Meandering-thru

And all Hell broke loose.

2010-10-27T20:15:00.001-05:00

It's a familiar saying, isn't it? Something said flippantly to describe a bad day, an onslaught of unfortunate events, or the unleashing of someone's fury.

It's sad to me that Hell's Unleashing is such a common expression/expectation.

And I have to ask myself, what if All HEAVEN broke loose? What if?

And then the Holy spirit gently reminds me that that exact "sentiment" is mine to control. It's within my legal rights...my inherited authority...to call down heaven.

...on Earth, as it is in Heaven...

I want to be a carrier of the power and presence of Christ. This is my prayer...and my random thought for the day.

pitter patter....

2010-10-26T18:58:00.000-05:00

I don't even know where to begin. I've tried to write this and then I stop. overwhelmed with how to even put to words the things that I'm thinking.

I've written and deleted. written and deleted. But how do you adequately talk about the things of the Lord?

Let it rain. Let it rain. Let it rain.

Before it rains, you can smell it. At least I can. But that's nothing in comparison to when it rains. Because then you can feel it.

And that's where I am. in the midst of FEELING it.

.....
Something has shifted in the spiritual atmosphere. Have you noticed it? It's like the Lord has striped away yet another layer between us and the unseen realm. Because I'm seeing more. hearing more. noticing more.

to the extent that I'm not even sure where to begin, how to document it, or if it's even possible to find the words to describe.

(This was written in March. I had forgotten that this onslaught started at the beginning of the year. Amazing how time flies when you're getting pelted by heaven.

And no, my plan isn't to keep writing about how I don't know how to write...but I just figure I have to start somewhere. And so, I start by backing up.

because honestly, I REALLY am at a loss as to what to say or how to say it. Yet I feel I'm to start trying...)

A fly on the wall of Heaven.

2010-10-25T10:39:00.007-05:00

I've sat down to write a few times over the last months. I've been asked by some readers when I'll start back. and I've been told by one friend, who knows a portion of what's been going on, that I really need to publish the things that are happening because they could minister and inspire so many.

Yet. I can't get around the fact that the kinds of things that have been happening just can't be fully recorded. That is, not if you're going to full relish in the moment.

...This morning as Raquel and I snuggled together, I couldn't help but to be completely overwhelmed with how adorable she was being. the way her mouth was moving to try out new sounds. the way she looked up at me. the way she kept touching my nose with her pointer finger as she lay there.

And I have to admit, I was tempted to get the video camera out so I could record that sweet, sweet moment in time. to replay it over and over again years from now.

But I knew once the camera came out, it'd lost the authenticity of the moment. It'd run the risk of taking on the role of paparazzi and reporter, sacrificing my ability to be a participant. forfeiting my chance to truly interact in the moment.

And that's what these past 6 months have been like.

While I've been so tempted to jump on the computer and take note of all that's happening in my life and relationship with Jesus, I know that once I step back to record, I'd actually miss the depth of the intention of God.

I told one friend it's been like I've been standing on the edge of Heaven. allowed to hear and watch some of what's going on. Every day it's been something new. Another challenge. Another insight. Another moment of bondage being broken.

I've seen angels and demons. I've physically felt the sting of spiritual warfare. I've been completely overwhelmed with the outpouring of Heavenly insight and new direction. etc etc etc.

In a word, it's been OVERWHELMING. In the best best best possible way.

And yes, I do hope to share soon. But for now, I wanted to tell you where I've been --> a fly on the wall of Heaven, desperately trying to interact, not document.

Prepare to weep.

2010-08-19T09:35:00.003-05:00

The TRUE heart of God, when displayed through tangible man, breaks me to pieces every time.

As I watched this I couldn't help but think about where I am struggling. where my faith is hobbling along. and I closed my eyes and imagined how and where God is intervening.

Take note of the time that the trainer tries to come and make the runner stop, most likely for "his own good". See the dad remove his hand and shoo him off? Yeah. That's MY God....pushing off the naysayers, while He holds me up. knowing that I CAN finish this.

The glory of God

2010-08-17T09:44:00.003-05:00

My 7 year old had an open vision last night...

I don't have time to write right now. But that above statement pretty much sums up the atmosphere of our house these last three months. and the reason why I haven't had time to write.

It's been crazy. The good kind.

Do you want to play with me...?

2010-07-16T13:38:00.000-05:00

Learning to give and receive love isn't always the easiest thing.

See the girl in the tie-dyed dress? Her name is Hannah. and she's the friend that Selah fought to gain, Saturday July 3rd, 2010...

Over July 4th weekend, Jet and I loaded up the girlies to go camping with Jet's extended family.

When I say extended, I'm talking well over 100+ people here! It was unexpectedly FABULOUS and will be shared on this blog. One day.... When I finally shake hands with Spare Time.

But for now, I'm just introducing the point to say that Selah was overwhelmed with the amount of children there. We're talking dozens and dozens of cousins, to one degree or another... yet strangers all the same.

Whereas her other sisters tend to be more outgoing...

(Raegan just walks up to little girls she doesn't know and makes herself right at home)

Selah, at this stage of her development, leans more towards the shy end of the spectrum.

And so...

She felt left out for the first little while, assuring herself that people didn't want to play with her and obviously weren't pursuing her for a friendship because they didn't like her. or at the very least, liked other children more.

(she stayed near to her sisters and 1st cousins during the first day)

As a mother, it was heartbreaking to see. Like you other parents know, watching your child hurt is nothing short of experiencing that hurt for yourself.

On several occasions, she and I had to go off by ourselves, as I'd listen to her heart and gently try to encourage her to see beyond the hurt feelings.

It's a hard thing to see beyond yourself when speaking on matters of the heart and hurt, isn't it?

But I know, from experience, it's one of the most important lessons a young girl needs to learn early on: the ability to not get caught up in the drama of your emotions.

for the heart is a wild member. with a imaginative mind and strong will all its own. A Destructive Duo unless aptly trained.

And so, I "trained.

Some of the time, I came away feeling like I hit the nail on the head, that what I said was nothing short of Heaven interacting with Selah through me. Other times, I felt I stayed way on the other side of Inspiring.

But, in truth, I kind of doubt ANY of what I said, whether noteworthy or not, will be remembered. The words weren't what she needed. It was the perspective.

(she did play with others and others did play with her. but in her heart, she wasn't seeing it that way)

...
And on the second day of camping, I saw Hannah. She had just arrived with her family and, by divine intervention, was yet to start interacting with the mass of children. sort of hanging around her van, watching the others from the fringe.

I called Selah over, as she was now playing comfortably with some of the other children.

Though still a bit reserved, you could tell that she was starting to feel more a part of the camaraderie.

" Do you see that girl? She looks like she really wants to play with someone, doesn't she?"

Selah looks at me and smiles her amazing smile.

"Part of wanting a friend is being one. Part of making friendships is pursuing them, being the one to go up and do the inviting. So why don't YOU go up to her and ask if she wants to play with you? This your chance to make someone else feel included."

She looks excited, but apprehensive.

I could tell she wanted to go to Hannah, yet was being held back. most likely by that stinkin' voice in our head that causes us to doubt our ability to be desirable.

"Do you want me to go with you?"

She beams and shakes her head, but then turns to me and says, "But I don't know what to say."

"Just tell her your name and ask if she wants to play."

Why we make relating to people so complicated, I'll never know. Yet, don't we all do it from time to time, don't we? God deliver us from ourselves, as I dare say I get in my way more than others at times.

With me trailing behind her, she raced ahead. I couldn't hear what she said as she approached Hannah, but I'm guessing it was quiet and under her breath because Hannah looked at me for clarity.

As so I became a part of the conversation as naturally and quietly as I could, not wanting to overshadow Selah or be the mom who always has to step in and take charge. Yet, recognizing that this interaction was going to set the foundation for later friendship-pursuing-moments.

I figured it was best for Selah to have a happy outcome than a totally independent conversation.

And as I walked away from the sandbox, leaving the two of them smiling and playing together, I couldn't help but to smile to myself. Sweet victory! It doesn't always come with bells and whistles. Sometimes it comes in the form of inconspicuous winks between mother and daughter.

Though it wasn't a big moment as far as others watching might say, I knew it was pivotal in the heart of my little girl.

Because in her heart, she fought a battle and won. overcame her fear of rejection. and introduced herself to a little girl named Hannah.

It's the little moments that can pass us by.

2010-07-14T13:28:00.002-05:00

Usually when I go MIA in Blogdom, it's not because there's nothing to say; but rather because there's too much to say to even know where or how to begin. These last few months have been no exception.

I feel like the Gates of Heaven have literally been opened over our home. It's been that intense. that revelatory. that sweet.

Relationships have been shifted and priorities renewed. Life has been overflowing, on so many realms. And I've had three very sweet distractions that have kept me from writing: My God. My husband. and My daughters.

And this post...well, this one is about the "My Daughters" part.

--------------------------
Seasons come and go. There's no doubt or debate on that subject.

But one thing... a truth independent of emotions or trends or busy schedules, will always remain...

I will forever be The Mom to these amazing little girls.

Therefore, I've been spending any free time I have these past days months not writing blogs or documenting life, but rather living it.

side by side with these little ladies.

as well as this one. :)

who is currently too little to sit on the swing with the others eating Icees.

Though allow me to assure you, she has four more-than-willing older sisters who'd LOVE to volunteer their baby-cradling-expertise.

*This is me prying fat, sticky fingers from a rather-strong choke hold around Raquel's neck*

Um, no thank you, honey. Let. Mommy. have. her.

(Notice that she didn't seem to mind sisterly-lovin' via Choke Hold.)

Anyway, what was I saying? Uh...spending time? focusing?...focusing on....what? Oh yeah...my girls! All five of them.

Sorry. I get distracted when I look at sweet baby cheeks.

These last months, I've been spending time with these guys. in such a way that I'm getting to know the ins and outs of who they are.

as real people.

with real feelings.

and real thoughts.

and real dislikes.

and real senses of humor.

all independent and different from my own.

And that takes time, you know? At least for me, it's required a ginormous amount of intentionality and dedication to really listen and enjoy them as individual people and not just see them as a mass of children cohabitating with me:

to really pay attention when they're telling me something, instead of just nodding indifferently while I continue to research something online.
to allow them to help with dinner prep even when I know their "help" involves a huge mess and a large amount of extra time.
to spend quality time with Charis and Selah once the three youngest are napping, even though there are days where I want nothing more than to ignore all the conversational needs of people under 4 feet tall.
to spend an extra 10 minutes one-on-one with them before naptime, instead of saying a half-hearted 'Night-night' from the hallway.
to schedule date nights with the oldest three.
to play that ~~obnoxious~~ lovely little game that holds absolutely no interest to me. just because I know they love it.

Being a mom to lots of young children can be draining. It requires a copious amount of ~~chocolate~~ patience as well as the ability to intelligently function on sporadic spurts of sleep.

But it also gives me a last ditch effort at being spontaneous and young again. ...I have to remind my Old Self of this from time to time. You know, being that Old Self tends to be boring. focusing on bills and housework and menus.

I totally admit it. Hi, my name is Christin and I get wrapped up in things that don't matter.

We all know the drill, right? Our Distracted Self takes over...and demands to live a life not meant to be ours in this season. Which then gives rise to Ungrateful Self who monopolizes all thought, moaning over What Will Never Be and becoming bitter over What Is.

It's a lovely little cycle I like to call SIN.

And so, these past few months, I've been making it my focus to put to death both Distraction and Ungratefulness. For they've been robbing me of THE most precious gifts this side of heaven.

My family.

It's crazy, but sometimes it's so easy to lose sight of the preciousness of what we see on a daily basis, isn't it?

Take my engagement ring, for example. It's gorgeous. But because I see it on my hand every day, I can easily forget to admire it. to cherish it.

Same with my hub and girls. I see them every. single. day. So, if I'm not careful, they can become less valuable in my eyes. giving me the open door to esteem someone (or something) else more highly for novelty-sake.

Tragic.

SO. That said, I've been taking the time to reallllly listen and spend quality moments together with my girls. Pushing through that stinkin' built-in temptation that seems to come along side the choice to remain at home with the kiddos.

Or is it just me?

Pathetic Moment. Take ~~#10,984~~ #1:

"But YOU get to actually talk with ADULTS during the day!" (This said to my husband when I'm pouting about how my life is soooo horrible. Cue violins.)
"Don't ask me what I do all day. Because I couldn't tell you, though I know it most likely had something to do with wiping some body part. and putting away that same stinkin' 100,000 piece puzzle someone insisted on giving them."

(Insert adult woman dramatically throwing herself, face-down, onto the bed in a moment of glorified self-pity)

Ahem. *straightening my shirt and checking my hair in the mirror* That was awkward, now wasn't it?

*clearing throat* Moving on.

Anyway. Those moments...they're the ones that I've been pushing through. determined to see my way to the other side. ;)

In the midst of this self-inflicted Mom Overhaul, I felt the Lord remind me of a conversation I had with someone a while back, where she said: "I need to work outside of the home because being away from them helps me to be a better mother."

*sigh*

Don't get me wrong. Clearly, I understand the heart behind that. Because *hello* I've found myself thinking along those lines before (This is where I refer you to the above examples of Confessions of a Stressed out Mom).

What mom doesn't want to get away from time to time?!!

Heck, I'll just go ahead and confess right now: I've literally called up my husband and said, "That's it. I'm leaving the kids and driving ...somewhere."

(Though I never would do this, obviously the tone is my voice was convincing as Jet found it necessary to inform me that this just wasn't a viable option. Ha!)

So yeah. I get it. But that's why that statement struck me as so sad...because it sounds so logical... wise, even. Have lots of time away from children = Ability to enjoy children.

But think about it. That's essentially saying: in order to have the emotional energy to like our kids, we have to limit the amounts of time spent with them.

Kind of sad when put that way, isn't it?

Again, don't get me wrong. I GET IT. I know how draining children can be. After all, I live with five of my very own.

But this past season, I've felt a new resolve to NOT allow my heart to wander to that place. to not be deceived into that way of thinking. but to allow God to turn my heart.

He will change parents' attitudes toward their children and children's attitudes toward their parents. If not, I will come and reclaim my land by destroying you." Malachi 4:6

And I can tell you one thing...He has. Seriously, there's unavoidable difference in the way I view my daughters.

I've been learning. changing. and discovering that Mothering doesn't have to be draining. it can be life-giving. if I allow it.

And yes, I've always known this...and experienced it to a degree...but it's like there's been a massive shift in the atmosphere of my heart. And I'm so grateful.

especially when those moments of Intentional Mothering lead to Little Girl climbing in my lap to whisper, "I love you so soooo much, Mommy!"

*le sigh*

So my life, while its been MIA in Blogdom, has been more than full in REAL LIFE, as I've been deepening the relationships I have with these five little girls.

who just happen to be daughters.

(Note: this post took a culmination of weeksssss to write. as it felt slightly inappropriate informing my girls, "I'm sorry, but I can't play right now as I'm writing about how much attention I'm giving you." Ha!)

Barbies. It's what's for ...playtime.

2010-07-12T12:38:00.007-05:00

After a couple of weeks of 100 degree temperatures, we're spending the day outside on the covered porch. enjoying the cool and rainy weather.

Me and my laptop are cuddle up on the wicker furniture Mom found at an auction, catching up on emails, homeschool planning, and blog updates when I suddenly take note of what the girls are playing:

Selah (6): "Is he married?"

Charis (7.5) "No."

Selah : "Then HOW can he have a baby???!!" Her voice sounds incredulous. (ThanktheGoodLord. Amen.)

Pretend playing quietly ensues, while Selah obviously takes a moment of silence, to think over the puzzling situation at hand.

Selah: "Well did he find them (the babies) in the woods?"

Charis: Yep.

Selah, breaking into her wide-mouthed smile: "OHHHHH. Okay."

Yes. I'm yet to dive headlong into the waters of Where do Babies Come from talk. Go easy on me, as I'm not yet ready to have a bold 3 year old loudly (and publicly!) proclaiming the half-informed tidbits Older Sisters have shared during their late night discussion sessions.

For now, they seem content to know the surface information we've covered. And I...well, I am more than happy to oblige their eager satisfaction with All Things Innocent.

..............

Moments later. Question of paternity testings are forgotten, as they've moved on to Mail Order Husbands.

Clearly, I'm raising hippie feminists. Lovely.

Charis: And why should I pick you?

Raegan (3): Because I am really strong. and I can swing you up super high!!

Insert picture of Ken on steroids.

Seconds later, Bride-wanna-be chooses another contender, and Raegan is left alone with Ken to sulk. It truly was a pathetic moment of Massive Lower Lip, but my camera wasn't fast enough to capture it.

Meanwhile, the two "newlyweds" float up into space dancing.

Bruce Springsteen singing "Higher and higher" races through my head without warning or permission.

"Because your love...your love keeps lifting me...Keeps on lifting...I said your love..."
In my head, I hear a man's falsetto voice ..."Wooooooo"

Tragic, isn't it?

So sad that I, on a daily basis no less, call my daughters by a sister's name. YET. I can, with zero effort, recall the lyrics to a song I never liked in the first place.

Anyway.

Arranged marriages. Competition for the most eligible man (or woman). and amazing circus feats that defy logic or explanation in order to impress said eligible single person...

....well, it's all in a day's play here at Princess Central.

6years ago I gave birth to a miracle

2010-07-07T09:15:00.007-05:00

...because 7 months earlier she had no heartbeat.

I was in the Texas ER, dealing with my first and most dramatic miscarriage. We'd already lost Selah's twin that day, confirmed by the fact that I had miscarried at home and still had substantially elevated HcG levels that, according to the nurse, indicated the presence of multiples.

Until that point, we didn't know Baby Twin existed. And the sweet little baby that we were aware of was essentially declared dead. via lack of heartbeat.

Yet.

God had other plans.

(around 1 yr)

The next day, the unthinkable occurred as the OB declared that Selah not only had a heartbeat, but a strong one. DearGodinHeaven...Hallelujah!

I told her that story for the first last month. She loves it and wants to hear it over and over again. ;)

I'm SO so so incredibly thankful for God's hand on her life. both in the womb and now. because I cannot imagine my life or the dynamic of my family without this sweet little girl.

And today we celebrate her.

Dear Hub

2010-07-06T11:40:00.007-05:00

Okay, Keeper of My Heart. Here are The Rules Of The Day:

1. Your daughter has been throwing up. Therefore, you must bring home dinner. as One-Who-Usually-Cooks lost her appetite. by 9AM.

2. Your OTHER daughter refuses to sleep. Therefore, you must bring home chocolate...or jewelry. as anything sweet (or shiny) will undoubtedly brighten a day where Nap Mutiny has occurred.

3. Your OTHER daughter turns 6 tomorrow. Therefore, you must go by Target and get predetermined present. as I am being held hostage by aforementioned vomit and insomnia.

4. Your OTHER daughter is 3yrs. Enough said. Therefore, it'd be advised that you also throw in a bookshelf or two in order to help with the overall peace and order of the home since you know me: Organization soothes the savage beast.

No worries, Costco has some. I called to check.

5. Your OTHER daughter is a God-send. and the only reason I am coherent enough to sit up and type out this little ditty.

Okay, so maybe this reads more like a shopping list than house rules, but *shrug* a rose by any other name, right?

Do they even make record players anymore?

2010-07-05T14:01:00.000-05:00

Some things I saved from my childhood must've accidentally been thrown in with the girls' books during Mass Exodus of Attic. because this morning Charis brought these down for closer inspection.

Selah: "WOAH! Those are huge CDs!"

Me: They're records. For a record player.

Selah: "A WHAT player?"

Ah yes, wrinkle creams got nothin' on holding back the years when children's uncensored comments are to be had.

Grandma kisses

2010-06-10T10:48:00.000-05:00

This little girl has a soft spot for one person in particular.

My mom.

Raquel will grab her face with both hands, pull her to her own face and kiss her. She does this every time Grandma holds her.... and *only* with Grandma.

Kari Jobe's Healer

2010-06-09T16:23:00.001-05:00

Every. single. time I see this, I can't help but to cry.

There's something about worship that stirs me. but to see a child wholeheartedly worship...well, that's a whole other well of deep emotions.

She's 10yrs. old. and had just received a long-awaited heart transplant. From what I've read, she sang this song every night before going to bed during that long wait...

Her can read more of her story here.

My scattered thoughts...

2010-06-08T07:43:00.001-05:00

Sometimes it's hard for me to give a true, uninhibited expression of my heart, circumstances, and God-experiences in this blog, knowing all the different people who read these most intimate thoughts of mine.

But then I remind myself that this itty bitty iota of the internet is, ultimately, for my daughters. I want them to know my heart. I want them to see the work of God in our lives. I want them to have a life-scrapbook of sorts to look back on, as a testament of His Work in my heart. in our family.

Only take heed to yourself, and diligently keep yourself, lest you forget the things your eyes have seen, and lest they depart from your heart all the days of your life. And teach them to your children and your grandchildren. Deuteronomy 4:9

So for them, and for no other reason, I write.

pictured because she's one of the sweet little faces that I write for. :)

...
Do you ever feel like God has called you out? set you apart to do great things? Yeah, I guess that should actually describe everyone who calls themselves Christians, huh? We ARE a people set apart. (1 Peter 2:9)

But sadly, there seems to be less and less of the "set apart" and more and more of the blurred line of "trendy living".

These days, it seems that everything is going more decisively towards mainstream... even the Church at large. As Hollywood deems it should be, so it becomes. making it very difficult to decipher between Mainstream Society and those who are called to be "in this world but not of it."

Ordaining homosexual ministers.
Hosting drinking parties, claiming "Well, Jesus drank."
Conversations degrading people who devote their lives to loving orphans...yet condoning others who devote their lives to loving money.
Embracing clothes styles that reveal too much.
Using "downtime" to support Primetime TV shows that glorify murder, adultery, homesexuality, lust, and crass humor.

My heart literally grieves over where we're heading as a Nation...and a Church.

I want with everything in me to guard my heart so that my life doesn't become that which grieves Him. And I'm finding that I have to know who I am (which means knowing THE I Am) in order to ~~remain~~ become who I want to be.

Because we, as a Church, shamefully look and sound the same as everybody else. making it excessively easier to be exactly what I don't want to be.

So what now? Do I spend my time pointing fingers and making judgments. NO.

Though I do believe that Christians are called to keep other Christians accountable, I want to spend my (limited) energy on something other than setting my attentions on what I don't want to become.

Set your mind on the things above, not on the things that are on earth. Colossians 3:2

I'm finding that the things (whatever they might be) that I focus on are the things that I begin to resemble/desire. Don't believe me? Then consider this: Has a crass cuss word ever shot through your thinking out of the blue? Well, it has for me...and the ONLY reason it would be readily available in my brain is because I hear it when watching (focusing my thoughts on) PG-13 movies. *sigh*

So these past few weeks have been spent realigning my sights onto HIM.
reevaluating my life. taking a hard look at
my priorities (not those I SAY I have, but those my time reveals I have).
my relationships.
my long-term goals...

And then seeing whether the way I spend my time matches up with the characteristics/life style I want to embody.

I'm determined to set a different standard, for my children's sake.

I don't want to live in a rut. I don't want to live status quo. I don't want to revolve my life around the computer or when a certain show comes on or when it's more convenient to be aggressively righteous.

Do not think that I have come to bring peace on earth: I have not come to bring peace, but a sword. Matthew 10:34 (so yeah, the reason why I put "aggressively". Because this IS war.)

I want even MORE freedom than I'm experiencing now. I want to run with all I've got towards all that the Lord, out of his limitless generosity, says is mine.
-healing...for me and for others.
-intimate friendship with Him.
-power to obliterate Hell and disease.

I want to live in way that off-sets anything else my girls ~~may~~ will see.

And no, not simply for the sake of being seen by them. But as any parent knows, the consequences of our decisions no longer live within the limited realm of Self. They show up time and again in the lives of our children.

Even the silent way I live is becoming the foundation for how my girls view what's acceptable in Life, and as a Follower of Christ. SO when I live life on the sidelines or with a certain attitude, they're picking it up and adopting it as their own, you know? *God help me*

So attitudes that allow pessimism or defeat when facing a person asking for prayer for a miracle need to go.

OR the defeatist mentality that warrants that I CAN'T lose this baby weight because "I'm 33 and have had 7 pregnancies in 8 years and I just need to accept it..." has to be severed from my thinking.

OR "I've never done XYZ before so I'm sure I wouldn't be any good at it so why bother trying"...OR the mindset that just sort of waits for life to invite me to be a part instead of causing LIFE to happen around me. Yeah, gotta kick those to the proverbial curb.

Those mindsets MUST be put to death IF I am to become who I was created to be, if I am to lead my daughters in the direction that they should go. You know, despite where mainstream society (and sometimes even the Church-at-large) wants to take us.

I want to be bold and daring and athletic and FEARLESS. Yet...most days I'm not, you know? Most days I take on the attitude of "Tomorrow, I'll..."

BUT I want to become "THAT" woman TODAY. I want to put off the things that hinder (the movies, the status quo living, the excessive computer time, the mindset that says I can't) so that I can RUN.

Today, I'm determined to not let who I have been dictate who I will be. For my daughters' sake, yes. But more so...for my own.

These are the days...

2010-06-07T16:57:00.008-05:00

These are days that, if I'm not careful, I find myself wishing them away. Anything to just get to the end of the evening when I can put them in bed, flop on the couch, and have "me time".

Picture taken March 2010: Alana (18 mo), Charis (7yrs), Raegan (newly 3 yrs), Selah (5.5yrs), Raquel (3mo)

These are days that I'm sure, later in life, I'll be wishing them back again. Anything to just turn back time and have the opportunity to snuggle with the little version of them just one. more. time.

The things that make up 95% of my daily schedule this month will be forgotten by ~~this time next year~~ mid summer. Because life is moving fast, and my girls are literally growing up over night.

And I'm just feeling the need to remind myself again and again and again that I cannot emotionally live in a constant state of "One Day..."

One day, they'll all be potty trained.
One day, we won't have to use baby gates
One day, I won't have to work my schedule around naptimes.
One day, our car won't be crammed with five carseats.
One day...

Or I'll miss out on Today.

I want to soak in every little bit of their quirks and budding personalities and sense of humor and current challenges. All things that can easily go unnoticed and/or "unremembered" if I'm not intentional in taking note.

So that's what I'm going to do: Take Note. Document for my sake as well as their own, so that one day we can look back and remember...

Charis (7 years 7 months)

This sweet little thing is every parents dream. She's (one of) my compliant child. wanting to always do what she thinks will please you. never wanting to make a mistake...

She wants, with everything in her, to do things "right". And I struggle with this...the knowing how to balance correcting her with encouraging her. Because I know how hard she can be on herself. So she definitely doesn't need to feel like I'm always on the sidelines wanting to pounce on her every mistake.

(this is where my NewYear's resolution to not micromanage comes into play!)

I'm praying about how to encourage her to take chances and to break out of the mindset of perfectionism. because that is something that will cripple and suffocate the joy right of life if not dealt with in a healthy way, early on.

When she was little (18months +), while most little children were getting pleasure in knocking down a stack of blocks, she did not. She wanted to build it and got upset if it fell down. So in the spirit of kicking Perfectionism to the curb, I had to start knocking down the block towers myself...and then cheering like a crazed monkey.

It took a while for her to catch on, but eventually she did...laughing with me when our blocks would fall. If only the rest of the "perfectionism issues" were as easy as clapping over fallen blocks.

-She's already a "little mommy" and definitely a HUGE help to me!! During the first few weeks of Raquel's life, she was my right-hand woman, especially when Alana would cry in frustration because she didn't want me to hold Raquel instead of her.

During those moments when nature proves that I am, in deed, lacking in my multitasking capabilities, Charis was always willing to step it up and do whatever I asked of her. whether that was holding Raquel for a minute, getting a diaper, or helping Raegan go to the potty.

And even though that trait blesses me to no end, I'm determined to find ways to make her feel special APART from being the 'big sister', you know? I DO NOT want her confidence to be hinged on her ability to please others. I DO NOT want her to feel like my life would fall apart if she didn't step it up and hold it together. With everything in me, before God, I am determined to make sure that she does NOT grow up feeling like her role in life is to make everyone else's life easier.

Do all parenting issues feel like we're walking an itty bitty tightrope? a little too much of this or a bit too little of that and *bam* you hit concrete. God, give me wisdom.

-A few months ago, Raquel had some breathing issues. Ones that required us to take her to the ER to see an neonatologist. which meant that we had to cancel a Date Night that Charis and I had planned.

Charis was obviously annoyed that we were having to postpone her plans when I told her we were taking Raquel to the hospital. I looked at her, slightly annoyed myself, and said, "Charis! Raquel isn't breathing right. If she stops breathing, she could DIE."

Without skipping a beat and without changing the look on her face, she casually said, "Oh. Okay. Well, that's important too." :)

March 27th, she lost her first tooth, while brushing her teeth, after spending the night at Grandma and Granddaddy's house.

Being that she's the last of her friends to lose her first tooth, she was starting to wonder if she'd ever have any loose teeth. ;)

-She's into everything Kitchen:
writing recipes.
wanting to cook 'by herself'.
wearing aprons
playing money and restaurant games with her kitchen playset

She's even asking for a cooking set (as in the REAL thing) for her birthday.

Chances are if I'm in the kitchen cooking/baking, she's underfoot, ~~asking~~ begging to help. And while I let her help and make food whenever I can, I want to be even better about entrusting her with culinary things. despite the fact that it'll inevitably slow the process down.

-Just recently, she decided that she wanted to be a doctor. In addition to being a Professional Princess, of course.

When I asked her what kind of doctor...she asked what I meant. So I told her there were all different types: pediatrics, dentistry, ENTs, heart surgeons, brain specialists...

She wanted to look into "the brain one". Until I showed her a you*tube video of an actual brain surgery. With tears in her compassionate heart (because after all, it was some poor person's brain that they were working on), she said that she didn't know what type of doctor she wanted to be...

Just not the brain one. Ha!

-She's a very logical thinker, that one. And a very literal as well, as I'm constantly having to explain jokes to her...though, I do have to say, she's gotten a LOT quicker, more savvy in the whole joke department in the last month.

-She continues to be like a sponge when it comes to anything intellectual. In fact, she's constantly teaching me things that she learns during her nightly reading.

-She tends to be a little timid when trying new things. That said, I'm SOO proud of her as she recently joined a track club. Her first time racing getting 2nd place in the 60m AND 2nd place in the 100m sprints. WAHOOOO

though I have to say her athletic abilities are beginning to surprise me. I've just recently started JillianMicheal's 30 day Shred video. And while one level (20 minutes of INTENSE workout) is enough for me. She, my crazy 7 year old, does all three back to back.

Which means that she does sixty minutes of increasingly intense workouts. Um yeah, you're only supposed to do one level at a time. She does all three, breaks into a total sweat, but then does more. Aw, my little glutton for (exercise) punishment. :)

SELAH (5 years 8 months)

Selah (5) singing in the spring play

This little one continues to be a Snuggle Bug. a deep thinker. an intense feeler.

-She fiercely loves her sisters...to the point that I have to repeated tell her to not kiss her sisters if she's sick. She's that into snuggling and loving on her family. In fact, whenever she's with Raquel, she'll lock her jaw real hard, squeeze her hands into fists, deepen her voice, and say, "I just want to squeeze her!" ha!

-She's always wanting to make someone happy if they're crying. And while I really love this desire to bring joy to others, I, again, just want to make sure that she doesn't get into the train of thought that her life's purpose is to focus on making others happy. But God bless her, she's just so genuinely sweet, and hates to see others sad or lonely.

Like when I asked her who she wanted to call one day, she said, "Nana."

I thought it soo sweet that she was thinking about her and the fact that she was probably feeling lonely living alone. But that's just like her, sincerely sweet through and through.

When the time came for her to try out for the spring play/musical at church, she was all over it. At least where the singing was concerned. She had no fear, no hesitation, no thought that she couldn't do it and do it well. (though she didn't want to have a speaking part to begin with, but did reallly well with it in the end! Atta girl!)

We've recently been talking about approaching life with the confidence that you can do it. that all throughout life, we're going to have to try new things, and if we go into the situation thinking that we can't...most likely we'll do just that, fail. But if we approach a situation believing that with God we CAN do anything, then, chances are...we will.

Am I teaching my daughters that they'll never fail? No. But I am challenging them to believe in themselves instead of taking the view that if they've never tried something, then they won't be any good at it.

Whenever the opportunity for a deep talk happens, it's Selah that sits there and soaks it in. She gets this half-grin on her face, like she's getting to hear a secret meant only for important adults. But what blesses my heart is that she usually (immediately!) changes her attitude/actions/thinking. In fact, I'm ALWAYS amazed at how interested and influenced she is by our talks.

Of course, I shouldn't be surprised...her name does mean "pause and reflect on what the Lord has done." And she is definitely into thinking about life.

In fact, at least a few times every week, she's talking about what her life will be like when she has a family. how she wants to teach her children the things that I'm teaching them. how she's going to make a certain dinner for her kids. or keep a certain toy for them. She's definitely a forward-thinker and gets that life isn't all about the immediacy of today.

She has such a desire to know Jesus, especially his voice. Whenever I tell her something that the Lord has told me, she gets teary-eyed. Because she yet to hear his voice in a recognizable way. (doesn't that just melt your heart???)

Because of this girl and her questions and desire for the deeper things in life, I have multiple open doors to discuss things with my daughters that most wouldn't be talking about until the teens years. But I so love that about her!

I'm thinking her love language is touch because she's daily asking if she can snuggle with us. I'm constantly finding little love notes to me, asking if we can spend time together and snuggle. Even after she's been disciplined and is crying, she wants to sit on our lap and just hug. I love that about her, that she doesn't close off her spirit after being corrected.

Her heart is soooo tender....crying if she's disappointed Jet or me...or been misunderstood... or accidentally hurt one of her sisters.

Selah...always so photogenic, regardless of what else is going on. :) She is my sweet sweet SelahGirl. And I cannot imagine life without her.

RAEGAN (3 years)

A few months ago, Raegan turned 3. and God bless her heart, we were all sick. Yet, she didn't complain. Not Once! She just focused on the fact that she got to have cake (that she threw up) and a few balloons, which she shared with her older sisters.

Can you say TROOPER!?

I am continually amazed at this little girl. A girl (16months-ish) that used to attack her sisters out of frustration of being the littlest (ie. left out). But since the birth of Alana, she has matured into this big girl (I'm not allowed to call her "little") that won't even retaliate when little sisters pull her hair (out!) or grab away toys.

Already she has a tender heart towards the Lord, wanting to pray for people's healing...reminding everyone to pray before meals...asking honest, simple questions about the heart of God. Like yesterday.

As I was leaving her room after tucking her in for her nap, I stopped and walked back to spend a few more minutes with her. Completely overwhelmed, I just started telling her how much I love her. How I love her eyes. her nose. her tummy. her toes.

At some point, I told her how much God loved her. And she stopped, looked up at me, and said, "But why?" My first reaction was "Man, this little girl is sooo much like me." (Jet tells me he love me and in my deeper moments I ask this same question. Not because I don't believe him, but just because I want to know what he's thinking when he says that.)

So we talked about the reasons why God loves her. Each time, I'd try and answer on an increasingly deeper level, but each time she'd ask again "But WHY does he love me?" Finally, I got to the place where I told her that even when she makes mistakes and does bad things, he STILL loves her.

She laughed and asked, "He does??!!" It was such a precious moment to be there when she first grasped that concept, at such a young age (just barely 3).

Yet. Despite her intense sweetness and irresistible charm, she knows when and where to draw boundaries....

Where: Public library. Children's floor, in front of the snoopy house that all the elementary-aged kids want to be in.

The Antagonist: A rather large (in both height and...*cough cough* stature) little girl playing the part of territorial bully, obviously having issues with the fact that Charis and Selah were inside Snoopy House. and she was not.

The Situation: Charis and Selah were just smiling at Massive Bully, essentially ignoring her. (or were they just not cluing in to the fact that they were being picked on?) while Mommy practiced extreme levels of self-control by not going over and giving that bully a little lesson in Momma Don't Play That.

The Heroine: In walks 2 year old from stage right. Without hesitation or the slightest bit of intimidation, she makes a bee-line to Bully Girl. Points her finger in her face (which essentially meant that Raegan's arm was at a 45 degree angle), and said, "You stop dat!"

And then she calmly walked away, leaving Bully completely speechless. Raegan wasn't being malicious. She had no interest in fighting. She just wanted to be clear, "You are messing with my girls and that just isn't permitted on my watch."

I have to tell you, whatever self control I had been practicing up to that point...you know, to not put that little tyrant in her place... was nothing to the self control I had to muster in order to remain seated and calm. because I so wanted to give Raegan a standing ovation,with a loud, "You go girl!!" ;)

She's the perfect mix of sweet and sassy. I have a feeling "leader" in somewhere in her future calling. In fact, I'm thinking Charis and Selah will learn how to be more assertive by watching their little sister. :)

-She cracks me up with the way she talks sooo grown up. to the extent that I SO wish I could capture it all. But there's just no way to bottle up the essence of "Raegan" into words. She's hysterical and innocently assertive well beyond her years.

-For some weird reason, she's into asking "What time is it?" And then regardless of what time you tell her, she says, "That means it's nine o'clock!" Uh...? No. but she won't be swayed that every hour of the day does not equal her golden 9:00 hour.

Alana (20 months)

This little girl is the life of the party.

Regardless of whether she has a known audience or not, she's hamming it up...making hilarious faces in the corner just to amuse herself. If she then catches you watching her, she bursts into laughter.

She loves to sing. It doesn't matter if it's her ABCs, Old McDonald, or the song her daddy wrote for her (all the girls have a "daddy song" that is sung to them every night before they go to bed)...she just loves to sing.

I rarely know where my cell phone is, due to her uncanny ability to retrieve it from all manner of heights...and then hide it. Though I don't think she's intending to hide it, she's just highly distractable. So when she sees something more entertaining, cell phone gets dropped on sight.

Praise be the God that her cell phone escapades haven't included the toilet bowl. Yet. She did go through a phase where she discovered the toilet...and the water that lurks within. I'll just leave it at that, being that the thought makes me involuntarily heave.

She LOVES talking on phone (and has for a LONG time) and will routinely hand it to me, saying "Ma-ma" (Grandma). She's always had this special love for my mom, asking for her on a daily (sometimes hourly) basis. My mom, of course, loves this. :)

Thankfully, at 20 months, she still naps two times a day. *Sweet bliss*

I just want to squeeze that face. Gently, of course.

Everything ends up in her mouth. pencil erasers. rocks. markers. bubbles.

I told Jet today that it's a wonder she has never choked. I've gotten to the point where I'm just having to trust that God has got her protected because, seriously, I think the girl likes to try her (my) limits.

She LOVES her sisters...especially Raegan and "Baby 'Quel".

But because Raquel has a thing for grabbing hair...

Lani's interactions with Raquel can go from this...

to this in 2.2 seconds.

She loves Raquel sooo much that she leaned in to kiss her face. *insert heartbroken sobs over having her offer of love being met in a firm yank of hair*

I'm so completely blessed to have daughters that truly love each other, when I know that siblings can fight nonstop. So yeah, I don't take that for granted on any level. Even some of our neighbors tell us how they love watching them play together. ;)

-Alana calls cheese "izza!" Can you tell what we ate a lot of right after Raquel was born? You know, being that she connects cheese to pizza. ha!

-She's very into doing things herself. completely refusing to eat food unless she is the one using the fork or spoon.

-I have never, as in EVER, seen a child more in-love with shoes than this girl! Once Jet was trying to get her to come back into her room. Laughing, she hightailed it in the opposite direction. "Lani, come get yours shoes on." She LITERALLY stopped in her tracks, turned 180degrees, and ran back to him.

Who knew the promise of putting on shoes could bring about such immediate obedience? Nice. :)

If she knows we're leaving the house she runs around saying "I want shoes on! Shoes on!!"

-Her newest thing is to pucker up and come at you, ready to plant some kisses. I'll have to get a picture of that soon. But unfortunately my camera has been lost since Memorial Day. (this is where I fight back tears of frustration)

RAQUEL. (5months)

(picture taken a while back...maybe around 3.5 months?)

more up to date...5 months

-This sweet little lady has been sick for over 6 weeks now (coughing, throwing up mucous, struggling to breath), finally getting diagnosed with pneumonia a while back. All I can say is that she is a trooper!

Thank God she's so laid back because were she prone to scream, she may have had to be hospitalized (screaming=more mucous=less breathing).

If this were a video insert, you'd be hearing her "singing", which in my opinion, somewhat resembles Scuttles squawking on "The Little Mermaid". Love it.

I don't think I realized just how much it was effecting her strength *duh, Mommy!* until after she started to feel better (at 5months). Because almost immediately she started rolling from tummy-to-back and then back-to-tummy.

and then just recently, she's moved on to sitting up.

(Charis has been trying to help her sit up for a little bit now)

She's definitely a sweet, sweet personality. laying in the bed, talking to herself, rolling around...until she falls asleep (at least most days). I'm SO looking forward to watching her personality develop as she grows.

One last thing (that I can think of at the moment)...

She crosses her feet when she sleeps. like her daddy. ;)

I love each stage that my girls go through!! I told Jet last night that I felt like each one of them was in my favorite stage.

The smushy, chubby stage of babyfat, and cuddles while they nurse.
The stage where they're starting to grow up and want more independence yet are ever-ready to crawl into your lap and plant messy kisses on your face.
The stage where you are just able to start having 'big" conversations with them, watching their eyes open in wonder to all around them.
The stage where they're beginning to learn about themselves and their capabilities.
The stage where they're branching out, apart from you. becoming more and more like the young adult version of themselves.

I love them all! And I consider myself WHOLLY BLESSED to have the chance to watch five beautifully sweet girls grow into young women.

20K in 10 days

2010-06-03T08:37:00.005-05:00

I wish I had more time to write about this, but I don't. My children have been battling pneumonia for what seems like an endless stream of weeks (Okay, so it HAS been...but who's counting) and I'm too tired to really form coherent thoughts. (And yes, they're finally better now. Thanks for asking. *wink*)

BUT I do want to point you in the direction of my bloggie friend, Courtney.

*Cue Rocky theme song*

Introducing Mom of 10... Passionate about fulfilling the call to both "store up treasures in heaven" and God's repeated command to "defend the fatherless".

Okay, so maybe it's more like the BarneyTheme song, right Court? (I know how you hate being put on a pedestal). ;)

Her heart for adoption, though, extends beyond the reaches of her own home as she's been raising money to help OTHER families bring home children they're trying to adopt.

And honestly, I think it's AMAZING!!

The price (a ransom as her husband calls it) to adopt children is ASTRONOMICAL. Really, who has an extra $30,000 laying around? Yet. there are people who's hearts are so impassioned to love the millions of children up for adoption (one by one by one) that the personal expense to their wallets seems secondary.

So what can weWE do? DONATE. $5. $10. $100. Whatever. But know that as you do...as you give of yourself...you are enabling a family to LOVE a child that hasn't known what "FAMILY" actually means.

Our giving to this goes directly to bringing a child home. Read her blog. Hear her heart. and if you so feel inclined, give.

(apparently there are prizes, as people from etsy have gotten involved!! but being that I'm not read up on Blogdom, you'll have to read that for yourself. *grin*)

Bottle bombs

2010-06-02T07:02:00.002-05:00

The following is NOT my writing. It's concerning an email I got this morning concerning bottle bombs. Check it out on Snopes.

But because I couldn't copy the snopes article, here's an article:

"At least two "works" bombs were left in the yards of York Township residents overnight, creating a dangerous situation since the pop bottle bombs quickly detonate, police said.

Washtenaw County Sheriff's Deputy Keith Mansell sent a warning to township residents this morning, urging them not to pick up any bottles that have liquid in them or appear swollen.

Mansell said he was dispatched to a home on Bemis Road near the Saline city limits this morning for an unexploded pop bottle bomb. When he arrived, he discovered a 20-ounce bottle in the yard, moved it from the front yard, and it detonated 30 seconds later, he said in the e-mail.

Mansell then checked other yards and located a second one a few doors down from the first one, he said. He moved that one, and it also detonated, the e-mail said.

The homeowner told Mansell she noticed the bottle and planned to move it when she got her morning paper. "There was a high probability that this would have detonated in her hand/face while she carried it to the trash," Mansell said in the e-mail.

A "works" bomb is described as Drano and foil mixed inside a bottle. The chemical reaction makes a volatile build-up of gases and subsequently detonates the bottle with a great amount of force, with the chemical substance in the bottle becoming boiling liquid at that point, the e-mail said.

The explosion can be severe enough to cause second- or third-degree burns or blindness, Mansell said in the e-mail.

Mansell urged residents to watch for bottles in their yards and offered the following advice:

If you find a soda bottle or any other bottles, examine it carefully before you touch it or get near it. If it shows signs of swelling or melting in any way, do not touch it. Call 911.
If you find a soda bottle that has any liquid in it, don't touch it and call 911.

Both bombs this morning appeared to be slightly swollen, with a dark colored liquid inside of it, the e-mail said. The liquid could have easily been mistaken for leftover soda, according to the e-mail.

If someone is caught making such a device, it is a felony of possession of a substance with explosive capabilities punishable by up to 15 years in prison if no damage is caused and 20 years if damage is caused. The penalties are more severe if injuries occur, including a mandatory life sentence if someone is killed, police said."

And I wanted to pass along the information. I think it's incredibly sad when you live in a time where you can't even clean out trash from your front lawn without fear that it may blow up in your face.

"You don't know me but..."

2010-05-29T19:28:00.006-05:00

The most precious phone call I've ever received came today. via a woman I've never met.

So I confess. I totally screen my calls. Once we got caller ID, I was hooked. "Oh...it's the person running for re-election calling to ask me for my vote? Hm. Sor-ry. Not home."

Or "Huh. It's my husband calling to apologize for that stupid thing he did this morning? Hm. Sor-ry. I want to ignore you for just a little while longer." Wha? Me?? do something like that? Nah. I'm farrrrrrr too mature. *ahem*

Yeah, I'm totally digging this new found Phone ESP.

So this morning when I saw a name come up on the caller ID that I didn't know, I hesitated. Do I really want to deal with yet another wrong number?

(Some phantom Rodriquez family gives out OUR number to THEIR creditors. Over the last 5 years, I'd guess we've had at least 200 calls from creditors across the nation. Oh, as well a *bonus* call from an impatient attorney. ALL looking for that elusive Rodriquez family. Sometimes, when they've REALLY exhausted their options in tracking down the R. Fam, they start to harass me: not believing me when I say I am not them, don't know them, and don't live with them. Grrr. But I digress...)

Despite my bad experiences with numbers I don't recognize, I answered the phone. I'm wild like that.

"Hello?" I answer in my firm voice, primed and ready to reprimand the poor, uninformed creditor on the other end of the line.

CALLER: "Is this Christin?"

Okay, so that doesn't sound like a wrong number. "Um, yes?"

CALLER: "Well, you don't know me, but..."

I spent the next ten minutes talking to an elderly woman who called me for no other reason than she saw my last name in the phone book. A last name that shares her heritage.

CALLER: "I really love learning about geneology. Can you tell me anything that you know about your last name? It's mine too."

Have you ever heard of anything so sweet? Can't you just see it? A sweet older lady thumbing through the phone directory on a Saturday morning...coming to my last name...timidly picking which one to call (they're aren't many in this area)...and then striking up a conversation with a total stranger just because she knows we have one thing in common.

Oh. my. word. I wanted to hug her.

I told her what I knew, laughed with her, and answered questions about myself. And out of the blue she then said, "I'd just love to meet you guys. I turn 80 soon, and there are a couple of other (my last name) in the area and I'd love to have you guys all come and help me celebrate."

Okay, so my heart melted on the spot. Does this woman not have family? Is she looking for people to help her celebrate the last years of her life? in the phonebook??!! Oh my goodness, I wanted to hug her. Have I mentioned that yet? because I really did. :)

I assured her that we'd be HONORED to help her celebrate. And man, you should have heard her. Her voice got all high as she laughed in delight. :)

And yes, she does have family, I asked. She told me more about herself, sounding completely giddy that the conversation was going so well. She repeatedly said that we'd definitely have to meet...especially being that I have five daughters.

Because really, what person over the age of 50 can resist a posse of little sisters? :)

I do believe I may have just been adopted by a grandmother type. And I couldn't be more thrilled.

Miraculous (though somewhat embarrassing) healing. With before and after pictures.

2010-05-28T20:51:00.003-05:00

Some miracles display the awesome power of God. Like this story a YWAM friend sent me some years back where they prayed and someone was raised from the dead.

Some miracles display His intense desire to, first and foremost, woo your heart . Like this story where a friend was paralyzed for a year, people from her church faithfully prayed for her every week in her living room, and then one day...she took a step.

Some miracles happen right before your eyes as you step out in blind faith. Like the time the Lord literally told me to "blow on it"...and as I blew air on someone's badly infected boil, it disappeared right. before. my. eyes.

(I have no link to that story because I'm not even sure I've ever mentioned it. Crazily enough. :) Trust me, if I tried to document it all, I 'd be stuck to my computer day in and day out. His work in our home is that intense...and frequent. Love it.)

Every work of the Lord reveals yet another facet of his love for His Bride. It's just too deep to put to words, so he uses the framework of our lives as a display.

That said, not all miracles of the Lord are the same. One will reveal a specific expression of his heart, while another will unfold something entirely different. In the end, our stories combined reveal a God who's love is rather hard to resist.

So for me... The miracle that hit my life this past week reveals a side of Him that I think can sometimes get overlooked and underplayed in every day living: The tangible COMPASSION of God.

I mean, sure He has compassion on the blind guy. or the leper. or the guy who's been given 2 months to live because he has an incurable cancer. Those things are life impairing! But for Him to show compassion concerning something that is nothing outside of a bother, an embarrassment, and a frustration to me? *shrug*

Well, that defies reason.

The Story

In a nutshell, years ago my hormones levels went crazy, causing unwanted facial hair, especially along the jawline. I was *horrified*. I cannot stress that enough. But the clincher was when the OB said that once hair folicles are established, the hair remains. (even after hormone levels are stabilized.)

I think it'd be fairly accurate to say that with that statement my heart dropped.

Now I gotta say, this is embarrassing stuff for me just "put out there". Because honestly, I HATE that I've dealt with that. It's demoralizing as a woman. But bottom line, every one has something about themselves (physically) that they don't like. Right?

But it just becomes something that we learn to deal with, to hide. We learn to shadow it with makeup or mask it with clothes. We smile so as not to show our crooked teeth or position ourselves so that our "less than" feature is out of view.

Essentially, we become pros at concealing that which makes us feel less than. But I'm seeing that God wants to use those things to show himself More Than.

Over the years, I've casually asked Him to intervene....to, essentially do what doctors said wasn't possible: to cause the hair to just go away.

Yeah. I h.a.t.ed. that picture. Besides the fact that my face was still swollen from having a baby the day before, it was a total shot of the very thing I hate. That hair on my jawline.

You know, the hair that the OB said would never go away. Well, Mr. OB...I gotta say that the Lord IS the final say.

Last week, I noticed that it was alllll gone. Um, yeah. Just like that.

He's that concerned about the things that concern ME.

My heart is to never hide the works of God in my life. I've told Him that "I want to be transparent so that you can be seen through me." Even when that telling might cost me. Um yeah, that'a'be pride I'm talkin' 'bout!

The Lord will perfect that which concerns me. Psalms 138.8

Wow. Take the truth in that scripture out for a spin! It's mind-boggling to think that He will PERFECT that which concerns ME. But this week, I'm come face to face with the truth of it.

But don't let it stop here. This is my story, but He has a story for you as well....

Kainos. Experience it for yourself.

2010-05-24T07:26:00.008-05:00

There are few people in life that I can honestly say I respect without reservation, follow their lead without hesitation, and advertise to others, on MY word, that they are, through and through, The Real Deal.

There are few people who's relationship with the Lord truly inspires me, causes me to think from a whole new perspective, and encourages me that yes, God is still all about the miraculous...based on their personal experience of His tangible heaven-on-earth *kaboom* manifest power.

While some seem content to stay on the sidelines, safe in the shadow of someone else who's frontlining it in the heavenlies... I have a friend who thrives on being that Frontliner, boldly breaking apart traditional thinking. Not for the sake of just bucking "tradition" mind you!! but for the sake of breaking old mindsets that have slowly become like quicksand.

He's NOT about disrespecting tradition...just making sure it actually aligns with JESUS and bears fruit evident of His Power. Pharisees were all about "tradition", you know.

*cough cough* Graciously forgive his obvious need of Style Intervention. bwhahha

His heart and his passion for life (and Jesus) are contagious. He's the kind of person you want to be with, you want to be like, and you want to follow. NOT because he pretends to be perfect (I think he'd be the first to tell you that he's not), but because he's unwavering and sincere in his mad-pursuit of Jesus.

So why am I raving about this friend o' mine, you ask?

Because he leads a ministry that Jet and I would love to be a part of . You know, if we weren't already heading up our own discipleship training school for young girls (aged 5mo-7yrs). :)

AND I happen to believe that the quality and integrity of the leadership is KEY when choosing which ministries/training programs to align yourself with. So because I can wholehearted back this man, I present to you:

Kainos International Training Center

(Insert: if you google kainos, you'll get all kinds of ministries. Apparently the name is popular, being that it's Greek for "new creation" So use THIS LINK.)

Under his leadership (as well as a few others!) you WILL get to experience the Lord like never before. Unless, of course, you choose to just stand there, arms crossed, determined to prove me wrong. Even then you gotta acknowledge that God's done a lot with stone-faced, arms-crossed people over the years, so chances are you'd still come out changed. *wink*

His tweet on March 12 (they were in England)...
"Beyond great Friday night service at Betel. Saw 5-6 instantaneous physical healings. Plenty of changed lives too. Thanks for the prayers."

Yeah. Doesn't that just make you want to sign up? I LOVE when leadership naturally stirs up the supernatural!

(picture taken when he was serving on a missions trip in Africa...apart from Kainos)

Now, the only thing left to say is:
DO YOU

WANT TO BE

INVOLVED?

Email me at GvnJCmyALL (at) aol.com and I'll put you in connection with Jon.

Less Stuff. More Peace.

2010-05-13T10:26:00.002-05:00

There's something about simplicity that appeals to me.

Simple meals. Laid back time with friends. Sitting on the porch hand-in-hand with my husband, talking as the sun goes down. Meeting someone for coffee (even though I don't drink the stuff) to share the ins and outs of our hearts.

I much prefer the slower things in life; the things that don't require batteries or remote controls or rented party halls.

Don't get me wrong, I love parties, and am actually energized by them. Yet...there's just something so completely "ahhh" about Simple, you know?

These days my love of All Things Simple is translating into our home and the amount of stuff that fills it. (This is where children everywhere run to hide their favorite toy in fear of it mysteriously exiting the house) <--- yeah, so not kidding. ;) The less stuff we have in our house, the more peace there is in our hearts. Or is it just me? We're yet to get our house on the market, held back by details that are fast coming together by my handy-dandy, brilliant husband. But the smaller details...the ones that require a high tolerance for the filthy attic...are ever being readied by yours truly. This is me curtsying, broom in hand.

the organizing of the toys with a million pieces,
the cleaning out of the closets and bookcases and storage bins,
the purging of the unwanted and unneeded,
and the packing of whatever remains...

Yup, that has been a major part of my ~~day~~ month. Uh-huh, I'm that hip. BUT (and this may only reveal more of my Dorkism) I'm getting some kind of giddy thinking about what "LESS STUFF" will actually mean!!!

Buy lots of land and live in a trailer, you say? Alright! WHERE do I sign up? Seriously, I'm totally game being that I'm so over having a large house filled to the brim with stuff. Stuff that requires me to revolve my life around taking care of it. Ew.

Right now the plan is to rent a honkin' storage unit once we our house on the market. We're doing this for a few reasons (since I know you're going to ask, Dad. haha):

Some people aren't gifted with the ability to see past people's stuff and we, therefore, want to help them out by removing some of our "unnecessaries".
Some little people..*ahem*... aren't capable of keeping our house free from clutter.
Some people are better off when they know that all the packing won't have to be accomplished in one panicked swoop, while simultaneously trying to ~~herd cats~~ keep five children under control. Clearly, I'm referring to Jet here. *cough cough*

And I have to admit, I'm loving packing up and sending out. Bu-bye.

Over the last year, I've been working like a woman ~~in need of psychological intervention~~ on a mission to rid my house of excess. This is where I insert a BraveHeart Mel Gibson-esk cry of FREEDOM.

It's truly amazing how much stuff you can amass over a few years. But even more amazing is how much that stuff can weigh you down on every level. I'm telling you, Excessive Stuff = Bondage, people! Even if I can get something at a yardsale for $.25, I ask myself if its addition to our home with cost me (in sanity) more than the presumed bargain.

Anyhoo...that's where I am: very over living a life choked by stuff and on a mission to ready our house to sell by organizing every little bitty thing in my home. I hope to find my way out from under this pile soon. But I'm so excited as I know a life of pure SIMPLICITY is within my grasp. *bliss*

Dismembering and other such teachable moments.

2010-05-10T13:58:00.006-05:00

Let's set the stage, shall we?

My three youngest are napping. My two oldest and I are snuggled up on the couch reading Proverbs in the Bible.

Now before you go and wax all crazy, thinking that I am the magnanimous mom of obviously superior, never disobedient children. a woman confidently standing at the helm of a 100% peaceful and sparkling house...

(Hark! Is that a halo I see emerging over my daughters' heads? Oh. Nope...it's just the sunlight hitting the flying dustballs in my ~~pigpen~~ living room )

... allow me to ~~lay all my crap bare~~ clarify.

We've not sat down to read the Bible like this for a while now. My days, of as recently, have consisted of conversations like this:

"If your stuff is not put away in 5 minutes, I'm throwing. it. away. Period"
"Stop putting your fingers in your sister's mouth!"
"If you complain about doing school work on more time, so help me..."
"Jet, you have to come home NOW because I'm borderline abusive." (spoken a little tongue-in-cheek. but yeah, only a little) *wry grin*

So yeah, don't bother crowning me Mother Superior with the faulty thinking that sometimes comes from reading other people's "perfect-home-moment-snippets"... as I'm most assured the tiara would self-destruct.

Anyhoo... there we were, reading the Proverbs when we came to the concept of wisdom. Trying to explain this deep concept to my girls, I used the example of Solomon...more specifically when he was dealing with the two woman who were fighting over the newborn baby. (1 Kings 3:16-27)

Now I half expected dramatic symphony music to crescendo as I got to the part about how Solomon declared, "Cut the baby in half!"

Totally prepped and ready to have the girls go all emotional with the injustice (and disgusting nature) of it, I was taken wayyyy off guard when my five year old looked up at me and calmly stated:
"I bet they'd both want the head."

Huh. didn't see that one coming. It's never quite like you plan, is it?

Cue curtains abruptly closing. Nix the dim stage mood-lighting. Show's over, people. Because *poof* emotional moment of spiritual teaching gone in an instance as I couldn't contain the laughter.

Where do they come up with this stuff? And should I be worried?

Do you have an 8-12 year old daughter? Then READ.

2010-04-30T08:49:00.005-05:00

Have you heard of it? If so, you know how amazing it is!! If you haven't gotten the chance to acquaint yourself with it, then go here. The site will give you all the details of what this mother-daughter tour on purity is all about.

If you're from my area, then consider this your official head's up. They're coming this summer to a church near by... (go to their site for more information on their tour dates/locations)

I'll take 1 ounce of truth and 10 pounds of comfort, thank you.

2010-04-26T21:08:00.005-05:00

Status quo living, you say?

A life where I primly fold my hands on my lap, affirmatively shake my head as I try to thoughtfully process the information you deem as Truth? A mere existence where I line up with the other sheep, give you my wool, and bleat and baa on command?

Does that about sum it up? Just checking because I want to be clear here. After all, it is my life we're talking about.

Is there anything duller than that?

A life where everyone likes you because you are careful not to offend with any "edgy" opinion, overly aggressive arguments, or outlandish claims that God is actually alive and interacting with you.

Is there anything less world-changing than that?

An isolated kind of life where you don't challenge others and don't want others to challenge you. After all, we like our comfort. And confrontation...well, it just isn't comfortable.

Is there anything more dangerous than that?

Just from casual observation it would appear that we've become a society determined to believe whatever the 6 o'clock news or mainstream commercials deem true. with little or no questioning or research on our part.

We live as though the world is being run by the inability to be anything less than honest and good and upright. But the sad truth *HELLO* is that there are powerful people who want nothing more than to use and manipulate and deceive us...all for their own gain.

One small case in point. I present to you GM's commercial:

Uh-huh. Kind of ironic how they *ahem* failed to mention that GM paid off the bailout money with yet another bailout loan. More of our tax dollars at work. Apparently us law-abiding, tax-paying citizens have proven ourselves gullible enough that corporations don't bat an eyelash when feeding us...*cough cough*...crap.

After all, if it's in writing, surely it's true.

"But, Charlotte," said Wilbur, "I'm not terrific."

That doesn't make a particle of difference," replied Charlotte. "Not a particle. People believe almost anything they see in print."

-taken from E.B. White's Charlotte's Web

As of recently, I've felt this need to WAKE UP and start paying attention. Due in large part to my husband, who is one of the few people I know who can take a wide array of information (from all sides) and find the truth in it.

God has opened his eyes over the past few months (to government, to the Republican party, to the Democratic party, to news media, etc) in ways that I think surprise even him. But that's not my story to tell, so I'll leave it at that... ;)

I normally steer clear of writing about politics or government...partly because I'm not as learned as I'd like. but I just can't keep silent anymore. Because the things that are happening are mind-boggling.

And if we don't start to take notice and start to speak up, I fear one day we'll wake up to a world that is no longer accepting of the freedoms we take for granted.

Did you know, for instance, that right now there are people fighting to lead us in a direction that will give certain "rights" to our children? which, though not overtly stated, means that the authority of the parent would be usurped by the authority of the government.

All in the hopes of providing children with "basic human rights. ... And the convention protects children's rights by setting some standards here so that the most vulnerable people of society will be protected" (quote link here)

So you want to take a peak at what that actually breaks down into? (Taken from www.parentalrights.org:)

Some things you need to know about the structure of the CRC:

The CRC would automatically override almost all American laws on children and families because of the U.S. Constitution’s Supremacy Clause in Article VI.

Congress would have the power to directly legislate on all subjects necessary to comply with the treaty. This would constitute the most massive shift of power from the states to the federal government in American history.

Under international law, the treaty overrides even our Constitution.

Children would have the ability to choose their own religion while parents would only have the authority to give their children advice about religion.

The best interest of the child principle would give the government the ability to override every decision made by every parent if a government worker disagreed with the parent’s decision.

A child’s “right to be heard” would allow him (or her) to seek governmental review of every parental decision with which the child disagreed.

Children would acquire a legally enforceable right to leisure.

Christian schools that refuse to teach "alternative worldviews" and teach that Christianity is the only true religion "fly in the face of article 29" of the treaty.

Allowing parents to opt their children out of sex education has been held to be out of compliance with the CRC.

Children would have the right to reproductive health information and services, including abortions, without parental knowledge or consent.

Etc Etc Etc.

As of right now, the U.S. and Somalia are the only countries who haven't adopted this treaty. But there are legislators who are fighting for the U.S. to become a part of it, saying it's shameful that we are holding out. (again, link here)

"I'm sending you out like sheep among wolves. So be as wise as snakes but as innocent as doves. Matthew 10:16

It's like we've so adopted the "innocent" part that we no longer have the nerve to embrace the WISDOM.

And I have to ask myself WHY is it that we, as Christians, seem so content to remain quiet? to go down without a fight?

Have we so lost our ability to step outside of the status quo to speak Truth? Become a people more tuned into comfort and convenience that we've become incapable of recognizing the direction we're heading? Gotten so used to being spoon-fed important, life-changing information by people we believe to have our best interests at heart that it makes no sense to take back the 'spoon'?

Really?

Honestly, I don't know where to even take my thoughts from here. But all I can say is God give me wisdom because I so don't want to live status quo. where I hear no evil, speak no evil, see no evil. Because *duh* there IS evil and it needs to be called out for what it is.

Open my eyes, Lord. So that I may possess YOUR dynamic of innocence and wisdom in a world that's determined to redefine what possessing those traits actually mean.

Repeat after me "You have an amazingly adorable family."

2010-04-24T09:19:00.003-05:00

See that hat? Clearly, it has magical powers.

You see, normally when we venture out to town, my family gets a lot of looks.

Now, before you go and assume that I'm all paranoid, interpreting every little glance and casual stare as critical judgement on me and the size of my family...allow me to clarify. I'm not.

There now, didn't that two-word confession adequately clear up any paranoia question on your part? :)

Because when I say we get a lot of looks, I mean we get a LOT of looks... accompanied by whispers...accompanied by frowns.

Which, I gotta tell you, always baffles me to no end because it's not like I'm not SMILING right at them!? And it's not like my children are running around like monkeys on crack. They're actually really well-behaved and respectful.

Still. Strangers everywhere look at us like we're unwed teenagers. with a propensity towards mass breeding. :D (though I'm loving that people think we look so young!)

YET

Last weekend, after a dress rehearsal for my two oldest daughters, we all went to town.

Charis and Selah both looked like they'd stepped off the pages of a magazine. (this is the best picture I could get in that freaky stage lighting.)

And let me tell you, miracles happened.

In a span of a couple of hours, we had T.O.N.S of people come up to us and say how they "loved" our children. We had people telling us how they loved watching my husband and me interact, how inspirational it was.

I was stopped in the bathroom and told "What a blessing to watch your family. Your children are so well behaved! I love watching how you and your husband interact with your children...." I can't even remember all that was said.

People passing our princess-packed shopping cart asked us if they could take some of the girls home with them.

I was stopped and told "I really respect you..." They went on to talk about how adorable our family was and how amazing we were as parents. I had to squelch the overwhelming desire to look behind me to see who they were talking to.

I overheard multiple groups of people talk about "What a sweet bunch of cuties" and "Look at that adorable family!" And holy cow!! Hold the phone! What's that look on your face? Are you actually SMILING at us? :)

Seriously, on and on it went. I felt like we were celebs in a small town flea market. I kid you not, it was that monumental of a reaction.

My conclusion? Apparently, ladies and gentlemen, it's ALLLL about accessories because nothing had changed other than the fact that Charis was donning a little beanie. That glorious, little Magical Hat found in a bin at the local GoodWill.

I'm fairly positive if we stuck it atop a snowman, Frosty would suddenly be standing before me yelling "Happy Birthday!"

Thankfully, I'm not easily swayed by the public's opinion of my family. I know people are ~~stupid~~ fickle. I mean look at how they treated Jesus. One day palm branches waving, the next angry fists, right?

But let me tell you, next time we travel to town on a donkey, I"ll so be packing The Magic Hat. One curled lip in our direction and out *pops* the hat with the hypnotic abilities.

...Can't you just see me, frantically fishing through my stuffed diaper bag in attempts to locate the small, white crocheted mass in order to dangle it in front of people's snarling faces as I chant:

"You will think my family is amazing. You will gush over how entirely adorable my troop of girls are. Repeat after me."

The image cracks ME up, if nothing else.

And a little FYI. Jet has since been informed that after the girls tire of The Hat, he will be taking his turn of wearing it.

So if you happen to see a grown man walking around town with a too-small beanie on his head, be nice to him. It's obviously been a rough day.

Sex talk with a 5 year old??

2010-04-23T20:26:00.006-05:00

Apparently I live in my own little world.

A comfy-cozy place where children are clueless to the world of lust and sin around them.
A place where I have all the time in the world to have "the talk".
A world believing that surely because they're so young, surely because they're homeschooled, I don't have to worry about teaching on se.x, yet.

Well, today I'm pretty sure that my imaginary little world was shattered...

by my 5 year old.

And all I can say is Thank God! as I'd hate to be Clueless-Mother when it comes to the purity and innocence of my daughters...totally taken by surprise after someone else has crept in and (mis-)informed my sweet, sweet daughters of se.x.

In the world's skewed, twisted version, no less.

After all, it's the INITIAL message that is the most powerful. The introduction of a topic that builds the foundation of understanding and leaves a lasting impression, even when contradictory messages are presented.

So I want to be the one to introduce my daughters to the world of se.x...and all that comes with it. So that MY telling can be the lasting foundation of their understanding.

Recently I read "The Story of Me" to Charis (7).

It's book 1 in the "God's Design for Sex" series. And while it says it's for ages 3 to 5, I found it to be a great way to broach the topic (in a "formal" way) to Charis (7).

It introduces words like vag.ina and pen.is. It talks about how those are private areas, except "Someday when you marry, you won't have to be private with your wife."

The book is written in a conversational question/answer type format between a little boy and his parents.

"Was I in Mommy's tummy right away when you got married?"

"No, God waited a couple of years. Then He took a little tiny piece of Daddy's body and a tiny piece of Mommy's body and made you! That's why you look a little like me and a little like Mommy."

The presentation is just sweet and provides a general skimming of the whole topic. But it's enough, you know?

Enough to give the child an understanding of the basics
Enough to open up the communication lines and let them know that, as parents, you aren't afraid to talk to them about "weird" stuff.
Enough to present an opportunity should our children have questions they'd like to ask.

And mine did.

At the part where the book mentions how God made a man and a woman and said it was "very good," the topic of how God created marriage between a man and a woman came up.

And not by me!!

I didn't bring it up. I didn't figure it was something that needed to be addressed. But Selah (5) saw a chance to voice something that's obviously been festering in that innocent little mind of hers.

Selah: "Yeah. It's (Marriage) not for two woman, like the woman I saw."

This is where I get a little fuzzy on the details, as I was trying to nix the shock factor in my voice, stay calm, and try to understand/answer the heart of her statement/question.

Me: "What do you mean?"

Selah: "I saw two woman together. It wasn't like they were mother and daughter. Or mother and grandmother...or aunt...or anything like that. They were together. And that's not right. ...Right?"

Me: "Where did you see them?"

I ask as casually as I can, just trying to understand the full spectrum of what she's thinking, of what she may have seen. all while thinking, Dear Jesus this is so not happening.

She clams up a bit, looks a little embarrassed, and says, "Never mind."

It's amazing to me the number of thoughts that can go through your mind in a split second. I remember thinking that I have to keep her from clamming up, that I've somehow got to re-engage her.

Me: "No. I'm really glad you're telling me this. I like hearing what you think. And I like that you're telling me what you think."

I stress, in every subtle way possible, that I appreciate her thoughts. that there's nothing wrong with what she's sharing. that I like talking to her. in hopes of averting her tight-lipped silence.

Assured that I was sincerely interested in her thoughts (thank you, Lord!), she told me that she'd seen two women "together" at Wal.mart.

Ah yes. Who am I kidding? Wal.mart does sell everything, now doesn't it? Even a quick education in sex.

(Don't even get me started about the "clothes" people wear shopping these days. It's enough to evoke my "Evil Eye". Oh how it infuriates me! Seriously. Do I really need to see that, oh-woman-with-no-modesty?? *snarl*)

::Excuse me a moment while I practice deep breathing exercises in attempt to bring my annoyance under control::

Okay. all better....

Honestly, I feel entirely blessed that I had the opportunity to clear up whatever confusion Selah had been mulling over!! I'm sooo very thankful that she spoke up and shared her thoughts with me!! I'm so very very thankful that I now know my children aren't as "sheltered" as I had once thought. (though how I wish they were!) *sigh*

Now I know that some churches support homo.sexuality. I know some Christians believe that it's alright. But let me be clear, I am not one of those people. I have friends who live that life, as well as relatives. But I will not applaud, excuse or explain it away.

The Bible says it's wrong. and so I will teach my children that it. is. wrong. Period.

I just didn't realize that today would be that day. But trust me, I will not make that mistake again, for my brain is already coming up with ideas about how to best approach The Talk.

And I'm thinking it will be soon.

...I remember asking my mom a question regarding se.x as a little girl (most likely 1st or 2nd grade). I remember that she laughed at me/my question. To her defense, she probably didn't know what to say.

But what I took away from that interaction... that I knew better than to EVER ask her anything regarding sex again.

And believe me, I didn't.

I'm determined not to make that same mistake with my own daughters. I'm determined to be the one to approach my children about it before they strike up the nerve to ask, before they are approached by other children who think they know what they're talking about.

I'm determined to create an atmosphere of trust. a safe place where questions or thoughts aren't embarrassing or shameful.

I'm praying that our talks now can set the stage for those teen years that are fast approaching. I praying that then, as well as now, my daughters will be comfortable enough to share with me what they think, what others are saying, and what people might be asking them to try.

God help me.

But I wanted to share this with you, parent to parent. In case you, like me, were under the disillusioned impression that our children are living unaware.

Because, though I don't consider myself stupid or clueless, I know I NEVERRRR would have thought that my homeschooled kindergartner already had homosex.uality on her radar. *exhaling slowing*

And I never would have thought that I had to include a 5 year old in my planning the discussion of se.x *shaking my head*

"Don't copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God's will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect." Romans 12:2

God gives us wisdom as we teach our children how to effectively live that out in a world determined to abolish innocence, rebel against integrity, and defile anything close to resembling purity.

And please, Lord...could You give those people who frequent the doors of Wal.mart a clue about how to dress? I mean, I'm assuming they're just waxing all sentimental about the Garden of Eden and stuff.

But really, fig leaves just don't cover enough.

Watch "Food Inc"

2010-04-22T15:36:00.003-05:00

A few months ago, a friend introduced me to macrobiotics via "The Kind Diet." Totally changed the way I viewed (and ate) food. More to come on that later.

But one thing that the book touched on was the way meat is processed in America. As I read, I was repulsed by the thought. *gag* And then... last night the whole concept was there in front of me, for my viewing...uh, pleasure?

I watched Food Inc.

If you happened to miss it, you can view it here until April 29th.

But be warned. It WILL change the way you view food. and may just cause you to want to plant a garden, grow chickens, and kiss a cow.

Blogdom meet Facebook.

2010-04-19T19:23:00.005-05:00

If the last few weeks of my life were to be written out Face Book Style, here's what you'd get.

March 14
After two weeks of Macrobiotics (eating), I'm 10 lbs down. This after I hit a plateau where exercise and careful eating were doing jack squat to ward off post-pregnancy lbs.

Ah, sweet bliss. Well..."sweet" only if it comes in to the form of agave, stevia, or brown rice syrup ;)

March 15
Should I be concerned that my 18 month old will routinely eat wax in the form of crayons and candles? Surely there are better things to snack on? Cardboard, dvd containers, hairclips... Oh wait, she gnaws on those too.

March 16
I can't put to words how completely blessed I feel when blog readers send me encouraging emails. Thank you so much, Annie, for yours today!

March 17
Written to my husband on Facebook: "You know you love me. :) (and just in case you forgot...consider this your friendly reminder).

Yeah. my husband doesn't know what he's got. hahahha

March 18
I have officially taken Exhaustion to a whole new level.

March 19
I can now put all three of my littlest girls down (wide awake) for a nap at the same time...and they just lay there until they go to sleep.

Do you hear that? That's me, sighing in sweet relief. Ahh....

March 20
Swarms of mosquitoes? Really?!

March 21
If only rolls on my thighs were considered this cute!!

March 22
I was just informed by my 7yr old that "TODAY is Mating Season."

Consider this your official warning: Animals everywhere may very well be out of control so as to procreate within the next 24 hours.

March 23
I'm continally amazed at how much I love my husband. All I'll say is God is SO faithful.

March 24
I have to admit, I'm feeling VERY spoiled by the Lord right now. Extremely blessed and very very cared for. These last 5 years, He's been leading us step by step to this place. I'm in total awe.

March 25
Hm. What to do when the resident 18 month old thinks that any and all discipline is hilarious? and will subsequently laugh IN YOUR FACE upon implementation of aforementioned correction? *stumped*

March 26
How is it humanly possible to spend all day cleaning only to have it look the exact same way 24 hour later? Do I breed super-humans capable to ~~leap~~ destroy tall buildings in a single ~~bound~~ day?

March 27
After bemoaning the fact that "allllllll" her friends had been losing their teeth for a long time, she FINALLY lost her first tooth. while spending the night at my parent's house... brushing her teeth. :)

March 28
Connecting with an old friend (thanks, Davene) just lifted 15 pounds off my brain. Now...if only I could translate that weight loss to my booty.

March 29
Spring cleaning with five little ones feels somewhat akin to ...Pointless.

March 30
Still can't believe that my baby is already big enough for the exersaucer!

Raquel @3.5 months

March 31
Mid hammer strike, the girls all decided that they wanted to be builders when they grew up.

Until 5 minutes later, when Charis (7) changed her mind and promptly informed us. "Never mind. I don't want a job."

Though they were all thrilled with the end result of their hard work: A cross. ...which they plan on eventually painting. But only when that rare desire to work hits Charis. :)

April 1
Fifteen years ago, a guy friend of mine was preparing the details of how to ask me to marry him. with all my college suitemates present. as an April Fool's Joke.

He got held up at a meeting and it never happened. For some random reason, I wondered today if I would've actually fallen for it (being that it was well known he had a crush...). :)

April 2
The dog that almost was...

Bu-bye, Sasha (our new puppy). She growled and snapped at the girls and me a few times. We're So not keeping a dog that we can't trust 100%, so back to the breeder she goes.

Now to comfort the mass of sobbing girls...

An aside: the breeder said due to the fact that all of her sibling puppies died and she was taken from her mom at an early age, she thinks puppy-girl got used to being the alpha dog.

April 3
For the record, feeding Alana "fun" foods will guarantee 12 hours of her undying friendship.

(Lani with ~~the bribing adult's~~ Shelli's guacamole)

Letting her wear your highly expensive sunglasses may grant you a few more additional hours.

Though proceed with caution, as I cannot insure this to be the case. And you need to take into consideration that she gravitates towards destruction.

*BUT* if you happen to be a blue-eyed, blond haired little boy wanting her friendship...apparently you only need pick her up.

Take note of Raegan in the corner.

She was quietly assuring herself that he'd eventually pick her up too. He never did.

She was still talking about his lack of picking her up the next day. :)

April 4
Uncle Uncle! I give up!

Jet is and will evermore be rendered The Cool Parent. I present to you his creation: Easter Morning Breakfast.

Heart French toast.

He makes the mess and secures the undying love of my daughters. I clean it up and get dishpan hands.

Somehow I get the feeling I have the raw end of the deal, though I just can't put my finger on why. *wry grin*

My beautiful girls, Easter 2010 @ Grandma's.

Selah was sick. Charis looks in pain. Raquel is totally indifferent. And Thing One and Thing Two (A. and R) were clearly working off a sugar high.

No Hallmarkesk moment for us.

April 5
Does it REALLY count as calories if wads...uh, I mean polite bite-sized bits of chocolate are eaten in attempt to ward off stress levels shooting out of control?

Because really, that sounds more like Proactive Health Maintenance to me.

April 6
I hereby acknowledge that hygiene is overrated when dealing with children who refuse to stay clean.

Good thing she wears it well.

April 7
On the upside, Selah has obviously been listening during all of our Healthy Eating discussions. On the downside, I think she may have misunderstood the value of cholesterol.

I present to you her entrepreneurial venture:

Interpretation: "Clack Straw Restaurant" slightly modified from "Cholesterol Restaurant" only because Charis said, "NOO! that's something that's bad for your body!"

April 8
And the headlines read: Slacker Mother finally caves and dyes Easter Eggs with her children.

April 9
Okay, I confess. I bought my children Easter Bunnies that they nev-er knew existed. Clearly, I have issues.

(as in, I ate them)

April 10
About midnight Jet checked on Raegan (3yrs). As she slept that deep breathing kind of sleep, he whispered in her ear "Whose girl?" In her sleep, she immediately whispered: "Daddy's girl."

You should have seen him. He's so past in love with that little girl.

April 11
Take three little girls (3 mo, 18 mo. and 3 yrs) who haven't been breathing, sleeping, or nursing well and multiply it by 6 consecutive nights and you get ---> one morning trip to ER and two exhausted parents.

April 12
Take note. It took five tries before my dominant DNA got tired and gave Jet's a fighting chance. heh heh

She's got her daddy's eyes.

In fact, I just look at her and think "Jet".

This look is so classic of Raquel. She has such a gentle joy. (3.5 mos)

April 13
Please tell me, oh owner of the old house with 10 acres, that you did not just point out the nasty meat stains (circa Civil War) on the attic floor as a real estate selling point!? Honestly?

April 14
Alana fell and hit her head causing her to cry so hard that she passed out. Again. This is the third time that she's passed out when crying.

The first time it happened, I about passed out myself.

April 15
I was just informed that "I don't want to be a parent...because I don't want to be old like you."

Be advised parenting is not for the faint of heart. or those lacking in confidence, humor, or the ability to bite your tongue.

April 16
In case you weren't aware, curling up in the fetal position and loudly crying DOES get your children to stop fighting. Just needed to clear that up.

April 17
After two full weeks of sick children, I now understand why sleep deprivation is an effective form for getting prisoners to "confess". I'm fairly confident I'll say whatever you want me to....if you just ensure I'll get 5 hours of consecutive sleep.

April 18
Just had THE Biggest Scare of my life. (Blog to follow).

April 19
After a month long fiasco, we have finally been cleared for a refinance. Our old mortgage company went bankrupt, selling our mortgage to another company...who was giving us the run-around (to put it nicely) when we requested required information over and over and over again.

So glad to have that behind us. *closure feels so good*

So there you have it. The ins and outs of my day that you didn't necessarily want to know. Uh-huh...You're welcome. ;)

Heeding his "advice"

2010-04-13T10:17:00.001-05:00

Amidst all that the Lord has been revealing during the past year, He's showed me the other day that He's only given me two directives.

You are my friends if you do what I command. John 15:14

Meaning out of all that He's been saying, He's only told me to DO two things. The rest is just bonus knowledge for the time being: understanding, insight, and revelation.

And really, I'm so thankful that He pointed that out because I was unsure what to do with the magnitude/frequency of some of what He's been laying on our hearts. Like, was it begging for an immediate sumpin-sumpin on my part? Was I supposed to be figuring out an "appropriate responsive action"?

But thankfully, He doesn't always give revelation in order to evoke immediate action. Sometimes he just wants to share his heart, friend to friend.

"...the upright are in His confidence." Proverbs 3:32

"The secret (some translations say friendship) of the LORD is with them that fear him; and he will show them his covenant."

another translation of the same verse...

"The LORD advises those who fear him. He reveals to them the intent of his promise." Psalm 25:14

His reminder to focus on what I know that I am to do made it that much easier to draw my attention back to the two things that He's asked of me this last year:

And so that's what I've been trying to focus on. And man, if it hasn't kept me busy...and RADICALLY changed my perspective on Stuff.

-----------

After the Lord told me to reallllly deep clean my house, ridding it of all excess and clutter, I truly was stumped. I mean, it's not like I harbor junk. If anything, I always thought I was a bit obsessive when it came to purging our home of things.

(Just ask my family! My girls routinely ask me, "Are we going to have to yardsale that?" Me thinks they fear for their stuff at times. heh heh)

But here He was telling me to, AGAIN, get rid of stuff? Was there actually anything left TO get rid of? I kind of doubted it.

But one day, as I was walking up to the attic...to go through bins that I'd already gone through dozens of times before...He spoke. And though I don't remember the exact wording of it, here's the gist:

You have to get over this mentality of harboring stuff... the thoughts of "one day I'll use it" that seemingly justify your amassing of junk when there are others that can use it today. When you harbor things, it stops my full blessings from being able to be poured out on you.

That stopped me in my tracks, let me tell you! But it makes sense, you know? Kind of like a "make room so I can fill you with MY good things" type of thought.

And man, if that didn't completely give me a change of heart!! It was like my eyes were opened to a new way of looking at all my excess of unused things.

Suddenly clothes that I had been holding onto, yet never wore for whatever reason...we're boxed up to give to others.
Toys and books that were never used, were sent out to other children.
Games that just sit on the shelf taking up space were added to the pile of giveaways.
Furniture that we could do without...

It's been a full year now and I'm guessing well over 35 large boxes of stuff has been given away. Not to mention the things that ended up at The Goodwill because it wasn't nice enough to give to someone.

Where this stuff came from, I don't know??! But I can't tell you the FREEDOM that has come with its exodus from my house. And I'm STILL finding stuff to purge...?!

Honestly, there are times when I don't get the things the Lord tells me to do. It makes little to no sense to me in that moment. But I suppose that's part of faith...trusting that, in time, He'll make it make sense. (at least that's the hope, huh? *grin*)

And, as I sit here, almost a year later, I can't tell you how many times I've been overwhelmed with thankfulness that I yielded my right to understand and obeyed anyway.

Because now...we're actually planning to move. A "random" decision that came Com-plete-ly out of the blue. (more on that later).

I happen to believe that the state of our home reflects the state of our hearts. And I know that the Lord is prepping Jet and I to be lighter. less attached to Stuff. and more free to receive the things I believe He's positioning us to obtain.

Trying to put words to it.

2010-04-10T13:41:00.006-05:00

More and more and more and more...the Hand of the Lord is moving.

Rapidly repositioning. Swiftly moving, piece by piece, the...well, everything.

as He's loudly proclaimed direction and instruction to my husband and me.

Honestly, the last few months have been like watching a movie. because our life (the plans, the places we thought we were headed, the way the Lord was relating to us) has taken such a random and sudden shift. A shift that we've had no intentional part in creating.

Outside of hearing the voice of God direct, and then moving to obey.

I wish I could just sit down with you and talk, you know? My heart is not to be secretive when the Hand of the Lord is moving like a whirlwind in my life. My desire is to be transparent, honest, and loud when it comes to the ...oh what word to describe His ways?

But there's just too much. Too many things..surreal things that feel odd to even acknowledge. This has been a season of total outpouring from the Lord. Here recently, He's been a chatty one, that guy. ;)

And though Motherhood has been keeping me busy...though priorities have changed to include more time with my daughters and less time with the internet..that's not the reason why I haven't been blogging.

There's just been too much to even being to touch the surface of what He's doing.

There are a precious few who know some of the ins and outs of our lives right now. And even then, that's limited knowledge. It's just all too wild.

I mean, God has been telling us things that I wouldn't ever be bold enough to imagine Him saying, not to mention being crazy enough to share. And you know me, I'm pretty crazy. ;D

...
This is the reason I haven't written. It's just too much. I don't even know where to go from here.

Maybe tomorrow. ;)

Who He is.

2010-04-04T09:14:00.004-05:00

Sometimes I wonder if we make Jesus into a Heavenly Father who is sitting on his Throne, tight-lipped, ready to discipline. watching for any and all opportunity to "teach me a lesson".

Sometimes I wonder if we make Him into a convenient excuse for why things happen. "God must have a plan."

And sometimes it just appears that we think Him incapable of an Intervention. indifferent to our circumstances. and overall just sick and tired of our inability to make a decision, create a way, and present a suitable sacrifice.

But the truth is that HE made a way. He does care. and He knows we are but dust... wholly dependent on Him to even enable us to love Him in the first place.

And Thank the Good Lord that He doesn't stray from Who He Is. even when we misunderstand, misinterpret, and misjudge His character.

He Is. and He always will be.

And I'm so very very thankful.

On this Easter morning, I pray you are tangibly touched by Who he REALLY is. and Who He desperately wants to be in your life.

The Clothes Line

2010-03-26T10:00:00.000-05:00

In my parent's side yard are two trees. Trees, that for years and years and years, had a clothes line strung up between them.

For as long as I remember, I would have to physically duck down in order to pass between the trees so that I could go sit on a swing.

A couple years back, my parents took that clothes line down.

Around that time, Jet and I moved back from Texas. And as we waited for the contract on our house to close, we lived with my parents for a couple of months. So on a daily basis, at least once a day, I passed between those two trees to join my girls on their beloved swing.

Just like I had done all of my life.

The first time I walked between the trees (after the line was removed), I ducked. In fact, I hadn't realized that the line was gone yet. I was so used to it's presence, that I just expected it to be there and reacted accordingly.

The second time I walked through, I ducked. Again. The fact that the clothesline was actually gone (and I was aware of this) didn't matter. Because my brain kept insisting:

You can't always see a clothes line until you're almost on top of it.
It will hurt. Therefore avoid it at all costs.

Day after day, I would pass through those trees. Day after day, my body would draw back as I walked through. Time after time after time...

In all honestly, the whole scenerio was baffling to me.

The fact that I was apparently unable to break this odd habit was crazy. The fact that my body was pulling rank over my rationalizing skills just seemed so silly. Especially since I knew it was gone, you know?!

Especially since I had the reassurance that it was not going back up. Ever.

YET my body had been conditioned to duck, regardless of whether the present-day need was urgent or non-existent. My mind had been trained to anticipate the pain and avoid it.

Habit was over-riding logic. Expectation of being clothes-lined was effecting my daily walk (to the swing).

This "habit", formed out of necessity to avoid pain, had apparently become as involuntary as breathing.

So I, being determined to not let this "invisible line" rule me, started to consciously change my thinking.

It may sound silly, but I'd walk up next to the trees. Stop. And remind myself that the clothes line was not there anymore. That there was no need to duck. That I could just walk straight through. Without incident or pain.

And then, I would proceed to walk through to the swing on the other side.

It took me many many times of this kind of resetting of my mind before I could walk through without physically hesitating or flinching. It took practice. It took a Ginormous amount of mental dedication to walk the path over and over again. *hard to believe*

My body...and my brain...expected an obstacle as I walked that path. Regardless of what reality said I should expect. So I had to intentionally retrain them both.

Crazy isn't it? Even now, as I write this, I think, "Seriously, was it THAT hard?!" But I assure you, it was. Yet during this entire process, I heard the still small voice of the ever-creative Father say, "Isn't this how trust is?"

Huh. Yeah, I guess it is.

If there's any area in my life where I have been hurt again and again, it's easy to just expect it, you know? Regardless of whether "reality" says I have reason or not.

Because when people have let me down again and again...if I have been betrayed, back-stabbed, or emotionally beaten down...it's near impossible to not just expect it and react accordingly. Regardless of how I want to react, you know?

It's a tricky thing, our brain. When you think a thought enough times, it literally creates a groove/pathway within the framework of the brain. Essentially, it becomes easier and easier to think the same thought. Or in music, to play the same song without effort. Or I'd wager a guess... in relationships, to expect the same outcome.

SO on the same token, does that mean that it becomes harder and harder to think something that travels apart from that groove? *shrug* Just a guess.

The question that I have to ask myself is this: what grooves have been niched out in the framework of my brain? Spiritually, emotionally, relationally, etc.

Are there invisible "clotheslines" in my life where I continue to duck? Expecting to get pelted,when it's not really reality? Am I walking through life, avoiding going between the proverbial trees because I think a boobie-trap of sorts has been set?

Am I withholding my heart...my trust...from a particular relationship because I have trained it to hide behind walls for protection sake?

My guess. Yeah. There are many invisible clotheslines. Especially where relationships are concerned. I expect certain people to act a certain way towards me.

So okay, Lord. You have my attention. I get it. You used that stinkin' clothesline to challenge me. To show me that I have some trust issues. ....I'm listening. What do I need to do? Show me how and what to change.

Renew my mind so that I may interact with those people (You know the ones) in a way that doesn't stem from fear, haughtiness, judgement, or hate.

I really do want to be able to walk to "the other side" without expecting to be *whacked*.

Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Romans 12:2

Changing the way you approach QUIET times...

2010-03-16T20:02:00.008-05:00

I'm sorry, but did you just say "QUIET"?!

Excuse me while I laugh because I'm fairly certain "quiet" just isn't a part of my life right now.

In fact, there's nothing particularly quiet about my life these days. Shoot, even my nights aren't quiet. Yet somehow I'm expected to have a "legitimate quiet time"?

Uh...?

One day I'll be able to go off by myself, find a field or a stretch of beach that's all my own while I bear my heart before God.

But today is not that day, you know?

Don't get me wrong, I LOVE the Lord. I have a daily relationship with Him. We communicate...I talk. He listens. He talks. I listen. But getting away by myself, physically positioning myself in prayer...

Well, it's just not happening right now.

But I'm pretty okay with that. Only because I KNOW my Heavenly Father is okay with it as well. Because I believe He understands, MORE THAN ANYONE, what my days look like.

BUT, that said...

Even though I can't physically position myself, I'm learning how to inwardly position my heart.

And man, if it hasn't been revealing in my lack of "steadfastness". and of my (in)ability to "Pray without ceasing..."

Okay, so there are daily chores that have to be accomplished, right? You know, in order to not run out of underwear. or dishes. or carpet space so as to be able to walk through a room.

In a house of 7 people, there's always something that needs to be done so we are able to accomplish the most basic things in life. There just seems to be no way around it.

I mean, sure I could forgo fixing lunch and washing towels, but do I really want to contend with ravenous, hygiene-deficient children? I think not. ;)

So what the Lord has been challenging me with? To do the things that Motherhood requires, ~~but~~ and to simultaneously set my heart and mind and focus on him in the midst of it.

As I'm washing clothes or vacuuming up yet another box of cereal that Alana dumped on the floor, I'm trying to SET my heart on him and INTENTIONALLY place my thoughts on praying.

Sounds easier than it really is. Seriously.

Because I'll be mid-sentence in prayer and suddenly my thoughts run off in a THOUSAND directions.

And I don't even realize what happened until 5 minutes later when it suddenly occurs to me that I'm thinking about wild monkeys in India when, just moments before, I WAS praying about the health of my children.

Thank the good Lord, he has an a-maz-ing sense of humor.

But, good news is, I'm getting better. I think the first time I tried to "pray without ceasing" amidst the daily ins and outs of life, I lasted all of 12.7 seconds before my thoughts strayed.

Now, I may very well be up to 24.5. *laughing*

But, being that I'm a Professional Mom and all, I'm all about applauding "baby steps". :D

Here's to reworking the way I define "Quiet Times" during this season in life when "inside voices" is as quiet as it gets.

Priorities...

2010-03-12T21:07:00.002-05:00

These are mine.

...minus a cute, little newborn. and one studly man.

It's official. I'm not wonder woman.

I know, I know. Alert the media, right? But man, if the addition of this last little one has changed everything. My mindset. My priorities. My ability to get things done. My desire to even do certain things.

Maybe it's just because we have three girls aged 2 years and under? Or because I'm 33 years old and my body hasn't been quite as agreeable this postpartum? Or maybe I just have too much on my plate?

Whatever the reason, I think having 5 children is definitely more demanding than 4.

So yeah, whoever said going from 1 to 2 children is the hardest transition...never had more than two. ;)

Either way, I'm loving it... but am just not as apt to sit down and capture all that goes on in this house.

I'm too busy living it. because it'd break my heart if my girls, once grown, looked back on this time in their life and said, "Well, Mom was sure one heck of a blogger."

Seeds of vision

2010-03-11T09:04:00.000-05:00

(picture taken April 2009)

The other morning during our worship time, Charis said, "Mommy...last night I was thinking about me being in Africa. I went to the leader of Africa and asked if the people (christian) could worship their God there....and he said Yes!"

Me: Did you dream that or were you just thinking about it?

"I was thinking about it; I think God gave me that thought." She pauses before looking up at me, with a huge smile of satisfaction on her face, and said, "It's pretty hard to stand up to him (African leader), huh?"

I believe that God speaks to our children. and I'm certain that He plants visions of purpose in their hearts long before they are old enough to carry them out.

I'm excited to see where this one leads...

Suck it up, Girl

2010-03-10T16:41:00.001-05:00

"TOO EMOTIONAL"

As a woman having five daughters, I hear ALL. THE. TIME. how sorry people feel for me. how they're glad it's me and not them. and how they don't know if they'd be able to handle all the drama I'm bound to run into during their teen years.

(I'm sure it can be scientifically proven that Idiots are people who lack the ability to hear the words coming out of their own mouths. If a bonafide scientist happens to be reading this and wants to conduct a field study on this topic, I can totally refer you loads of people.)

Why people find it necessary to say this, I'll never know. Why some think its their duty to categorize the emotional part of women as something Less-Than, I just don't understand...

Years ago, I dated a guy who judged me harshly for any tears I cried. saying I was being dramatic. intentionally turning on the tears. and using them as manipulation. It took me YEARS before I let myself cry again. Yes, I'm serious.

Even as a young girl, I learned how to NOT let things bother me as deeply as they really did. It was a survival technique that I had to fine tune in order to emotionally survive certain things/people in my life. And yes, I remember being accused of using my tears as manipulation.

Media, television, and general conversations comment about girls being the emotional gender. A sentiment rarely spoken as a compliment, as it's usually accompanied with the whole "weaker sex" ideal.

It's a one-two punch to women everywhere: Emotional = Weak = BAD

I personally think the whole thing a recipe for disaster: A society who's leading its people to believe there's something completely WRONG and WEAK with crying/showing emotion. (all while desensitizing us with crap on the television. but that's another topic)

Excuse me while I shout *Give me a break, people!* because that's just not true; God designed us to feel and express and love deeply.

So the question I find myself asking is how to train five emotional daughters in a way that:

1. Allows them the freedom to feel the entire spectrum of emotions
2. To the DEPTH that God created them, as individuals, to feel it.
3. All while training them to not let their emotions run/ruin their lives.

Because I don't want to accidentally teach my girls that they should be ashamed of their emotions. or have to guard them at all costs, even to their detriment. or ignore any negative feelings that they have. ...all to avoid being considered "wrong" or "weak".

YET. I don't want to lead them into thinking that never have to temper their emotions OR that feelings should be their guide.

I'm finding the whole thing is a really really really fine line to walk.

At this stage in their lives, I'm trying to teach them the difference between whining and crying. And all I can say is God help me.

My hope is to show them that while there's truth to tears... whining, on the other hand, is lazy, self-centered, and unacceptable. But let's be honest, that's a hard concept to grasp, especially for ~~overly tired mothers of five~~ little girls no older than 7.

Do I know exactly how to do this yet? Nope. But I do know that one key aspect is for me to remember what it was like to be a little girl. Because what I, as an adult, consider a "legitimate" issue on the spectrum of "Deserves tears" will not always be the same thing that my girls consider legitimate crying material.

I.E: My oldest daughters sometime feel very overwhelmed when trying to learn a new math concept. Because,to them, it IS difficult and frustrating and therefore, emotional.

But to ME, as their homeschooling teacher, it's just plain annoying to have them burst into sobs/tears when a new school concept is being taught. (just keepin' it real here *grin*)

So I'm having to constantly remind myself that I can't always go by what my adult interpretation of whining vs crying is. And yes, I find myself going back and apologizing for those times when I wrongfully define their honest tears as immature whining.

*sigh*

I'm guessing that I'll frequently fail in this whole "teaching them about appropriate ways of showing negative emotions"....but I'm praying that I err on the side of grace, you know?

Because I never want to fault them for their tears. connect their sadness to deserving a guilt trip. or always insinuate that their honest feelings are being aimed to manipulate others.

I never want them to view the depth of their emotions as "too much". thinking that they're only acceptable when they are even-keel, never-phased, emotionless girls.

If nothing else is accomplished regarding my daughters and their deep range of emotions, I want to raise girls that:

feel comfortable expressing themselves.
celebrate the fact that God created them to feel deeply
recognize that emotions are a gift, not a curse.
know better than to allow others to force them into stuffing what they feel

I want to have girls-turned-women that are strong enough to let others know they feel deeply. trusting that as they mature, so will their understanding of crying vs. whining. as well as all the other complexities in the World of Emotion.

And though I want to keep leading them toward that place of maturity, I want even more to establish that they can trust me their sadness and pain and humiliation and....whatever other emotions some may deem excessive.

So to all those people who think my future is bleak because of my daughters' inevitable unstable emotions... I have to say that I'm actually looking forward to the time in life where I have five teens.

My home will never be dull. lacking in laughter. or paralyzed when it comes to expression or love.

And seriously, is that such a bad thing?

Miraculous healing

2010-03-05T07:15:00.001-05:00

Some people think that miracles only happen in Third World Countries. But thankfully, God is on the move.

ALL Around the World.

Here's one story...my friend's miraculous testimony of the Lord healing her paralysis.

View Here.

Gracie

2010-03-04T20:49:00.003-05:00

Christmas Day, the Lord gave us a gift.

Here's Toby inspecting said gift. He was just starting to get used to her presence.

This little cat, lovingly named Gracie by my daughters, has brought so much joy (and distraction) to our home today.

Though I have to say, we've been worried about her, as she went missing over the weekend. Not the best time for her absence, you know?

Charis went looking all around the house...calling for her...looking under the decks and porches... eventually coming back in crying, asking if I thought Gracie was dead too.

*sigh*

Thankfully she came "home" again today, after being MIA for four days. I've never been so happy to see a cat in all my life.

Suddenly "buy cat food" is on our things to do list.

Twisted Stomach

2010-03-03T20:52:00.001-05:00

My gut reaction, when Toby suddenly died, was to ask "Do you think someone poisoned him?"

I don't know why I asked that. but nothing made sense during those first few hours, so my mind was spinning.

Then Jet was able to talk with our vet, who told him that they were fairly certain it was something called "Twisted Stomach".

I don't even want to write anything about it because it makes me cry. though I am glad to know that it wasn't foul play.

Ready or not...

2010-03-02T20:55:00.005-05:00

(picture of burial taken ONLY because the girls asked me to)

Death came.

It's been one heck of a day. One where my girls went from sobbing... to "just fine"... back to sobbing... to questioning... to sad...and then back again.

Me? I stayed fairly constant... weepy.

Anytime you look at the face of death, it's not easy. But when you face it while holding the hand of a child, it's substantially harder.

Because the way that they learn to grieve, to handle loss, and to understand death is all based on how they see me doing those things. So today I made it a point to be as real as possible.

...I openly cried. and found them watching me and crying as well.

...I explained that some people grieve differently than others. To which Charis promptly and tearfully informed me that "Nothing you just said helped me. I'm. still. sad." (her honesty made me smile)

...I answered questions as honestly as I could, which I found only generated deeper questions from their hearts.

...I didn't pretend to know what I have no clue about: Do animals go to heaven? "I don't know, but if God did take animals to heaven, can you imagine what Toby'd be doing now?" ...and then we'd try to guess what fun things he'd be getting into.

...and I didn't question or correct their emotions, but tried my hardest to support their process of grieving. Whatever that had to look like for them.

Though I do have to say, at one point, I had to intervene because it was getting to a place where it was bordering unhealthy...

They had been (surprisingly) fine for the majority of the afternoon. But when it came time to get ready to go to my parents house to bury him, things started to heat up on the emotional front.

Charis started to rehearse, over and over again, how sad she was...throwing herself sobbing on the bed. To which Selah followed suit.

Um yeah, so much from learning the grieving process from ME. Who am I kidding? They have a posse of sisters who willingly volunteer to lead the way. *wry grin*

As I got the other girls ready, I could hear Charis and Selah in their room, their sobs getting louder and louder. Their wails of "Toby! Toby!" over and over again getting more and more intense. and I was honestly torn.

While I knew they were really upset, I also sensed they were experimenting with their grief levels. YET, I wanted to be really careful to NOT hover and define their grief for them. YET, I didn't want them to work themselves into a frenzy.

and believe me, they can.

Sure enough, when I walked in their room both were pretty much watching themselves in the mirror. sort of working off of each other and their reflection of open mouthed sobs.

God bless their hearts...it wasn't an easy day. For any of us.

What do you say to your child as they cry, "My life doesn't feel right without him!"?

What comfort do you really have to offer when your child cries, "But I want to be in heaven now. I want to see what heaven looks like. I want to see Jesus. I don't want to wait anymore."

......
On so many levels, emotions regarding this run deep for me.

We've had Toby since we got married. So Jet and I, as a couple, have never not had him. He's been a part of 'us"for over 8 years.

He's the reason that I've felt safe when Jet wasn't here. I knew, without doubt, no fool would walk into our house with The Beast present. :) He was my fierce protector, yet my daughter's cuddle bug.

It's surprised me how deeply I grieved...and almost embarrassed me. What adult sobs over a dog? ME!!

But on the flip side, I suppose it's been "good" for the girls to have an up close and personal introduction/understanding of death via a pet and not a person.

*sigh* Honestly I don't even know what to say. so here's just a few things I want to remember:

- Raegan stayed surprisingly levelheaded: "Why's everyone crying? Toby's dead, right?" "What's the matter guys?"

-Charis grieved hard and fast. Selah went deep and slow.

-Charis seemed to get closure by looking at Toby's body. Selah got more emotional.

-Both of the older girls had lots of questions about bodies and spirits and going to heaven.

-After burying Toby, Charis sad, "That was fun. I didn't even cry." ??

It's been a long day. From Jet waking me up to give me the news. to Selah sobbing herself to sleep.

I have a feeling the next few days will be a series of ups and downs. I'm just thankful that our hearts are anchored in The Rock. so even when our grief is all across the board, He holds us.

Sick to my stomach.

2010-03-02T11:21:00.004-05:00

When we woke up this morning, our doberman lay dead.

and everything in me feels sick.

I wish I had had the chance to take a picture of him with all five of his little girls. I wish we had had the opportunity to get a doberman puppy before he died so that he could have helped to train him. I wish the Lord would raise him from the dead...

He was only 8. There was nothing, to our knowledge, that was wrong. So the whole just feels ...well, I just can't stop crying.

It may sound strange to say, but he was a huge part of our family. and of my heart.

and the Lord interrupted.

2010-02-23T20:37:00.000-05:00

"Who knew that homeschooling could be such a mind game?"

...said to a friend as we discussed the ins and outs of educating our children.

I wholeheartedly admit it. I go back and forth about the whole topic of homeschooling. on a weekly basis.

I question my ability. I bemoan the fact that having a newborn keeps us from doing as many field trips as I'd like. I fall into the trap of thinking that the girls won't have as many friends because they aren't sitting in a conventional classroom.

On and on it goes. Really, the doubts seem never-ending at times. Though the things I question aren't the point here. It's the Interruption of God that I want to remember.

Because one day, as I was rehashing the (perceived) shortcomings of this season of our homeschooling, the Lord interrupted me and said,

"What if you knew that the End was near? Would that change the way you viewed the importance of what you're doing?"

It literally stopped my self-critiquing on the spot, causing my mind to do a 180 in the way I was thinking about the training my girls are receiving.

Because really, is it that important that we haven't started piano lessons yet? Does it really matter that they haven't been able to be a part of the dance classes that they've been asking about?

Do I think that the Lord was telling me that we're in the End Times? No, not necessarily. But I do know that what He spoke was a much needed mind-shift for me.

Because honestly, if I DID know that we were entering what the Bible calls the End Times, I wouldn't give their "social life" a second thought. And piano lessons would be very low on the priority list.

Do I think the Lord was telling me that extracurricular activities are a waste of time? Nope, not at all.

But I do believe he was showing me that I obviously need to reset my sights on being "in this world but not of it." Because as a Believer, I need to always have my sights set on living like Jesus was coming today.

If I require a total mind(life) -shift at the thought of Him coming soon, then I'm not living the way I've been called to.

and that realization has been huge.

Just some thoughts...

2010-02-21T20:04:00.001-05:00

"They shall rise up and called her blessed."
Proverbs 31:28

This is my hope. That one day, my daughters will look back on this time and smile. That they can say, with a deep-seated honesty, that they love the fact that I was the one chosen to be their mom.

I want to be the mom that my teenage daughters WANT to be around. The mom that they want to introduce to their friends.

Not because I'm all-permissive. but because I'm truly interested in what they have to say and who they are as people.

...
Jet and I were talking about how we don't want to expect our children to be mini-adults. correcting them when they do something less than what we think they should doing.

Like when they talk like a baby.

Jet and I agreed (after having told Selah to talk like a big girl) that, on the grander scale of life, baby-talk is not a big deal. And that, most likely, when they aren't with us, they'll talk like that again.

So if they feel like they can't be themselves when they're with us, they won't want to BE with us. *Wake up call*

It's so easy to shift gears from guiding them to hovering and controlling, isn't it?

Note to self:
Tomorrow I will think before I speak. Wait before commenting about something that is not in need of my input. and set aside time to listen to their opinions about...whatever it is that they happen to be thinking about.

"Supernatural" Worship

2010-02-20T09:55:00.002-05:00

This morning as my girls and I worshiped together, I couldn't help but to be overwhelmed with the preciousness of the moment.

There I was, sitting my four of my daughters, listening to them worship and worshiping with them. It was beautiful and weighty all at the same time.

Now as a mom, I have my moments...moments that, at the end of the day, I look back on and mourn. Do you have those...or is this just me?

I regret saying something. I wish I hadn't given so-and-so that disappointed look when they had an honest accident. I wish I had laughed more and criticized less.

The list of my failings as mom can, in my very realistic opinion, go on and on. to the point that I sometimes wonder if homeschooling them is the best option simply because I'm their primary, adult influence... 24-7. *insert panic*

Because quite honestly, there are times where I feel anything but adequate.

But moments like these...they are ones that I want to remember. to hold in my heart. and to highlight for my girls. Because they'll be... *poof*... gone before I know it.

So out came my camera, as I tried to be as discrete as possible while taking pictures. You know, being that worship + cameras make it hard to truly worship.

One of the reasons I reallllly love homeschooling my daughters is that I get ample time to teach them about real life.

The kind of life that has lasting meaning. a powerful, positive impact. and a true, deep understanding about who they have been called to be.

Real life => Learning how to honestly walk with Jesus on a daily basis.

Because let's face it...our children NEED to know how to handle the power of God with confidence and humility. especially in the world today where new counterfeits are being offered at every corner:

fascination with vampires.
wicc*an.
drugs.
casual s*ex.

All things the world is feverishly pushing as "powerful"

As Christians, I believe we need to be intentional about teaching our children to worship. Because worship, according to the Word, is the avenue that is used to enter into His throne room.

Enter his gates with thanksgiving and his courts with praise; give thanks to him and praise his name. Psalms 100:4

not through prayer. not through being good. but through true worship of the Father do we gain intimate access to him.

In our house, worship is really important. It's always been a key element to both Jet's and my relationships with the Lord. If you're ever at my church and you see some lady flanked by many daughters...chances are, if that lady is grooving, that it's me. *laughing*

I simply can't stand still when music is on. especially if it's worship. :)

That said, our girls have inherited our love of music, the Lord, worship, and dance. Even Alana, from the time she was around 10 months, would go around the house singing "Ho-ee! Ho-ee!" over and over. (translation "holy")

So for Valentine's Day, we got the girls another Hillsong Children's DVD: Supernatural.

Love. It.

All the girls love it!

Even Lani...she was dancing and raising her hands and singing. but this is all I could get, being that she was on the move.

She's her momma's daughter! ;)

It's 45 minutes of solid worship (12 songs)...with teachings and testimonies scattered in between songs should you choose to have them added (on the main menu).

I love watching young people lead young people into the Throne Room. I think there's such power when the older ones of a generation take the time to train the younger ones.

Not to mention my girls realllllly love that there are passionate believers that are THEIR AGE! Young children wholeheartedly worshipping in all different ways: dance, raising of hands, shouting, instruments, rap...

Selah was like, "Look at ALL those kids!" when she first saw it. (It's an amphitheatre of over 3,000 kids worshipping). And they are begging to go to one of their kid's conferences!

Each song presents a new concept (everything is new when you're young, right?) So it's an opportunity to go more in-depth with them. talking to them about the words that they're singing, so they actually have meaning when they're singing them and not just doing it in rote.

Today we discussed what it means to be "supernatural"...

Having a DVD like this presents an open door that I wouldn't have had otherwise, you know? I mean, sure I can sit them down and say, "Okay today we're going to talk about the word supernatural." and then proceed to talk to their brain.

But when they've been worshipping (dancing, singing, smiling, turning their thoughts to God) with songs that include that word, then the new-found meaning speaks to every angle of their understanding.

It's like they can use their 5 senses to get up close and personal with the understanding of it.

I'm excited for when we go into detail about what the song about the armor of God! I have visions of getting out their play armor and really making it into something 3 dimensional. ;)

"On The March" (the one that talks about the armor of God)...

While we were worshipping, I felt certain things rise up in me...certain visions, different aspects of ministry I believe I'll be involved in, etc...Worship has always been a time when the Lord will speak to me, planting things in my heart.

So I told my girls that. explaining to them what the Lord was doing, how he tends to fill me with hope and expectation for the future, giving me a vision of what He has called me to.

And Charis looked at me, on the point of tears (because remember, she's the one that wants to "do it right") and said, "But he doesn't do that with me."

Perfect opportunity to explain to her that her relationship with God won't look like mine. And that, in fact, her relationship with God will even change as she gets older....

After all was said and done, she smiled again and turned back to worship, completely content that she had a freedom to have a different experience. :)

.....
Once when the girls were lifting their hands, Selah instructed Raegan to put her hands up "so God can fill them with oil."

I know most wouldn't have a clue what they're talking about...and may even question what in the world we're teaching them...but to me, this made me smile.

Because they know (Selah has seen firsthand) that God has done that with me (especially my hands) during worship on countless occasions. So for them, to expect God to do it, is nothing out of the ordinary.

After all, we do sing "Fill me, Lord." my girls just truly expect Him to. With oil. ;D

....
Selah is always on the move. Dancing as a form of worship is perfect for her. When she was about 2 months old, both my pastor and I saw a vision of her dancing all different varieties of dance. Well...that's definitely proving true of who she is. She loves ALLLL things Dance.

This video is a perfect glimpse into how not sedated our worship is. :) I wish I could get some of the other videos to upload, but they just won't? (I'll probably go back and try and add some later...when Techy Hub is home)

Now to give you a complete view of our crazy worship...I have to say, it IS crazy. I mean, after all our oldest is only 7. So while it is a time where they are really trying to focus in on Jesus, there are also...

Moments of Fighting over a toy...

Raegan was really upset that Alana was playing with something that she apparently "wanted". Hence the throwing herself in the floor.

Ah, the powerful atmosphere of worship. :)

Periods of Distraction...

After the aforementioned fight, Raegan decided she had better protect her territory and focus her attentions on the toys.

Total indifference instead preferring to Sit back and watch...

All of which I have to say is totally fine. If you want to try incorporating something like this in your child's day, expect it not to go "perfectly".

Because when all is said and done, that's life. And we need to learn to worship him in the midst of it. not apart from it, right?

A love note.

2010-02-19T22:09:00.001-05:00

Jet sent me this email...making my day. And while it feels a little odd to post here, I want to include it so my girls will know the sweetness of their daddy (as I see it being his wife).

Ten Random and Wonderful things about Christin

1. Hands down the most passionate person I know.

2. She's really good for my eyes.

3. She is acutely attuned to others needs, emotional & physical.

4. She is a true worshiper of Jesus.

5. She speaks with very little accent except for the word Lion (line).

6. She knows how to have a good time.

7. She has incredible eyes.

8. She can do 5301 things at one time and do them all well.

9. She can think about 1025 things at one time and carry on a conversation about any of those things at any given time.

10. Give her a $1,000 to buy needed items and she will get you $3,000 worth of with that money (and give you $100 back).

Dearest Daughters,

My prayer is that you will each find men who will take the time to get to know the random and wonderful things about each of you.

xo
Mommy.

"A baby changes everything"

2010-02-15T20:54:00.000-05:00

Uh, you think?

Those commercials are so endearing. so heart-warming. and so incredibly true.

Of course, in my opinion, it'd be MORE true if they showed a sleep-deprived, crazy lady. surrounded by dirty diapers that are yet to make it in the trashcan. trying to make lunch (what? PB&J again?) for the obviously hunger-ravished older siblings. all while holding a screaming newborn.

Yeah. THEN Johnson&Johnson, you are duly qualified to spout your "A baby changes everything" mantra. ;)

Life, since Raquel's birth, has been a continual fast-paced crash course in How to Mother Five Young Children.

I've had my good days. And I've had my bad ones.

I've had days where five didn't feel like that many. In fact, I've caught myself many times looking around the room wondering who was missing...when all five have been present. There have been days where all three little ones nap at the same time, and when they're awake, everyone is all smiles.

Then...I've had other type days. days where I've sent out emails like these:

Dear God (or Jolanthe...you know, whoever answers me first).

Tell me life won't be like this forever. remind my that these days will pass quickly. help me find my sanity.

Thanks
The Crazy One.

Or the one my beloved husband read from the ~~safety~~ comfort of his office chair:

"I can't do this anymore. Raquel has been crying nonstop all day."

What I actually expected to be accomplished from writing that, I have no clue. But man, if it just didn't need to be said. ;)

But (and thank you God that there is ALWAYS one of those), last week we turned a corner. She started really smiling during our interactions. and she started to sleep for 7 (or more) hour stretches...in the middle of the night, hallelujah!

My little Raquel at 7 weeks.

These picture cracks me up. She looks so grumpy. annoyed even.

I suppose it's hard being so loved and doted on. ;)

Turning up the heat

2010-02-13T11:27:00.000-05:00

How to start this one...? How to capture what the Lord is doing in my heart without making him sound like a vulture, taking me down and ripping me to shreds?

thinking...thinking...

Have you ever come to a place in your life where suddenly it's like the heat gets turned up? like you've just entered your very own pressure cooker. One that was designed to soften every hardened place of your life, elbow out every hidden ounce of Self? A place so constricted around your heart that you fear you may suffocate?

Well lucky me, that happens to be my new locale. though I pray it's not a permanent residence.

Ever since Raquel was born, it's as if there was a shift in the atmosphere, an upping of the anty, so to speak. I can't explain it, even to myself, outside of saying that it's like suddenly the game changed.

It's like life went from a game of alley stickball...to the World Series Match.

Everything became that much more significant in the spirit realm around me. And man, if I haven't been feeling it. Suddenly, what was good enough before (the areas where I was content to just slide by) became unacceptable for this new place.

The person I was fine with being before can now no longer exist. You know, IF I am to step into the new place God is calling me to.

Transition from Old to New is never easy, is it? I think we can all relate to the days of our youth where we were "too old to do this...but too young to get to do that". I hated it.

because it felt like I didn't "fit" anywhere.

Now, I know that being a Professional Misfit is not the purpose behind this whole heavenly "shake up". (Thank You God!) I think it's fairly reasonable to assume that the God-inspired Intent is to allow me to become so uncomfortable in my Old Nature...so intrigued by what's in store... that I'll press through to this transition to the other side.

But irregardless of the "point", life in the spirit has been BUSY these past few months.

And because of that, I haven't known how to write down all that's going on. because I'm hearing from the Lord on a daily (if not hourly) basis. I'm dreaming non-stop. the kind of dreams that you know mean something.

I'm watching, in awe, as everything starts to add up. Yet... nothing is showing up.

Meaning, I can feel it in my spirit...We are so close. On the edge of Something. Yet. Here in the seen realm, nothing is happening.

But that's what standing in faith is, right?

"¹Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen." Hebrews 11.1

Good thing I taught them to write.

2010-02-11T20:10:00.000-05:00

Though my girls are really laidback and truly do love spending time with each other, due to the excessive amount of snow and therefore inability to play outside, they're obviously coming to the place where they need a little space.

The other morning, I woke up to Raegan yelling at Charis and Selah. I still don't know why, but a toy may have been involved.

Later that day, this is what I saw written up on the dry erase board.

Charis (7), The Eternal Optimist. and the one who would rather encourage you than accuse you wrote:

"I love my family. Big and little. We do things for each other and have fun together. Because we are a family."

Maybe she was hoping that if she wrote it out, it would somehow influence the non-reading, screaming sister?

Selah (5), though usually is the one who will just try to make the upset person happy again, cleary decided to adopt a new approach: The Forthright Realist. who obviously wanted to get to the bottom of the Morning Drama.

"Raegan, why did you yell at us"

Why she chose to write this out, I have no clue. But man, if these girls don't make me laugh on a daily basis.

You know, when I'M not yelling at them to stop screaming. *wry grin*

Snow snow snow

2010-02-10T18:33:00.001-05:00

This winter has been one for the record books.

Snowfall... after blizzard... after snowfall... after yet another blizzard. We're talking a crazy amount of snow.

The kids in our school district haven't gone in two weeks this last go round of snow. TWO WEEKS!! And that's with the snow crews working around the clock to clear the roads!

Yet another reason why I love homeschooling. No matter what the weather, we'll still be done with school in early May.

Though I sincerely feel for the teachers and kids (and parents!) of the public school systems. My dad (a public school teacher) said he'll be in school until July 40th. :)

So for that reason, I know there are puh-lenty of people who are not lovin' this whole back-to-back blizzard thing we got going on.

But when I told my girls that there were people who actually didn't like snow, they were incredulous. They all sucked wind and then asked a collective question, "There are??! WHY?"

Oh yeah, they are sooo my children. Because in this house we LOVE snow. Blizzards, white-outs, being snowed in and all.

We love watching it fall...

watching The Man shovel it...

watching the sisters play in it...

playing in it ourselves...

Again.
and again.

and again.

But since you can only play in it so long when you don't have SNOW gloves (every time we've tried to find some, the stores have been sold out. *groan*), we've had to find other things to do during those long stretches where "Homebound" is the word of the ~~day~~ week.

During the day (when little ones are napping), we've face painted.

played with that god-awful stuff known as moonsand...

Okay, so the Littles don't share my negative opinion of the beach-in-a-bag mess. They happen to LOVE it. Sooo they've played with it.

And one night, the girls and Jet made soft pretzels for dinner. :)

because what's the point of being snowed-in if you don't eat comfort food? ;)

This was the first time that Alana was allowed to help.

though it must be said that the chunk of dough that she's holding never made it to the oven.

I think it ended up on the floor. with all sorts of "stuff" stuck in it.

though she had a blast being one of the "big girls" for the evening...

If you've never made soft pretzels, you really should! They're amazing!

Not that I'VE ever done it. I just watch. take pictures. and sample the end product.

But give this group of girls a few more years and they'll be making them on their own.

They LOVE being in the kitchen.

And I love watching them work with Jet... They're so blessed to have a Daddy who's more than willing to interact with them like this!

Me? I usually just take pictures....

Until I start getting this look. ;)

The "Enough pictures already!" look.

But no worries, I had another duty outside of Photographer... toting around the newborn who currently doesn't like to be more than 2 inches away from me.

Speaking of..I'm off to see if I can coerce my hub into giving me a backrub. Though I'm thinking I should probably offer to give him one.

being that HE'S the one who's shoveled the 46+ inches of snow so far this season.

Well, I tried...

2010-02-09T14:51:00.000-05:00

For the record, I am still alive. And I do have so much that I'd love to document and share and process...

But just as I sat down to write, Alana decided she didn't want to nap. I can hear her yelling "at" me on the monitor as I type.

And my dear Raquel...well, she, too, seems to have deemed Naptime as over-rated.

So yup. I currently have two little ones screaming. which, in my way of thinking, doesn't bode well for ... well, much of anything.

So here's a picture proving we are still here. on our side of the internet...

Three of the girls getting ready to make pretzels with Daddy. :)

Man, how I wish he were here now! Life just seems so much more sane when he's near.

Bored Silly.

2010-02-05T21:15:00.000-05:00

What do you do when you have 5 inches of snow on the ground...only to have another 2 feet come down?!

Clearly, you perfect your ability to Cartwheel!

In the middle of the family room floor.

*sense of accomplishment*

Dealing with Cabin Fever: Ick
Re-learning the art of Cartwheels in the middle of a winter storm: Oh Yeah!

Sleep?

2010-01-29T21:46:00.000-05:00

People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one. ~Leo J. Burke

Amen, Leo. Amen.

Raquel does sleep 6 hour stretches...just not during the middle of the night. Lovely.

She's a sweetie. But an exhausting one. ;)

These past couple days she's had some breathing/phlegm issues. So she's been sleeping on our bed, in my spot, as I hug the bottom of the mattress. *ouch*

I can tell that she will be an easy baby, sleep wise, once she gets a little older... Now to make it until then. because I'm kind of missing the ability to think a thought through to the end.

Sleep deprivation + Postpartum Hormonal Craziness = ADHD Momma.

Thinking outside the box.

2010-01-27T20:43:00.000-05:00

If God can equip these ANIMALS with a creative way to provide for themselves and their families... then I'm trying to imagine what innovative ideas he has waiting for me!

I bet if these little guys had presented this "New way to fish" theory to some Mammals Unite Ocean Forum, they would have gotten shut down. *laughing*

Drawing circles in the sand? Utter Nonsense.

But these dolphins went with this God-given inspiration ...and now just sit there while scads of fish simply jump into their open mouths. A-maz-ing.

I don't know about you, but I'm thinking Bring it, Lord! I'm all for Him given me some crazy, new way to bring about that kind of provisional results! ;)

MATTHEW 6
²⁵"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? ²⁶Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? .....

³¹So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' ³²For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them.

³³But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well."

Traditions...

2010-01-26T21:19:00.000-05:00

...are like glue for the family.

Kind of like a child's security blanket, you know? comforting in it's predictability. reassuring that regardless of what else happens, you know it's set in stone.

Knowing this, establishing family traditions is one of The Big Ones as far as "mom goals" go for me.

That said, this year we started another tradition. One that I believe will continue well into the years where they're dating and married.
The Yearly Christmas Dinner

...a time where we dress up to the hilt. decorate the dining room. go all out on the dinner menu. and just focus on enjoying each other.

Being that Raquel was born a week before Christmas and I had sudden-onset of postpartum preeclampsia, the dinner was postponed until the beginning of January. But better late than never, right?

THE MENU

Back in early December, we sat the girls down and took a vote. They were given the opportunity to choose the meal. I have to admit, I was a little worried that our First Annual dinner would be corndogs and jelly beans.

But letting the girls be a big part of the planning process makes the tradition THEIRS. So it felt key to let them choose at they saw fit. Thankfully, corndogs were never mentioned. :)

This year, Charis was the emcee.

Manning the dry-erase board, as she wrote down every one's thoughts on the menu.

Very serious matter... being the ONE In Charge. ;)

Then again, so is coming up with viable menu options...

Selah's deep in thought. :)

We went through the voting by items: Vegetables. Meats. Sides. Desserts.

Listing all their ideas on the board before putting it up to a vote.

I'm pretty sure this little girl, only knowing Food was involved, voted more than once.

I have to admit, the whole Voting Drama part was almost as fun as the dinner itself.

Just hearing their ideas, for one, was so telling. These girls were reallllly putting a lot of thought into it.

And then watching their faces as they saw that THEY were actually getting to determine The Special Dinner was precious.

They loved every minute.

As did Daddy...as he got some cuddle time with SelahBug.

These are the moments that made traditions so special. The slowing down and enjoying each other.

and teaching the kids to enjoy each other as well...

I love how you can literally see their pride in this picture. Knowing that they were in charge. that their ideas and their vote were the determining factors.

Just the memory of their excitement makes me smile.

The Big Day (January 23)

MENU:
Shrimp and Salmon
Salad
Green beans
Sweet potatoes
Corn on the cob
Fruit salad
Ice cream cake and Pumpkin Pie

Selah was all about documenting all the details with her camera.

Raegan, all about helping the big sisters decorate with whatever she could find

The oldest girls were loving being Dolled Up.

And I was loving watching my manly man cook. ;)

Unfortunately, due to a snow storm, we were unable to get all that we needed. And then during Prep Time, due to Jet pulling a back muscle and Raquel refusing to let me put her down, we were forced to improvise on a few items.

But oh well...that's life with kids. Everything felt chaotic in the hours leading up to the Big Dinner. But it was all so worth it, watching the oldest girls work themselves up into a frenzy.

twirling around to show off the poof in their skirts. and the curl in their hair.

Their choice of accessories, tights, and shoes cracked me up.

Selah (5)...

She loves shiny things. And loves to combine different textures, styles, and prints. Budding artist maybe?

Or just a future victim on the show "What not to Wear."

Charis (7)...

She loves looking grown up. high heels, tights, frills...she loves it all. As long as she thinks it makes her appear older... and as close to a "real princess" as possible....she'll wear it with pride.

Raegan (2)...

She hates shoes. usually screaming that they are "too tight", even when we know they're a size too big.

Unfortunately these were the shoes she picked. and refused to take off.

Future tomboy? Or maybe just like her momma...a pushover for sweats and socks as her daily attire?

Alana (16 months)...

loved the decorations. This is her seeing the streamers for the first time after we got her up from her nap.

She never lost her excitement over the decorations...or the food.

Of course, none of the girls did.

They said it was The Best Night EV-ER. :)

Score! I'm positive that this is a tradition worth keeping.

And this party will be one that we'll look back on and smile.

Heaven help us ten years from now

2010-01-25T16:55:00.000-05:00

These two, aged 34- and 16-months, are stuck in the middle of five sisters.

Little girls who look nothing alike...

yet who have recently become inseparable.

You can hear them all throughout the house, entertaining each other with nothing but their laughter.

Both of them are seriously hilarious all by themselves. So when you put the two of them together, it's hysterical to watch.

I can't even imagine when they're both old enough to conspire together...

Uh...Can anyone suggest a good in-home security system? I have a feeling we may need to install one just to keep an eye on these two.

...Two little girls who look nothing alike. Well, with the exception of those devious little glints in their eyes. ;)

New and Improved?

2010-01-22T16:18:00.000-05:00

Insider's View into my thinking: These past few weeks have been a huge processing time for me.

One where I'm trying to find the balance between accepting the "what is" and yet striving for even better.

It's a fine line...this road between contentment and yet hoping for more. And that's where I've been as I'm mentally trying to find my place in this new stage of life...

-------------------
This year one of my personal goals is to become more comfortable in my own skin.

With every new season in life, there comes the *need* to reevaluate.

When winter comes, we all know to pull out the coats, the gloves, and the heavier clothing. From the ol' shed comes boxes filled with antifreeze, snow shovels, and ice scrapers.

*shrug* It's just the accepted reality that as a new season approaches (or hits suddenly) we have to readjust the way we interact with life.

Heck, even the SAME season during a different year requires some upgrades: "That shirt is soo last season." ;)

Yet.

My logic refuses to extend myself the same freedom when I enter into yet another LIFE season (metaphorically speaking).

I can't seem to, on some emotional level, accept the fact that the way I look/think/interact NOW may NEED to be completely different than it was even 4 months ago.

As totally skewed as my brain knows this is, the Emotional Me feels the need to be the same size I was in college. or have the same amount of close relationships and free time as I did B.C. (before children). or be able to accomplish as much now as I did back when I only had one or two children.

I know this doesn't make sense on the realistic end of things. But let's be honest, there are times when "reality" doesn't cut it when going head-to-head with "emotion".

Because there are times when my brain wants nothing short of occupying itself with the memories of what I used to be. bucking anything "new". and defining it as Less Than.

But I'm so ready (and needing) to clue in the stupid side of my brain to the fact that this is my Now Life. This is a new version of me. The Me that has evolved over time and through circumstances.

This WILL be a year where I throw off the hindrances in my head (the part of my mindset that's stuck in the past) so I can effectively run in this new season.

I mean, I may as well conquer the "What-used-to-be-is-better" mindset now. Because I'm going to have to overcome it every. single. time. another Life Season arrives.

When all my children are old enough to be in school.
When they leave home and the "empty nest" hits.
When menopause makes its grand entrance.
When gray hair takes over as my new look.
When an aging body dictates my daily activities.

To a large extent, I know I can't control what life brings me. But I can control the way I interact with it. the way I allow my brain to perceive it as it remembers past life seasons.

I may not be the same size I was 15 years ago. I may not have the same friendships as I did 10 years ago. But I'm beginning the journey where I intentionally retrain my brain to not judge *Me* based on an Expired Identity.

The journey where you acknowledge that the "shelf life" of A Season of a Woman's Heart only lasts for so long.

The three littlest

2010-01-20T21:06:00.000-05:00

A sister shares childhood memories and grown-up dreams. ~Author Unknown

I love watching these three interact.

Though, I'm thinking Raquel looks a little scared. ;)

Kind of like "Uh, Mom? You do realize that I'm sitting on a couch with a 2- and 1-year old? Right?" :)

I imagine the future friendship of these girls and can only smile. Fun times ahead.

Here today. Gone tomorrow.

2010-01-19T16:27:00.000-05:00

I love my blessed life. The every day part of it.

It's 4:28. And ordinary, everyday life events are happening all around me at rapid fire pace.

I just finished an impromptu tea party with Charis and Selah. Selah's idea, as she's been begging me all day to do something (with an implied 'special') with her. She's definitely a "quality time" girl.

Selah is now in the other room "practicing' drums. God has given that girl an innate musical ear, especially where beats and rhythms are concerned. She's such a go-getter and I have no doubt she could be a professional dancer or musician.

I found a youtube video of a 5 year old boy playing the drums like nobody's business. She was so impressed. and inspired to practice harder. And louder. ;)

Charis is now in the other room doing a 100 piece puzzle that she got for Christmas.

She loves mind challenges and can't wait until Daddy comes home so she can show him the finished product.

I have to admit, I'm glad she's currently excited about something "work" oriented being that she just finished writing her book report for the THIRD (or was it fourth?) time this afternoon. She kept doing it in a way other than specified in my directions.

I hated having her do it again and again...but I've been working with her on following directions (complete obedience) and not just doing something in a way that she deems best. Hopefully today's Repeated Assignment Drama will help remind her.

Raegan just got up from her nap and asked for an Elmo video. Suits me!

And while she's watching it, it's as if she has one ear inclined to hear what her sisters are doing. for she kept getting up to involve herself in their activities.

...as well as being attune to mine. She's never too busy or mentally engaged as to not be ready for a Paparazzi moment.

Raquel is sleeping in the midst of all the noise. She seems to prefer the loud and chaotic sound of her sisters over silence. A product of being Sister #5 I suppose?

As I type this Alana is screaming a joy-filled high-pitched scream right by Raquel's head. She doesn't seem phased.

Alana also just got up from her nap and is determined to give Raquel kisses. regardless of how much pain it inflicts upon Raquel and her stomach.

"Gentle" is a word I'm trying to make a part of Lani's thinking, as she thinks hitting Raquel in the head with random objects is part of the whole sister bonding set up.

These are the days that I'll inevitably forget. The days where nothing monumental happened, yet somehow hold the most joy.

These are the quiet moments that pass unnoticed, yet...when captured in a journal are THE thing that makes us smile the biggest.

Motherhood is all about capitalizing on days like today.

Anything to pad my self-esteem these days.

2010-01-18T19:09:00.015-05:00

It's amazing what adding a new baby can do to your sense of daily accomplishment.

I mean, sure, there's the obvious lack of sleep. finding time to complete simple tasks like applying deodorant. and the inevitable eating of meals while standing up.

All things that don't bode well for feeling ~~human~~ confident. But in the spirit of saving my self-esteem, here is documented proof that I am getting something done during the day.

Usually a couple of "somethings" simultaneously.

Just call me "Queen Multi-tasker"

TASK #1:

Changing two diapers at once.

Impressive I know. That is, until you become privy to the nasty little fact that a small piece of ...*gagging*...petrified something was found on the rug the other day. NOT directly following a diaper changing.

I still involuntarily wretch whenever I think about it. Oh, and compulsively reach for the Lysol.

So maybe finding a "droppings" in the house deems me not so impressive of a multi-tasker in this right?

TASK #2:

Helping a 2 yr old go potty while keeping a 1 yr old from throwing things into the toilet.

Yes, I have had to retrieve an object out of the "water"...after said toilet had been used. Not something I aim to repeat.

*Gagging. Again*

She, on the other hand, thought the whole thing was hilarious. (as she does whenever I try to discipline her)

Her picture depicts her to a T.

The girl has a sense of humor like none of my others. I can't pinpoint it with words...but when you watch her, you can see the obvious glint in her eye.

So yeah, uh...maybe having to slosh around in those "droppings" deems me not so impressive in this multi-tasking moment as well?

TASK #3:

Teaching a 2nd grader multiplication and parts of speech while helping a kindergartner to fine tune her reading skills.

All while trying to create an atmosphere where the 2-year old feels like she's doing school. and where the 1-year old is unable to access the markers, scissors, crayons, or pencils.

She eats everything. regardless of how edible it is not. I spend my days making sure that she doesn't choke on pencil erasers.

TASK #4

Working out on a daily basis to try and rid myself of this extra weight. while trying to calm my infant, who's indignant that I dare to put her down.

The girls, seeing me work-out everyday have also started to exercise "until we sweat".

Doing sit-ups.

Note to an older Raegan: I did not dress you like this. For some reason, you realllly liked this shirt. Too bad it was recently *cough cough* ...lost.

TASK #5

Spending time with the Lord in the midst of it ALL.

Admittedly this is something I don't do as much as I want to. It feels like I do a little here. a little there. Nothing incredibly deep or consistently intimate.

But I try and keep my focus on Him throughout the day. readying my heart to hear. positioning my thoughts to receive. submitting my will to worship. (We keep worship music playing almost nonstop.)

It doesn't feel like much as I move in and out of the throne room...kissing this boo-boo. refereeing this fight. wiping that cute little toosh.

Yet. He is so faithful. ...The other day I walked into the family room to this scene:

Selah on her knees, worshipping to a new CD my friend sent us: Fee's Hope Rising. Song 6: We Crown You. (love that song)

But what blessed my heart even more was the fact that she and Raegan were worshipping together.

The younger learning from the older.

And my heart was filled with...something no words can adequately express.

At that point, my hygiene-deficient self was able to put everything into better perspective.

If the only thing that I get accomplished during this crazy season is teaching the girls how to live out their days worshipping...then, I'm so good with that.

So see, Self Confidence? There now, Self Esteem...it's okay, don't be upset. You are a multi-tasking momma. You can nurse and worship at the same time.

Works for me. :)

Life on pause.

2010-01-17T15:03:00.000-05:00

I'm having to constantly remind myself that this is just a season.

...that the "littleness" of Babyhood doesn't last long.

soo tiny! (taken at 2 weeks)

...that those ~~frequent~~ non-stop nursing marathons won't always consume the entirety of my days. and that there will actually come a time where I wish I could turn back time and snuggle with my babies like only nursing allows.

...that the craziness of dinnertime will pass. And that in the not too distant future, Jet and I will live for the evenings where all five girls are home for dinner at the same time.

...that I'll have years and years to enjoy ME time, but only a short time span to interact with my girls at this young, impressionable age.

With five daughters aged 7 yrs and under, life is never dull. or slow. or quiet.

A lot of the things that I enjoy...like writing to mention just one...have taken a back-burner as I try to figure out how to love each of my girls in a way that makes them feel as special as the newborn that demands so much of my time.

There's so much that the Lord is doing. too much for me to begin to document. (I only just got around to write about Raquel's delivery in my journal.)

So my prayer is that my spirit will retain what my pen cannot capture.

Babies make you push the *pause* button of Life. So if you don't see me on here for a while that'd'a be why: My brain is on FreezeFrame. My heart is occupied. My arms are full.

Changing...it's the way of a healthy life.

2010-01-12T22:13:00.000-05:00

*DISCLAIMER*
This is pro'lly gonna be a long one. Being that I've been saving up blog material for a while now. as nursing a floppy-headed newborn doesn't lend itself to being a multitasking activity. At least not where two-handed typing is concerned.

**Additional Disclaimer: This rather long blog may and/or may not make sense. This Momma-Mia totally blanked on Raquel's middle name today. while on the phone. with an office. that kind of needed that little bit of information.

They told me I could call them back once I remembered. Yes. I'm serious.

Clearly BrainMatter is limited as I sit down to write.

And yeah, it's Kathleen by the way. ;) Raquel Kathleen. I've been chanting it all day.

That said, due to above disclaimers Management does not accept responsibility if the reading of said blog brings about confusion. headaches. unexplained tremors. or hunger due to sudden onset of boredom.

--------------

What I used to be VS. The Present Reality as I know it:

Then: Athletic

Now: Hmm. Athletic? Uh. Well, it took an obscene amount of muscle strength to push five babies out. That's gotta count for something, right?
Then: Public Speaker

Now: Asking my girlie masses "Does anyone need to go to the potty?" in the middle of Wal.mart totally qualifies as public speaking, doesn't it? Or is that just speaking in public?

Eh. Close enough.
Then: An integral part of a professional team.

Now: Well, if I look at the motto "There's no I in team"....then I have to say: Count me in! Because, by my calculations, the last time I had "me time" (yeah, that'd'a be going to the bathroom by myself) was close to a decade ago.

So by that definition, I'm still "team" material.
Then: Able to hold intelligent conversations that did not require me to simultaneously wipe someone's body part.

Now: Intelligent conversations? *laughing* Okay, so I may have to concede to remain lacking in this department for the time being.

... I'd briefly mentioned that there were things I wanted to change about ME this year. In fact, the list is rather long. Obnoxiously long.

Since Jet and I were married 8.5 years ago, I've changed a lot...some by choice. some by circumstances. some by default. But that's what you do in life, isn't it? You roll with it...and you embrace change.

That said, in a lot of ways, I'm completely unrecognizable compared to who I used to be. And I'm good with that. In fact, I'm hoping that this time next year I'll be unrecognizable yet again.

I have a list of things that I intend to set my mind on to intentionally change this year. Because, if I'm totally honest, there are moments where I just don't like who I've become...the WAY I walk out my being a wife and mother.

Sitting on the couch the other night, Jet asked me what I was thinking. Hmm. Dare I say it?

Eh. Why not? I'm still within the realm of the notorious "6 weeks postpartum" stretch. I mean, the man expects me to be a bit crazy, right?

So I look at him and say "Sometimes I just hate who I am."

There. Isn't that a doozy of a conversation starter? *wry grin*

He asked if there was anything he could do to help. But what do you say to that other than "Uh, No." ?

Because when all is said and done, it's ALL in how I perceive myself. whether or not I believe that I am, in some way, lacking. broken. or defective.

Don't get me wrong. I don't walk around with a dark cloud of "Self Loather" hovering overhead. I don't have issues with depression or anxiety or thoughts of suicide. I'm a relatively balanced person. (Zip it, oh Husband o' Mine)

But even then. I still have to acknowledge there are things I do. not. like. And totally intend to do something about.

So a couple of my New Years' "Resolutions" of sorts? (I'm only doing two...gotta creep back into this Blog thing slowly. Lactating-Brain can only handle so much.)

1. To not micro-manage my children.

When Charis was younger, I was really good about giving her ample opportunity to make decisions. You know, building the self-esteem and providing a needed outlet for that emerging "self" that can sometimes presents itself as Tantrum during the "Terrible Twos".

But add four children to that and this Momma lost some of her ability to let the kiddos roam freely in the Land of Decisions.

I rather prefer to be in control. Enter stage left: straight jackets. *rolling my eyes*

But my heart is to raise confident girls. to encourage creative thinking. and to give them the ability to tap into their own opinions.

Now grant it, being that the oldest is only 7 years old, the decisions I'm talking about rotate around the lesser things in life. but to the Littles, those things register as Big.

Bottom line, I've seen how my mouth intervenes far too often into those "smaller things" in their lives. and I've seen how it's effected them.

And I'm done with micro-managing. Done.

2. To stop Wishing Upon a Star, get off my booty, and make it happen.

I can't tell you how many times a day, I utter the words (inside my head anyway) "I wish..."

I wish all my pregnancy weight would just fall off *bam* like that.
I wish this book was finished.
I wish the house painting was completed.
I wish I could just ....
I wish such-and-such would happen...

It's a total waste of time. a horrible example for my children. and dead weight when it comes to how I'm being a partner to my husband.

Because if my energy is occupied wishing on a star, then there's no extra energy to expend on much of anything else.

I'm sorry, honey. I can't pray for you about X. I can't help you come up with a plan for Z. I'd much prefer to live in the land of Pretend. where the I-Dream-Of-Genie nose quiver reigns supreme.

So my "resolution"? to stop entertaining those thoughts and start pushing through the WORK that's going to bring about those wanted results.

I'm done with "wishful thinking". Done.

Still alive and kickin'

2010-01-10T20:04:00.000-05:00

I present to you the reason why my computer hasn't seen much of me:

Well, that and the lovely World of Migraines has been holding me hostage against my will.

Shall return when I'm able to form complete sentences again... Okay, so maybe just partial sentences.

Don't want to aim too high. *wink*

Priceless Pictures

2010-01-08T17:11:00.010-05:00

The days of high school sometimes yield friendships that last beyond the cliques, the immaturity, and the fact that after graduation people scatter all over the country.

Last year after Alana was born, I had the privilege of getting reacquainted with just such a friend. Lisa.

I wish I had old pictures of us handy. But here we are, 19 years after we first met. (Oh. my. word. That statement alone just grayed a few hairs)

I've mentioned her before, when she took our family pics last year. That photography session was the first time I had seen her in YEARS. Since then, we've gotten to rekindle our friendship. *This is me smiling just thinking about her*

Well, I got to see her recently. where she happened to bring along her beast of a camera so she could take a few pictures of my newest addition. and some of the other little people that were hanging around. ;)

Raquel. 17 days old.

Proud Daddy. Smitten, yet again.

"Any man can be a Father but it takes someone special to be a dad." Anne Geddes

Alana. 15 months old.

You can tell she was still trying to figure out why this strange new person kept pointing that enormous, beast of a camera (compared to my little one anyway *grin*) at her and her sisters.

Even then, baffled look and all, I think she's still shockingly photogenic and completely adorable. In my totally unbiased opinion, of course.

Raegan. 33 months.

My little mini-me in both spirit and appearance.

Selah. 5.5 years.

This look says it all. She's as compassionate as they come. always loving on her sisters. crying if she accidentally hurts them. making it her mission to make them laugh when they're sad.

Charis. 7 years.

My little girl who wants so badly to be big. always asking to help. to cook. to do all the things that I do.

I love how in this day and age, we, as parents have the means to document a moment of our children's quickly passing childhood. But I especially love how Lisa not only captures the moment, but an essence of who they are in every shot.

And that, to me, is entirely priceless being that one day pictures will be all I have of the NOW.

Pictures where I can look into the eyes of the little girl in the photo and clearly remember the spunk, sweetness, or spirit of the moment.

Thank you, Lisa. For both your friendship and your giving my older self (yearrssss down the line) access back to this season in life. Because I know looking at these pictures will always bring a smile to my face. and maybe a tear or two. ;)

Moving Closer to ...something.

2010-01-07T13:34:00.007-05:00

My sweet family. Charis (7), Selah (5.5), Raquel (2 wks), Alana (15 months), Raegan (33 months)

And *hallelujah* the face swelling has gone away. Well, you know...except for the fact that I still have 20 pounds to lose. *wry grin*

God is on the move.

When I sat down to see if I could capture my thoughts, I had no intent to write that. But as I went to dump my brain onto "paper", it was whispered to my heart. Making me think of the movie The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe.

In the movie, when they say "Aslan is on the move", it means that something is getting ready to change. something big is about to happen. there's about to be a shift in the climate/atmosphere (both figuratively and literally).

It's a head's up to position yourself for a new thing.

And that's just what Jet and I have been doing: adjusting our mindsets to a place of expectation, changing some external circumstances, and taking the step of faith in the direction He's leading.

While we have a pretty good idea of what some of that may look like, there's obviously a large hole in what we know. I mean really, what's a good "walk with the Lord" if there's not surprises along the way? *laughing*

The really exciting thing? The last 8 years, the Lord has been speaking very specific things to us (things that did NOT make sense at the time due to our living in the exact opposite of what He was saying!) And all of those things point to this new season that we all feel we're on the brink of entering.

And when I say "all", I do mean even the little girls. Charis has been having dreams...with spiritual meanings that she is explaining to us. "I think God gave me this dream because he's saying..."

We've never really talked about prophetic dreams to them. I think my mouth about fell open when she casually told me her dream (and it's interpretation) at the breakfast table.

So yeah. God is on the move in our family. And I don't think I've been this excited in a long time. :)

Spreading the Love

2010-01-02T16:02:00.000-05:00

I've never been one for New Years Eve Resolutions. I figure I'm just going to depress myself when I inevitably break them. Two weeks later.

And really, who wants to set themselves up to need Xanax? Anyone? Anyone? ;)

(Love this picture. This girls is always smiling!)

This year, with all that's going on in our lives, Jet and I decided to attack the year in three month increments, making a list of a few big goals that we plan on focusing on until March. (specific things that will help position us to follow where we feel the Lord is leading)

Come April, we have a whole other "Get 'er done" list.

For me, that's just easier for my highly distractible brain to cope with. Not to mention a way to keep my waning motivation up, as I tend to be an All-or-Nothing person...

For those of you that aren't familiar with that lovely little quality, allow me to define it for you, mkay? It's the maddening urge to do things "right"... until I happen to have a small set back. (Say, if I'm trying to eat healthy and, in a moment of weakness, I eat a brownie.)

Then my brain says, "Eh. What the heck. I've already screwed up, why bother trying now? Please pass the ~~trough~~ plate of brownies, will ya?"

I'd say that sums it up nicely. Wouldn't you other "All or Nothing" people agree? ;)

Anyway.

On a personal level, I do have a few things that I would like to change. But not under the guise of a resolution based on the calendar year. But just because I'm at a place where I really feel like I need to find myself again...

More to come.

Ornamental Traditions

2009-12-28T21:08:00.000-05:00

One Christmas Tradition my family faithfully kept during my growing up years revolved around the Christmas Tree.

Every year, from the time I was an infant, my parents (and my Nana) gave me a tree ornament. So by the time I got married and had a tree of my own, I had a TON of ornaments.

Let's see...Jet and I were 25 years old our first Christmas. So we're talking at least 50 ornaments (since other people in our family caught on to the tradition and started attaching ornaments to the top of the wrapped present)!!

That said, it was a natural progression for Jet and I to follow suit and give our girls ornaments as well.

But I wanted to take it a step further.

Instead of just finding any ol' ornament that we liked, I wanted to get an ornament that represents the year they've had. AND add a hand-written personal letter to go along with it, explaining why she got the ornament that she did.

That way, when they leave home, it's like they'll have their growing up years documented...for all to see on their tree.

The plan is to give the girls their ornaments over our special Christmas Dinner, reading their letters outloud to them, and giving each daughter a moment to stand in the spotlight as we review their year and how amazing they are. ;)

But this year...because our Christmas season was crazy with Raquel's birth...we ended up giving them the ornaments on Christmas Day.

Charis with her Willow Tree ornament...a girl holding a house. This year she has really started to think about her future husband and children and job. and thus, has started to play "house".

If she had free time, it was spent dreaming about her future. :)

This is the year that Selah learned to read...

Here she is holding her Willow Tree ornament of a little girl reading a book. She LOVED knowing that she has an ornament showing that she's started to read. :)

And here's little Raegan-Roo...

hugging her Willow Tree ornament of a dancer sitting on a box.

Though she always been a dancer of sorts, this past year she's really developed it. Becoming more artistic and creative in her movements. She's truly a natural.

The two little ones also received Willow Tree ornaments...of little girls holding different color hearts. I have no pictures because I was far too tired to even try. :)

The Lord totally blessed my desire to save money by providing these ornaments through Craigslist. Brand new ornaments for less than half the price.

More? That is the question.

2009-12-27T19:46:00.000-05:00

...that we get asked a lot anyway.

After Raegan (my third) was born, the common question was "Are you done now?" Apparently, we were complete. In the eyes of others.

When I was expecting our fourth daughter, Alana (Raegan was 8 months old), there were those who acted like we were irresponsible. completely in over our heads. and dangerously bordering on overpopulating the earth.

The questions of "Are you done now?" turned to statements: "Surely, you're done."

And those that gave us any grace for being pregnant "yet again" figured it was because we were trying for that boy. Clearly, we had the right to try for "that boy" if nothing else. *rolling my eyes*

Well, that statement has changed yet again. And I'm completely baffled because the newest question is:

"Are you SURE you're done?...Why?! That's a big decision...maybe you shouldn't make it so hastily."

Just because she's so cute! ;)

Even our midwife and delivery nurse were insistent that we shouldn't stop at five. I assured them we were done. Neither seemed to agree. :)

Who knows what happened inside the thinking of those *ahem* interested in the size of our growing family.

Maybe they finally clued in to how adorable our girlie troop is
Or maybe they see that we aren't irresponsible but just two people in love who want to leave a lasting legacy on this earth
Or maybe they just figure that breeding is our favorite pasttime so why fight the inevitable *wry grin*

The whole thing amuses me. :)

But regardless of how others have changed their stance on our "family planning", my girls are a different story. For they've always been very adamant, especially from the beginning of this pregnancy, that they did NOT want this to be the last baby we ever have.

Uh...what?
...............

Today I asked the girls what they wanted to see happen this year. what they would like to see the Lord do in their lives.

One girl said: "Go to the waterpark." We teach our girls to dream big in this house. *laughing*

Another daughter said: "For you to have another baby." *sigh*

............

The first time that little sentiment was announced at the dinner table, I didn't know what to say. Here I've been feeling like the reject-of-a-mother, neglecting them when pregnant (oh, AND also during the sleepless state of newborn haze!) and they're begging for more?!

In my way of thinking...seven pregnancies in eight-and-a-half years ...that's added up to a heckuva lot of time where I'm not getting to BE the Mom that I want to be to the children I already have.

Don't they remember the fact that I am a total leech when pregnant?!

Honestly, before now I didn't consider my "leeching" to be a that big of a deal. I figure they're so young that I doubt they'll even remember, in much detail, my laying on the couch for months on end.

I doubt they remember the times that I let them watch hours of TV because I just couldn't function during the first trimester toilet hugging sessions... or the third trimester exhaustion marathon... or the mind-numbing sleepless nights of a newborn.

But NOW ...I can't say I feel the same way. They're growing sooo fast and before I know it, they'll be hitting adolescents. Charis is already 7!

Excuse me while I hyperventilate a bit.

I want to have ample time to really invest in my girls. to have a lot of one-on-one dates where I can begin to build a relationship where we reallllly talk. to have both the brainpower and the free time to seize those rare moments when deep talks suddenly emerge.

I want to really invest in our relationships BEFORE they become teenagers.... with crazy social lives. driver's licenses. peer pressure. and boyfriends.

Because in my thinking (and experience), it'll be a little too late to just be starting.

I want my girls to feel like I've taken the time to really get to know them. that I've slowed down to really listen to them. and that I've given them devoted time and sincere recognition apart from their sisters.

And I know me. While I'm a great multi-tasker, I don't want to "Multi-task" parenthood. I want my attentions to NOT be divided between diapering and dating.

There's so much I could say (and may document later on) about the countless circumstances that have brought us to this place...

But the gist is this: Every baby has been such a blessing to our family. If God were to surprise us and give us more, I know we'd be more than thrilled. My heart is just to make sure that we cherish the ones that He's already blessed us with.

So yeah, I'm thinking we're complete. Now that the public-at-large is begging us to have more. *hahaha*

Stretching it out.

2009-12-25T19:37:00.002-05:00

One thing that we started doing last year (or was it the year before that?) is the "Stretching Out of the Presents".

When I was growing up, I would walk into the family room on Christmas Morning and see, in one glance, all of my gifts in a matter of seconds. My parents didn't wrap them...instead opting to use the "pile" method.

I totally didn't mind. It was fun ...especially if you snuck downstairs in the wee hours of the morning to get a sneak-peak. heh heh

FYI, Mom and Dad: Tommy (my older brother by 5.5 years) was totally the ringleader on this one. I'm innocent...as usual.

But now as the parent, I really wanted to avoid the whole Present Panic where the kids get all of their loot in a matter of minutes. To me, it seems sort of anti-climatic.

So we give each girl a present every hour or so. It allows them to slow down.

Take notice of what someone else has gotten.

And truly enjoy the new gift before moving on to some other present.

This year we did a Princess Theme (as far as gifts go). Because 2009 was the year that the girls started to really play with Barbies, talked ~~obsessively~~ about getting married, pretended to be dancing princesses, and dreamed of Prince Charming.

So we gave them tiaras to go with their new ballerina tutus.

Lani was less than thrilled.

Don't let this picture fool you. It stayed on for a matter of seconds. ;)

I was able to find 7 (totally like new!) Disney Princess Barbies for $10 on Craigslist. YeeHaw!

They were thrilled! and spent HOURS playing with them.

It took all of 2.2 seconds before the barbies were having their hair brushed...

their outfits changed...

and rechanged...
and changed again.
and then (re) accessorized to match the newest outfit. :)

I'd say it was a well-spent $10. :D

This year, I was truly blessed to be able to sell hundreds of dollars worth of stuff on Craigslist. I was able to get rid of excess stuff and use the money to buy Christmas gifts. some of which were actually found on Craigslist!

I love being able to bless my daughters with things they want. and to be able to bless my husband by not spending an excessive amount of money.

Unfortunately the biggest present wasn't able to be built. With the pending labor and unexpected blizzard, our last-minute idea of building a Barbie House Cabinet wasn't able to happen. Yet.

Stay tuned for pictures. Though it probably won't be until Valentines Day, :) being that the girls didn't miss what they didn't know was coming.

And being that we stretched out the gifts to be an all day affair, they felt extremely blessed. As Charis said, "This was the best Christmas Ever!"