

...
The other night as Jet and I were laying in bed, I was just spent. I had been contracting all day. feeling lots of pressure. and just emotionally tired with trying to convince myself that I could deal with these daily and intensive "teaser labor symptoms" for a few more weeks.

Jet was quiet, positioning himself to hear from the Lord should he happen to want to tell us anything. And He did... Jet told me that he heard the Lord say, "This is going to be a gift to Christin."

There was more, but I didn't hear it. All I could do was smile and fall asleep. The Word brought an indescribable amount of peace to my heart... to the extent that I immediately fell asleep. not even hearing the rest of the sentence.

The reason that simple statement brought me so much deep peace? Because it was the exact thing I had been thinking about the days prior. the exact wording.

You see, the Lord had told me that exact thing regarding Charis's (my oldest daughter's) pending delivery: that Charis's miraculous delivery would be a gift to me.

And I had been silently thinking back to that 'gift promise' the entire week before. thinking about how I was hoping for the same thing (a God-gift) this time around, being that I haven't felt too "on top of it all" as far as contending for a supernatural delivery.

And here Jesus was telling Jet (who neither remembered the word from Charis's pregnancy nor that I was thinking about it now) that it was His intention to do just that!!!! :)

The next night I found out that there was more to it:

This season of her birth is significant. and that both she and the birth is a gift to me."

Sweet.

And just like that, Peace is attainable. because I know He is aware. He is involved. He has already made a way. and He is all about giving Good Gifts.